Fear of Flying

No one mentioned www.fearofflyinghelp.com Has anyone tried it? It's a free online class you can take to help you understand dynamics of flying and help you feel safer.

I know I am pretty late in my response but I wanted to give my two cents. I am not sure if you have heard of EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) also known as Tapping but it is highly successful on almost everything. I have used it to finally stop my lifelong habit of nail bitting. After just one round! I don't even miss bitting my nails. Here is the EFT website for more information.
http://www.emofree.com/

I too have a fear of flying but here is what works for me.
When I get on the plane I say, "Father, I am in your hands. If you want me to live I will and if you want to take me home, you will." Then I just feel I am in God's hands and his will be done. Once we were flying home from Texas to San Francisco and it was really bad weather. They said they would go up higher or down lower and the storm was everywhere. I have never been bounced around like that before or since then. I did my breathing; breathe in through your nose and out slow with your mouth. It does calm the body down even if you are a nervous wreck inside.
I prayed and then kept reading a good book I was reading.
The breathing really helped and knowing that I was in God's hands. We landed and drove home and was very thankful. You could also ask your doctor for medicdation to take the edge off if you want to; that is what my daughter does.
Happy flying and enjoy your Ohio family.
F.

Hi A.,
I felt like I was reading a posting that I could have written. I too am deathly afraid of flying. I have come to understand that for me it is a control issue. What I try to do is imagine the trip going really smoothly. I do this every night for about a week before the trip. I don't take meds either because I am very sensitive to them and would end up getting sick from them as well as the trip! I have a two year old and we flew to Italy last summer. He was wonderful on the trip and I wasn't nervous at all. I think it is because I was so focused on making sure he was ok.
My doctor also told me to really try to let go of the fear by remembering that there is nothing I can do to change whatever happens on the plane. Just try to take deep breaths and concentrate on your little tigers. My guy was excited about flying and I tried to focus on his energy. I know this is easier said than done. I hope your trip goes well and this helps you a little. OH...I also stayed up late the night before we left. By the time we got on the plane I was so tired I didn't have the energy to be worried!
Sincerely,
R.

have you thought about taking Amtrak? i hate to fly also, so i compromised and we flew one direction and took the train home the other. i loved the train. we had our own compartment (i would not recommend going coach as the shared bathrooms are gross, the pullman chairs uncomfortable to sleep in) with three cute little bunks, two lower, one higher, a bathroom that was used by just our car, a shower, and meals are included. what i really liked was we had our own little space where my son could look out the window or take a nap or play on the bunk or floor without having to worry about where he was. if you can afford it, its wonderful!!!

I was in the same boat for a long time. I did some EMDR work for other fears in my life and somehow it helped for flying with out trying. I have went two places since. From SF to MN and From SF to TX. One thing to keep in mind, the turbulents are just the same as a pot hole in the road when driving in a car. A less expencive crutch could be back flowers/rescue remedy sold in health food stores. Really helps calm nerves without side effects.
Good luck~W.

I felt this way. Then I married a pilot. He has a way of explaining things that help me enormously. Plus, I do take half a lorazepam if I know it will be really bumpy sometimes. And I feel I have to stay calm for the kids.
My friend listens to the pilots on the radio, because they are so calm about things and will say if you are approaching turbulence, so you feel you can prepare yourself mentally.

A therapist who specializes in phobias is probably your best bets. Some airlines also have programs for fearful flyers. I also have a fear of flying that gets pretty bad sometimes. Xanax can definitely help, but I would not want to take it while responsible for children. One thing that helps me is to remember that the anxiety is not about reality but about fears of what might happen. When you start to feel panicky, it helps to look at something really mundane and have a little convo in your head about it. For example, "Look -- that guy's shirt has stripes. First there's a light blue stripe, then a medium blue one, and then navy. The stripes then repeat." Then find some other every item and do the same thing. Focusing on concrete, every day objects helps your mind not go to the highly unlikey, extraordinary things that could happen. If one of these things does happen, by all means panic! Given how unlikely that is, though, I find that focusing on really concrete everyday things and forbiding my mind to go elsewhere (by talking to myself nonstop inside my head about these everyday things) prevents this from happening. I'm worst during the first ten minutes, so that's when I do this most. Then, if I start to feel anxious later in the flight, I just do the same things. If yoiur kids start asking for things, you could even try something like, "That's my cute child. He/she is asking for some Cheerios. Cheerios are yummy; they are small and round." It sounds rediculous, but it helps a ton.

