Feeling Alone.

It sounds very much like PPD but I am not a doctor and can't diagnose it. I had it with my first two and decided to go on a medicine + therapy before my third. It chandged my life. It sounds like much in your whole situation is making you miserable and that is totally understandable. It's hard to be dependent on people and try to find happiness. Your living situation is putting a lot of added stress to the whole ordeal and it seems as though you feel that you've lost some of your identity through everything. You need someone to talk to, as I did when I felt so miserable. Your kids need you healthy. If you want, you can shoot me an email anytime. I'm on the computer pretty regularly as I'm a full-time student in college. I will respond as often as I'm able. I do recommend you see your doctor and consider all options he/she gives you.

Don't feel down...I can't say I know how you feel, but I'm sure with all you've got going on it can get depressing. Ignore your husband if you he tells you you shouldn't have these feelings...men just don't get and they never will. Just let him know he needs to support and help you right now. My husband didn't understand what was wrong with me after we had our son. I felt like he had stolen my life and I'd never be free again and that my husband and I would never be that fun passionate couple again. This I have found is just not true. Yes it takes work and understanding from both partners, but your marriage will survive if you both truly want it to. I hope you start feeling better and that you realize your totally not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. Its just hard being a mom sometimes, but everything will fall into place!

K. D!

Hi A.!
OKAY, the most important advice I can give you is to PLEASE try to get in to see your doctor and discuss how you are feeling, especially since it is affecting your relationship with your husband.
I can't tell from your post whether you stay at home or not. If so, you may just have the blahs...it takes so much to care for a child and home. Try to get even a couple of hours for yourself to recharge. Go shopping, get a manicure, take a book to the park and soak up some sunshine, take a candlelight soak in the tub with a book or magazine after your daughter is asleep. Just pamper yourself for a little bit. Also, see if there are any groups for moms and kids in your area, YWCA, MOPS, church, the local library, etc. to be able to be around other moms.
I don't know if your husband is being unsupportive or if he just doesn't understand what you are feeling and is at a loss as to how to help you. Men want to fix things, and when they can't they can't stand it. Maybe he will help you make sure you get some "me" time if you talk to him and let him know how you feel.
The best thing you can do for your husband and daughter is to take care of yourself so you can take care of them. YOU ARE NOT ALONE...let us know how it goes.

Chin up baby gurl! Nothing stays th same for long.. jus make th best of things as they are..and stride forward.. u r ur own destiny... make th best of every day as if it were ur last.. we are not guarnteed nut n life..if we want sumthin we go out and get it.. If u want sumthin bad enough you'll make it happen!
Good Luck and God Bless!

A., I also suffered from post partum. I was put on Lexapro it worked wonderful- no weight gain-ups and downs-it seems to work with in days- must have.

Also note: your living arrangment does not help either. Get the meds first than you should be able to handle the rest a little easier.

Your "a little about me" is confusing. Do you have a 4 yr old son, 2 yr old daughter and another baby?

If you are feeling depressed talk to your doctor. It could be something temporary like PPD, or it could be more serious. Either way you can get some relief so you can be a good mom to your babies. In my experience men don't like to admit something could be wrong. If you are depressed its not something you did wrong so don't blame yourself. If you don't get treated it would be your fault. ((Hugs))

I was feeling depressed for a long while after I had my son. I tried to be happy, but just couldn't get out of it. It took my sister pointing out that I wasn't as happy as I used to be and talking to me about it to get me going in the right direction. The only way I found that I've gotten out of it is by doing a few things.

1) Exercising regularly and eating right has made a HUGE difference and boosted my self-esteem way up.
2) Trying to serve other people more. It helps me forget my own problems and it gives me a sort of high that makes me feel good for a long time.
3) I don't know how religious you are, but I find that when I'm praying and reading scriptures regularly, I feel SO much better! Especially, when I read them with my husband.

I was living with my parents for awhile until our house was ready, and it was miserable. I understand completely. I really hope you can get out of it soon.

Good luck! :)

I did have this problem in my marriage, not postpartum, but still depression. Keep working with your dr. and maybe look into finding a support group. I was on Lexapro for a while and it finally did the job for me with very little side effects. But it took forever to make my husband understand that you just can't "snap out of it". If possible, it would be great if your husband could attend a dr appt with you to discuss depression. Your dr can also offer suggestions on helping you to deal with the stress that you're under right now. You will be amazed at how much less pressure you will feel once you can finally get your husband to understand that you don't want to be this way and you're looking for options to help you overcome the depression. My heart is with you girl-I know how much it hurts to hear those words from your husband and to feel so helpless to do anything about it. Take care of yourself!
R.

