Okay, I know the answer to this. It will get better.. ..Right?! I have to say our son has been a handful from day one so I'm a little worried that this is just him. He was never the baby that you could easily take places. He had a hard time falling asleep anywhere but home. He is super, duper active but can sit for books and little home movies on the computer. He already knows his basic colors, can count to 10, abc song and can identify most letters and is learning to count in Spanish. I think he's just a smart cookie and gets bored but in addition, is an active boy. The problem we are having is that it's exhausting us. We are a bit older (I'm 43 and my husband is 38) so that may have a lot to do with how we feel. Are we alone here? We just got back from dinner as it's our anniversary and although it was a nice evening, we had to work hard at keeping our son occupied. We looked over and saw a family with three girls under the age of 4 or 5. They were perfect. I admit it, I'm jealous!! We did not enter parenthood with rose colored glasses. We knew it was going to be work. We love our son but we often wonder how our son ranks in the world of easy baby vs. hard baby. I feel so, so blessed that we have a healthy son and I have seen how hard it is to raise a child with special needs. I work with many families with a special needs child so I am fully aware of our blessing of a healthy child. So I guess I'm just feeling bad about feeling bad. I just need some emotional support as my friends just don't get it. My son is the one running circles around the others. I'm sure that type of energy isn't always welcomed. I feel it. It makes me sad. How can I reframe my thinking? Is there light at the end of this toddler tunnel? I'm reading love and logic and 1,2,3 magic and they are helping. Thank you in advance for any support or kind words you can offer.
YES! It gets better! I LOVED, LOVED having a little baby, and I REALLY LIKE having a preschooler-- the in between part SUCKED though!
It started to get better around 3 1/2 and now at 4 1/2, as long as I don't try to take him to the grocery store, and as long as he gets enough exercise/outdoor play time, I'm a pretty happy mommy!
Yes, it does get better! Mine are teenagers now but those toddler years are VERY challenging.
Problem is that teenagers are like toddlers that are taller than you, think they know everything and time-outs have no effect.
You're in the stage where the days are long but the years are short. Enjoy the small victories and moments you're not wanting to pull your hair out. Before you know it he'll be going off to school and you'll long for these days...well, maybe not
My daughter is almost 5 and is still a constant handful!! She's a nut. I started her on the Feingold diet in April and although we have our days, her behaviour and focus have improved a TON!! You might check it out. Basically, we keep out presevatives, artificial colors, flavors, and (for us) corn syrup. *she has reactions to it*
Some people thought that I was nuts doing this but I see results and since I'm with her 24/7, I know that it's working.
Boys this age are also testy. I know. I babysit a pair of twin 19 month olds. I've only had them for 3 weeks now and just being consistent with them has helped. I know that kids are always worse for their parents though...
1) DON'T (in general) feel bad that the problems you have aren't as bad as other people's problems. There are always people 'better&worse'. A problem is a problem. The ONLY difference is the immediacy (how fast you have to deal with it) & severity (how much it affects your life).
So say you have a 'better' problem; that only affects your life occasionally, and you have several months or years in which to address it. Okay. That makes it a "good" problem, yes? Well, it's STILL a problem. And it's yours. Ignoring your own 'better' problem / feeling guilty about it is just stupid. So stop. :D Feel good about managing your problems to the best of your ability, as they crop up, as you feel is best. It can always be worse. Never feel bad about sorting yourself out before they GET worse!
((Just being honest here, the only 'problems' I get snarky about is "other peoples problems"... It drives me up the wall when people are EITHER freaking out / claiming ownership of other people's problems OR discount them. (Because anyone else's problem isn't as bad as theirs, or the whole: starving kids in Africa "worse problems" so yours don't matter set).
