Fat Jokes

no, first off his comment was rude and second off I would dump him for what he did a couple months ago!

It sounds like the only extra weight you are carrying around is a jerk of a boyfriend.
Someone who treats you like that and then shares naked videos with other women because he says your "on shaky ground" is a total loser.

If I were you, I would "get over it", without him.

I don't mean this to be harsh but I'm wondering how much time you have invested in this relationship? I don't know that the comment would make me feel insecure about myself but the videos, etc.....sounds like a butt head. Sorry. He has issues.

Well hon, I hope you are on birth control and not planning on any future pregnancies by this man. I won't say it out right, because it's not my business BUT......Trust your instincts. If it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck....it sure as heck ain't a rabbit.

Red flag my dear that your boyfriend has serious issues especially sharing naked videos...regardless of the circumstances....Counseling I think is pretty much in order.

Being with my husband makes me feel like my best self.

Why would you want to be someone who makes you feel bad about yourself?

I think he was showing a bit of his insecurity, dont stress over it. I would take 147 at 5'5" anyday!

I see some red flags here.

First off, 5'8 and 147 is not fat!! It sounds like he has some major insecurities so in return, he tries to bring you down. You said it yourself, with him you feel like a toad.

No, you are not being insensitive and I don't think you should get over it. I would take a long hard look at your relationship with this person and decide if that is who you want to spend your life with; who you want impacting your DS.

*Hugs* be strong and go with your gut. And congrats on bf'ing your baby!!

No, you're not fat. Yes,it's VERY hard to lose weight while nursing because you're exhausted and hungry. Once you quit nursing, you'll work off those pounds in no time. It is NOT his place to say anything about your weight. I was almost going to say that he didn't mean it and was joking, but his cheating issue is very serious. If he messes things up-it's entirely his fault and nothing to do with your weight. He shouldn't be venting to an ex. Or chatting up chicks on the internet. Do NOT attach these wrong behaviors to yourself in any way. Beware of this one. Do not marry him. He has a lot of growing up to do, and his problem is a lot harder to solve than the pounds you want to drop. Don't sell yourself short. He's lucky to have you and your baby, and he needs to earn you, not find fault. Don't forget it. Either he grows up, treats you well, quits looking for attention elsewhere, or you and your baby will have the privilege of finding a much better man one day.

What he said is scary to me. It sounds controlling and abusive. Maybe I'm overreacting because I'm in a verbally abusive relationship right now and am reading all sorts of things to help me get out, but I don't think what he said is okay.

And i bet you look great. I am 5' 9" and in college, when I told my doctor that I wanted to lose weight, back down to 145 like I was when I got to college, he said he never wanted to see me that skinny. I am not super thin by any means, and I'm not built thin, either, so I probably would weigh a lot more than you even if we had the same BMI. But my weight before having 3 kids was 175! And I looked great. So don't let him make you feel bad.

Not being on solid ground is no reason to go doing those things, either. If you were married and had a prolonged fight, would he do the same thing? It sure wouldn't be okay then, would it?

First of all, no, you are not being overly sensitive. And even if you were, you have the right to have hurt feelings.

Second, it sounds as if the underlying issue is the way he makes you feel, not the stupid comment, which of course comes into play. I eat many cookies daily, my husband's nickname for me is literally "fatty" or "chubby" and he calls me that in front of others. I am 5'7" and 127 lbs (just had a baby). However, the reason these things don't bother me is because hubby makes me feel sooo beautiful on a daily basis and I know he is "kidding" when he says these things. My hubby constantly comments on my beauty in a very flattering way, in addition to his silly comments. I have a hearty appetite - that is sexy! Food is fun and enjoyable, no one should deprive you of that!

I would have a talk with him about how you are feeling. If he loves you, he should either stop saying these things, and or do something to make you feel sexy. You know you are sexy, make him realize. Do you go out with girlfriends ever? Dress up in sexy jeans and a shirt and heels and go out for dinner and drinks with a friend. Come home feeling gratified in all the men that oogled and hit on you! Whenever I feel as if my hubby is taking me for granted, this is what I do, and all of the sudden he realizes, hey wait, she has a life besides me and other people want her!!

Honestly, talk with him again. Make him realize how hurtful those comments and the things he did while on break made you feel. If he doesn't become empathetic, increase the heel height and lower the cut of your blouse and head out on the town again! But seriously, if he won't realize or recognize your feelings and change, consider counseling or another break, maybe this time for good??

Best wishes to you, beautiful =)

In my opinion, exchanging naked photos is more of a reason to break up than over your weight.
First of all, 5'8' and 147 is not fat.
Maybe you should switch things around a bit.
It sounds to me like HE is the insecure one. If YOU get too thin and hot, you might leave HIM. Isn't that basically what he said?
That's HIS insecurity, in my opinion.
You should be hurt by the photos, but you don't have to let that make YOU insecure.
Two insecure people don't have a chance at a healthy relationship.
If he's been looking at other women, it's my guess he doesn't want other men looking at you.
Too bad.
I don't think the "fat" comment should make you insecure at all. I think it should show you that he is afraid if you are hot, you might find someone who treats you better. That could be his own guilt coming out. His own fear. Don't let his insecurities bring you down to his low level.
He could have deep seeded insecurities and even though he looked at other naked women or whatever, perhaps in his mind, he needs to feel that one of them would actually want him. In order to build himself up.
Insecure men do really stupid things like that.
If you can't live with HIS insecurity that's one thing. Don't let him make you doubt yourself.
Misery loves company.
You have to decide if you love yourself or shared misery more.
Be your beautiful, honest and true self. The rest that is meant to happen will when you realize your inner strength.
Sometimes a strong woman is a threat to an insecure man.
Don't project all of this onto yourself.

