Family Drama - Caught in the Middle

This gift was not for your mom and it is NOT her property. It is the grandmothers property and she is not being allowed to have her personal property. Therefore I think your hands are tied. I think that if you do not take this picture to her today and let her have it that you are siding with your mom. No matter what she thinks, this was mailed to your grandmother and it is hers, not yours or your moms to have any ownership of.

That's the bottom line. It's not yours to do with as you please. It's grandmothers property.

Your mother is wrong. She cannot erase your fathers life before they were married. That is your sister's grandmother. Give her the address to the nursing home and she can send things herself. How very selfish of your mother.

Honor her request as the older sister and give your GM the picture now. Regardless of how your sister has handled things it is not your position to pay her back for it, just to communicate to her that she should get to know her family genuinely.

Mom is being immature and SS ask for the picture request because she has a motive for sending the picture and she knows she is wrong and wants proof that it is where she asked it to be.

Your mom is wrong. You should have followed your first instinct.
That photo/frame was a gift.
You need to make sure your grandmother gets it asap.
It will be weird now, since she already got the card.
Don't let it get weirder.
Give her the photo.

I have a SS that lives many states away. She & I talk maybe once per year, she talks to my mom a little more often, but I love her. And even if I didn't, decency wouldn't allow me to keep O. of her gifts away from someone.

If your grandmother is of sound mind SHE is the O. who gets to make the decision about displaying it.
If she is NOT of sound mind, she still needs to get her gift.

After your edits: Doesn't change a thing. The right thing to do when someone gives you a gift to give to someone is to give it to them!

Your mom is wrong and arguably being immature but as a stepmother and based on your post I can understand her position. I think you should talk honestly and openly with your mother first. The point of your conversation is to help your mother understand she needs to let this one go. I would tell your mother whatever water is under the bridge is between your mother and your stepsister not everyone else. It's time to let bygones be bygones for your grandmother's sake. It is not fair to your grandmother or to you to be drug into the middle. At this point the focus should be on giving your grandmother her small pleasures. What family photos won't do just that? Either way it will be your chance to brace your mother for the fact you are taking your grandmother her gift and your mother needs to dig deep to be civil about the photo being in your grandmother's room. Good luck and no stressing. It's not an end of the world matter but rather a small tiff amongst family which happens.

This is so stupid. Take the picture in a big purse, have grandma hold it while you take her pic then send the picture to your step sister. It doesn't have to be on Facebook. MAIL it to her along with grandmas address so she can send things directly to her in the future so you aren't in the middle of it. Your grandma is in her last years and your mom acting the way she is is frankly embarrassing. I would tell your mom you did that and say to her that that is the END of it and you don't want to hear any more about it. You gave your SS her address so she can send what she wants as she pleases and it will have nothing to do with your mom. The point of any of you not being close isn't even a factor in my opinion. SS just wanted to get something to her grandma since time is running out. I think its as simple as that. I hope you can get past this. Good luck.

Edit to add based on your ETA:

My grandfather died at 93 and had Alzheimer's. Had his oldest daughter not predeceased him, and had she sent us a gift for him, it would not have been right for us to keep it from him, no matter that he wouldn't know or that she didn't take care of him before he went into the nursing home or that she rarely wrote, etc. It would not be right to keep her gift to him from him. My grandfather thought I was my aunt half the time. He couldn't remember all the grandkids to even ask about them. But having a picture in his room would have been better for him. Please just drop off the picture and give her the address so she can mail stuff directly for the future. I would not want my daughter to withhold a picture from her big sibs, even if she felt like they didn't do enough when I could remember them. It would not be her call. So much drama...but you know it's not really about the picture, right? This is about dredging up old hurts - so heal YOURSELF by letting this go. Take the picture.
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This is all assuming that your grandmother has no issue with stepsis:

I would take the old woman her photo. Your mom has no right to block the present from her as it isn't inappropriate. Having been the estranged child who wasn't given a chance on my own merit as an adult as well as being a stepmother, it makes me angry to think that your mother can't get off her high horse long enough to acknowledge that this other GROWN WOMAN wants to give another GROWN WOMAN a present and it has nothing to with HER. It's not right.

Take the photo to Grandma and tell your mom it's high time to put on some big girl panties about it. The stepsister's father is dead, right? So she's asking you to please help her get a gift to her grandmother. DO IT.

Further, send stepsis the contact information for the nursing home so you don't have to be a go-between, and tell the staff she's a grandchild.

I really think you need to stand up to your mother here. It's not her call. Take the photo to your grandmother. Take the picture. Send SS a private message with the photo of the photo attached. Your mom is putting her own issues in where they don't belong. Do not make her issues yours.

