Feeling Guilt over Mother - Daughter Trip

I'd tell my hubby to come along. If all the kids want to go, then he should go too. The only best way for him to be with his kids and the kids will like it too--play with friends and daddy's here too--cool. And, if he insists on not coming along and still want to spend alone time with his boys, then maybe, suggest to him to make some special plans with the boys--just don't sit at home doing nothing. He should take them somewhere fun that they would want to go.

Girl time, boy time. Why would they want to go and be with a bunch of women? Flip the focus to the boys only weekend and that you and daughter are leaving them alone to have it.

I'm pretty sure your boys won't care, and as a matter of fact if you asked them if they would prefer to spend the weekend with a bunch of women or have dad all to themselves for the weekend, I think they would absolutely prefer the latter!
And what about your daughter, have you thought about what this would mean to her, a weekend with no brothers and mom all to herself?
We usually travel together as a family but my husband and I have both taken trips with the kids individually over the years. I LOVE having one on one time with them, those are some of our best memories. It would never even had occurred to me to feel bad or guilty about it! How is it bad to give your child the gift of your undivided attention?
ETA: wow 8kids dad so I guess my husband taking my son camping and golfing with his brothers and cousins, and me taking my daughters to American Girl in New York somehow means we are showing favoritism and possibly encouraging homosexuality? You have got one twisted mind, dude :(

Oh my goodness, I almost spit out my milk reading how a mother/daughter trip could lead to homosexuality ... that's an amazing and spectacular leap you've made there, 8kids!! *rolls eyes*

Go and have a great time with your daughter. There is absolutely nothing wrong with one-on-one time with each of your children. Don't feel guilty!! The boys will have a great time bonding with dad!

I would also do as others have suggested and turn it into a girls weekend/boys weekend. Talk with your husband about making it fun for the boys by doing something "the girls" would not like. I'm sure your husband can think of something if not just let them slouch around the house, expect messes and only have to follow dads rules.

I think it can be fun for all. :)

Plus your thinking of the boys....just think of how much this will mean to your daughter to have some alone time with mom. Enjoy THAT while it lasts as usually when kids get older they want nothing to do with their parents.

Why is it not okay for your boys to have an adventure weekend with dad?

I mean, if he's abusive, I get it... but if not? I just don't understand why they can't have their own boys weekend together.

You do know that it's all right to have one on one time with each of your children at different times? Why should you feel guilty about that? Your daughter very likely NEEDS this mother-daughter weekend with you, especially at this age.

Plus this is something your husband seems excited about... he gets a Guy's Weekend with the boys, who will not be missing out on anything.

I see nothing for you to feel guilty about. Maybe the guilt isn't really that you're leaving the boys behind and you think they'll want to come and will feel that they're missing out, but that you're looking forward to some time away with just your daughter without the boys. Again, no need to feel guilty about that. It's normal.

Enjoy yourselves.

As your children get older, there are going to be a lot of times, they are going to be doing things not as a family, but as individuals, maybe even with only you or your husband.

This will be, because they will have different interest, different sports, theater, different friends, band, different schools..... Sometimes you or your husband will be a chaperone, but there is no way all of you can go together on a band trip out of state. Or all go on the football trips, cheerleader camp, competitions...

This trip is specifically girls only..

State it the opposite, "Daughter and I are going away, because you guys are going to have a "BOYS only weekend" here at home!" Eat boy foods, do boy stuff! Go to the pool, go to the movies.. Whatever your husband wants to plan.

No Guilt. I think it is cool for large families to allow times when 1 child gets a 1 on 1 experience with a parent. They do not normally get this, so it is a treat for the parent and the child.

Go and have a great time.. No guilt necessary!

Why not tell the boys you'll take them alone on a weekend soon, maybe with the family member with the son. Or dad could take them all, maybe the same weekend you're going with your daughter.
You should let go of the guilt. It doesn't serve you well. Kids need to learn their lessons in life. This one's about inclusion. ;)

"Grams"
from the Pocono Mts. of PA

Can't you bill your husband and sons' time as a special Guys Weekend? They can ... do whatever -- sports games, fishing trips, whatever manly thing they want to do. Just bill the girls weekend and the guys weekend as equally cool.

Your boys are old enough to understand a mom/dtr weekend together. I would just talk to hubs and see if he can plan some fun things to do with them while you are gone.

It only becomes "favoritism" as 8kidsdad says, if you ONLY take your daughter to do special things, and NEVER your sons. I don't believe you would do that so I don't think this would be a problem and shouldn't feel guilty. Go and have a fun time. =)

I think that kids get to have special times with their mom or dad at different times. So this is a mother daughter weekend - then next month have a mother son day (since there are more of them). When you tell them about the mother-daughter weekend ask them to think about what they would want to do on a mother daughter day (amusement park, laser tag, Great Wolf Lodge overnight? (good option for 4 of you - two days for one night stay)
I truly believe that parents need to spend some one on one time with each kid - although it doesn't need to be over night or weekend away. Girls need to go "on dates" with dad (out to breakfast, go to a movie, go-carts, dinner) as much as they should go for a mani-pedi with mom - and boys need to do stuff with mom so they learn how to be polite, how to treat the women in their life, and how to pick out a good life partner one day. My son and I will go to the movies together (but not too close by since he doesn't want to risk a friend seeing him at the movies with his mom)(hahaha), or out to the chinese buffet (which my husband HATES) and my daughter and I will shop, go for a pedicure, etc. My husband does the same with our daughter - they'll go out for breakfast, even paint ball!

