Is It Possible to Love Two People at the Same Time?

There is a Johnny Depp quote I REALLY like (and I never really make a point of quoting celebrities):

“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you truly loved the first one, you wouldn’t love another."

You are having these feelings/dreams/thoughts because you are lacking the emotional connection you have with your husband. Perhaps you had an emotional connection to your ex, and since you may not be having them with your husband you are thinking about your relationship connection that you had with your ex.

In your situation, I believe you are not in love with two people, as your question states. I believe you are reminiscing about your connection with your ex, and what that Feeling was, not him as a person. You are missing a feeling, not a person.

My advice is to work on your communication with your husband, and let him know that you are missing that emotional connection you had as a couple. Once you do, I believe you will find what you are missing.

Firstly, it's PERFECTLY normal to have thoughts about someone else, ON OCCASSION, regardless or circumstance.

Secondly, since you guys weren't sexually active and you had an on again/off again "romance" how do you even know that you and this ex would even be compatible at this point. And for goodness sake DONT TELL YOUR HUSBAND. Lord, he doesn't need to know you're thinking about someone else.

But I would talk to him about what's going on in YOUR relationship so that maybe with some gentle "tweaking" it'll be HIM you're daydreaming about and not the ex...who probably has a little bitty thingie and probably snores in his sleep....

Perspective...hope you find it.

Sending good thoughts your way. :)

I think some of this is completely normal. Especially after you have been married a while. There is a reason they call it the seven year itch!
To be perfectly honest, I think a lot of women go through something similar. You get into doing the same thing day in and day out, and you start wondering if there isn't something better or more exciting. My husband is about as romantic as a rock, so it's easy to daydream about someone who is more romantic.

The reality is that the person you are fantasizing about is nothing like what you are picturing in your head. That's the one thing you have to keep in mind. Think about all the good thing you would miss about your husband, and that's a great way to bring you back to reality and cherish what you have. Everyone has their quirks and flaws, there is no such thing as a perfect man, or woman.

Yep....And it is healthy as long as it does not go any further...imo.

I was engaged to two guys before my hubby.

The first guy was the first person I ever LOVED for real. He was the knight and shining armor most girls dream about.

He also was a Marine and getting married as soon as I graduated high school was our plan. Then I would move to San Diego....Fresh outta HS I freaked out a month before we were suppose to get married...And the rest was history.

to this day I still dream that we connect and sparks fly again....I feel guilty after they happen....But then I realize that maybe those dreams are glimpse's to end the feelings...So after each one has happened I really dig into them.....now 7 years into my marriage I am hardly having them...I have let myself have those moments and then move on realizing things are the way they are because that is how they were suppose to go...

I played the ''What if'' game in my head for a while...but for alot of people the grass may seem greener......but it is not...I have found out through some friends he now has a horrible gambling problem...drinks like a fish and works ALL the time...I would not have been happy in that relationship for ever.

Cut your self some slack....acting on it is cheating...Think about it is not.

P.s. Women are allowed to fantasize....Even if it is guys in our past....guys do it to women who are in the present and/or make some one up in their head.....So why cant we??

Yeah...it's pretty much ALWAYS easier to fantasize about a "perfect" vapor of a guy than the REAL guy who owns the skid-marked undies and stinky socks you wash every week, right?
Seriously, this is SO unfair to your husband.
How can he compete with someone you have put on a pedestal?
Do NOT talk to your husband about this--you'll break his heart. Can you imagine him saying that to you about an old flame?
Sorry--but time to live in reality before you crush the man that is your husband and father of your kids.

You are fantasizing - that is all. You happen to be like me and have to put the fanatsy on someone obtainable or known. Men, women in between all fantasize at some point or all the time! Esp for you there is a mystery so you can go where ever you want with this ex whom you never bedded - it's an obvious go to person for a fantasy. I suggest that you keep it to yourself and I am pretty sure your husband has someone he has his mind on from time to time. I am going to suggest you and your husband change it up in the bedroom though, I think we all need a sex life overhaul every once in a while. Think of something in your fantasy and make it happen with your husband - make out session in the drive in? Sexy picnic in the park? Blindfolded sex (it's interesting!)

I think you can love multiple people at the same time but I doubt you can truly be IN love with two people at once. It sounds like you may have some unresolved feelings for this ex and since it was never a sexual relationship, you are fantasizing about what might have been (even if you don't mean to). It does sound normal and yes, I have been there.

I don't think it is cheating but I don't think it is healthy. Telling your husband about a fantasy in general or about a celebrity is one thing but about a real live friend or ex is not the best idea...many can't handle that.

Just remember that real life is rarely ever as good as the fantasy.

I would also think hard about what may be lacking in your marriage so you can try to make it stronger. That should help keep the fantasy at bay.

He's an ex for a reason, maybe SEVERAL reasons. And the fact that you didn't sleep with him makes you wonder now that you are sexually experienced, maybe HOW that would have been. The fact is yes, I consider it cheating. You are thinking (dreaming, fantasizing, whatever) about another man while you are actually WITH your husband. You are emotionally giving your thoughts to another man, and my opinion is that is wrong. You have spent 6 years with your husband, knowing there is good and bad in every relationship. If I were you, I would put my emotional effort in to my hubby and see how things change for the better. Renew the love that you once felt with him and fill your heart again so there is no room for thoughts of another man. You are playing with fire. Good luck.

You're not abnormal. Having fantasies about another person isn't all that uncommon. Fantasizing, however, isn't the same as loving. Everybody knows that what's on the *other* side of the fence is greener, right?

But... if you wonder about your fantasies, if you feel perhaps you *are* fantasizing in a cheating sort of way, you would probably do better to change your thoughts. Why be torn in two? Your daydreams aren't in control of you - you're in control of them.

I'm assuming you haven't contacted this ex, and he hasn't contacted you. It's just all in your mind, right?

When you're in bed and you start daydreaming about your ex, deliberately replace the ex's picture in your mind with one of your husband. It's your dream - you can do that.

I don't think I'd say anything about it, though. If your husband mentioned that he sometimes thinks about his ex-girlfriend when he's in bed with you, how would you react? Yep. Take care of this situation yourself.

It is normal to fantasize about an old boyfriend. It is what you do about it that matters. You don't need to share any of this with your husband unless you want trouble. Think about your hubby telling you he is dreaming about his ex. Would you like that? Would you hold that against him or think of him differently? He won't appreciate your honesty, so keep it to yourself and enjoy your family and enjoy your dreams.

I am proud of you for asking a question that could be met with a lot of judgement. My only adive is to NOT tell hubby! You can mentally list all the things BAD about the boyfriend and laugh out loud and thank God that you did not marry him!

You're fantasizing, not cheating. And you're not in love with this former boyfriend. It's a fantasy, not love. Don't tell your husband or it'll needlessly hurt his feeling.

A lot of times, this can happen when our marriages feel a little stale and need to have a little passion injected into them. It can happen when you're having problems, even small ones, in your marriage and you feel like "escaping." Just spend some time tending to your marriage and make the two of you feel special for more than just Valentine's Day.

It's also possible that it's just healthy fantasy. No reason to feel guilty. Just don't mistake it for love.