Best wishes.

He sounds insecure to me. Does he want to get married so he can 'keep you' or because he truly loves you? If he is still talking to an ex-girlfriend he doesn't sound very commited to this relationship to me. He makes you feel inadquate and unloveable so you will stay with him. This only going to get worse. Next he will start to make comments on how you dress or if the house is messy. He's a verbal and emotional abuser. If you want to stay with him then get him into counseling. If he won't go, go for yourself. You need to find out why you are settling for this type of man.

I have mixed feelings about his comment. He said it as a joke by the sounds of it but it was insensitive for sure. I would wonder what the reason behind it is. Do you obess about your weight with him so even eating a couple cookies makes him notice? Is he so insecure about your relationship that he thinks he has to make you "less attractive" to other men to keep you? The fact that you say you feel like a toad with him makes me think perhaps he is a bit emotional abusive, cutting you down to make him have control or to build himself up. Does he have a problem with his self esteem? Men who show nude pictures of themselves on the net to strangers is looking for validation that they are still sexy rather then looking for a new woman. My husband told me once when I was dieting that he liked me better fat. I could have been so furious over that remark but it let me know to watch how I acted while dieting compaired to when I enjoyed life not worrying so much. I am much nicer when I get my chocolate! lol. Talk it out with him and let him know how you feel.

I would be more alarmed at his insecurities than his fat comment. no way in hell would I ever want a man who was so insecure in himself that he would want to keep his woman fat! It's also controlling. He needs to grow up!

Ok - I don't normally take the guys side.

But - they really do have NO tact. My b'friend will say to me that he loves my big a**. I want to hit him. hard. right in the n*ts. But he actually means it as a compliment. He doesn't date skinny women. Sometimes I have to translate what he says in my head.

However, I think that what happened when you were on your 'break' (watch the Friends episode if you don't think men and women view a 'break' differently).
Anywhoooo - I think he traded pics with these girls and saw what else he could have and now REALIZES THAT HE WANTS YOU. he is insecure that you will leave him and is going about it the wrong way.

I would tell him to stop acting like a kindergartener.

Then I would focus on your relationship with your SON first and then the relationship between you and your boyfriend.

But he also has to deal with his own baggage.

Geesh - Men!!!!! :-(

I don't think you're over-reacting but my husband says something similiar to me... maybe he worded it wrong? My hubby says if you look any better you will leave me... or something like that. But, nonetheless... it means he's insecure about himself! I can see why the comment would hurt after his previous actions though. That's a tough one.

I think you are doing great! Seems that your boyfriend is being insensitive.

Hmm, the fat is an issue for him or he would not have mentioned it. To add to it you had a "break up" and he chatted with other "beautiful" women. I would not be getting married to him. He obviously cannot see the beauty in you nor does he appreciate that your body went thru whatever to bring HIS child into this world. If you feel better when alone, then hanging around him is not uplifting to you and that would only get worse in my opinion. Marriage would not fix him. He has to fix himself.

Wow! He doesnt deserve you. Bottom line, hes a jerk.

I would take his comments and run with them. I'd lose that weight and let him deal with his insecurities. Don't let a man define who you are. You can't control what people say or do but you can control how you react. Men can be very manipulative with sly little comments to try and keep women in their mental place of feeling insecure if that is where they are at that time. We all are there at one time or another and that's ok. You just had a baby. He should be there to lift you up and make you feel better about yourself. For some reason some men like for their women to feel bad about themselves. That's how they have the upper hand and control. Don't fall for it. Hold your head up high and let it wash off your back. We have more power than we realize. Once I figured that out the tables turned in my world : ) Men are very simple creatures. Bring out your confidence and live your life. Flirt with the guys and the gym and get sexy. Don't let me him bring you down. Besides a relationship is supposed to make you feel good about yourself. That's why you're in it. If it's doing the opposite, may be time to prune your life and move on.

Just read your update about going to his ex to vent! UG!!! Mentally check out from this man -

I don't think you're being hypersensitive at all and your weight sounds just perfect to me. I am 5'9 and weigh about 155 and look and feel healthy and thin. 130 is too skinny and hard to maintain for your height.

Your boyfriend doesn't sound like a nice person and if he's treating you this poorly while you're dating, he's not going to get any nicer if you marry him.

Ok, lets talk about what your real question is. Your real issue is not some dumb comment about being fat...you are not. The real question you have is that you feel insecure in your relationship. Even if you are on a break that is no excuse to send naked pictures! Unlike a lot of moms who are so quick to say dump him, lets remember you have a child. You have some issues to work on including trust and respect. Work on them now because yes, having a baby is stressful but it doesn't get any easier and you need to support eachother.