Feeling Jealous

Jealous over a house full of barfing kids?
Somehow vomit just seems to clear all romance out of the air.

When kids start barfing, get them into the bathroom / bathtub - it's easier to wash up there. You can give them barf buckets, too. You'll still have some laundry from the initial clean up, but you've minimized the fall out.
When I was little I had a bad time with throwing up very quickly - I couldn't get to the bathroom fast enough. I can remember a few times sleeping in the bathroom in a sleeping bag.

He did good. Don't worry. He's just being a good father.

you may be jealous, but you should realize he's just doing what's best for his kids, which is to be at their house while they're sick, but also to see their dad. I'm actually pretty impressed that he and his ex can be grown up enough for this sort of arrangement.

Maybe you could think about the more basic feelings that are leading to your jealousy. Is is fear, loneliness, sadness, anger? When are the other times that you feel jealous? Is there a recurring pattern or similar underlying emotion to that jealousy?

I think it is admirable that you are trying to figure out where your insecurity comes from. Keep in mind, you aren't meant to "handle " every situation. The dynamic of your current relationship may be too much for you, and that is OK.

Ok, first of all will you PLEASE tell your man the next time you see him how FRIGGIN PROUD of him you are for handleing this situation with SUCH GRACE! I certainly am proud of him for it. He saw that his children needed more help than he alone could offer and when you are sick who the heck do you want?? I know at 28 "I want my mommy" comes to mind when I am sick like that! He tried to handle it on his own saw he needed reinforcements and got them and kids with special needs really need to have some sort of consistancy and mommy probably holds much of that. Again PROUD of him for staying and helping take care of the kids when they are sick the more of a united front the kids see the better. Proud because he fixed something that broke in the house and STILL took them to breakfast for some alone time before he left them back in mommy's care. I would be jealous a bit b/c I was not there able to see him in all his daddy action armor not b/c he was with his ex wife careing for thier kids. I always get a little jealous when daddy was the fix and not mommy but that is just b/c I WANT to fix it all. It is "innocent" jealousy like when your best friend is going to a concert that you wanted to go to you say good for you but awe man I wanted to see that concert too. I do suggest that you see some sort of counseling if you think your jealousy is a problem or if it has been a problem in the past. This is where I will be FRANK with you. My son has special needs and IF his father and I were not not work out for whatever reason and I found a new mate things like jealousy, neediness, clinginess or just plain not having your act together like an adult would make me walk away. I have enough of those things in my child who I am doing my best to raise to become a well rounded contributing member of society and a wonderful ADULT male. He obviously is a GOOD man one may say a "keeper" but are you ready to handle all of the things that he comes with? I think seeking guidance will help you to understand where you can improve on yourself and help you determine if this is what will work for you. I am adult enough to say to myself that I would not be able to take on what you are taking on.

Wow. I don't know a lot of ex husbands that would be that dedicated and helpful when their kids are so sick. To me, this is a sign of a wonderful, caring person and father.
Yes, it sucks that he's with his ex wife but vomitting kids isn't a carnival.

I can't tell you how many times my relatives were shocked at the things I had to go through alone as a single mother. Helping with the water heater? Nope. I had to figure it out myself. Car broke down and no help? Nope. Broke my leg and couldn't drive or get anywhere. My ex wouldn't help me? Nope. A little help with groceries while I was on disability? Nope. Vomitting kids? HE didn't want to get sick.

I think your boyfriend is doing the right thing. It can be hard not to be jealous of time he would spend with ANY woman, but it sounds like he's checking in with you. You need to realize also that him doing the right thing doesn't mean he cares any less for you. He's got two special needs kids. What would you think of him if he was your brother in law and left everything to your sister to deal with? Hypothetically speaking, of course.

The most beautiful thing about a woman is her confidence in herself. It's not easy, but don't let sick kids get you to wondering about your own self worth.
Be positive. Tell your BF that you are glad he could help his kids and you're happy to have him back home.
He has special needs children so this is something that you will always deal with in your relationship with him.
He needs to know that you love him enough to trust him.
If you DON'T trust him, you know how that will end up.

Perhaps you love his children and feel as though you are left out of being able to care for them as much as you wish you could. That would be a valid feeling you could share with him.

I wish you the best. It sounds like you've got a pretty great guy.

A man who takes such good care of his children (especially commendable when special needs are involved) is a good man indeed. That said, it takes an equally patient person to be his partner. Sometimes you will succeed and sometimes you will fail. As long as he acknowledges that your feelings are fair and lets you occasionally express your jealousy and as long as you let him soothe those feelings quickly and don't hang onto your resentment...Well, then...You are working it the best you can.

I can understand how you feel but he sounds pretty trust worthy. You have to remember that after a divorce lots of weird dynamics take place for the first year or two as the divorcees cut the ties of dependence from each other. I think he sounds like an outstanding Dad and I'm sure he's smart enough not to let the ex take advantage of him. If you love him give him the space and time he needs. If he's feeling guilty for not helping his kids when he can, he will just be a miserable person and resent you.... try not to go there.

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This is why trying to have a relationship with a divorced man is so hard. God made marriage as a commitment for life because he says in his word that "the two become one flesh" .It's like gluing two pieces of paper together. Then comes the children, his seed of that one flesh.

