Family Dog Has Cancer How and What Do We Tell the Kids?

Sorry about your sweet doggie. We lost our beautiful
Springer Spaniel who was 10 to cancer six months ago.
Children take their que from parents. There is a sweet
book called "Dog Heaven" for children. I would just
explain that he was very sick and would not get better
and he went to heaven. Emphasize how lucky you were to
have him and remember the fun times. Young kids are
pretty resilient, but again, if they see you crying
etc. they will do the same. I know it is hard to keep
up the front, but I guess it is what we do as parents.

Definitely get the book if you can. It is $14.95.

There is an excellent book called Dog Heaven. We started reading it to our kids when our dog neared the end of his life. They were almost three at the time. They said goodbye to the dog one evening and the vet came to put him down after our kids went to sleep. The book is sweet and gives the kids a nice vocabulary for talking about the loss . . . our kids still say, "Harry went to dog heaven." It gives the kids a nice understanding that the pup is comfortable and even suggests that the pups watch over us after they are gone.

Hi T.,

I'm sorry to hear about your dog - one of our cats was diagnosed with bone cancer just a few months ago, so I know how devastating it can be. The ASPCA website has some suggestions for helping kids with pet loss and also a list of books:

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/pet-loss/pet-loss-and-child...

You've gotten some good suggestions from others about reading books with your kids and making a scrapbook/keepsake as a way to remember and say good-bye to your dog. I just wanted to add one point: if/when your dog dies, don't try to hide your emotions from your kids. Of course, you don't want to be sobbing uncontrollably around them, but it can be appropriate and helpful for them to see you cry. If you explain that you are crying because you're sad that your dog is not with your family anymore, that can help your kids (especially your 4 yo) know that it is okay if he is feeling sad too. Adults get sad sometimes and cry, and it's important for kids to know that you don't stop crying just because you become an adult. It can be a good way to cope with sadness and loss. Hope this helps.

Take care,
A.

Hi T., I'm really sorry to hear about your dog. Our pets are our family. We love them and care for them the same. It's never easy to lose a pet. My thought is that you let your children know that she is sick and that her time here is not going to be much longer.
Maybe tell them that pets don't live as long as we do and that when she dies she'll be going to Heaven where she will feel better again. Tell them that she will be with her Mother and Father and that she will be happy to run and play and that she will be better there. I think it's better for your children to know that she isn't going to be here forever and that they should enjoy her while she's still here with you. I know this is really hard on you. We have a dog and he's almost 16 years old. He's been with us since our children are little and not our children are grown and have moved out. We know when his time is up that we will miss him terribly. Like you, I don't even like to think about it. I do believe that when our pets die we will see them again someday. My daughter and her family lost their dog last year. My daughter knew that their dog didn't have a lot of time left and she did explain to her children that she was getting old and that she wouldn't be here for much longer. One morning my daughter called me because her dog didn't get up. I went right over and we took her to the Vet. The Vet said she wouldn't make it through the day and he would put her down. My daughter wanted to wait until her husband got home and the Vet said yes. (He had to catch the train home from Manhattan) As we were leaving I had a feeling that she might not make it, I told her and the kids to say goodbye to her incase she didn't make it until they came back. She did die before my son-in-law was able to get home. I'm glad I thought for them to say their goodbye's then. We had a little ceremony when she did die and planted a little tree for her. One of my grandchildren read a poem. They were sad but they handled it very well. Oh, you said you didn't want to show any emotion around your children, it's okay to show them emotion. They need to learn how to deal with things like this in life and I think when they are younger it's easier in the long run. I don't know if this has helped at all, but I do wish you an easy time of handling a very hard situation in your life. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers, xoxo D.

