I have been in a marriage for 8 years. Not one of my husbands family have accepted me. You see my husband always did everything for them and now hes married I truly believe they don't like it, because hes no longer giving out money, fixing cars foro free etc. I actually received an email from a sisterinlaw saying I keep my husband from them they don't see him etc Let me tell you I am a family person my family loves my husband. I on the other hand don't feel secure none of his family have tried to bond with me. His older daughter bringas the girls ocassionly and she talks to me, his older son never really talks to me. only if he has too. I always encourage my husband to see his family even if it means without me. Now he lost his dad tragically who was his best friend, my husband inherited money and instead of keeping it all he gave it evenlu out to his brothers and sister and I was find with that, we even gave to his children and my one daughter. Today I see that my sisterinlaw makes a comment that we were away for the weekend and I was probably gambling away their fathers money. I am very upset over all of this, and was thinking should I break up my marriage? My husband has yet to stick up for me.I love my husband but not sure if hes happy or not.
Go to counseling. None of this is going to be resolved without outside help. The fact that they are complaining means that he is starting to cut off the gravy train. He may need help knowing where to draw the line and what to say so that he isn't cutting off all contact with people he loves. You also need help learning how to deal with his family.
If you love him, he's worth fighting for, and that means counseling.
Why would you divorce a husband like this? Why?
Okay.
Let me get this straight.
You've done absolutely nothing wrong, and your considering divorcing your husband (who has also done nothing wrong) because of a snide comment someone made on Facebook?
Really?
A marriage should be a whole heck of a lot stronger than that!
If it's not maybe there are bigger issues?
Good luck!
I agree with counseling. Also, does he know how you feel about him not sticking up for him? Have you made it really clear? I felt the same for a long time and it was not until we went to counseling and I made my feelings really clear that he really understood that by not sticking up for me with his family it made me feel like he did not really consider me family.
B.,
Welcome to mamapedia!
I'm sorry that your husband lost his father. I'm sorry that you feel as if his family has not accepted you.
I would NOT let what his family thinks of me lead to my marriage ending. TALK WITH your husband. TELL HIM your concerns. TELL HIM WHAT YOU EXPECT!!! He cannot read your mind.
You and your husband MUST be a united front, on the same page. If he hasn't stuck up for you yet - has he been there when his sister said these things? If so - what is his response to her?
You need marriage counseling. Pronto. You need to learn how to communicate with each other and deal with problems together.
It doesn't matter what his family thinks of you...it only matters what HE thinks of you. However, he DOES have to stand up for you against his family to show that you are a united TEAM.
Good luck!
Yes, counseling, now. Do not wait. Counseling is for BOTH you and him, together, not just for you. Will he be willing to do it? If not, you may have to talk to him about how counseling does not mean he is "broken" or "weak" -- some men see counseling or therapy as being only for weak men, or as letting a stranger know their private business, but you have to get him past that and into counseling with you.
The fact that you say you don't know if he's happy tells me that you and he do not communicate well. Please, please see a professional to learn communication skills so you CAN find out if he's happy. And so you can learn to tell him, "I feel that you don't stand up for me with your family."
Is he originally from a culture that is different from yours, or a culture where family members expect certain other family members (father, or eldest son, etc.) to provide and care for extended family even after marriage? Is it possible that his family is just not accepting that he does not play that role for them, culturally? Or is this just plain old greed, as in, "Where's our money?"
Please get counseling so you can get tougher, yourself, and not feel hurt by his family's cruel and silly comments like the one about spending their dad's money. How did you even know that comment got made? You said you "saw" it so I assume maybe you were on the sister-in-law's Facebook page and she posted it, or you were on another social media site where she posts, or you somehow saw an e-mail she sent to someone else -- not you? I would stop all Facebook and other social media with family members; if it stresses you out, why do it? They may say, "You're so anti-social, you don't 'friend' us or 'like' us online!" but you can reply -- especially if counseling teaches you to be assertive -- "Well, I'm cutting back all the social media stuff to have more time for other things, and there is always e-mail direct to me if you want to reach me individually. From now on I'll be e-mailing folks individually, or phoning." I think dumb posts on Facebook and other media are the source of much of the family drama these days so just dump it-- if they go on social media and complain about you there, you don't need to be reading it.
