Feeling Guilty - Cleveland,OH

yes I have gone through with this and I chalked it up to just feeling physically attracted to another Man. I think that is ok and normal... we are all human

just so we don't act on it.. right?

K.,
I agree with Mom C. in that you need to put some distance between that guy and you. Simply because the flesh is almost always weak and if he likes you the same way you like him it could get complicated to say the least. The best thing you can do is put space and distance between you and redirect your feelings towards your husband. When you find yourself thinking about the other guy, think about what you can do for your husband that day, or what he would like to do, etc. just redirect your thoughts in doing something for or with your husband.
Blessings
P.S. You are not alone in this either

I will share my opinion which has both sides. It is normal for a person to have feelings like this, but that doesn't mean it is right. You are in really dangerous territory. You said "I don't BELIEVE that I would ever cheat on him, BUT ..." Right there, you sound incredibly unstable in your statement. If I were you, I would delve deep into my relationship with my husband and start doing fun things with him to remember why you love him so much. If you let your mind wander and "linger to" or daydream about this other guy, you are drawing that much closer to him and away from your family. Like I said, this is really dangerous territory that your treading on. You could really damage your life. If you love your family, I would focus on them. I'm sorry if I sound preachy, just take it from me!

you're human. it happens. remove yourself from situation if you want to keep your marriage happy.
the little crush will turn into 'need to see him,' people will notice, he will notice, your husband will notice. he may welcome your 'attention' but if this is not what you want, stop bringing yourself to where he happens to be.
grass is never greener on the other side. we just think it is.

There are so many phases in our relationships and what you are experiencing is very normal. The important thing is to recognize it and make the decision on how to handle it. I agree in putting distance between you. Think about how many affairs happen in the workplace BECAUSE people can not not distance themselves from people that may be advancing on them.

I think the majority of the population goes through this at one point or another, the thing is...are you going to act on it. At some point, the brain can easily convince you that 'it's ok' if suddenly things start happening and next thing you know you get completely wrapped up in it. I don't care what anyone says....it can happen to anyone! Then once it starts....its very hard to stop until something major happens or you get caught. Truly the only thing you can do is turn your back and NOT see this guy, period. Because chances are he could feel the same way, and if that's the case, you two will begin to have an affair, and then you'll later regret and it causes a LOT of pain. Feelings are sometimes very hard to ignore and become very hard to not act on....really hard to explain, but something in the brain just begins to drive you to it.....be careful!

I have been in this exact situation before. I have an amazing relationship with my husband, but crushes can happen and they can be powerful. When I was going through this, I actually talked to my husband about it. I know that probably sounds crazy, but I think it was the best thing to do.

I basically explained to my husband that I was completely in love and committed to him, but that I had been struggling with feelings/temptations towards other men. I didn't give details or tell him who, as I didn't want to hurt him. I just said that I wasn't sure why I was feeling this way, but I wanted to clear the air between us and tell him exactly what I was feeling. His reaction? He was sad. But he wasn't mad at all. In fact, he stepped up his game big time after that in ways to make me feel special. Which in turn made me want to treat him with even more respect and love. I actually feel like our relationship came out so much stronger because of my sharing that. My thoughts toward my other crush started dissappearing as my relationship with my husband became stronger.

A strong marriage is a rare and wonderful thing, and you have to fight to protect it. I commend you for thinking through this before it gets away from you!

It's not uncommon, but it's not good. You know this already. You know how you'd feel if you discovered your husband had a loopy feeling in his stomach for one of the women in your group.

Even though your friends are right that "everyone has crushes from time to time," this one is yours and you have to do something with it. Know the old saying, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence"? But if you actually go to the other side, you find the grass really isn't greener at all - it's the grass on the next block that looks greener! And on and on. But you know this, too. So remove yourself from that fantasy world before any impulse fence-jumping happens (yes, it sure CAN!).

What can you do to change your daily routine, to give yourself more to think about? You want to re-direct your brain. Paint the kitchen - clean the basement - open a book (not a romance) - start jogging every day - give your children an impromptu party in the back yard - if you have a paying job somewhere, go to work by a different route. You can come up with better ideas than this. Get your brain as well as your body into real life.

Take your husband out on a date, just to do something fun with him - it doesn't have to be expensive. Keep a distance from your fantasy-inducing man, and when he pops up unbidden (or bidden) in your imagination, consciously stick your husband's face on him every time!

The best marriage can sometimes get a little (gasp!) dull, not to mention difficult. But a real live husband who loves you, warts and all, is better than a daydream fella any day.