T.
I am so sorry to hear about your Dog's illness.
We just put our 15 year old American Eskimo to sleep a few weeks ago due to kidney failure.
Our daughter is just 17 months old, so she really doesn't have any concept of where Taz is. But we do have 4 cats and another dog, so her attention is on the ones that are here. It is harder on my husband and I than on her.
As a little girl, I do remember that our German Sheppard Fuffy was hit by a car on a Sunday morning as church was letting out. I was 2.5 at the time and to this day I can remember her on our front porch with the bloody leg and my Dad taking her to the Dr's. My parents never told me that she had to be put down. I was too young to understand it all anyway. They told me she was in the hospital and she couldn't come home. I always believed that and I remember from time to time asking for her, until one day I realized that she must have died and that was just something they told me not to upset me. I didn't get all upset about it and certainly didn't get mad at anyone for "Not telling me the truth". I just accepted it.
I am in no way suggesting that you not tell your 4 year old the truth, but I do believe that children take things a lot better than we think they will. My parent's always thought that once I found out about Fluffy, I would fall apart, but I didn't and I was ok with it all.
If you can explain that she is very sick and that God will be taking her soon to live with him so that she will not be sick again, I think your child will be ok with that. I know there is always the thought to replace a pet with another, but that will be too soon for you and your husband also. Let a little time go by before you think about replacing your pet.
You will all need time to grieve and to heal.
Children do have to face death in some way at some point in their young lives. I do believe dealing with the loss of a pet is a better experience than (God forbid) a family member. It will be the first of many experiences with dealth unfortunately, but as long as your children have you and your husband to guide them and support them, they will handle it well.
My best to you T..
I know how heavy your heart is and I know the desire you have to protect your little one's hearts.

P.S. I did have a cat with cancer. She was too far gone when they decided to give her the prednisone so I didn't see any help with it, but your experiences may be different. The prednisone with make your dog pretty thirsty and she will have to pee a lot more than usual also. She may have a few accidents in the house too b/c of it. Sometimes dealing with the side effects of the medications can be tougher than dealing with the disease itself.
Saying prayers for all of you and for the comfort of your "First child". We know that feeling too!
Take care,
P.

I am so sorry to hear about your dog. It is just as hard to hear about a pet being sick as another family member. We just lost our dog to cancer(hemangiosarcoma) so I feel your sadness. My (almost) 2 year old son was looking for him the other day and I got all choked up when I told him that Toby wasn't here any more. He asked me if he was in his crate. :( When I started to cry a little he said "mommy cry". It was hard for me to hold my emotions in so I understand what you are saying about upsetting your kids more with your own emotions. But maybe it's a good thing for them to see how much you care about your pet and it will help them understand their own feelings. My twins are too young to really understand so I cannot offer any advice on how to tell your 4 year old. I do want to wish you and your family all the best with your doggie though. Just love her and cherish your time with her. If you want to talk feel free to e-mail. Good luck...my thoughts are with you.
Danielle

my suggestion is to sit down with him and watch marley and me and then after the movie is over explain to him that marley was sick and so is your dog and marley went away and our dog is going to go just like marley

i hope this helps

R.

Hi T.,
Two weeks ago, we had to put our 10 yo Golden down due to having 2 different cancers. It was very difficult for all of us since my kids are a little older (8, 6, 4) and it was my husband's first pet. Needless to say, you and your family are in my prayers as you struggle through this difficult time.
You have gotten some great advice (I even found some helful recommendations for my famiy) and I agree with all of it. Another suggestion that may help is to google the poem Rainbow Bridge and share it with your kids. Our golden had been very sick for a couple of months so it made it a little "easier" to explain that he wasn't in pain anymore. My husband and I sat down with them and explained that the vet was going to give him some medicine to make him sleep, that he wouldn't wake up and that it wouldn't hurt him. We also had the vet come to our house after our kids were asleep. My husband and I didn't want our dog's last moments to be in an environment that he found stressful. The next day we had a burial ceremony with the kids that hopefully helped them with some closure. We spent a lot of time loving him before we put him to sleep, drawing lots of pictures to remember him and just talking about how much better he would feel in heaven. Our family had lost my grandmother about 2 years prior so we talked about Oma playing with Tucker in heaven and giving him lots of love. All in all it seemed to help the transition. To be honest, my husband had a way harder time with all of this than the kids.
Death is an important part of life and I don't think that kids should be sheltered from it. Yes it is hard for those of us that are left behind but there is something so much grander than what we have here.
BTW, I haven't seen Marley and Me but my friends that have seen it told me not to watch it since it was so close to home.

Enjoy your time with her as much as you can. Again, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

D.