Hi,

I'm not sure if this will help, but it's definitely a new way of looking at flying:

If you wanted to commit suicide, would you book a reservation on a commercial airline in order to die? Of course not, because you would most likely fly every day for the rest of your life without dying. So flying is a bad way to die if you want to die right away.

It's not impossible to die from flying, it's just unlikely!

Good luck!

I wish I could offer some good advice; unfortunately, I could have wrote your request word for word. Personally when I have to fly, I take my bible and pray until I can relax. If you are being picked up for the airport, you might also try a glass of wine of the plane. I hope this helps and that your trip is good. Good luck. P.

Hi - wow, you already have so many suggestions and responses. I am very afraid of flying. I decided rather than stay home, we (me, kids and husband) are going to take the amtrack train back east. Our first stop will be Chicago. If it is a good option for you, check it out.

Have a good vacation.

I don't have a fear of flying in general but the stress of flying with kids is just too much for me. Some things just aren't worth it. You have to think about if the trip is really worth the stress and make a decision on whether or not to go. If the thought of passing up the trip brings you instant relief then by all means, tell your family that you won’t be able to attend.

I've passed up on weddings that were on the other side of the country just because I don't want to travel with a two year old and all her stuff just to have her not fall asleep at night because we're in a strange place and then spend the next day exhausted with a fussy toddler, most likely having to leave the wedding because she is misbehaving and ruining the ceremony. The financial and emotional expense just wasn’t worth it to me so I respectfully declined to attend.

I figure when my kid is more independent and doesn’t require so much junk to travel with her, will flying somewhere be worth it. I think the only way I'd get on a plane to fly with young kids is if someone were dying. Even then I'd try and find someone to babysit and I'd go by myself.

If you have an option to drive, and the stress of flying is just tying you up in knots, take more time and make a road trip of it. Plan out stops on the way and make it fun! At least when you're on the road and the kids get fussy you can pull over. If I had the cash I'd rent an RV for extra road trip fun!

I too have a terrible fear of flying. I am at the worst the first five minutes and then any time there is turbulance. I think a prescription to either Valium or xanas is safe, especially if you have tried a "trial run" before getting on a plane with it.

Neither medication, taken as prescribed, makes you "out of it". The dosage for someone with anxeity associated with flying is very low, and as long as you do not drink alcohol while taking it, the effect is extremely mild. So mild, the only side affect is a lack of anxiety.

I have learned to fly without it (you cannot take while pregnant and I'm not sure of the effect while nursing) but if the option exists, I would much rather fly with it, than with out it.

you could also try homeopathics, such as Calms Forte, or Rescue Remedy. Sometimes people have attested to these over the counter natural remedies as well.

Hi A.,
What you need is a therapist who practices behavioral or cognitive-behavioral therapy-- a few sessions will rid you of this fear, no problem.

I thought i was the only one who had the anxiety so bad. It doesn't matter the reason, it's still the anxiety. I didn't even know I had it and it seems to come and go like you mentioned. What really worked for me, because I'm claustraphobic was Eye Movement Therapy. I would consult a therapist who specializes in the fear of flying phobia as one person mentioned. Perhaps there's a therapist among us. Best of luck and let us know how it works out, you are NOT alone and others can benefit from your experiences.

The two most effectve very brief treatments for flying anxiety-phobias-fears are Hypnotherapy and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) I have had many friends and clients who were able to let go of a life-long debilitating fear of flying in one session with both techniques. You can find a certified Hypnotherapist in SF. I would recommend Dr. Naomi O'Keefe PhD or one of her students. You can find her in the yellow pages. You can also go to www.emofree.com for a list of local EFT practitioners and to see what EFT is all about. You can also download a free manual and do the EFT on yourself for yourself and that would cost you nothing at all!

Hope that helps!
M.

Hi A., you're right not to do this with meds as they are also detrimental in the long term bc they lead you to think you can only manage the fear of a "simple phobia" when medicated. To be really effective, you must find a psychologist who is trained to do programmed desensitization, a cognitive behavioral technique. I remember a figure that stated an 80% success rate. It takes gut wrenching practice but you'll get over it and won't suffer these sleepless nights. Really. Google it. And maybe call my school, the wright institutes clinic for a cbt trained therapist. That number is ###-###-####. You might also look up jackie persons. She's a well known published bay area psychologist who at the least could give you a referral. Best wishes to you.

