Family Inlaws . . HELP!

OMG! This is me too! Haha. I am also a young mother, with a 5 month old (a girl born in July). You aren't alone, I'm totally with you. I would talk to your husband and let him know how you feel (in a nice way), let him know how you feel, set limits also...as in how often to go there, how long to stay, etc.

plan your weekends in advance. see them every other saturday...or every third saturday. plan something like a whole saturday to do laundry, or clean your house, or a day to take your daughter to the park with your husband. that way u can graciously decline cause u legitimately have something to do. or if u feel in the mood to go see them, u can easily change your plans. and goodness, dont lie to them to get out of something. thats not something u want to teach your children.

grandparents are truly a blessing in most cases. when things fall through, they are always there to babysit, stay with a sick child, run out and get groceries for u...it is truely a priceless relationship. but, time in your own home, with your own husband and child is definately needed. you will find that perfect balance! i wish u all the best!

~J.~

Hey L....I understand you dont want to hurt anyones feelings, however these people are gonna be in your life til death do you part..just like your husband....the only advise I can give is to be HONEST!!! Tell them you would like to be home a weekend to be your own family....regardless of how nice u put it ur mother in law will be hurt but because she loves you and her son she will either understand right away or she will just deal with it. No one can please everyone all the time...If you aren't honest you may loose your coll one day and say things you sont mean. And as far as the constant advise...you just should tune it out..in one ear and out the other....because regardless of what you say it wont stop....mothers love to give advise....on everything...lolol
Hope this helped!! Take Care
J.

Inlaws are tough, especially when you don't have other people in your life to distract you from their bull. Anyway, take what they say with a grain of salt and don't feel bad about sticking up for yourself when they get too pushy. You are grown woman and you can handle your child and husband just fine. If they push your buttons , simply say, ok well that's not how i do things, or that's not how i like it done. They sometimes need to be put in their place gently!

Wow, do I feel your pain!! I have inlaws that tend to be a bit hard to be around too. I have learned the best thing to do is communicate with my husband on where WE stand on things. When I know he backs me up, I don't feel as bad not agreeing with them or wanting to be around them. We live 4 hrs from them so they are not here much but the constant giving of the opinion is very annoying. I have learned to just grin and bear it and share my feelings with Jeremy (my husband). He usually will talk to them and then it is not so harsh when it comes out. I do feel where you are at, some days I just want to knock them out!! We just need to remember to not be this way with our kids. :) Anyway, I hope that helps. Keep your chin up and stand your ground on stuff with your kids. They are your children not theirs. Just try to be patient and love them through this, as hard as it is! Hope that helps a little.

T. :)

hi, i just wanted to say that i have some experience in this and u can take it or leave it. sometimes ppl that just don't get the hint have to be told straight like it is. my mother always says that u can say anything with a smile on ur face and good intentions. i know that when u get to many oppinions on how to be the perfect parent not just u but ur child starts feeling confused and its a whole lot of extra stress u just don't need. as to not wanting to go to ur inlaws, maybe if u try this first, it might just clear the air and make it easier to visit...and on the other days u just don't feel like handling it...they will just have to live with the choice u've made...key to all of this...cover ur words with love...then whatever u've decided, weather they like it or not, they will know that u still care.

Don't you just LOVE in laws?

Can you tell them you need some "me" time? How about saying you have cramps and need to stay home? Maybe you can come down with something mysterious and contagious just for the day, you know, one of those "24 hour" things?

They may require some extra attention and reasusrance that you do indeed like them (kinda) but the day off is worth it!

Hi L.,
My husband actually was in the same predicament. I put him there because I just thought as a family we should venture out. He told me he didn't always feel like going there when we all went down because he just didn't feel like it. When my parents asked where he was I told them that he had things to do. I didn't lie, he was getting stuff done around here or piddling around, but I stopped expecting him to be the joint venturer.
Let your husband know that it's easier to get things done around the house when no one is there and that you'd like to take that time to get those things done. If he or his family get offended, I say tough toe nails, but you might not feel that way.
Besides, you need a little down time having to deal with a baby all day, so the weekends are perfect for that if he works during the week.
Take Care

Wow Sounds like me to the T. Do they ask your husband to do things for them all the time when hes off from work to maybe we have more in common lol It's crazy I go to church pray about it, try and ignore it but soon as they call again it comes right back!

Hi L.. I'm a young mom, I'm not from the local area either. Most of the people I know are my husband's family. In your case, where does your husband stand with this issue? Maybe suggest some ideas that just your family could do- meaning you, your husband, and baby. Even if it's just staying home for movie night- just you guys. Just a suggestion.

My husband also has a big family that seems to be glued together for all events, birthdays, holidays, etc. My family was always just my parents, and my siblings, and me, sometimes our Grandparents or an Aunt & Uncle. We had time to really establish a close bond because it was a small gathering.

Being with all of his family at once is very overwelming to me. I always feel like I never get to have a "real" conversation with anyone, because there are so many of them. I have actually spent a Christmas eve where I only got to say hello and goodbye to his Grandmother.

My personal opinion is that you and your husband are the core of your family. You need to create your own traditions for holidays, especially now that you have a child together. You need to work on the core unit of your family (you, your husband and your child). This means taking time on weekends and holidays to do things within your family unit. Establish ground rules, like we stay home on Sunday's and do go to visit anyone - then they know not to plan the multi family B-day parties on Sundays or we won't be there. We also don't leave our home on Easter, the rest of my husband's family all gets together, but we are establishing our own Easter tradition with our children. Same for Christmas. We invite family members (different ones each year) to celebrate Thanksgiving with us. We still attend some of their big gatherings, but we pick and choose those that we will attend and those that we skip. My husband backs me up 100% on this.