Father's Day Drama

why does everyone feel it has to be celebrated on the exact day. Is he not as important or special on Friday?

My sister and I are taking my Dad to lunch. No family get together, just the 3 of us. The rest of the day is with my husband and kids. Easy, simple, and no one has anything to complain about.

I want to set the example for my kids that family is forever, even when it's not fun or convenient. I try to treat my parents the way I expect my kids to treat me. I don't want my kids to blow me off or stick me in a home when I get old. :) Take from that what you will.

I think you should visit your father alone, with no kids and no husband, since your father seems to enjoy the company of neither. After all, it's father's day, not grandparent's day. If asked where the kids are, 'your wonderful husband is enjoying some quality time with his children on father's day and you're meeting them for lunch at 12 to relieve him and give him some well-deserved alone time." That gives you the excuse to go alone, your hubby some quality father's day time, and you the excuse to get away from your grumpy dad at a pre-determined time. Win-Win-Win.

There is a day called Grandparents day. Fathers day is for dads.Send cards to your own fathers and give your husband his day! I think everyone will have a better time.

Don't combine the event... less combative that way.
Just keep it separate.
Everyone irks each other anyway.
Let your Hubby have his day with you/the kids.
For your Dad, get him a gift. He doesn't like the 'socializing' 'bonding' thing, so don't make it a "socializing" event.
Don't make it what people don't like, just for the sake of it being a Hallmark event.
And then, I think, your Husband should be able to have just his OWN day... the way he wants.

No one wants to be around each other.
But since your Dad is your Dad, then recognize him, and get him a gift. then go over there and give it to him.
And you/Hubby/Kids do what you want.

I am SURE your Mom knows how difficult her husband is... and anti-social. Maybe get her some flowers, just as an added touch, to make her feel appreciated too.
Can't you just explain to her, that Grandpa doesn't even like having the kids around? Much less all of you?

or invite them over. Just for short time. Serve dessert. And then grumpy Grandpa can leave.

Can't please people who don't want to be pleased, nor want to.

all the best,
Susan

FYI, Great article about the woman that started Fathers Day.. It is not a "card shop holiday"..
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/37738942/ns/today-fathers_d...

We are celebrating Fathers Day with my dad and his wife, friday night out for dinner.

Saturday, my husband will go out and see his parents (dad). He may spend the whole day there or part of the day, he is going to play it by ear..

Sunday is all for my husband.. He gets to pick what he wants to do and if he cannot decide, our daughter has already made a list of suggestions for him to choose from..

We have been married almost 30 years and we have never made it a rule both of us or all of us (w daughter) HAVE to go see our parents together every time for holidays or just to visit.. It would have been too limiting, since I was in retail for most of our marriage and always seemed to be working on the weekends.

Maybe think out side of the box about your husband taking the kids to see his parents on Saturday. You can spend any time with your dad it does not have to be ON the actual fathers day.. Let your husband have Sunday with his own little family..

I don't know what time you work that day so this might or might not work: Go first thing in the morning and tell your parents you were letting your husband sleep in on Father's Day. Spend a couple of hours there at the most (less if dad starts to act like a kid), and get out to go spend the majoirty of the time with your husband.

Saw some others had some good ideas too!! If you work in the morning, you could stop by your dad's on the way home from work alone, then go home and finish spending the day with your husband and children.

uh, well, since it's father's day, YOU should be with YOUR father, your KIDS should be with THEIR father, your husband can take the kids to HIS father's house while you're at YOUR father's house! All the father's covered, problem solved!

I would suggest inviting them to your house for Dinner the night before farther's Day. Invite both families. Then they can drive home the night before and your husband will have a quiet Father's Day which is his right. If they dont want to go to your house you go to their's the night before and takek them out to dinner. That gives you only a few hours and then you are gone. Get him a nice gift and a card and dont get upset if he likes neither. I agree your husband should be able to spend fathers day at home with you and the kids or how ever he wants its his day not yours.

I would suggest going over there without your husband for a short time. And when they ask why your husband isn't there, tell them that for father's day, you are giving your husband some alone time to ______ (fill in the blank). They will most likely know that truth but is it really a secret?

Best of luck!

I would go to your dad's w/o hubby. If your parents ask where your hubby is say he is enjoying your father's day present - going golfing, sleeping in, a house w/o the kiddos for a bit...what ever excuse will be fitting. This way, you get to see your dad and your hubby gets to just chill and relax for a bit.

