Feeling Embarrassed over Being So Loud

You want people there to like you for who you are - which is apparently a loud, sweary woman when you get passionate. I'd just say a neighborly hello to her everytime you meet and leave it there. I don't see what you have to be ashamed about.

You seem to be somewhere between "we've become friends" and "I want to be friends." Which is it?

You don't even know if she heard you, do you? You don't know if anyone else heard you and told her, right?

You can either ignore it and hope your future behavior makes a difference, or you can take her aside and say you really lost it on the phone and didn't realize your windows were open. You're embarrassed and learned a lesson. But don't ask her if she heard you.

The other thing to consider is that it's not about the yelling at all. Maybe no one heard it but your partner. Maybe you're just trying too hard to be friends, and you're pushing people away. Maybe you should take a slower approach and give people time to get to know you, rather than actively seeking friends so hard. Thinking you've "ruined chances" is pushing this over the top too much. Good people won't do that. If they do, they they aren't good people. But you aren't really giving yourself a chance to get to know anyone - you're too worried about it. Try to find people through your other interests - the school, your gym, and (best) a volunteer activity you join to try to make a difference in the town. Worry about helping others, and the friendships will come.

It's a real problem.
While waiting for school to let out several parents were waiting in the foyer of private school for pickup and one woman was on her phone.
Classroom doors were open and this lady was F this, F that and F every other thing at the top of her lungs.
We were all feeling so sorry for her kids.
Eventually the principal came by and asked her to take her conversation outside.

Being loud isn't necessarily a problem.
You are embarrassed for the wrong reason.
If most every word that falls from your lips is a swear word - that's your real issue.
Try working on your conversation skills.
Improve your vocabulary with non swear words.
Join Toastmasters - which is about speaking in public but it will help you with speaking in general.
If you listen to music/rap that swears a lot - it's just normalizing it for you - try listening to something else.

Next time you see that mom you were friendly with you might want to apologize for swearing a blue streak and say that you are trying to give that up.
If you are sincere you might be able to salvage this budding friendship.

i'm not seeing any sort of direct link between your outburst and this woman avoiding you. i mean, it could be.

if being loud and using lots of bad language is a pattern, then you should probably address it as you continue your quest for friendship in your new home.

gaithersburg is a bustling city and if this one friendship doesn't work out, well, there are plenty of other folks. if this one mom is someone you really would like to have in your circle, maybe invite her for coffee. rather than apologize for something may not even know about, or try to feel her out to see if she heard you or not, just start over. low-key, friendly, and not too pushy.

tons of embarrassment and shame and 'ruined' potential friendships are all a bit dramatique. unless, of course, your noisy outburst was really really over the top. if that's the case, you may need to get help controlling that before you seek further friendships.

probably not the case, though. i'm betting you're just overthinking it a bit.

khairete
S.

You are not the only person in the world who says swear words in "impassioned" moments, and you were in the privacy of your own home. If this woman is a person who would not want to be friends with someone who says swear words, maybe she is not the right friend for you!

Also though, your worries here are just things you are "assuming" - assuming that she heard you and assuming that she judged you badly because of it - you do not know for certain.

Try reaching out to this woman and arranging a date to meet for coffee or something like that. Try to move forward with your friendship and put your worries about this incident out of your mind.

(If she says no, well then she's a $&?!)@; &!,?@ )

Why don't you invite her to grab lunch or coffee together? Tell her you're sorry if your cursing upset her but you want to be friends and you want to get to know her.

How do you know that she is upset with your language? She could be upset about being cut off by you in traffic (accidentally, of course...it happens), the way you stared at her, or some other stupid thing. Maybe she just isn't the social type, she might be an introvert, maybe she has something going on at home that she doesn't want to talk about and wants to be left alone, maybe she is struggling to pay her bills, or has a family member in the hospital. I have avoided people when I am under stress or depressed, have failed to return phone calls, etc., I wasn't mad at them, I just needed to be alone to process things and was not in the mood to put on my bubbly, cheery hat at that time.

There is no way of knowing if her attitude is related to you or your outburst on the phone, she could be going through something difficult in her personal life (divorce?). If you really want to be a friend, offer to meet up for a drink, and talk to her. I wouldn't bring up the loud conversation unless she does. Don't press the issue if not, she might not want to have someone around or just wants to forge new friendships, depending on her issue. That shouldn't stop you from trying to make other friends in the neighborhood though.

Cha cha - that made me chuckle this morning :)

I tend to overthink everything when I am hormonal. I agree I think you are overthinking this.

I doubt she heard you, and if she did, I'm sure she isn't perfect herself. No one is. We've all let a few choice words fly, and you were in your house.

Now you know, you will do better. Just take it down a notch, or close your windows :)

You likely feel a bit alone (new to area) but you don't have to feel you ruined your chances or insecure about your friendship potential. She was probably just having an off day.

If she is judgey, then not the right friend for you.

You were in your own home. You have every right to swear. Yes, embarrassing but most people do swear when passionate or upset.
Laugh it off and move on.

Do you think she heard you? I would try to apologize and explain that it's not your normal behavior, and that you were stressed. If she still doesn't want to be friends, then maybe it's for the better. My mom made it a point not to befriend neighbors. She's a cautious woman and her policy made a lot of sense. Once you've taken the wrong direction, there is usually no way to correct it. Say hi with wave to show her you're friendly and leave it at that. If she doesn't respond - oh well, better luck next time.

Updated

Do you think she heard you? I would try to apologize and explain that it's not your normal behavior, and that you were stressed. If she still doesn't want to be friends, then maybe it's for the better. My mom made it a point not to befriend neighbors. She's a cautious woman and her policy made a lot of sense. Once you've taken the wrong direction, there is usually no way to correct it. Say hi with wave to show her you're friendly and leave it at that. If she doesn't respond - oh well, better luck next time.

I laugh loud, swear like a sailor, talk a lot, and that's just ME.
If someone wanted to be my friend, but wanted me to laugh quieter....it wouldn't work.
If someone thought I was good friend material, but wanted me to slow down on swearing...then she really didn't think I was amazing.
I am me. I am not going to change for anyone, nor am I going to apologize for what I do and say in my own home.
Accept yourself, flaws and all. Don't be ashamed. And if she doesn't want a friendship with you than that's her issue...not yours.