My daughter is almost three months old now, and I'm still not working. I've just been feeling very guilty about putting all the financial weight on my fiance. He works so hard, and I'm thankful for that. I've just been thinking about needing to get to work, but the thought of dropping my three month old off at daycare is unsettling. I just don't want to leave her. I feel like nobody can take as good of care of her as I can. I wish there was a job that I could take her with me! Or atleast has a daycare itself. We don't have any house/rent payment right now.. But we've been thinking about saving to buy a home. It would be a lot easier if I worked too. Any advice, ladies?
I guess I don't really neeed to work, but it would put us toward our goals a lot faster. If I could get a job at a daycare, it would be awesome. I really want to give our daughter the best life possible.
** My fiance leaves for work at six in the morning and gets home after five. Monday through Friday.. Physical labor (construction/building) I would feel awful having him watch the baby while I work =( He just works so hard =(
I'd give my left arm to be able to stay home with my boys. Dropping them off at daycare is the hardest thing I do every day. Seriously!
If you can swing it, stay home. If you find in 3 more months you need the $ then try loooking for a job then. Until you need to work stay home and enjoy!
Instead of working, could you focus on saving money?
How little can you spend a week for groceries, or baby supplies? Cutting your spending by whatever percentage is like bringing in income -- except you are not paying taxes, increasing your household income (for a higher tax bracket) and not paying for daycare, transportation or any work-related expenses.
Spending less = having more.
Sometimes, the expense of working/lunch/gas/work attire/daycare costs isn't really enough to cover working. So unless you are making a really great paycheck, it's more affordable to stay home.
In any case, don't put her n daycare if you don't want too. She's only a little baby for so long. It's amazing how much a person can save when they cut corners on small things. It may be tight for a while, but it will pay off and in a year or two, if you feel ready and can afford to go back to work, you can, but don't do it out of feeling guilty.
I was 39 (with a good career) when I delivered my son. I had all intentions of enrolling him in FT daycare and working FT after his arrival.....but then I saw that little face....and I couldn't do it. I was lucky, my parents watched him for the first year (actually, that turned into quite a few!) but it only took me about 3 mos of working FT to realize that is just wasn't "working" for me.
For me, PT work was the answer--kind of the best of both worlds, ya know?
Is there someone that can watch her if you work 15-20 hours per week? can you get a job around your hubby's schedule so you don't HAVE to pay anyone or anyplace?
Are there any child care places in your area where you could work and bring her?
Not knowing your background or what kind of qualifications you have...hard to say but there are a few ideas for you.
Good luck. Sounds like you have a lot going on right now.
Check out Dave Ramsay for making the money you DO have go the farthest for you.
Maybe you could work in a daycare/home daycare setting and bring her with you? Lots and lots of moms are looking for a loving particular SAHM to was their kids, get the word out and do some babysitting?
I know how you feel, I just couldn't leave my kids anywhere, I admire women who CAN. It was REALLY tight for a few years, but I babysat and when they started nursery schol I worked in school with them and so on. We survived, things got better.
:)
Talk to your fiancee about this. He might help ease your mind about all of it. My husband and I would LOVE to be able for one of us to stay home... Likely, if we could, it would be HIM staying home.
I do agree that unless you're making a significant amount of money, it's likely not worth it in the end. Daycare for our son is $180/wk for only 3 full days. If we were to put him in 5 days a week... $255/wk! That's a house payment including escrow!
Have you thought about doing something like selling Avon, Pure Romance, Mary Kay, etc? There are a ton of things you can schedule on your own and make a little side cash. I'd have to say that in my experience, Avon, Mary Kay, and Tupperware kind of sells itself. I know of a couple women that didn't need to make a ton of money, but ended up making a lot more than they thought by selling things like this. I did this when I was laid off. And because I didn't make much, my unemployment still was at max.
I've grossed $47,000 this year and that's before our profit sharing which we'll be getting in Dec... Last year, I grossed $69,900... We CAN'T afford for me to lose my job. But if you're making ends meet without working, you can make a small living with sales on your own terms!
i was too lazy to read through the other responses, but i say stay at home and raise your daughter. it's so important for their development for you to be there for them as much as you can.
i could never imagine someone else raising my child and experiencing all the milestones without me or my significant other there.
I felt similar guilt because I've worked since I was 10 years old and it feels strange to not work. Also, it's an adjustment to get used to a different lifestyle of mamahood!
I might say now is the time to enjoy being a stay at home mama if you can afford it and maybe use some of your time to start planning the perfect job and the perfect time to start. No need to rush...you will one day look back on this time and think about how wonderful it was to be home. So enjoy all you can and fulfill your need to overcome guilt with fun planning for future work goals that are compatible with your little one. Because guilt over not working is no where near comparable to guilt over working if you are feeling like you can't bare the thought of sending your little one off to daycare.
Once I realized my guilt had more to do with my own adaptation to such a huge life change, my perspective shifted and the guilt went away. Then I had time to think about how I wanted to spend my time with my baby boy...and that was scary at first, maybe what I was avoiding in the first place by thinking about not working!
Congratuations on your sweet baby and enjoy this time as much as possible:)
You ARE working and saving him money by taking care of your child. Do not feel guilty about that. If you want to feel better or less guilty, budget how much it would cost for both of you working (gas, daycare, food, etc) and that would help justify why you are not just staying home doing nothing..I have a feeling that is what you are thinking!
DON'T feel guilty. Show your fiancee how much you appreciate him. Talk to him about if he even wants you to go back to work. We can afford for me to stay home with our son and I don't feel the least bit guilty. We save every penny we can and just don't buy a lot of "wants" and try to just stick to the "needs." Your baby needs you. Stay home if you want to and if you can afford to. It may be easier to buy a home if you're working too, but do you really want to work? Daycare is so expensive. If you really really needed the extra money, you could possibly work a part-time job when fiancee can watch the baby. But that would put a strain on the time that you two have together. I don't think it's worth it.