Please dont' take this wrong I don't mean to be harsh, but is it possible that your dad may have some mental issue? Is he grumpy all the time? My dad was grumpy too and what really made a huge difference were being placed on antidepressants. If your mom is around, maybe I'd have a talk to her and see if your dad can get checked. I would emphasize that if he doesn't change, he'll miss out on his kids and grandkids because no one will come around.

M

My father in law was still cussing me on his death bed. None of his complaints were valid and his three sons came up to me afterwards, in private, and apologized for their father's comments and behavior. It took me about 15 years to win my MIL over. So I understand.

I'd go first thing in the morning like Lisa said and maybe take your dad out for breaklfest explaining that you'd stay longer, but you had plans to take your husband out. Thank him for being your dad and leave.

Then have a wonderful day with your husband.

You don't have to explain why your husband didn't come. Just say he's doing whatever. It sounds like your father won't care anyway.

I can't imagine your father giving a damn if your husband visits him on father's day. It's not HIS son. Let your husband do what he wants while you visit your dad.

Offer to take your dad out - just you two on a day other than Sunday. Explain to him that you figured it'd be a nice way for the two of you to spend time together and that way on Father's Day he can spend the time how he wants it and your kids (not sure of the age) want to spoil dad at home and they can't do that if you aren't there. Then let your hubby do whatever he wants on that day. Then leave it up to your hubby to get with his dad - maybe he'd want to do it while you are working on Sunday and be home when you get home.

What I would do is take the kids for a half hour or hour.. whatever you want to do. Tell them that as part of your husband's gift for father's day you're getting the kids out of the house for a bit so he can have some quiet time to himself. Then tell them you have something planned at a specific time so you have a bit of a deadline when you need to leave. That way your husband is kind of off the hook and you're not under fire as to why you can't hang around all day.

If that won't work then tell them you have plans for the day and will have to visit another day. In the end, you're a family apart from them as well as part of theirs and I think it is perfectly reasonable that not every holiday plan is going to include them.

I suggest you drop by for a few moments to drop off a FD card with a gift certificate or tickets to what he likes to do (golf, movies, theater, etc..)or where he likes to eat or fancy restaurant he doesn't go very often if ever. Then it's a gift for your mom as well for her to go with. That way you are giving him what he would like and thanking her for all she does. My relationship is not very strong with my dad, but my mom and I are very close. This has always been my way of showing my dad I care but giving my mom something nice also.

I would tell your folks that you are staying to spend some time with dad one on one and your hubby is going to his dads to do the same. go see you folks right after or before you get to go to work and then hubby can go to see his folks with the kids.

Here's what works for us: instead of meeting at your house or theirs, pick a meeting spot - picnic in the park or other place where the kids can have fun - and then when either of you has had enough, you can leave. It solves pretty much all the problems and hurt feelings. That way your husband can play with the kids, and enjoy his Father's Day without having to sit and socialize with your parents. :)

You can use the whole weekend. Give the day to your husband. Visit your dad for a short time on saturday by yourself since he's your dad. Stay as long as you feel comfortable and go when he starts acting like a child. Visit your inlaws for a belated Father's day and make that day special. Really, it's just a random day picked by the greeting card companies - it's the thought that counts, not the day.

I did this with my mother when I lived near her. I would use the time to visit other family, as they all lived about 2.5 hours away. I did not give her all my time because I don't like her as a person.

Or you and the kids meet your dad for breakfast somewhere (not on his 'turf') and then go home to husband.

In our family, we often have conflicting schedules for holidays and birthdays, and if we thought the observance had to be on the calendar date, there would be a lot of disappointed people.

So we often make little hand-drawn certificates to each other, to connect for a movie or a dinner out, an aftenoon tea with conversatin, a back-rub, a trip to the garden center or some work in the recipient's yard, whatever would be most meaningful to give and receive. We then make arrangements for a mutually agreeable time, and include or exclude whatever or whoever would make the time more or less enjoyable. Works for us, and eliminates a lot of potential drama!

Well, in my opinion, you won't be able to make everybody happy in this situation. I'd say, have your husband take the kids to his parents. After you get off work, go to your parents' house. GOOD LUCK!

Why not spend the day with your husband & children and call your own dads?

There were a ton of posts about a month ago about mums brokenhearted because their husbands only cared about their own mothers on mothersday, and didn't do anything special for their own children's moms.

Invite them all to your house! pick up some fried chicken, sides etc from a fast food chicken place or grocery store. Explain that you had to work half the day and this was the best option. If people choose not to come, so be it. do what you can for your husband's father day with his kids and call the parents on the phone if they don't want to come to dinner. you are trying to fight a battle you can't win. throw the compromise out there, and move on.