Hi A.,

I suffer from flight phobia as well. And I am using a medicine for it. It's an anti-anxiety pill and it simply prevents the fight-or-flight symptoms. It does not make me sleepy or results in a decline in cognitive ability, so I can take care of my children during 10+ hr of flights without any problem.

You can ask your physician about it.

Dear A.,
I also am terrified of flying. The anticipation of getting on the plane is the worst part for me. Once I'm up in the air, I'm much more relaxed. Especially after a vodka and tomato juice or a glass of wine.
Travelling with kids, I'm usually so focused on making sure we have everything and making sure we make connecting flights to really think about the flying anxiety. Your doctor might be able to give you some Ativan which won't make you loopy or drowsy, but it does help take that anxious edge off. The last thing you want to do is be freaked out and scare your kids. Maybe see if you can get a session or two with a therapist that deals with phobias and how to overcome them.
Another thing I think about is all the people I know that travel all the time. For instance, I have friends who have literally travelled the world. They visit at least one other country every year on top of having a second home in Arizona that they spend 1/2 of every month at, plus the frequent trips to New York to visit their son. They are in the air more than they are on the ground. They zip all over the globe safely.
Another thing I do, when I'm in the air, is keep an eye on the flight attendants and business people who are obviously frequent flyers. Turbulance freaks me out, but with all the flying they do, if they are calm about it, then I don't worry.
I did like the suggestion of the train. Unfortunately, there is no train service from where I am to where my family is in the south east. My kids and I took Amtrak from Redding to Santa Barbara and it was the trip of a lifetime. We had a sleeper car, meaning we had our own shower and bathroom, all meals were included. They had a game car for the kids, a movie car, and, they had wine and cheese tasting. We hope to be able to go again.
You have some time to make a game plan and look forward to the adventure as opposed to concentrating on the fear.
Let us know when you get back that you had a wonderful time!

I had it really bad after 9/11, so bad that I actually took a BUS to New York City!! from the West Coast. I realized on the bus trip (especially when a sort-of drugged-out and exhausted bus driver kept opening and closing the window all night to keep himself awake) that I was probably more likely to die on that bus.

When I actually had to fly a year later, I took some anxiety meds before and during, and it made ALL the difference. I was fully functional, but felt kind of warm and fuzzy, and having that feeling during flying actually re-edited my mental "tape" about flying and mostly erased the fear.

Meds might be helpful, I think the one I took was Serax. You might want to consider it.

But I'll sure be glad when my daughter's plane lands today on her return flight from Spain. :)

Have you considered hypnotherapy? Some people hate the word hypnosis, but I've been researching it more and more. I'm interested in using it for painless childbirth, but I've recently met a few hypnotherapists and it's amazing what they can help you overcome in a short amount of time, particularly when it comes to taking charge over your thoughts. Given the short time frame, I would highly suggest you look up a good hypnotherapist. I'm sure they can help alivate your fears completely!

A. - I totally understand your anxiety, as I'm sure others do - it's so common! I think it'd be helpful if you talked a lot to the kids on the plane, explaining things, playing games, etc. Start planning things you can do/play now. Talking REALLY helps. So does knowledge - read up on the normal processes that planes go through when taking off, leveling and then landing - that will make you feel more comfortable and you can use it as a learning experience for your kids. Also think about how incredibly proud of yourself you'll be when you get back home - plan a little reward for yourself, like a new pair of shoes :) Good luck!

I had an anxiety attack for the first time last summer, though wasn't related to flying. I had had a miscarriage then a drug reaction for something completely unrelated to the miscarriage. Needless to say it is an awful feeling when you don't have control over how your body is feeling. Once I figured out what was going on I went and had a couple of sessions with a therapist. She was very helpful and we worked on a lot of breathing techniques and guided imagery. If you are unable to afford a therapist (they can be expensive, for me my insurance covered all but $35 a session--I went to 5 all together) I also went to Barnes and Noble in the "Self-Health" Section and bought a packet for about $25 (including a CD, book and other cards) called Stop Anxiety Now, this is a great way to train your own body the relaxing breathing you would learn in a therapists office. Good luck to you and if you start learning now, you should be able to manange your trip.

