Feeling Lost.... - Saint Charles,MO

I also suspect you might be suffering from some form of postpartum depression. It's a very common thing, particularly when a new mom feels somewhat isolated, like you describe. The times of greatest risk for PPD are times of significant hormonal change -- about 5 days after birth, when a woman stops nursing (particularly if it's not gradual), when your period starts again, etc., so be particularly gentle to yourself if you know any of these things are coming.

I do think you should try to see a doctor or a counselor, but if you can't, there are very likely to be some free or inexpensive new-mom support groups in your area that you can go to and find women in a similar situation. Are you nursing? You might be able to find support at a La Leche League chapter in your area. Birth and Postpartum doulas often have resources for new moms -- I'm almost certain that if you call a few in your area (and you can find them at the DONA website -- www.dona.org) they would be happy to help you connect with someone or a group or something.

Making new mommyfriends is a very good idea. It's always a little easier when you have someone who can commiserate with you. Playgroups are good places to meet other moms with children about the same age as yours. Does your town have a mother's club? They often put together playgroups. Your local library might have a storytime where you can connect with other moms. Another place you might be able to connect with moms is a church/synagogue/other congregation -- they tend to be very community based and often run things for moms and children. You might be able to find some inexpensive Mommy-and-me classes.

Good luck. Feel free to write to me personally if you want to talk.

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Hi K.,
I'm not sure if you're depressed. Only your doctor can help you decide that and the treatment, if you are. And based on your bits of history, I would urge you to make an appointment.
But, what it does sound like is that you're a very young new mom--and that's a tough place to be. Sounds like you've been in a committed relationship since you were 16. That's very young. You've likely missed out on some stuff. Stuff your sisters and friends are still right in the middle of...and that's OK...that's where they *should* be.
You've made other choices. You've chosen a baby. Find other moms at a meetup group, a MOPS group, etc., and you will meet women with the same circumstances...your life has changed in a profound way.

Trite-but-true: Having a baby changes everything.

You also need to regain your confidence and self esteem. Don't compare yourself to others! You are what you are. Make it the best you can be.

yes, without being a doctor, it sounds like you have postpartum depression or depression of some sort...believe it or not - the "baby blues" don't just disappear a few weeks after the baby is born - they can last up to two years.

You are also having a lot of mixed feelings because other people your age are out partying and you are stuck at home with the baby...while he brings you joy...you have grown up and they haven't....they party - you have a family...this can be depressing - especially when you take your responsibilities seriously..

Find a mommy group that you can join so that you will be around women who are like you....

Talk to your primary care physician to see what he/she thinks - depression or did reality just hit you....

GOOD LUCK!!

You've had some great answers to this question! I just wanted to add that no matter if there is depression or not I really think you would benefit from meeting other moms!! I never would have made it if I hadn't had friends to relate to the new life of motherhood. Ok I guess I would have made it but I can't imagine how hard the road would have been. I knew this even when I didn't feel like it. I reached out to meet others even when I felt like staying home...I put my hair in a ponytail and hat and went to the park! Making your kids the starting point in conversation almost always works! If not, move on find another. You may be surprised to find many other lonely moms trying to find their way with their new lives, too. Huge kudos to you for making good choices for your son...and knowing you need to take care of yourself, too :)!

K. Im so proud of you!! You are young and a mommy now and it sounds like you are taking your new role seriously and are putting your little guy first before partying and running around like all those immature single gals! Thats a great thing you know. It isnt always easy and a lot of gals your age,(and older) dont settle down and get serious about taking good care of their babies, and the kids suffer. So be proud of yourself for doing whats right and thinking of your baby first! I do think you have some depression from birth, and your ob, or general Dr can help with that. Joining a moms group, from church, or one you find through a neighbor, or the park will help a lot. Take your guy to the play area at some mall or park and see if you can strike up a conversation with another M. and ask where the moms can meet and get to know one another. I even see requests like this on Craigslist, so you might try that too. Other moms can be feeling the same as you, and will need you in their lives also! But really, I think you are terrific for caring about your child enough to stop the running around thinking only of yourself. And keep coming here to chat and comment and ask any other questions you may have. Now, go hug your baby, and have a great day! (o:

It can be hard to find "the new you" after a baby. I bounced back easily after my first, but with my second...it took me yeeeears...sadly to admit. It is because you have a new image of yourself...the I'm a mom...I can't/shouldn't be doing this or that & you're right & you're being responsible..that's great! My closest friends didn't have children either, which makes you even a little more isolated. There's nothing wrong with going out with the girls once in a while & as they're getting drunk or looking for the next bf you can be thinking I am soooo glad I don't have to do this anymore...what I have at home is wonderful! & if guys hit on you ++ as long as you can turn them down. If you really don't want to go out like that then try to get them to see an afternoon movie with you...or have lunch & although your little one is your world...try to find some common ground to talk about & find out what is happening in their lives (not that you wouldn't)....Sometimes us new parents have a tendency to forget not everyone's world is revolving around our little bundle of joy (even though it should, right)....

You probably don't spend as much time pampering yourself to feel beautiful or sexy...if you're like many of us, you can't afford the things that used to help make you feel beautiful since you have a little one to support. Do it anyways...but you may have to change brands, etc...

I don't know what it costs but I believe the Little Gym has mommy & me classes & there's always moms & their little ones hanging out in the play area of the Mid Rivers Mall, if you don't mind striking up the stranger conversation. Ask your school district if they have parents as Teachers program...it's FREE & they have outings or get togethers sometimes & they can probably connect you with someone with similar interests/circumstances that could benefit from a new friendship. Just some suggestions. Just don't give up & things will get better! Have a good weekend!!! We might be cyberfriends, but we're here...

You've got some AWESOME responses here.....such a great group of women! I just skimmed through the answers, but I agree with most of what's been said. I just wanted to add my 2 cents:) It wasn't until 2 years after I had my son that my doctor put me on anti-depressants and I cannot BELIEVE how much better I felt! I was actually seeing nurse practitioners at the time and when I told the first one how I felt she said, "well, you have a toddler and a job and a husband...of course you're going to be tired and worn out!" When I went in the next YEAR for my annual pap, I told a different lady how I was feeling and she put me on Welbutrin. BINGO! That brought me out of my funk like nothing had ever done! Anyway, I guess I'm saying if you've had depression before, maybe you should look into medication to help bring you out. I was only on it for about a year and then I was fine (however, I think my mom will be on them for the rest of her life). We all know that exercise and good diet can help with depression, also, but sometimes we just need those meds to kick those feel-good hormones back into gear! Good luck and know that there are people out there that love you! :)