Facebook Strikes Again

I feel exactly the same way about social media. I actually call it anti-social media because it removes the personal contact aspect of it.

If you aren't close with them, I don't think it's too weird. I wouldn't do it - but that's how I found out big news for people I don't talk to or see often. If you have a FB account, it's more than likely it's to keep in touch with people you don't see or talk to daily. Yes, I talk to my family on there, but have a lot of friends all over the world (military brat) that I keep in touch with that way. So while it is "rude" if you talked to them on a regular basis, I don't think it's too out of the ball park.

It's rude. That's how you tell old classmates and aquaintences. That's not how you tell family and close friends. It's happened to me too. I once went on FB and saw my niece flippantly mention something about wedding plans. My jaw hit the floor. I had a mini hissy fit. "Nobody tells me anything anymore" I was so irritated.

I don't get what the problem is. You see these people 3-4 times a year and expect a personal phone call? Seriously? There are probably 10 other people higher up on the "tell in person or call to tell" list than your husband and you because they aren't close. No big deal, really. I never called any of my siblings to announce a pregnancy. We would tell our parents and then news would travel.

Why don't you just congratulate them through Facebook. They seem to think this is a Facebook kind of announcement so I am sure they would be fine with a Facebook congratulation, ya know?

Just checking, but are you absolutely sure they are expecting again? Remember the bra color cancer awareness post? Well this year it was take your birth month for weeks and birth date as a food they listed it with and put it as your status saying "I'm "7" weeks and craving "potato chips". It was actually pretty funny how many people thought I was pregnant.

You know who I called when I found out I was pregnant? First, my husband, then, my mother. I didn't call my sister or my sister in law or anyone else but everyone found out anyway. Do you know why? Because three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead. The information was disseminated anyway and I was inundated with emails, text messages and phone calls of well wishes. Do you know who called me? My older relatives. Do you know who emailed me gushing letters of congratulations? My younger relatives and friends.

Getting hung up and irritated because you "heard it through the grapevine" seems silly. Do they have you on speed dial? Are you bff's? No? That's why you didn't get a phone call. Has nothing to do with lazy and everything to do with how connected you are in real life. How often do you call and chat in real life? Never? Well, that's why you didn't get a personal phone call about their reproductive news.

Most communication these days is leaning towards the electronic. Email, texting, facebook announcements. Embrace it or get left behind in my humble opinion. Phone calls to people you aren't very close to are always awkward and stilted with uncomfortable silences. If you want to congratulate them, go to their announcement post and type your congratulations there! I'm sure they will not take offence since that is how they chose to announce the news. Posting will let them know you saw it, received the happy news and responded positively to it.

I agree; handle it like a grownup. Call the new parents and congratulate them. Ask if the grandparents know; I bet they do. Since your husband and his brother aren't close, perhaps they didn't even think about telling you earlier.

One trouble is that, once you've posted to your FB crowd, it's hard to think, "I've announced this to my five hundred friends - is there anybody I've forgotten?"... not realizing that even most of your online buddies may not have seen the post, much less those who don't do social networks at all. This is just not the best way to communicate. It's handy, but it's not great.

Maybe there needs to be a rule (or reminder) in etiquette books from now on: when there's a big event, you tell the relatives and closest friends - "I want you all to be the FIRST to know!" - before you announce it on the social media. In times past this was basically the difference between finding out something by personal contact (face-to-face, phoning, writing) and reading about it second-hand in the newspapers.

I don't have FB and I never will for various reasons. However my sister told the world on FB the sex of my second child before I had a chance to tell everyone first. My BFF happens to be friends with my sister on FB and found out through FB before hearing it from me. I was very upset and told my sister. She said she was just excited (first boy on our side of the family after 5 girls) I told her it just wasn't her news to tell. I think she got the point and apoligized.

If they posted it on FB -- it's obviously up for public discussion. If your husband and his brother aren't close, that explains why there was no personal email or phone call.

Of course you should call and congratulate them. And don't be annoyed at their choice of announcement.

And they should be the ones to inform your MIL & FIL, in whatever manner they deem appropriate.

Im pregnant with my third child now and i did f/b announce it. I told the people i knew who would really care over the phone but just decided to share my good news with anyone i might have left out.

Someone did feel left out by finding out on f/b but it was a guy friend and i thought it was my husbands job to tell the guys.

