Fear of Public Toilets and Loud Noises at 4 - Interlaken,NY

Two great products to cover the electronic sensor are either bandaids or post-it notes. They are small and potrable and evn she can put them on. Make it a game. Good luck.

my daughter had this same fear. I think the solution is to empower her with knowledge. Show her the electronic eye on the potty and explain to her that it can see movement so that it will flush when she gets up. Also show her that she can control when of flushes by putting a winter hat or a coat over the eye so otcan't see her, then taking it off to make it flush. Poor girl. I can't believe a school has those. Lots of kids are afraid of them.

I read somewhere that you can cover the sensor with a post it note so it won't flush until you remove it. That might help. You could get her out of the bathroom before letting the toilet flush. I apologize if you already heard this.

It sounds like your daughter is expected to use the potty by herself at school, which is normal for a 4YO. But maybe she could ask a teacher to come with her and flush for her while she washes her hands - there ARE 4YOs who still need a little bit of help in the bathroom. Or if that doesn't work, maybe the teachers could leave some post-its near the toilet (or you could make sure a few go in a pocket each morning) and she could use the post-its to cover the sensor before she uses the toilet. Then when she's done, she could just ask her teacher to run in and flush for her.

There are lots of kids who hate loud noises, and 4-5YOs have great imaginations and limited logic skills. In addition, a chaotic preschool classroom can be a bit overwhelming - the unexpected loud flush in an echoing bathroom may simply be too much on top of the noisy classroom. Frankly, I'm surprised her teachers haven't had to deal with this before, but if they'll work with you and your daughter, I'm sure the accidents will stop.

Above all, make sure you and her teachers are being as compassionate and understanding as possible. She doesn't WANT to be scared of loud noises, but she has no control over that, and hence no control over her bladder. Expressing disappointment or higher expectations will probably make the problem worse, so stay positive and make sure she knows you really want to help her. Ask for her ideas too - 4YOs can be surprisingly helpful!

I also have a 4YO daughter who doesn't care for public toilets. Some days are better than others, and I have seen her dissolve into tears when I forget to tell her I'm flushing. But some days she wants to do it herself. And having friends at school who are more independent seems to be helping her move in that direction. Good luck!

-K.

I don't know if you have noticed but those auto flush toilets have an over-ride button. It's a little black one usually. Point it out to her and teach her to use it. It will help her feel more in control of the "noise" when she is causing it. You can even make it a bit of a game to see if she can "beat" the toilet to the flushing. Teach her to play this "game" by staying in front of the red light (the infared sensor) then "catching" the toilet and still beating it to the flush (versus her rushing off the toilet and pee-ing all over the place & pulling up her pants while still wet). Practice this "game" with her by letting her watch you do it then have her take a turn. You can have her keep track of how many times a day she "beats" the toilet to the flushing and add up her points for some kind of reward.

Definitely address it though, as you are doing. You don't want her to end up with bladder infections, being the "pee pee" girl and so forth. Plus it will be build her confidence to overcome her fear by turning around to face it directly as opposed to trying to run scared from it.

Hope that helps... I'd love to know how it goes. -N.

I've heard a lot of Moms have luck covering the sensor with a post-it note. Could she try that?

Most auto toilets have a electronic eye sensor. If the teacher could put a piece of tape over the sensor until your daughter leaves the room, this would work.

My 4 year old son is the same way. We have a game where I hold a post-it paper over the sensor while he pees, and this keeps it from flushing. Then when he's finished, we make a game out of it by him stepping outside the stall, covering our ears, and then I let it flush. Not sure if this would work with the teacher (if they don't go in w/ them), but that's how we dealt with it. Good luck, M..

I've heard of people putting a post-it note over the sensor so it won't flush. When she's done and prepared for the flush, she can take it off.

Have you thought about bringing a potty training potty? She can use that throughout the day, and then the teacher can flush it after she leaves the bathroom. Good luck!

Hi S., I don't have any advice for you but I know it is not healthy to hold urine all day and bad for self esteem to have accidents. Can you look for another day care? I will pray for you and your little girl. Grandma Mary

Oh boy do I remember going thru this. It was Pre-K that my dd had the experience with the auto-toilets. In our case there was a bathroom right in the room for them. The teacher noticed it right away. Our remedy for this problem was to put tape over the eye so it didn't flush by itself. Had to show her that it didn't flush by itself anymore and she was just fine after that. I do know that some probably won't like that because of germs. But hey, if it helps them go for it. They're supposed to be 'strict' on washing hands after going potty anyway :) See if they could do that for your daughter.