First of all cudos to you taking care of 3 children. I have two boys and I cant imagine another. Your problem is what happend to me and my husband. my husband and I were fixing to have our first child when all of the sudden his business wasnt doing good anymore and he was left without a job. We had to move in with my mother with the intensions of only being there 3 months. A year later we were still there. It was horriblw for all of us. Me and my mother faught constantly as did my husband and I. I wasnt even sure we would make it together. living with anyone with a family is hard especially family members. Another thing is his job and his school which is great he is going to school but i know about that to. My husband got us out of my moms and got 2 full time jobs to do it. He also went to school at the same time for a paramedic. he got a year and a half into school and had another child. we could not afford him to go to school because it took away from his jod wich left us with no money so he quit school and joined the military. I am so proud he did that for his family. So your husband should go to great lengths to get you guys out and take care of yall himself. But also remember that he is struggeling with this to. My husband always felt like a failure so dont push to hard.(that was my mistake) So your problem is you need stability and when that happens you wil change I know I did. I have never been happier. I f you need anything you can email me (____@____.com) I also own a home business if you are interested!!! website is: www.freedomathometeam.com/dwardell

A., you are not alone. I went through a similar situation about 2yrs ago. I was pregnant with twins and had a 6 and 7 yr old at home. They put me on bed rest for the last 2months, but I still had to take care of my other kids. When the twins were just 4wks old we had to move in with some friends for a couple of months. My relationship with my husband suffered, I was never happy but never depressed. It is hard to live with anybody else. You have your own family and you need your own space. But I also understand having to move in with someone for a while. I just wanted to give you a little bit of hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel. ;) Try to talk to your husband and let him know exactly how you feel. In my experiance, comunication is the #1 key to a good relationship. I will be praying for you. Hope everything goes well. Later Days!

Well, based on your "about me" it reads like you've had a lot going on in the past months that are all very stressful and scary. You didn't go into great detail as to what you are feeling but I am guessing it is just regular stress that you can get help for with some counselling. I am not a fan of antidepressants but I do think counselling is useful.

Something else you may want to consider is your hormone levels since you've had your daughter. Since your pregnancy ended early your body may have gotten off track and not recovered properly (especially if you started using birth control & depending on what kind). There are so many factors that could be making things difficult for you.

C.

I don't know what your relationship with your family is like, but sometimes when you are confused and sad its good to get back to your roots for a while. Is going to visit your parents, a cousin, or an aunt an option? Maybe you could ask if you could come for a week (go to someone's house you could talk to) and try to figure out what it is that you really want out of life. If you're able to it sounds like you need to spend some time with your 4 year old. I don't know if that is possible or not in your situation. I would talk with your best friend or a trusted family member and seek their counsil. ALso, always communicate with your husband.

I had similar problems with depression throughout my pregnancy and for almost a year afterwards. From what I understand it was caused by a lot of changes and stress occurring at a point where being the pregnant/nursing mommy I couldn't cope (for example I had to quit my job, the baby was very sick, my husbands job moved us twice, I rarely saw him, we moved in with both sets of parents for awhile, it was a real strain on our relationship). I'm not sure what advice to give except that things will get better. I avoided meds and at times wish I hadn't. If you have a good friend who has a good shoulder to cry on take advantage of it. For me the trigger was going back to work and feeling as if I were contributing again. Having my own life outside of the family situation. Good luck, I hope things get better!

A. you are probably having post partum, please seek the help of a counselor. My daughter had a baby in August 2007, she had severe depression. I stayed with them for 1 month, thankfully I talked to my son-in-law and her Dad(he lives in the same town as her)to explain that this was something they needed to take seriously and not disregard it as something normal that she will get over soon. I advised her to do counseling and she did, she also did not like the meds they put her on and they worked for a very brief time. She is still going to counseling. Please do this for you, your children and family. It is important that you have the support of your husband, he may need to go with you. Sometimes men just don't get it. Having a baby is hard enough without all the added stress that it seems you have. Best of luck and God bless you.