This is my personal bias, do just putting it on the table. Claiming ownership, btw, isnt applying to those who are helping: aid workers, friends, etc. but those who take on other peoples problems for sympathy/grief/attention. Classic examples are the distant relative / aquaintencr (even total stranger) who comes to hospital/funeral/etc. and wants it to all be about them/ everyone helping them -instead of the people who are actually having to deal... People who are freaking out about what THEY would do if it was THEIR child parenting wise, etc. without having a 'dog in this fight' etc., and then constantly being 'affected' by people doing things differently than how THEY would do them. Armchair quarterbacks. People who complain and do nothing (often because they have neither the right to nor the understanding.) batty. Up. The. Freaking. Wall. <grin> Bias addressed, let's move along!))
2) Easy Kids v Hard Kids
TOTALLY a matter of perspective. The easiest kid in the world to one person will be the hardest kid in the world to another. Just as an example: I think ADHD kids are fun/easy. That's because they make sense to me.To others? Sometimes they're super hard, sometimes they make sense. It's the DYNAMIC between the kid and adult that makes them easy or hard. Not the kid themselves. Pick a 'problem set', any problem set... And there are people who just feel relaxed and good with it, and those losing their minds.
3) Repeat the following phrase; I will not judge my insides on others outsides. You saw a brief moment in time in someone else's lives. It could have BEEN an angelic moment. It could also have been one of 50 other things.
YES... COMPARISONS can be useful, but the whole 'don't compare' thing is actually a judgement issue. Judgement based on narrow and incomplete data. Know what I mean?
4) Better? Eh. Different. Changing one set of problems for others. Some 'better', some 'worse'. Sorry!
4.5) just remember: everything is temporary. And it's all over in a BLINK. Seems like its lasting forever in the moment, and then you blink and it's YEARS later.
Does it get better? Interesting and hard to answer. Things do change, some phases are better then others, while others will leave you wanting to pull your hair out. My kids were great between the ages of 8 and 13, then the teen years pose new challenges and you can feel like you are starting all over again.
First, stop comparing, every child is different. These perfect children you are seeing may be having a good day, these perfect children could be little terrors at home. There is no perfect child.
Your son may be bored, routines can help so can some structure in the day. My youngest never stops and needs little sleep, we just keep her on the go as often as possible. She's 2 1/2 and likes to be kept busy or she will keep me busy. I find things that do that...arts and crafts, painting, lego's and lots of outside time.
The good news....you will survive. I have survived that phase 8 times, you can do it this time ;)
I had the same challenge with both of my children who turned out to be gifted students and successful adults. Bright children tend to be very active. Things will get better for you. I spent a lot of time at museums with my kids while they were young. Interactive ones are the best for young children. As soon as he is old enough, enroll him in a preschool program. I saw a huge change in my children when they started school, especially kindergarten. I live in Virginia, and the children begin to read in kindergarten. They are also exposed to the computer. For right now, put your little one on your lap while at your computer. Find simple games to play with him. I didn't have this option because most people didn't have PCs 25 years ago! Remember, young children learn a lot from play. Best of luck to you! Raising a bright child is challenging, but is very rewarding as you watch your child develop.
K.
Licensed Teacher
One thing you can do is practice behavior in a restaurant at home. The family should sit down to dinner together with the LO in his high chair and he should be taught how to behave at the dinner table. I bet that other family practiced with their kids.
As for the rest of it, again it's a matter of learning how to behave. He sounds like he has maybe a bit more energy than some kids, but you just have to teach him how to direct that energy.
It gets better - sort of. Actually, it gets different.
I think what you're really asking is, "Will we survive our son's toddlerhood?" Yes, you will!
The well-mannered children you saw at the restaurant are a figment of your imagination, probably. They looked well-mannered when you saw them. You didn't see them when they were screaming and chasing each other down the hall, having meltdowns in the ladies' room, or not going to sleep for hours when the family got home. That's not to put down the family you saw! That's just to say there's a lot more to that family than the few moments you viewed. There are no perfect children, just as there are perfect parents. The sweetest, most compliant toddlers I know (even ones who aren't related to me!) run their parents in circles.
