Explaining Exceptions to 4Yo Son with Sensory Processing Disorder

My son has much the same issues so I understand how hard it is to explain things sometimes with a child who has a harder time understanding the finer nuances of certain social rules.

I guess, for me, I would probably back off from using the word "exception" in discussing things with him if, in fact, you are using that term -- that may be too confusing of a term for him at this time -- and I would break up concepts that you are teaching him into smaller, easier to understand modules. Let me explain . . .

With the example that you had given about the show & tell toy and the book, I would probably break that into two separate rules and not co-mingle the rules. For example, one of the rules that you son has is that he can only bring a toy to school for show & tell on his show & tell day. Another rule (separate from the first rule) is that when a friend or a teacher asks to borrow something specific like a book from you and mom and/or dad says it's okay, then you can take that item to class to let your friend or teacher borrow it on a non-show & tell day.

Hope this helps.

Hey, I have one of these :) My second youngest son (10, almost 11) has FAS, ADHD, SID/PD, and is on the Autism Spectrum (pragmatic language disorder). He is about the most concrete thinker you will ever meet! He struggles with abstract ideas of any kind. For example, if you tell him to "scoot on over" he will sit on his butt, scoot over to where you are pointing and then stand back up. He also lives in a world where rules run the day and exceptions do not exist. I don't know that there are any "easy" answers because each kids, while having some of the same dx's, still process things very differently. For my son, I very very seldom use the word "rule". If I tie something to a rule, it can never be changed in his mind. Boy did I learn that the hard way :) When I explain something like "on Mondays it is show and tell at school" I also tell him that this can change. I appeal to his logic side (which is very strong). I will ask him to tell me all the reasons why there might not be show and tell on Monday. There could be a fire drill? We could have a field trip? etc. etc. The older he gets, the more he can plug in the other things that might take the place of the event he has planned on in his head. I also give him examples of his own life where he has had to change something because of unforseen circumstances (rarely happens, but I cling to each one). Again, applying to his logic side, I ask him to explain to me why he had to make a change and then tell him that LOTS of people have to make changes and that just like he has to sometimes, so do other people.

I think that the most difficult time for this is between ages 4 - 8/9. This is when school starts and the "rules" at home no longer apply and our kids get very confused (and sometimes angry). I think the hardest thing for our kids is not being able to leave them alone - ever. If I told my son to stay in his bed at nighttime and I ran to the store for a few minutes and there was a fire, he would stay in the bed. Why? Because it is a "rule" and he cannot distinguish between that and safety - even his own.

Good luck!

Hi DK-

I understand your trouble. I have CAPD, and I see the world as black & white. As an adult it's easier to see grey, but it took a while to figure it out. I think you did all you can do with your situation. Explain the difference of the situation, show why you're making the exception and brainstorm together about other solutions.

If you encourage your son to develop solutions, he will have a better idea of the issues, and his brain will process the data better.

Best of Luck!

R. Magby

Good Day,
I was reading your question and the responses you received; and believe that Starrs was the best. But I also think that if you use clearer wording; easier to understand, may help your son also. One of my girls can not stay focused for more then a few minutes; and school has been hard on her, but I talk with her one on one and explain the best I can about tings in life; and I answer her question simply and straight to the point, so she understands what I am saying and she repeats the answers to me. I also had to put her on a medication which is helping wonderfully, but all our special needs children also need a lot of patience and lot's and lot's of love! May God truly Bless your family and you! Only a truly loving mom would have the courage to ask and seek advice in this matter! You are all in our prayers!
Sincerely & Truly,
Kathy N. & Family

Look into ILS (Integrated Listening Systems) for him. Also find an OT who does The Astronaut Program. I do know of a few since I just took the course in Atlanta in March.

I do not have a son that has Sensory Processing Disorder... but he does have the symptoms. We are looking at his ADHD right now and working on his sleep.

I was reading your message and noticed that your example is not really an exception. You told your son that he was allowed to bring the book to class, but that really wasn't the case. You need to tell him that the teacher asked to borrow it, that he is still abiding by the rules of not bringing in show-n-tell... that you (not him) are lending the book to the teacher and that the rule still applies to him by not bringing a toy. Maybe I see it differently and I know it's hard to look at situations from all angles until after the fact, but make sure that he is applying the rules and that the rules are clear cut... I think after then he will start to understand that rules are clear.

Good luck and God bless :)