I went through PPD and didn't even know it for 14 months. I did not have anything like what you are going through- I had it much better. So, my point is, it is very likely either way you are depressed and do need to get help from somewhere. I saw my doc, who is brilliant and I love, and he put me on Lexapro, which really really helped me get back to myself and lose the irritation and hopelessness. I am having trouble getting off of it- I tried to come off way to fast and got really sick and drunk feeling for days (w/no alcohol!). So I will warn you of this. I got back on it in a normal regimen and have been weaning off for about 2 months now and it is going much better. Please see someone. I also saw a counselor and that helped me learn how to deal with stress and it sounds like you have a lot of stress to deal with. I wish you the best of luck and God's blessings and plead with you to keep on writing to us Moms. Hang in there.

Hi A.,
Well- I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Postpartum depression is a very real, very hard thing to deal with. You are not wrong to be feeling the way you do-alot of women go through it, myself included! My suggestion would be to try to get your husband to understand the scentific facts about PPD, and then maybe he would be a little more understanding. As for help for you- try a little sunshine! Even though the media has scared us to death of being out in the sun- I found that some sunshine and fresh air really lifted my spirits and gave me alot of energy! Well, i hope this helps some, and don't give up- it won't last forever!

Hey darlin'! YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Remember that , first and foremost. And the other post was correct, men don't "get it", and sometimes neither do doctors! Go to another doctor if you feel that you're not being heard. Also, being in the living siutation that you are in is completely not easy. I lived with my in-laws during the transition of moving from one state to another. That was very stressful. They are some of my very favorite people, but it is still difficult to share a roof when you have a whole family, too. I freaked out on more than one occasion and we were only there 6 weeks!

Please, reach out if you need to, I know how you feel! Do you have plans to get a place of your own soon? Are you able to do that? Keep your chin up, hun! You will make it. And please, please reach out if you need to talk! ~C.

If it was postpartum depression, your situation has made it worse. You should look into some mommy groups or organizations that have sessions in something you enjoy. You have too much time on your hands to sulk over your current situation.

It's hard enough living with someone elses family. Then you have a son you don't see and a daughter that is probably demanding.

Pray...a lot! Look for groups to meet new people that might have dealt, or are dealing, with similar situations.

Good luck!!!!!!

First, no-one can tell you that you shouldn't have certain feelings. They can be unhappy about your feelings but that is not the same thing. It sounds like he's fine with the current situation, you are not, and he's telling you it's your fault that you don't like it. You are a human being and have your own likes, dislikes, and problems and he needs to take that into consideration!

First thing you need to decide is if the situation is causing harm. Is it hurting the kids, your marriage, or you? If it is causing harm it isn't just a matter of hoping the feelings go away it is something that you need to do something about.

Put your energy into figuring out how to get into a different situation for example living somewhere else, getting a job yourself even if it just pays for day care, etc. It sounds like the only thing you are looking forward to is getting back to the days when your husband worked, you lived alone, etc which isn't going to come back. You need to have something concrete that you can look forward to and you are the only one who can decide what that thing or things is and how YOU will work towards it.

In some ways it sounds like you feel that someone else has taken away your good feelings even if it is just the circumstances of your life but good feelings can come from simple things and you need to figure out what those things are for YOU. You presented a list of things that don't do it for you ("me" time, medication, the place) but you'll be stuck doing the work figuring out what does work. It might be getting a job, or joining a group, or marking a calendar and saving pennies for a few hours here and there of time alone with your husband.

The flip side of having your own sad feelings that you can't be told to ignore is that you also have your own preferences that you can explore and they are not all going to be pipe dreams for million dollar houses and caviar. Think about your happy or successful or proud times from the past and see if they give you clues to what you should do in the future.

Oh sweetheart. I really feel for you. It sounds like you have a lot of pressure on you. Of course you would be feeling horrible. Life can be so difficult but it is always relative. Things can always be worse. You are so young and believe me things will get easier. There are probably things that you can do to make things better. It will not fix things but somehow you must find a way to cope. There is nothing wrong with meds to get momma thru a rough time. More of us have done it than you think! When things seem out of control at my house and I start feeling like nothing is going well, I try to remember that the most important responsibility I have is to be a calm loving mother to my children. I have been reading a great book called "A New Earth" by Ekhart Tolle. It will put things in perspective for you, perhaps. Above all...Life changes constantly. Things always get better and worse. Have patience.