ETA:
Read your SWH.
We've had parties where kids have been out of control, some had undiagnosed ADHD, some squabbled, etc. We handled it at the time, and mentioned it to the parents when they picked them up. Think of sleepovers, or laser tag parties, etc.
Certainly if this child had 'ruined' your child's parties in the past, and is a good friend she plays with regularly, I would have felt comfortable mentioning that to the parents at the time.
Just something to consider going forward. Then it wouldn't have come as such a shock now.
My son did not invite a boy from his school group (not good friend) to a party once, as he did not get along with the rest of the group all the time. He told him beforehand that there was a limit to how many he could invite. It just prevented him from hearing about it at school. The boy was ok with it (don't think he fully expected to go) and it prevented school yard upset. That's how the grade 6 kids handled it. Mind you - not a 'good' friend - this was a school pal. I think kids should handle it themselves wherever possible.
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I put myself in the other person's shoes, and then think like a child.
If this girl is a 'good' friend who has loads of fun with your daughter, and normally goes to parties, (if this was you, and you're a tween), how would YOU feel if you heard about it, as does everyone else, on the internet? You'd be hurt. I'd be hurt as an adult. I wouldn't shun my friend, but I'd probably want to take a break.
I think that's what they are doing. You may have a bunch of legit reasons. They don't know them.
I would give them space, and just leave it for now.