Go with yoru daughter, have fun, then plan something with the boys, either together or each alone. HAve fun mama. Before you know it they'll be too busy with their friends...

I just took my son on a mom/son boyscout camping weekend. Told the other two it was a special trip. They were a bit sad but it was fine and they did fun special stuff home with Dad. You should do these things with your kids separately! They are special memories.

i assume they wouldnt want to do a girls weekend anyway. can your husband take them camping or can you help plan a few gu activities (laser tag, rock climbing?)

Consider it bonding time with your daughter that in not too distant future will "realize" how uncool it is to be close to mom. You and she need this and you need to be away from the boys by the sound of it. It will also give Dad and the boys special bonding time. Kids need that special time just for themselves with a parent. Go with just your daughter and don't feel guilty. it will be good for all. my daughters and I (ages 11, 6, and 3) are all going away without the hubby and he gets the house to himself for the 4 days. He is looking forward to it but knowing he will miss us too. Take this time to bond with your daughter, relax, have fun and when you get home take the boys bowling, hiking or something just for the fun of it but NO GUILT!!!!!!!

I doubt I can be any help because I am the same way you are.

My daughter has a Disney trip for dance this year that we may or may not be able to go on as a family. If we can't all go, none of us will go. I can't tell my boys no.

I have also contemplated the idea of having a girls weekend and a boys weekend once a year. We could do it on the same weekend and my daughter and I can be spoiled at the spa while the boys go golfing and watch baseball. I wouldn't feel bad about that at all.

Can your husband take them somewhere else and do a boys weekend? I think that's the only way I wouldn't feel guilty.

I don't think you should feel guilty. Tell them Mom and daughter are taking a girls trip, and Dad and the boys will have a guys weekend.

Last September, my daughter and I went on a Girl Scout weekend to a horse ranch. The boys were thrilled to have a guys weekend with Dad. They ate pizza, chips, watched guy movies and shows and just had a blast.

What kids are the friends bringing? Only daughters? Or will other boys be there. If so then it's not really a mother daughter thing at all and that's not fair to the boys.

I think if they boys really want to go and other boys will be there then you need to pick a different activity for mother daughter time. Then always have a mother son time with dad having daddy daughter time too. It could be a regular family thing to do one weekend per month.

1st weekend of the month opposite kids day. Mom/sons, daddy/daughter.

2nd weekend of the month, family outing. No big deal. A day at the park, cook out with hot dogs and burgers, go to the pool and hang out together, movie marathon of the kids favorite movies, any activity that is low cost and fun for everyone. Families that do stuff together regularly are often closer than families that don't.

3rd weekend of the month same kid day. Mom/daughter, dad/sons.

4th weekend of the month do an hour or two with each child. Coloring, finger-painting, doing a craft, going for a walk, tossing a ball around, doing puzzles, something that that particular child likes that maybe no one else likes to do. Dad and mom can both have this time while other kids are playing or doing their own thing.

5th weekend, March, June, September, and December all have 5 Saturdays. This is a special time that you can plan a great activity. Something that is wonderful and special. Go to an amusement park, go on a day trip, go to a county fair, take a trip to the nearest cool museum or zoo, any activity that is something out of the ordinary.

These can be switched around for sure. We are on SSDI so doing something big at the end of the month would be impossible for us. Even if it's only 3-4 times per year. Saving money for this would be a must. So if you needed to do it at the first of the month that would work too.

The point is that spending special time with the kids is the thing they will remember the rest of their lives. Not the having to do cleaning all day Saturday, not sitting at home with nothing special going on, they will remember the family times and the private times they had with you and dad when you they are adults becoming parents, even long after you are gone. They will remember the times when you took time to spend it with them.

Oh, and take lots of pictures and tuck them into scrapbooks. My MIL was dying and that was her only regret in life. She said she would have enjoyed looking at scrapbooks and remembering special times she had with her family and friends. She just didn't take many pictures. She still had the one of Ronald Reagan holding my hubby when he was a toddler. My FIL was career Navy and knew him slightly. They lived all over the world and she had no pictures of any of it. So take lots of pictures. Of silly things, of hugs, of sunsets, anything that will help you and your family remember those times when things were perfect.

Have dad plan something fun for the boys so they have something to look forward to and talk about when you get back.

What are you doing during the weekend? Is is something your boys love? If so you should bring them. If not, then shouldn't be an issue as they won't want to go and you can have your husband do a fun thing with them.

I can't believe you have a poster here making a comparison of homosexuality and you taking your daughter for a mother/daughter weekend. That's really inappropriate and kind of nasty. Does he think that there is incest going on in his own family and that you and your daughter will follow suit? If that's not what he's implying, then WHAT?

Amazing.

You take that trip with your daughter. Your friends would like to enjoy themselves some without too many people. Your husband can have time off WITH his sons. There's nothing wrong with that.

Dawn