So, it's been a while since I've posted about the impending divorce.
However, my EH visits with child for 24 hour period.
He now wants to extend the time for Father's Day weekend, but doesn't want to give up his Saturday so she can attend her activities on Saturday, instead of her scheduled Sunday time slot at a place where I pay in advance. If we miss a class we only get to make it up and have to be actively enrolled to use the make ups. No refunds. I pay, he doesn't contribute to it. Luckily for us the center started a Sunday class which is my scheduled visitation time (quality) - the court recognized it as quality time since I work full time and he is still so-called layed off.
Of course she will visit with him on Father's day after the activities, but he wants the whole weekend.
The visits have been since February and so far he has canceled 4 visits. When he cancels he says he has something very important to do.
Unfortunately, I had to quit my 2nd side gig because I don't know when he's going to cancel. When he canceled I had to pay a babysitter and I can't afford the added expense in addition to her child care and other expenses.
So, my question is rather than fuss about it, I am being firm. He can have his scheduled 24-hour visit, and pick her up Father's day after church/activities which he will still have her for that day, starting late morning. Is that reasonable?
P.S. She attended her Sunday activities on Mother's Day, too.
I followed the court order and saved myself the aggravation. He didn't seem to care after all.
I think it's reasonable. It's not like you are denying him Father's Day altogether. Late morning and for the rest of the day is perfectly acceptable.
I actually disagree. So if I have this right, he gets her on Saturday, but ALSO wants her on FD? And because you have her in church and a special paid for activity, then he is just supposed to give up half of FD because you will lose that activity? If that is the case, no, I don't think its reasonable at all. Most parenting plans say the father gets child on FD and the mother on MD. Not HALF. And when I say this, I COMPLETELY understand, I have kids with an ex and I'm a step mom too so we are VERY familiar with these situations. If you were in his place and it was MD, do you think it would be fair? Just another way to look at it. I know he's a butthead and flakes out, that doesn't mean you hold it against him when he is trying to make an attempt to spend time with her. And actually, if he cancels then HE should pay for the babysitter. Start communicating ONLY by email, after a few times of him doing this, file for a modification to include that if he cannot take her for any reason on his scheduled time, then HE is responsible for a babysitter, not you. Again, just my opinion, but really sometimes you need to pick your battles. Good luck.
I think you should be the bigger person and let him have FD weekend. If your decree states every Saturday plus Father's Day, then he shouldn't have to choose between the two days, he should get them both. The weekly activities are not as important as holidays.
I know that he isn't being great about this, but maybe you can show him how people behave when they have the best interest of their child in mind and hope that it sets the stage for him to be reasonable in the future when you need a favor from him.
sheesh what a cluster.
i say make it simple. follow the agreement. anything else he needs to talk to his lawyer about.
I think you should do the best thing for your daughter. If she would like to spend the wknd with her dad let her. If she cares more about the regular scheduled activities and Dad is an interruption to her, then use the schedule.
I think you need to have the decree or temporary decree modified. There needs to be one home and then visits by the other parent. You have had to quit a job to cover his cancellations. You can't plan classes or activities for her due to his visits. This is messing her up.
I have a friend who has been divorced a couple of years. They divorced in California and then he got a job here. They have this kind of custody. She cannot work, support herself, nothing, there is no child care where you only pay for every other day. The little girl gets up at her house every other morning crying because she wants to stay at home that coming night. She hates her dad because he upsets her life so much.
Planning ahead and writing the visitation schedule on a calendar that is on the court records is so much easier. Plus writing in addendum's to cover sports or other activities like dance and recitals or performances.
Like dad will have daughter on the following weekends from 5 pm Friday June 1 until 6 pm on the following Sunday, June 3rd. If there is a Christmas performance for daughters dance and practices or performance dates are on dad's weekend he will take her to these and any other practices and/or performances.
Yes, it is reasonable. And if your custody arragement is court ordered, it's also the LAW.
If he would like to CHANGE the arrangement he agreed too, he needs to petition the court, not you.
You are WAAAAY more flexible than many of us would be.
:)
Yes, you are being very reasonable and more. You have your child's best interests in mind.
ETA: Well, you didn't like my suggestion, so I wonder, is there some reason why he can't take her to her activity?
I think you should reverse this particular scenario hypothetically to if it was your 'day' and Mother's Day weekend...then decide what's right.
This can be difficult. Trust me. Been there, done that.
However, when it comes to Mother's Day and Father's Day, my ex and I made sure that our kid was with either mom or dad to do kind of as they pleased and you don't want a kid in the middle feeling guilty for wanting one thing or the other.
You know that Father's Day falls on a Sunday so you have to make arrangements to shuffle things for her other activities. And, no offense, but he shouldn't have to wait to have her until church or other activities are over that day.
I've been divorced a long, long time. 15 years. Yes, I've stood my ground on things, but never when it came to Father's Day or Dad's birthday. Those things are actually special for a child and my ex never did that to me either.
You'll do what you think is right, but my youngest is 16 now and we don't even argue about things anymore. If my son would rather stay with me, he tells his dad and his dad agrees. If he'd rather be with his dad on certain days, he tells me and I agree. He would never ask if we have something special planned, but the need for being so rigid just isn't there anymore. And, my ex husband and I get along better than we ever have.
It's not right that he cancels things on you and messes up your schedule, but that's a discussion for another time if your daughter wants to go with her dad more for Father's Day. Maybe try talking calmly to him, away from your daughter, about the cost of him cancelling, in more ways than one.
It took me and my ex a long time, but we have things worked out pretty well to the happiness of our daughter (who now has a baby of her own) and our son who loves us both so much.
Some things just aren't worth fighting over.
Think about it.
I wish you the best.
Sharing kids is the hardest thing in the world. But, it can be done in such a way that the kids get the best of both worlds.
Just my opinion.