Intuitively you know this is a fact, that is why you feel uncomfortable. I dont know how you would not feel that way.He is always going to be divided in his commitments. You will never have his full commitment. Only part of it. His kids will be first. I do not condemn him for putting his kids first and in fact he ABSOLUTELY SHOULD. I just dont know how you will ever be able to take second priority and not feel some resentment/jealousy even if in a small way. You want your other half to be "your one and ONLY" and you want them to feel the same. But he cant. He has a family that he is responsible for. Broken and mixed marriages always bring these kinds of issues along with them. How could they not and how can you avoid the feelings? I dont know if its possible.

The other thing is that SATAN is always there and putting ideas and thoughts into our heads. Always. That is where doubt and fear comes from!
We live in a fallen world- his world. He is the temporary ruler of the earth and he can convince us to 'THINK' all kinds of things ( lies), that will turn into actions(how we react to those lies), which ultimately shape our reality(what we BELEIVE to be 'true'). Make no mistake, Satan uses situations like yours to put fear and doubt into your heart. Once we display that we have character doubt in our beloved ones, it will bruise and erode the loving feelings. The only way I have been able to combat those lies, is by going to the word of truth. Where is truth found? It is found in the Bible.

I like many of the other mama's insights:) I guess all I would add it that maybe he can't help you more than he is because maybe your jealousy has little to do with him. When you are exploring these feelings, have you been able to identify other times in your life you have felt this way? It's entirely possible someone in your past (intimate partner or family member) betrayed you on some level? And maybe you've not ever resolved those feelings and they are creeping up unconsciously...maybe? If I were in your position I might try to figure out who hurt me in the past and whether the feelings happening now are similar. Sometimes simply finding awareness resolves these feelings more than constantly trying to tackle a current situation that makes little sense to feel this way. Your feelings are true and to be respected, but sometimes feelings are perceived in ways that don't address the root cause.

It sounds like he is an amazing papa and someone with those values most likely won't betray you...so maybe exploring past relationships might help you identify where your insecurities are stemming from.

Best wishes on your journey:)

It sounds like you have a wonderful BF. You should be proud he is so active in their lives and that he gets along w/ their mother. This is a plus for the boys too. Knowing that both of their parents still partner to parent them has to be comforting to them. They are lucky boys and you are a lucky woman!

About the jealousy, I was a raving jealous lunatic as a young person. I finally realized I didn't need to get into relationships then only to be jealous. If they cheated, it happened and I left. Their loss! Same thing being married. As a married woman, I don't have a jealous bone in my body. If I had, I would not have married him.

of course it is hard to not get jealous when he is spending time with his ex wife in their old house, like a happy family. However, you need to remember they got divorced for a reason. Its very commendable that he was there for his kids and also that the two of them can get along although they are no longer together. Like the other moms said. Just try to be there for him and help clean his apt or see if there is anything else that he needs. It was a rough night for him no doubt, so he probably just needs a supportive girlfriend, not a jealous one stressing him out even more.

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They divorced for a reason. I think he's a good guy for doing what needs to be done right now, even the hot water heater because it's part of "sustaining and supporting" his kids.
He asked you not to worry, so dont.
I'm sure he'd much rather be with you than dealing with puke and the ex.
Give him a break.

I can totally understand your feelings and I think you are handling it very well. If you feel you can trust him, do it. If you just cant I would talk to someone about your feelings or reconsider your relationship.

Here's what I would do...IF ....again, IF I were to be jealous over a house with special needs, barfing kids and a broken hot water heater on top of it....I would figure out how I could help. I would ask IF I could take the laundry to the laundromat, or go buy larger plastic bowls or trash cans at the dollar store to have in handy places for the future so there isn't so much gross laundry to contend with.

I recommend the adults learn how to minimize the vomit clean up. All it takes is mention of a 'sick' tummy in my house and out come the large bowls and plastic lined trash cans placed right next to the said child and we are not having to deal with that yucky laundry situation.

It sounds like your boyfriend is a really good guy. I wouldn't worry. He sounds like he's totally honest with you. However, when I was single and dated men with children I was never their priority - and I shouldn't have been but at the time, I wanted to be their priority. Until you have children of your own, like I do now, it's hard to understand that you are not going to come first as long as the children are young. It's good that you recognize your problem with this and that you're working to make it better. In my case, I decided not to date men with children anymore. There must be something from your past that makes you need extra assurance. Maybe talk to a therapist or clergyman to help you work through it.

Good luck!

u got lots of great advice so i will just reiterate that he sounds like a keeper.....be proud that u have found someone like that.....maybe by being part of the solution it will put your mind at ease, so see what you can do to help

It takes a special person to date a man/woman with children from a previous relationship. It also means that the person that has the children needs to be very patient with the new realtionship which it sounds like he is quite kind to you about your insecurity. Now it is on you (i feel for you). He has the children and yes, he feels like he is needed to care for the household issues as their father. I truly feel that maybe hiring someone to handle these "man of the house" tasks may be a better way for him to reassure you and to keep the peace with the previous relationship. I would have a difficult time as well and in the past found that I could not date men with children from previous relationships because it was too much for me. (I feel I am a hypocrit (sp) because I have 3 from my first marriage). Although I felt badly I was doing neither of us justice if I could not feel secure. It was my issue but now married to a wonderful man that DID and WAS able to take on the other children and the issues of the previous relationship I can speak for the other side and say that there are definitely things that I have to say no to with regard to the ex spouse and care only for the children. In part, it has evolved into a secure relationship for all and my ex is involved in our lives completely. We all get along because boundaries and lives have moved on. When we discuss the children, we (all 3 of us) come together for the best decisions. It can work and it sounds like you have a great guy!!!