If your grandmother is your DAD's mother and not your mother's mother, than your mother needs to butt out. It's not her call. If it's your SS's blood grandmother, than your mom is completely wrong. You need to take the picture if the SS and grandmom are blood related.

Is the your grandmother on your mom or your dad's side of the family? I think that is a key question here. Mom's side of the family makes it NOT her grandmother. Dad's side means she is her family. If this woman is your SS blood grandmother then you are right that she deserves to gift a photo. Honestly, either way it should be your grandmother's choice. However, to keep the peace, it would be best to only do it if the grandmother is a blood relative to your SS. If that is the issue in your situation then you just need to be straight with your SS and send the picture back.

bottom line, your mom cannot and should not control the situation. It IS crappy being in the middle, so step out of it. Take the picture as asked, then if your mom wants to remove it later, she can.
What if the picture was sent directly to GM? How is this any different. I know it is yucky, but your mom can't get mad forever over this. Do it and ask for forgiveness later. Let her know it was you who was asked and your conscious that you had to answer to.
best of luck!!

Wow. Your mom is so wrong. This is an open-and-shut decision. Your step-sister is the biological grandchild of your grandmother. She has a right to send your grandmother a totally appropriate gift like a framed photo. Your mother has decided to dictate something she has no right to do, and therefore place you in the middle, where you shouldn't have to be. Whatever your step-sister did in the past, unless she was somehow responsible for abusing Grandma, your mother doesn't have any business keeping the photo from her. So deliver the photo like you initially thought you should, inform your mother that this isn't up for debate since it's the right thing to do, and then insist she drop it.

I suspect SS wants a photo of Grandma holding the picture because she suspects you may not have delivered it.

ETA: Oh, and give SS Grandma's mailing address, so that this doesn't come up again.

This is tough. Yes, your mom is probably wrong here, but I'm sure there is a long history that created these feelings in her. So it's kind of both- yes, the situation stinks and is unfair, SS is not exactly deserving of favors. And yes, GM should get the photo because it's the right thing to do. It's just one of those things where the right thing to do isn't the easiest or most pleasant thing to do.

Probably best to not sneak around mom, you're right- this will somehow come back on YOU. Tell her you need to do the right thing- by GM, not by SS. If it makes her happy, compromise and take the photo and then move the frame, don't leave it in the room. Petty, yes, but may help soften the blow to mom.

Of course your mom has hard feelings, her husband is gone. This amplifies old wounds and is hard for her.

Oh, and as others said- give SS the address for the nursing home and add her to the family list. Going forward, it is HER responsibility to do things for GM. Not your job to be her runner to ease her conscience.

Sorry you are in this position.

I think that you should tell your grandmother that your mother has decided that she should not have the picture that was sent to her. Let your grandmother deal with your mother. Your mother is 100% wrong here. And if I am understanding this right you are talking about your Dad's mother. If this is the case it is your MOTHER that is not a blood relative to the grandmother so she should butt out of her relationship with her family.

I'm just a little confused. If she is your stepsister that means your dad is your stepdad, not your birth father? Not making him any less your father I'm just trying to figure out the dynamics here. So your grandmother is his mom? No blood relation to you? Again, not saying anything negative about the relationship. So this is your mom's mother-in-law? Why does she care? Or is she a half sister, you share the same father, not mother? I ask only trying to find out why this upsets your mom so much. Or is this you maternal grandmother?

I do think its an odd request, but if she truly cannot make it to visit her, what's wrong with her sending a picture? I sent pictures via my grandmother to my great grandmother all the time. I wanted to make sure she knew of my life, even though I didn't see her that often. ( She lived in NY and we are here in MD) The odd part is the picture of the grandmother holding her picture. It may be her way of making sure you gave it to her without asking you and offending you in the process.

If she has always felt unwanted maybe that explains her distance. There may be things you are unaware of that would make this understandable. You say she didn't have you address, did you have hers? If you've moved and didn't give her the new information how could she possibly have it? Why wasn't she just given GM address at the nursing home? My grandmother was at one and could receive mail etc, is this not the case where she is?

I say this only b/c it kinda seems like she is still not wanted around. She contacted you on FB, so it seems to me she wanted at least some way of knowing what is going on.

As far as the picture, I would take it to your grandmother, what harm would it cause? Is it possible she saw your grandmother when she was closer? I really don't understand why your mom is having such issue with this. I wouldn't wait, just go visit your grandmother and give it to her. Is she able to speak via phone, if so maybe you could call your stepsister while you are there and she can mention the picture.

I'm not sure if this was any help, but good luck.