Well Mama's here it is. Since there were mixed responses unfriend/maintain friend status I hadn't been on until today. He sent a message to inbox asking if I had given any thoughts about seeing where things would go.
Drum rolllllllllllllll
My response: Are you unhappily married, separated, pending divorce because I find your forwardness bold and presumptuous.
His response: Contemplating divorce.
Shame on him. What is he thinking? I know what he's thinking with, but what is he really thinking, my goodness.
I did not hesitate to unfriend AND block him.
Thanks for chiming in mamas.
As for MAMA H Looloo's response,
save your breath. I could say harsher words to you for judging me, but the only things you need to know are: I'm alright, doing darn good in life, healthy, happy, and self-esteem is through the roof. A relationship has never and can never define me.
There's no way to set anyone up for failure, we do that ourselves. So there was no gamble to win or lose. If he stayed in his married place and not tried to make a fool out of me (long lost childhood friend), he wouldn't have been fooled into looking like the jerk that he turned out to be in life. Makes sense? I haven't seen him in ages, don't care to see him and sadly the state of his marriage is not my concern.
Worry about your circumstances, and let me continue to bounce on sunshine.
All other mamas, again thanks
Good for you!
He was thinking with his small brain.
Too bad you can't communicate with his wife is SHE can contemplate divorce first.
Contemplating divorce means his wife is clueless!
Good for you. You don't need him as a friend.
You handled it PERFECTLY. Good for you!
Not a bad way to handle it. I probably would have replied to him that "well contemplating divorce means that you should be figuring out your situation BEFORE you attempt to see where things would go with ANYONE other than you wife. That said, I am not looking to date anyone right now.
*Just want to add that sometimes "contemplating divorce" means one is just looking to cheat but sometimes they are "contemplating divorce". Either way it's not good to get involved, they need to figure that relationship out before starting a new one. I have been contemplating divorce for a long time (honestly I have known I needed to do it but was putting it off/hoping my feelings would change for the sake of my child and because (truth be told) I am too stubborn to want to admit that I failed)...contemplating divorce meant something very different 4 years ago then it did six month ago...or today since I just got back from filing in court). My point being that if he's closer to where I was a few months ago, he may be ready to move on (but really does need to make that move before he should be making others).
Good for you!!
If he's "contemplating it" - he's not serious. He wants his cake and eat it too!! How sad that he is looking elsewhere instead of fixing what he already has. too many people do that now..."it's not working for me - let me see what else is out there"
I'm so glad you unfriended and blocked him! I hope you told him what you thought of him BEFORE you did it...
He wasn't thinking! He was hoping to score a possibility. Good for you.
Yay! I send you a bouquet of flowers!!!
Good for you. He's thinking of leaving but he wants another woman to go TOWARD. He's gutless and selfish and shallow. And if he cheats on his wife, he'll cheat on the next woman.
You go girl! All too often we women give people the benefit of the doubt when things aren't clear cut.
Woo-hoo!!! Great job!
You asked him the question and he gave you the answer. He is looking for someone to play with as he leaves his wife. THAT'S what he's thinking. To him, this behavior is nothing. He's used to fooling around on his wife. And women everywhere are happy to oblige.
YAY!! for you!! I love this update!!!
I guess. It was definitely your call to make, but you set him up for failure by initialing replying to him like you were interested in his story. You sounded like your ultimate response to him might depend on how he could explain his set of circumstances, maybe to cheat with him while he stays married or to be involved with him as he works toward and through a divorce.
Why "shame on him" for "contemplating divorce"? For all you know, he could be in a miserable situation and desperately reaching out in a way that he doesn't realize is creepy and awkward. You don't owe him your friendship or understanding, but for you to high five here like you really showed him is inaccurate and cruel. You didn't "show him". You don't even know for sure what his angle was.
I don't mean to be harsh to you, but I do think that you were unnecessarily harsh in the way that you processed this situation. Maybe he's scum, but maybe he's not. Maybe your own set of circumstances has something to do with how you read and replied to his words. Men and women communicate differently, and sometimes the wires get crossed when we try to cross that bridge. You talked to a bunch of women over here, many of whom have been divorced and cheated on, etc. Do you have men in your life who could speak to this? (Not the men who frequent this site.)
BA HA HA!! Good work! Wat a jerk. And for the record, he's not contemplating divorce, he just wants to cheat.
I didn't get to read the first post, so I had to go back and read it. I think you did the right thing! What he said was disrespectful to every person involved. Its disgusting that people can act and think like that. And everyone wonders why the divorce rate is so high? Not enough people have morals. You were right in your decision. Good fr you!!
Sounds like he wants to make sure he's got a sure thing before he gets rid of the wife. If he'd do it to he, he'd do it to you. Good for you on blocking him.