There are marriage classes, birthing classes and parenting classes, but no death classes. Everyone wants to avoid the subject even though its the one thing that happens to us all. The best way for kids to prepare for death of a loved one is to experience the death of a pet. Don't try to make it easier for them. Cuddle them and tell them pup is in a better place, not sick any longer and able to play with the other pups. Let them see you cry and be sad and let them know its alright to do the same. Then talk about pup and all the funny happy things she did and let them know their dog will always be with them in their minds and hearts. They will grieve and then recover and be able to remember their loved one with joy. Show them pictures from time to time and talk about the dog.
This way when one of their relatives passes, they will have the dogs experience to fall back on and know that none of our loved ones are truly gone as long as they live in our hearts.
I noticed another mom said her parents told her their dog was in the hospital and just never came home. I know they meant well, but that can scare a young child so if they have to go to the hospital or their parent has to they might feel they will never come back either. Honesty is always best with kids.

How painful--anyone who thinks losing a pet is less difficult than losing a family member simply has never 'been there'.

There's a wonderful book called 'Saying Goodbye to Lulu' that I'd really recommend. You also might check with your local SPCA--some actually have bereavement groups for kids. God bless...

T., I am so sorry. My dog lucky broke a hip 4 yrs ago they gave him medicine for two weeks to make him comfortable as possible. Lucky learned how to get along on the three legs. We had him another 3 yrs. Last year 4th of July weekend we went away and my sister was taking care of my animals. She said Lucky wouldn't go outside to go to the bathroom. Lucky was the type would never go in the house. Well we came home and he wouldn't go for us either. It was time to call the vet. We had to put our Lucky down that was 13 yrs old(older than my oldest child). I told the kids to give him his loves and he is gonna have to leave us. Hardest thing had to do. But he was suffering it was better for him. We don't have a house of our own so we did the cremation to keep him with us. We had no where to bury him. Then my parents had to put their dog down a few months ago my neices who are your childs age we told them the truth and we all are animal lovers and they are so much part of the family. They all took it better than I thought they still miss them very much. And we still talk about them all the time lots of pictures and what we used to do all the time with them. We still cry on and off and laugh at good times too. Make a scrapbook with ur child that he can keep with him. Whenever he needs or wants to remember you can go through the book with him. He could even put his own words in the book along with yours.
Again I am really sorry. It isn't easy. Put three dogs down in my life and it is very hard but makes me feel better knowing that they are in no more pain. I have another one that is blind deaf and only 2 teeth left. She still follows me around the house and no major issues. So I keep her when every1 else thinks I'm making her suffer.she is 17 yrs old. Good luck.

I am probably not the best to help you but stay honest, read Elizabeth Kobler Ross books (the earlier the better) as she explains so well the stages of grieving) and takes your kids and yourselves through the process;

it has nothing to do with religion just the process of feeling at loss; your family will loss and just do it to gether; it may mean going to the cemetery to help the kids, but that is ok even if sad, just do it as as family; I am doing this right now and am pleased to share the best of my knowledge with a mamam source member; D.

Hi T.,
First of all, I am so very sorry about your dog. I understand perfectly how she is a part of your family. My 6 year old mixed breed died last month from lymphoma. She had been diagnosed less than 2 months before. We were doing the prednisone and she was having chemo, too. The prednisone will make her feel better for a while. She will also have more accidents, because it will make her drink more. My Nelly was only 6, so I don't know how it will affect a much older dog who already may have some issues in that area. At 12, I doubt the vets will do any more than prednisone. My brother's 15 year old golden was also diagnosed with cancer and he lived about 2 months after the diagnosis. It is so much more common in older dogs. I don't know what to tell you about your children, not having any, but I am a teacher and I know that children appreciate honesty. You will be caught crying by your little ones and being honest, that you are sad about your dog being so sick, I think, is the best way to approach it.
Be prepared, that your dog may take matters into her own paws and choose the way she wants to leave you. Nelly died in my arms at 5 am one morning and I am so grateful that she chose to be with me at the end and that I did not have to make the decision for her. I now have another dog, a mixed breed 7month old puppy( who is really po'd right now that she is caged in the kitchen and I am not with her!). I lasted about a month before I got her. She didn't take Nelly's place, but she helped the pain in my heart. My thoughts are with you, I know your heart is breaking.
Kathy

Two suggestions...Barnes&Noble to get a book on losing a pet (start reading it before the pet dies), and adopt a brand new managable puppy from the shelter, and let the children name him/or her (before the pet dies)Their focus will be on the new puppy,although some of it will be on losing the pet they already have, this will help them (everyone) cope better... Sorry for your pain...