I'm cofused after reading some of the responses. Kids have fears that seem to not make sense. Sonetimes, because they are so young, say they're afraid of one thing because they don't know how to talk about their real fear. In this case, perhaps she has fear related to Daddy not going. My grandchildren were afraid of dogs. ONE still will want Mommy, Daddy, or some trusted adult before she'll even look at a dog. Being afraid of dogs or cats or any animal they don't know, is common even among adults. My grandchildren's gradually introduced them to dogs. ONLY stay with the dog for a few seconds to start with. I suggest that when you keep her away from dogs you are reinforcing her fear. TheI must be a reason to fear dogs because.they take him away, sort of thinking.
Does your daughter usually scream non stop when faced with a fear even when mommy is holding her showing that everything is ok.? PERHAPS you fear nonstop screaming because you don't know how to soothe her or because you worry, or want her to be happy. PERHAPS you fear what other people will think and get tense.
I suggest that at 6 your daughter will not not make the connection between discomfort in the car and fear of flying. I doubt that driving will teach her anything and be miserable for you. If you make driving uncomfortable for her, she will be even more difficult. She will be bored. She will complain. SHE may act out in a variety of ways.
I suggest that if you're not able to soothe her and she screams nonstop, she may need some help from a pediatric mental health person. CRYING is to be expected, even when the crying lasts10-15 or more minutes. SCREAMING non stop is unusual. My 5 yo grandaughter is on the autism spectrum. HIGH functioning. SHE does scream non stop at times. She is learning how to use words and is improving. HER screaming doesn't get her what she wants.
I've removed many children around this age from their home. Few scream but when they do, my quietly sitting down on the floor or sitting with them in my parked car usually helped them calm down. I found that rushing them is guaranteed to increase the screaming or crying. ABOUT half of the children cry. CRYING is good.
I've found that just listening without explaining helps. I relax as much as I can and use reassuring calming words that let them know I get it.
A last minute thought. Talk to her pediatrician about the possibility of medication to help her be calm. A one time thing.
As to whining, do not listen to it. PErhaps SAY I can't listen when you whine. If she continues, send her to another room. You can work on finding ways to stop whining.
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For now, don't talk about flying. It is possible that her attitude will change.
Has she or a friend have an experience on the plane that they consider bad? HAS she seen/heard about plane crashes?
Stop trying to talk her in to it. This forces her to repeat she doesn't want to go which causes her to dig her heels in.Instead, say all of you are going and stop there. NO more discussion. A child psychologist recommends using a phrase, such as "too bad, so sad" and "it's tough to be you." SAY them in a supportive way. They acknowledge a child's feelings and at the same time tells them that this is the plan and it's not going to change.
At a time in which you're talking about the trip itself, tell a story about a little girl who is flying to see her grandparents. ASK your daughter to tell the next part of the story by asking, "what do they think about seeing their granddaught er. The ask how the girl in the story thinks about it.
Build on the story, always talking about the little girl in the story and asking your daughter to fill in the spaces.
After you've said that we're going several times. ASK her what she needs to feel safe. PERHAPS a stuffed animal, perhaps to hold your hand.
Another approach is to have her draw a picture of the trip. Or about last year's trip. TALK about specific ways she had fun last year.
When you try to talk her into going, you're putting too much pressure on her. IN essence you're telling her this decision is hers. THat's scary. BE firm, don't argue or try to talk her out of not going. You made the decision and you all are going. Bottom line.
On the day of the flight, be calm and not hurried. Perhaps take a walk around the airport to look at planes if she would be intetested. TELL her what will happen step by step. Just remember you're the mom. YOu're going. BE briefly empathice/sympathic. Show her you're confident he can do this.
I'm surprised that anyone would guest driving and not going. YOUR daughter is a child and should not have power to so drastically change your plans. She has to know that you make the big decisions and will see that she's safe. Would a mom let a child stay home because their child was afraid of school skip immunizations? No, we don't. We help our children face those fears knowing that they will benefit. Spending time with extended family over the holidays is beneficial. YOU enjoy the time. You've seen your children and parents enjoy the time. IF you drove, you'd be tired when you get there. YOu'd have less time with them. What is the fun in that?