I don't know if it's worthwhile calculating if your son is an easy child or a difficult child. He's your child, and you love him. Go ahead and pick your friends' brains. Read the books. Make a list of the *good* things about your son, add to it every chance you get, and read it often. Give thanks every day that you have him at all. Most two-year-olds do have non-stop activity built into their system. In a few months or even a few weeks he will grow some more and seem like a different child, for better or for worse.
It's not *your* age, it's the fact that your boy is the age *he* is. You will survive. One day you may even look back on this time and laugh. Imagine that.
It does get better. My youngest is about to turn 3, and I can see that his attention span is getting longer, and he's settling down just a bit.
Just try to limit sugar, have consistent naps and bedtimes, and make sure he has plenty of opportunity to burn that energy during the day.
With my kids, things get easier, then they get harder, then they get easier, then they get harder... It's cyclical. He sounds like a kids who is going to test as gifted -- he will be all the things you listed (active, easily bored, nigh need for constant stimulation) -- he may be extra sensitive (emotionally and physically) and tricky in many, many ways. I'm only now starting to read about what it means to be gifted -- it sounds like a blessing, but in a lot of ways, it isn't. I wish I had read these things when they were toddlers -- I would have had a better understanding of them all along. But be careful about comparing him to other kids -- you don't know the temperament or habits of the parents and comparing him isn't fair -- my kids are who they are because, in large part, their parents are who they are. The apples don't fall far from the tree, and when I look with envy to the really calm, tidy kids, I realize, I'm not a calm, tidy parent -- but I AM creative, fun, and imaginative, and that's who my kids are. A few days ago, parents here reminded me that I should accept who I am, so I can't blame my kids for not being who I'm not.
It does get better but it will take a few years.
Terrible 2's and terrible 3's are where they make huge leaps in communication/coordination but they get frustrated when they don't have the words for expressing themselves.
This is where the bulk of the tantrums come from.
We didn't take our son out to dinner till he was 4 and we started with family friendly fast food places.
We did take out till then because most toddlers just can't sit still long enough for a sit down restaurant.
By 6 he could handle any restaurant and we'd get compliments about how well behaved he was.
Right now at 2, he can learn the delight of jumping in puddles after a rain storm or jumping into a box filled with packing peanuts.
A cardboard box can be an instant fort/race car/space ship.
It's not easy, but there are some things that are wonderful about toddlers.
I really think it depends on the kid. My son was a little terror around 15-18 months then got better. Now that he is almost three he is worse! I had a women (she had four children) tell me the other day, whoever coined the term terriable twos never delt with a three year old. I completely agree!
My sone was such a handful there were many times if we were out to dinner that my husband and I would have to take turns takiing him out and sitting in the car with him. He NEVER slept more than 45 minutes and hour tops at a time and that was usually if I let him fall asleep in his swing. He cried and trew fits about EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!! Things are better in most aspects but now he is causing me grief in other ways!! Right now your son is young and most things are still new to him, he is probably excited at all the exploring there is to do. Don't be too hard on yourself I am pretty sure we all have feelings like yours once in a while! Good luck!
Hi:) my son is now 5, but your story brings me right back to the toddler days. He has always been very bright, & extremely busy, exploring the world around him-very active, inquisitive, happy- not one of the complacent babies, who sit IN the high hair at the restaraunt- he was the guy trying to wriggle out to see what the legs of the table were all about, and what was going on with the bolts holding the chair together. The front pack was not for him, no sir, full mobility necessary at all times.
All this to say, very similar type of toddler. My son is now 5. He entertains himself for about 5 hours a day while I work at home, with little check in breaks etc. He studies Lego reviews on the computer, builds Legos, films his own little reviews- very advanced stuff for just turning 5. Because he is smart, he's very reasonable, and we have normal conversations- also he is well behaved, and doesn't generally do strange kid-like outbursts.
I stopped taking my son to restaurants when he was 2 because it was just exhausting- so pick your battles- and don't feel bad about just keeping things simple- the 2's are tough:) you're in for a great treat when your little one turns about 4- these über smart busy ones are staunch little companions:) good luck, mom & dad- you've got my support, you're not alone, & I hope this helped a little...:)