In my opinion, there seems to be this silent agreement between Facebook users in that, you sign up and that is where the conversation now takes place. I think the usual way of communicating is going by the wayside (good or bad) and now, people send emails..... They do this not only for important announcements but for thank you cards as well and a myriad of other things.. I tend to think it's out of laziness that some of this happening and too, what is important to "you" such as a birth announcement is not as important to someone else and hence, it's announced in a public forum...OR they simply want to tell everyone all at once...

Also, if your husband isn't close to his brother, then I can see why he didn't mention it to him first... I am not close to my sister (or rather, she isn't close to me) and therefore, I didn't tell her I was pregnant. it's just the way some families are....

I just dont understand the need to dis, or complain about FB. You obviously use it right? or you wouldnt know they were having a baby. Had you NOT had it, this issue would have been mute and not worth discussing cause it would have simply been the GRAPEVINE... FB is awesome as well as disgusting. many people who didnt have manners before, are not going to simply get manners once they get on a social media site. Its a personal choice to use FB how you want to. I use it for great many things. Involving family countries away from me, Getting people together, talking to other moms, learning about other people and there lives. YES does it bother me that there are people LIVING there lives through it? of course, but getting angry at someone posting something and not calling is not one of them. They obviously are more comfortable talking about it there. Phone conversations can be awkward. Especially if your husband and his brother are not close. My guess the call would have gone something like this "um yeah hey dude, yeah my wife, shes having a baby, yeah thanks... umm yep bye" Its not rude since its a form of information. Its just rude to you cause they didnt tell you first. Your not there most important people. Maybe his parents are not really either. If it was me I first would tell who I wanted to know, and when I was ready for everyone to know then I would post it. I would tell via personal contact, and phone calls or texts. I live like hours away from my own close family and for some reason find it easier to keep in touch on daily subjects via social network. I still DO see them and talk to them. I see so many people here dissing and complaining about FB and the reason they DO is cause they havent understood that there is personal sociability, and then there is Public. I am very careful what I post as well as what I let anyone see however I LOVE the sight. I couldnt be more happier. I have several friends that LOVE to post every 3 minutes on what color there bathroom stool was in the morning. I simply tell them to stop that and get a better hobby. Its disgusting. If they dont like it, there is the UNFRIEND option. TO your question, Yes you SHOULD call them and offer your congrats. Since they dont want to call you, dont play the game, be yourself and just do what you would do had you found out the "old fashioned" way.

Hey, some families are just like that...not close. We lived in California for 3 years and couldn't afford to come back and visit. And when we were transferred back...drove up and parked at my BILs house...he was in the backyard and threw up his hand...and never even came inside to greet us for over an hour...and it was like...no big deal.

My SIL is like this and I don't like it, I was not raised that way, but I can't help the way other people are. The first time she was pregnant, we didn't know until we saw her at 6 months pregnant. Then when she had the baby, nobody bothered to call us to let us know. She did tell us when she was pregnant with her second, but when that baby was born, again, no phone call or announcement (this was before there was Facebook). Eventually she and her first husband divorced, then she got into a new relationship and almost right away was pregnant again. Her sister told me, instead of her herself. She got married to the father and the way we knew was then her FB relationship status changed from "single" to "married". And when that baby was born, I found out about it on Facebook.

So yeah, I think it's dumb, I am not a fan, but I can't change other people either. But like Lucia B. said, there was that trend going around where women were saying there were X number of weeks and craving whatever (the specific answers were based on your birthday) so maybe your husband should call just to make certain.

A lot of people rely on things like FB to tell people news. I think it's made people rude and lazy, but....your DH should call his brother if he wants to wish them well.

When I found out I was pregnant, I let the people who I had the most contact with know. The others found out after the 3 month mark on facebook when I posted my sonogram picture. My sister in law was ticked off. She lives 10 minutes away, we hadn't seen her in over a year, she has not responded to my phone calls/emails/invitations over the past year, and has failed to show up to meet my kids and I places when we've made plans to get together. We are not close, and I wasn't going to pretend that we are. Sorry, but she was not at the top of my list to inform about my pregnancy, especially since she shows no interest in us or the kids I currently have. Instead of congratulating us, she made a rude post on her own wall about finding out her brother and sister in law were having a baby and in turn, her friends, who don't know us responded with comments like, "They must be losers. Are they cybernerds?" etc.
BTW, I did actually leave it up to my husband to contact his family which includes this sister in law, to let them know I was pregnant. He chose which family members to tell, and did not choose to tell them all, for his own reasons. Didn't bother me a bit.

Rude.
There is a serious screw loose with people that announce significant news through FB. They assume everyone is constantly checking FB. Please.