Kaite, I just had a dear friend and her husband seperate after something started as innocent as this. It started six years ago as a crush on someone elses husband. Four years of kids all in same events, adult and children birthday parties, couple date nights, etc. They saw eachother frequently as friends until the wife of said man tried to end the friendship with my friend and her hubby. She may have seen the trouble no one else did, but my friend did her best to "salvage" friendship for the kids sake -yeah right!
I told her to let it go, and that her facination/crush/obsession was no good to her, her husband or this other family and that it had gotten out of control. Guess what after six years of fantasizing, it became a reality and they had an affair. She is getting divorced, the guy is still with his wife and, I think, totally strung her along. So many people have lost a lot.
Your story is verbatium what happened with my friend. This is not a crush on a celebrity or someone you saw in passing at a concert and thought" Oh he's hot" and went on. This is a daily temptation that can become a reality so easily.
Remove yourself from the situation. Even if it is weird for you all not to hang together - Don't. If you study the bible at all, look at what David did when Potifer's wife tried to tempt him. He didn't hang around thinking he could control the temptation. . . he ran from it.
Sorry to go on so long, this event is so fresh (three weeks) with my friend and I am so mad I didn't do more to discourage her "crush" when it started other then telling her to let it go or laugh it off. I know now it is no laughing matter.

I do think that everyone gets crushes. And it can be ok to sometimes fantasize about someone else. But if you are feeling this strong about this guy, maybe you should cut off the friendship at least for a while. And it has been 15 years with your hubbs, maybe now would be a good time to plan a special night or trip together so that you can have some "crush" feelings about him?! If nothing else, it would be fun! Best of luck, and try not to think about it too much. It is normal.

I think it's "normal" as long as you handle it properly. Being married and completely happy, there still may be another person who puts a flutter in your stomach. But you don't let it get more then that, EVER. I agree with Lola, if you dont steer clear of this guy, it could really turn into a problem. If you're already finding yourself thinking about this guy all the time, you need to be careful and realize that you are a married woman, and even though its innocent right now, you have to nip it in the bud before it crosses that line. Things can get out of line before we even realize what happens, so the best thing to do is to avoid being around this person for awhile. And maybe evaluate your marriage and see if you are lacking something you need from your husband.

Not everyone has crushes -- I haven't. But it's not whether others do or don't. This is a boundary in a marriage that you need to set for yourself. I do understand that it's fun...having someone give you that teenage feeling again...but something can develop that later you'll probably say "How did this happen?" This is where you need to stop the conversations and make sure you're not alone with this guy. I know it seems innocent right now, but it'll turn into an inappropriate relationship soon enough if you continue seeing each other.

You did great by asking for help! Really, really put some boundaries on your actions, and make sure you give your hubby some terrific attention. Maybe you can do some things to excite him & get that feeling back from your hubby again! =) (It is possible!)

It is a conscious choice you make to allow these feelings to get in the way of your marriage. I would not go there. Sounds way too dangerous.

Yes it's normal, but as so many people before me have said, don't ignore it. I agree with everyone that you need to put some distance between yourself and this man. These feelings can feel powerful and overwhelming, and are certainly more thrilling than the every-day life you live with your husband, and that means that they can get in the way of your marriage, even if you don't mean them to. Stop spending so much time with this male friend for now, and make some efforts to go out and date your husband and inject some excitement back into your lives. Good luck!

It is normal to have crushes so I wouldn't worry so much about that. You mentioned that you and your husband have been together for 15 years and that you've been with him since 18. Did you also have kids young too? It could be a subconcious desire for excitement - not that you have regrets, but possibly because you were in a long standing relationship you didn't spend your 20's dating, partying, basically enjoying single life.

You may need some excitement in your life. It might be time to take up or learn a new exciting hobby. Maybe its time to do someting you've always wanted to do but never did (like skydiving, riding a motorcycle, etc), or it might be time that you drop the kids off at the grand parents for the week and vacation somewhere romantic and exotic with the husband.

I love a good crush. I get them every now and again, although they mainly involve the men of True Blood. hee

I agree with the others that said maybe a little distance is in order. I've had crushes on guys I've worked with and I've also been the object of crushes. One man was the husband of a good friend. He made me very uncomfortable whenever I was around him. He even made a pass at me. I made it a point to not see him for 6 months. Not saying that you would make a pass at this guy, but if he gets a clue that you are crushing on him, he might get very uncomfortable.

What helpled me get over the work crushes was picturing the guys as differently as I could. Thinking that these guys burp, fart and they drink beer on the sofa in their underwear helped me. Deflate the fantasy, as it were.

I've been there before. I haven't been with my husband as long as you have, but it's happened to me before a few years ago. Part of the reason why I developed a "crush" on this guy is because my husband was involved in other things and I felt like I was being put on the back burner and that he wasn't appreciating me the way I felt that I should be appreciated. And this other guy seemed to treat me better even if it was only as friends.

I talked to my husband about it. I told him that I was feeling lonely, and that I felt second place to his friends who he spent more time with than me and so despite our schedules we make time at least once a week for us. Sometimes it's a date night, sometimes that's not possible but we make us time and try to appreciate the other person more. But we not only made more time for us but we talked more and that in itself made the butterflies for the other guy go away, and I had the butterflies with my husband instead.

Sometimes when there is something/someone new in your life you feel the butterflies because it's new, but sometimes you just have to revitalize what you already feel with your husband to bring those feelings back.