S., I had the same issues with my daughters, and although this might seem silly, I told my girls to tell the toilet, "no no don't flush while I am on the pot." They hated the noise, but it made them go faster and get out of the stall before it flushed because it was so much louder when we were in the stall. So we would close the door, tell the pot no no, then go, wipe, and pull up our pants and out. Some times they would even tell the toilet that they were done and that it was ok to flush now. Of course with their hands over their ears. Good luck and I hope it helps. My daughters are now 9 and they both (twins) still hate automatic flushers.

Hi S.,
While I can see where a school might have autoflush toilets for sanitary reasons since lots of kids forget to flush or don't bother, you'd think they'd know that practically all little kids have a fear of those auto flush toilets - heck, they freak me out a little and I'm 41! I think that it's possible to block the sensor. Let her teacher know about the problem and ask if your daughter can have a post it covering the sensor when she goes.

Well, what choice do you really have....you either change the pre-school to one with a toilet your child can handle or begin to work on healing the phobia.

Talk to her doctor about the problem. Find a good therapist who works with children and phobias.

S.,
Some of these toilets have a bypass, that requires pushing a button instead. Ask if they will convert to this aspect (I know, it defeats the purpose of not touching, but there are other issues with toilets that flush with such force that water leaves the bowl! yuck! I have to say I detest these and they are scattered everywhere!)

Good luck, and I hope you can get the school to comply,
M.

Great suggestions Kristin! I love the post-it note idea.

Also, her teachers really should have suggestions if they are knowledgable about children's development and needs. Perhaps you may need to speak to a director for some support. Good luck.

Many children have a fear of those auto flush toilets. Not only are they loud to their little sensitive ears, they are usually pretty powerful! They probably think it's going to suck them in, considering it starts the second their tush leaves the seat! My daughter is 3 1/2 and dislikes them as well, although we don't encounter them in too many places. Her preschool has "kid-sized toilets". I read somewhere, though, that many parent's solution to this fear is to place a post it note over the sensor so that it does not flush automatically. That may put some control back into her hands and give her more confidence. Her teacher (or you, on the first day you try), could show her where the sensor is to place the sticky note. After that she can do it herself. I'd probably buy the really colorful neon ones and maybe put some stickers on them (my daughter loves princesses). Anything to make the process less scary. Good luck!

You might search out one in a clean public bathroom that's not associated with the preschool and spend some time in there with her, explaining the process to her beforehand and letting her get familiar with it so she knows exactly what to expect, all at a time when she doesn't have to go so the pressure is off. My son is 4, also not fond of loud noises, but loves to experiment with the sensor, watching it flush on its own over and over. This way he feels in control. Sometimes it's hard to get him out of the stall. As for the accidents, a small bag of pull-ups would get her through the transition and then she would not have to feel any shame about 'wet spots' in school. good luck.

I read in Parents magazine that some folks carry post-it notes and put them over the automatic flusher sensor before going. This way there is no sudden flush during the process.
Maybe the preschool teacher could indulge your daughter and just stick them on whenever she goes to the bathroom. Or leave them there permanently? Good luck!

Wow I have the same problem with my six year old although she doesnt pee her pants or anything like that but she hates those toilets, loud music, garbage trucks, fire works anything loud. I even have had her tell me she has a headache because the bus, class room or cafateria are just to loud. I would also love to hear your responses. My doctor just says she has sensitive hearing.

My niece has this same fear with the auto flush. We solved it by putting a post it note over the sensor. When she is finished we just pull it off and the toilet will flush (when she is expecting it - it takes away a lot of the fear). Hope this helps.

My oldest daughter is almost 11 & is still anxious about those toilets. I think we were at Sesame Street the first time she had used one of them & thankfully she didn't put her head right through the door in the stall because she shot forward when it flushed with her still on it. There is one way that my daughter manages to sit with her hand over the sensor, but as soon as you move it goes off. Unfortunately I don't have a solution for you, but I can definitely feel your pain. Good luck!

The auto flush has a light sensor.. put dark tape or a piece of construction paper over the sensor.. than they will have to flush it with the button when your daughter is done. Good luck..
Also as for loud noises.. get your daughters hearing checked soon.. she may have a sensory issue. Like she hears noises way louder than you do... Some children have that.. and when you vacumn or make loud noises.. she can wear ear muffs... or something like that.. a dr. for ears could help you out with that issue.. because in life.. we have many loud noises... and this could really hurt her ears.. and she will not like going outside when the garbage truck goes by.. or some one is jack hammering.. ...

i read once to carry a pad of post-it notes and stick one on the sensor. then it doesn't know when she gets up, and you can flush it manually when she leaves the stall.