BUT, now that you know (regardless of the vehicle used), time to congratulate them.

It's a new world, with new social rules. To some it is still considered rude, but I think as time passes and more people become dependant on electronic communication, this will be the norm and be considered perfectly acceptible.

I dont think its strange at all. I think its really normal to tell big news to the people you talk to on a regular basis in person, and then a little after post it on Facebook. Its especially normal since its men - I doubt your brother n law called up anyone other than his own mom to tell the news to.

Sure - your husband could call and say congratulations - or send an email or facebook message with the congratulations.

Too funny! Yes I'd call, and give congrats, say 'we just your announcement on FB!" all happy. I agree it is not worth the drama.
Man, people loooove to announce their engagements, baby news and all that to their 400 closest friends at once. It kinda boggles me too. Presumable they make the requisite phone calls first... but sometimes I guess not!

I got an email once from my college BFF saying "So I hear your cousin's pregnant!!!" Her cousin is a former sorority sister with the girl that's married to my cousin... my friend is very active in social media so she found out this juicy tidbit just a day after my cousin all told us at a family event. I actually don't think it was FB I think it was a text message chain. I would have been pretty miffed hearing it that way (from a random friend) if I hadn't heard already. It is so weird, this day and age we live in!

Yes they should have told you prior to posting. You have a right to feel a little hurt. Sadly FB changed the game for social etiquette. Some feel it is personal, other's don't. From your perspective you are hurt. From their perspective that may be their way of being personable. Definitely call and congratulate them. I doubt there is any ill intent on their part. It's ok to feel sad about it though. I would, but I woudln't make a big deal out of it.

Maybe jokingly say: "Hey we heard about the awesome news on FB! You should have called you guys! Oh wow a new little one! Can't wait!" Say it with a smile in your voice so it doesn't sound like you are attacking them.

FB is what it is. We just need to make adjustments.

Dont take facebook too seriously! It could be a miscommunication

Example- The day I was going to find out the sex of my baby, everyone knew what time my appointment was and was hounding me on facebook before I even left the doctors office. I am SUCH a daddy's girl, so I try to call my parents at work after I found out (they both work together), I talked to my mom and told her the news, I called my dads phone several times and no answer. I called my MIL, SIL, my sisters, my best friends, everyone I am really close to and told them myself. About an hour later, I posted it on facebook.
I still hadnt heard from my dad, he has caller ID on his work phone so I was waiting for him to call me back. It just so happened I had to go to my parents house that day to get something. I walk in, my dad is sitting there watching TV and my mom wasnt home from work yet. He didnt say anything. I said "Dad, did you here the news?!?" He said "what news?" I said "Dad Im having a girl!" He had no clue! Thanks mom for sharing the news GEEZ!!
I figured my mom told him! Thank goodness he doesnt really get on facebook and learned that way!
So, it happens. Dont be upset. Maybe they tried to call? But really, if you all arent that close, you cant call everyone! Maybe it was just there way of not making 45 phone calls you know?
Yes, call them and congratulate them on your new neice or nephew to be!

I would def call and congratulate them and ask them if they have told their parents yet. Maybe your in-laws just assumed they would call you guys personally.

Yes it is strange to not tell family first, but some people are just strange that way!

Agree with Jo W. Congratulate them on FB!

I personally felt it was a bit weird, however I am very close to my brother and I cannot imagine not having shared something of this importance with him. If he does such a thing after marrying, he's gotta hear a lot of screaming from his big sister LOL.

The world is changing. Making a general announcement through FB is seriously the way things are done now. I don't even tell my BFF anything first, I am sitting at my computer when the phone rings and FB is my home page. I am surely going to post something great and then call her and be all excited. But calling all the relatives who are ON fb is not going to happen. They can call me if they want to say something about the post but People just don't do that anymore.

My sister told people via email that she was expecting and my brother told other family members (even extended) before us b/c we were unsuccessfully trying to conceive. I had/have good relationships with them and frequent contact. With my sister, I can't remember if she told me or not first...I also know she was embarassed b/c she wasn't married at the time and was afraid of what my family would say....so she could say this without seeing people in person.

Anyway, they were both very young then and the immaturity showed. Some people think it's perfectly acceptable to announce on FB. I wouldn't take it personally.

If you have a big family, it's hard to call and advise everyone. I don't think fb is the way to do it, possibly mass email or text. Im surprised you have found out about the pregnancy and you haven't called and congratulated. Why are you asking your husband to do it? They are not considered your family?