I am the same as you but I have learned to pray and then after you pray ask for the peace and faith the prayers will work. If not you will spend the whole trip praying but I read that you also must have faith as well. I am no religious fanatic either but this is what I pray right when I get to the airport (in my head that is):
Dear Father, thank you for allowing us to go on this trip together. Please bless every inch of this plane. Please bless the plane from the time the mechanics check it until we arrive safely to our destination. Please make sure that every hand that touches this plane is constantly checking for safety. Please bless the pilot and crew and make sure they are alert and able to handle every situation. Lord just guide this plane safely to its destination, including take-off, mid flight and landing. Lord please bless that there isn't much by way of turbulance and that the pilot can safely maneuver through any turbulance. And Lord bond together all of the prayers from other people on this plane and if I happen to be the only one praying please let my prayers be strong enough for everyone on the plane. Lastly, please give me peace on this flight so I am able to enjoy my children and let me know that you are taking care of us on this flight and that I completely have faith that you are guiding us to safety. I pray of this in your name. Amen
When I get on the plane, I give my children something to do right before the plane takes off, then I read a magazine until the plane is in the air. Then I relax. I am praying a prayer that this works for you. It gets easier the more you fly. I know this nothing fancy and I don't quote any scriptures, but this has worked for me!

I know that you said that you don't want to take any drugs. But I can tell you that if you take .5 of Ativan (Lorazepam) while waiting to board the flight you will probably feel a lot better. It just takes the obsessive worry edge off. It doesn't knock you out if you only take a little bit. You could experiment with it at home ahead of time to see how it affects you. Have someone else around for the kids one evening and then take .5 milligrams and see if it makes you sleepy. You may find that you are completely alert and it just takes that worrying edge off for the flight. Given your circumstance I would think that your general practitioner would prescribe you like 10 pills so that you could try it out ahead of time and then use it just for the flight. I used to fly without any issues in my 20s and early 30s. But by my late 30s I got so that I really could not get through a flight without it. If you are pregnant or breast feeding don't take it.

I don't take for anything but flying now. For me, I find that the take off and landing is the scariest part, so I take .5 while waiting to board and then may take another .5 about 45 minutes to 1.5 hours before the scheduled landing time. But I'm also not watching kids alone. Don't take any towards the end of the flight if you have to drive after getting off the flight. But if someone else is driving you around the rest of the day, you're fine.

In the long run you can try to do some therapy to deal with the fear.

Try out the Ativan at home ahead of time. You might find that you're completely alert and just more calm. This is not only good for you, but also good for you kids. Don't take this if you have any addiction issues. But if you have no addiction issues, taking .5 of Ativan to get through and extremely anxiety inducing situation that is limited to something as contained and specific as a plane flight like once or twice a year is perfectly fine. I'm happy to talk with you about anxiety struggles privately as well. I struggle with this constantly.

Hi A.,
Since your trip is not until may you have plenty of time to talk to your doctor about this. Ask for a prescription of Valium. Take one while at home first to make sure the effects are tolerable and you are able to take care of the children while using this medication. I know you said you did not want to take anything but I can tell you from experience that this is the only way and the only medication that has worked for me. My fear for you going the route of hypnosis and other types of herbal remedies for this trip is that it may seem like it might work, but you won't really know until you are actually on the airplane and that would be too late if it does not work. I'm sure you can't take experimental trips before hand to see what works!

But this is what has worked for me; After you board the plane with your kids and before take off, talk to the flight attendant and tell them that you have taken a prescribed Valium for your anxiety of flying. They are very good about passengers who have these types of fears. In fact they have training on how to deal with us types! LOL They will pay extra close attention to you and your kids during the flight. This is what I have done and it really took ALL the anxiety and most of the fear away. Depending on the strength of the prescription and how your system handles it you should do fine with only one pill. If your doctor prescribes a very low strength you might have to take one and a half (as I did) But again experiment at home first either after the kids have gone to bed or when someone can be with you.

Good luck and have fun,
L.

P.S. On my last flight after telling the flight attendant about my fears of flying she took me and my son to first class! They had the extra room and it really made a huge difference.