I have been happily married to my wonderful husband for almost 20 years, and he never notices when anoter woman looks at him, nor does he pay much attention. I would NEVER accuse him of cheating simply because he is such a good guy. He also has numerous female friends on his facebook account, some he has known since high school and that doesn't bother me in the least. Here is my question..my husband and his coworker take turns driving , and his coworker gave his neice ...much younger...a ride today. She just met him, but already added him on facebook as a friend, and she didn't see me standing on the porch, so I saw her smiling into his eyes, she touched his arm, and stood there, then she saw me, stopped smiling, and quickly got in the truck. My sons were there, but she didn't acknowledge them, or me, although I smiled and waved. My husband didnt pay her much attention..BUT.. my gut tells me that she is interested...how should I take this? He JUST met her, and I thought it was kind of...weird..that she wouldnt make eye con tact with me, or wave back. I don;t want to be paranoid or anything, this just really bothers me...is it ok for a single, younger woman to add a man she JUST met or am I just worrying for nothing?
I did jokingly tease him about her touching his arm, and whatnot, because she did not see me, and he just ,aughed it off.. but did add her to facebook right after. I am not the jealous type but for some reason this one bugged me, probably like what was already said..I hadnt seen that in action. I know he gets checked out lol, because hes gorgeous, but he never notices. I guess it bothers me because she stood there smiling at him, touched his arm, then kept standing there while he was getting his things, as my kids helped, and when my husband saw me he, as always, smiled and waved, but when she saw me, she stopped smiling at him even after I made a point to smile at her, and wave. She knows he is married and usually it would not bother me simply because he makes friends easily..but...she wouldnt say anything to my kids, and made a point on turning away from me quickly and getting in the truck and shutting the door. My gut feeling is shes interested, not him, although he did add her, and lol couldnt remember her name. I am ot worried about him...I guess I think after she saw me, she just made it clear her friendliness wasnt extended towards either myself or my kids, who were right there, and made a point on being polite. She ignored them also.
She can't "add" him as a friend unless he accepts her friend request, did he?
Talk to him about what you observed, and let him know that you wouldn't want this young woman to be mislead in any way, and let him handle it.
ugh, young women are SO stupid sometimes. i think you handled it fine. and i would assume that he accepted the friend request out of politeness since they see each other often.
but i do think she is shady if she couldn't even wave to you or the kids after that little display. she felt guilty and knew she had acted out of line.
why do people have to be like that? just irritating. marriage isn't hard enough without immoral jerks trying to throw a wrench in it?
what exactly are you worrying about?
yes, she sounds like she's on the make.
it doesn't sound as if your husband is responding in any way that is not 100% appropriate.
so she can yearn all she wants. she's outa luck.
maybe you can pity the poor little thing, just a bit.
or not.
but why worry?
khairete
S.
My experience (especially in this department) tells me to go with my gut. I'd not trust this woman either. Your husband should respect your wishes in regard to not having anything to do with this woman.
Okay, firstly people add on facebook within seconds of meeting eachother these days. People exchange FB info (or whatever it is, don't have it) before phone numbers. I think she may have been embarrassed by her actions not realizing he was married or not caring that he was married. Some people think what they don't know can't hurt them and if his wife does not see us flirting then it is okay. Maybe she genuinely had no clue because he keeps it professional. At this point I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. One thing I would have done in that situation was make a joke about "I think someone has a crush on you" or something silly (but that is me) to put feelers out there. If you feel the need to "pee on your tree" then you should friend her on FB too! Really, I think these are all silly things that jealous people do but I also do not partake in FB because there is too much room for exactly what you are posting about. Oh, and there are no "rules" for FB, just common courtesy - and that has flown out the window here in this country for the most part.
Younger people seem to add every single person they meet as a friend on FB. My son (age 19) has like 800 friends, it's crazy! I have about 60 and half of those are family.
If you 100% trust your husband then don't worry about it. Even if she's attracted to him (it happens) he won't go there, right? My husband has had a few ladies flirt with him over the years, and yes, I think he was flattered (ok I know he was) but we've got a good thing here, he's not going anywhere :)
You know your husband and trust him. I'm sure other women have been interested and he's not fallen for them. Why would this one be different? It's different for you because you saw the action but he's resisted this before and I'd bet he'll resist this one too.
Talk with your husband about how you feel about the way she acted. Keep communication lines open.
Sounds like she has a crush on him. If he is a faithful husband why not trust him?
I am sure he has had opportunities before this one to cheat and chose not to, why would he suddenly decide to change now?
How did he answer when asked about it? It might have given him the creeps that she was touching him and he was just trying to be nice. Or he could just think of her as a kid. Who knows? Did you ask him?
if in 20 years you've never asked him to not be friends with someone before and have never given him grief (or not often) for talking to a girl I would think you could be honest and tell him she rubs you the wrong way and ask him to not be friends with her. You can tell him something J. doesnt feel right about it. I don;t see why he wouldn't hear and listen to your feelings if you're not normally jealous?
Never allow third parties into your relationship for any reason. Period. facebook is the number one cause of divorces these days. Need I say more?
If you talk to him about this again don't bring up the FB aspect, it makes it seem juvenile,(which she is)
Is this young lady going to be around alot or was she just a one time needed a ride with her uncle? I get that friending each other on FB took a one time meeting and now gives the possiblity to extend that, but only if your DH is playing her game.
maybe now is the time to discuss with him the privacy settings he has for people, can everyone see everything, do you have access to everything, are certain "aquantences" able to see all?
i don't think you need to worry because your Dh sounds great, but she was a real jerk.
I do get that younger people add people like crazy to FB, people they hardly know. That's one thing. But ALWAYS listen to your gut. If you don't like it, don't allow it. I'm sure you trust your hubby, and it sounds like with good reason. You don't need to worry about him. If it were me, I would just tell my hubs that I am not comfortable with her as a FB friend for him. You are fine with all of the other females on their with him, so it's not a controlling trust issue. It's this one, and you'd feel better if he removed her as a friend. She probably won't even notice that he removes her.
What would bug me about this situation is that she didn't acknowledge you as you were standing there smiling and waving with your kids. Rude. Is there a possibility she didn't see you? If not, I would think that *she* may be thinking about something else, even if your husband seems to be in the dark. I mean, she's been taking turns driving with your husband for awhile now, why can't she say hello? Why can't your husband take 2-seconds to introduce you to her? The facebook part wouldn't really bother me, because it seems that some people add just about anyone they've ever heard of- she's one of those people maybe.
Lots of people are telling you that as long as you trust him, don't worry about it. While you probably don't need to worry, I say this woman and your husband need to treat you respectfully. By not saying hello, this woman would have already burned that bridge with me...and her touching his arm is weird. I think your husband should just stop riding to work with her! And it doesn't make you controlling or non trusting...you just don't want your man driving to work with this woman who's suspicious! Enough said.
I would go with your gut feeling and ask him to stay away from her. You probably have nothing to worry about, but that girl should be around someone else... Knows he's married with kids? Sounds like real winner :(.
Would this bother you if the woman were older and unattractive? Had a limp? Had bad hair or skin? Wrinkles?
You could tell him, but if you trust him....why?
