E.N.
Hi J.!
I'm a certified Child Life Specialist and a part of our job is to work with families experiencing loss of some sort. You may want to go to hospice.net (In this response there may even be quotes from the website) as they have a great array or resources and educational materials to help with loss.
There are a few key things to keep in mind:
1. It is important for children to have the death explained to them in simple, honest and truthful terms. Especially a three year old can get confused by the unknown or without a simple explanation.
2. Parents who are open when expressing grief allow their little one to mourn as well. It is helpful to provide an outlet of expression of some sort: drawing a picture for the loved one(s) lost can do a lot with the coping process.
3. Reiteration is key. A 3 yr old will probably ask the same questions over and over again, it may take a while for them to understand death entirely.
4. It is also important to let them know that they did not do anything wrong to cause the death. That is good that they are telling them they are loved.
With children 2-6 yrs old-
- they will see death as being reversible
- they need small amounts of information at one time
- can pick up on physical cues
- may regress (thumbsucking, etc.)
- have physical manifestations (tummy aches, etc)
- look for someone who has died is normal
- need their structure and normalcy
Death can be said as "when the body stops working" or "when they do not breathe, talk, feel think, etc."
"When dogs die they do not bark or run," "When flowers die they do not grow or bloom"
If loved ones have died due to an illness it is important to say that everyone gets sick but usually we get better. They cannot get the sickness the loved one had. This person got all the medicine they could but their body could not fight the sickness anymore.
And it is also important to follow your instincts as a mom, caregiver, etc. Only you know the child best and their coping abilities. Some good books to read include, "I Miss You:A First Look at Death" by Pat Thomas and Lesley Harker, "I Wish I Could Hold Your Hand" by Pat Pakmer, Dianne O'Quinn Burke, "Sad Isn't Bad" by R.W. Alley or "My Many Colored Days" by Dr. Seuss.
A lot of communities also offer some sort of local bereavement support group. It may be worth it to look some up in your area (I'm not sure what is offered in Bermuda)
I hope this was some help! If you need anything please feel free to msg me.