Feeling Alienated as the Biological Mother by Step Mom

I'm really sorry you are going through this - I agree with you, she is definitely overstepping her boundaries. However, often this isn't as much on purpose, as it is on accident (which doesn't make it hurt less). It sounds like dad and step-mom really stepped to the plate when your job required so much of you, so it would seem kind of petty now that you don't "need" them, to start stamping your foot around going "mine, mine." I'm totally not saying that is what you are doing at all, but it might seem like that to them if you are not careful.

Kids are funny creatures and creatures of habit so if he has been at dad's more for the last year, that is where he is going to feel most comfortable. However, the more time he spends at your house, the more likely that is going to even up a bit. Sometimes, one parent's house is just more fun, though (like if he has step siblings to play with at dad's but not at yours). Kids love fun and they will push for fun when they can. Try not to hold that against son or dad.

If you have more time, I would start with volunteering at his school. It is a great way to get connected with your child in a way that is meaningful AND if give you the opportunity to see what projects he is working on so you can offer to help and also have some input on certain projects.

Remember, your son isn't on social media and could care less about the pictures and the postings :)

Good luck!

Kid s that young thrive on routine and structure. It is possible that he is useful to the routine of being with his dad and step mom and therefore will need time readjusting to your new availability.

Give him time, and things will calm. As far as the step mom goes, it's possible she has attached herself to him, and feels responsible , which is a good thing. I do know that it can be difficult, but you should work with them and allow your feelings to not come between your son and the dynamic of having you all in his life.

Sounds like there a few issues here.

1 - that you feel you lost out that year and a half you were so busy with work and are worried you can't make that up

2 - that step-mom to be has replaced you

3 - that you don't seem to have much control.

Why do you receive no support, and why have you not asked? If the alternative was working so much that you barely saw your son, maybe time to revisit that.

(Not sure what your current employment/financial situation is)

As to the interest your ex's finance has in your child, honestly, I think you have to view it as it's preferable to her not being interested. I think that would be worse.

In this case, I think you mind your own business. Stop going on her Facebook page. You're doing that thing of comparing her life/relationship to your son with your life/your relationship to your son. That is just a recipe for misery. So you CAN stop doing it. So make yourself stop.

I think this all sounds pretty natural. Just focus on your son and yourself, take care of the both of you, and leave the ex and finance out of it. In time, it will get easier.

She may have overstepped. Unless it's negatively impacting your son though, for now I'd let it go. Just focus on you and son. Best to you

Just be consistent and strong. He's been living with them as his primary care givers while you worked. Things have changed now and he doesn't like the change.

I will say that 50/50 custody is a sorry thing for a child. I wish judges would stop doing it.

A week with this family then a week with that family isn't good for kids. They need to have one home and one place they go visit. Now that your work hours/job has changed I'd like to hope that you will just be patient with the little guy and remind him that you are his mother and she's also his mom and he can have both of you to love and care for him.

welcome to mamapedia.

Your post is confusing. First she was the new fiance in the beginning - now she's the wife?
You stalk her Facebook page?

You were able to quit your job and stay home full time - did you win the lottery or something?

You were an absent mom during a CRUCIAL time. He bonded with a W. who cared for him when you could not because of your job.

Now you want to make up for lost time? Sorry. You can't. You can only do better from here. You need to prove to your son that he is your priority. You need to re-establish a relationship with your son. That's ON YOU.

You need to have an agreement set up with your ex-husband on time and schooling. The fact that he registered your son in a school without your permission is odd and troubling.

You know you are your son's mom. He has lost his bond with you because you have not been around the last year and a half. This is totally normal. I think you need to take your emotions out of the equation here and just be very matter of fact about things. 1. Stop looking at your ex's wife's facebook page. Stop thinking about her. And just stop worrying about her and what she says on facebook. Focus on yourself. 2. Be happy she is a caring stepparent to your son. That is wonderful. It could be so much worse. 3. MOST importantly: Time to bond with your son again. Always take him during your scheduled time to have him...don't cancel. Focus on quality time with him. Give it a year and a half at least! Give him love, make memories, be his mom again, put him to bed, be there when he is sick, go to his school events, help him with homework, invite his friends over and get to know them, get to know the teacher or help in the classroom or volunteer at school events, do things he is into, playing games, etc. Give it TIME. This is going to take time. You have to re-bond. Deep in his psyche he probably feels a big abandoned from you. He is little. You can turn this around and things will be fine. Your relationship with him is the most important thing.