My Rambunctious, Challenging Little Guy - UPDATE and Need Advice

That sounds similiar to my little boy, who is now almost three. He used to run away from playgrounds, the mall play area - anywhere in public he wasnt strapped down. Strapped in the cart in the grocery store, he would scream and yell because he wanted out. And of course, yes, everyone is staring at you. As I cleaned the house, he would go behind me destroying it. If I took my eye off him for a SECOND he was destroying things. His daycare provider, who had been watching kids for 40 years, said she had never seen such a destructive child... :(
It was all maddening.
I've read Love and Logic and Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline and those books really helped. Also, patience and more patience. I continued to be compassionate, loving, and to consistently explain expectations and consequences and then consistently, kindly, enforcing the consequences- "You will play in the play area. If you run out, I will put you in the stroller and we will leave. What happens if you run out of the play area?"
Now, as an almost three year old, my son is SO MUCH BETTER. Its enjoyable taking him places and not nearly as stressful. I cant remember when the last time he had a tantrum in public was.
He is a delight. And I am proud of his curiousity and determination - which was at the root of many of his problems.
I recommend getting some parenting books or talking to a parenting expert. The strategies really help you in the short term and your child in teh long term.

I second checking out Love and Logic. I know friends of ours found it helpful with their son too - it's used and recc by their elementary school.

I have a "high energy" first child. She is happy, but I must say that having her as my first trained ME to be a highly disciplined parent. I didn't expect to be this strict, but my child never seemed to just sit and play with other kids on playdates, from as early as age 1. She was always running, throwing, jumping, etc. While other moms sit and chatted while their kids played, I had to be up and managing my child all the time.

I realized very early on that my little girl NEEDED to run. So we often did classes like swimming, gymnastics, Gymboree, etc. almost every morning. If I did that, then I had a manageable child for the rest of the day. If we didn't go to class or get outside to play hard I had a child bouncing off the walls and I was exhausted.

So my suggestion is that you try to run the energy out of him or put him in a class to give you a small break. Then do your best to stick to a firm schedule and consistent discipline.

Some kids just need more structure. There's nothing wrong with them, it's just part of their wiring. Of course it's a huge shock to parents when they have other kids that don't need as much attention/intervention.

I have several friends that claim this is a "boy thing", that their girls were sweet and much easier to manage. For me, it's my first girl. I also suggest another book called Raising Your Spirited Child (http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Rev/dp/.... This helped me to believe that nothing was "wrong" with my child and how to better appreciate her energy levels.

Best wishes. Feel free to msg me if you like.

Some people are just not happy people.
Set some rules and consequences. He just might need a LOT of structure.
I put a harness/leash on my kids at the mall (and other places where they might run) when they were younger. They could walk and be independent, but they could only get so far away.
Tantrums - let them happen. Wait for him to finish or just take him to the car. People are watching, but who cares? Do you know them? Have any of them offered to help? Then ignore them. That said, they aren't judging you. They feel for you, trust me on that!! If tantrums happen at home, just ignore them - walk out of the room. He'll stop, find you, and start it up again!
Can you put him in a gymnastics for toddlers program or something like that to tire him out? I wonder if he needs a lot of exercise to blow off the excess energy. Have your older kids take him outside and run him around the yard... I used to make my kids run around the house 10 times after school when they got off the bus in a mood. It really made a huge difference.
YMMV
LBC

I want to just second Linda P.'s advice! I work with kiddo's who look exactly like your son every day! I'm a speech language pathologist- and I work for early intervention- so the 0-3 years old population. I highly recommend you talk to your early intervention team and ask for more information on this. Most likely, they have seen it in the evaluation, so I'm hoping this will be something they planned on helping you with. With early intervention- we are supposed to treat the WHOLE child- not his symptoms, not just his specific delays (speech)- but we look at your daily routines and how we can best help you. Usually it is an OT who understands sensory processing that can give you the best suggestions- so please don't hesitate to ask your early intervention team and also look into some information yourself- the book and link Linda P. gave you are great! One last thing: please don't give up hope- this can and will get better! I have seen so many kids respond to simple things such as deep pressure, the need for movement, etc. Also- the fact that he has a speech delay and possible sensory processing difficulties does not mean that he is not typically developing- these two things can be characteristics of kiddo's on the spectrum- but sometimes what happens is that a kiddo with sensory processing difficulties is so full of trying to regulate his environment- that language development is difficult. Many times, once the kiddo can become a bit more sensory calm- speech and language will make progress. Please give us an update on your thoughts about this! I have so many moms that were in the same position as you- the stress is unreal- but you are doing a GREAT job being the best mom and trying to help your little guy! He is going to thank you for it when he grows up! (I have a few friends that are adults with sensory processing disorder- they wish they would have known about this as children- and are in full control of it now and so happy- one is an OT who works with our early intervention team- she tells the best stories to our families that just make them laugh and feel so good!)

update: just wanted to mention the other answers so far are also good! You always want to check hearing. And gymnastics is a great idea- even if it's not a paid class- the park or a small trampoline for a few minutes can do wonders. hope you find a bunch of great suggestions!

ok- so I'm updating again: just was making the kids waffles and thinking: hope I didn't sound like "this is the answer and your child definitely has SPD"....it really could be just some behavior difficulties, hearing, the speech delay, him having a strong will, or a number of other things.....sometimes we just don't find "the answer"....but what you can definitely find is: "suggestions and ways to make things better for both him and you". And unfortunately, things always get worse before they get better- so if you are trying new things- maybe stick with it for at least 3 weeks consistently to see if it makes any changes.

I'm wondering what kind of evaluation was done. Maybe you've already looked into this, but an unusually high activity level can be a sign of sensory processing disorder. The other thing that points to that is that he was difficult since he was born. My 1st son didn't have the same kind of activity level as your son, but was also difficult from birth. I didn't find out until he was 11 that he had sensory issues. The more I looked into it, the more I understood my son's behavior.

I recommend the book, "The Out-of Sync Child". Your library probably has it. Go to the index in the back and look up activity level and SPD. There's some good information there.

Also this website has a symptom checklist and some good information.
While going through the checklist, keep in mind that kids w/ SPD have all kinds of different symptoms. It seems different for just about everyone. He may have no symptoms at all in some categories, a few in others, and several in another. If you think this fits your son, have him evaluated by an occupational therapist who is trained in SPD.

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-proces...
Hang in there Mom. Hope this helps :)

Was his hearing checked? Could explain the not listening and the speech delay and general frustration...

I have two kids, and each one has acted like that in some ways. My older one especially! He is now four years old and is starting to come out of it. Honestly, he has been in pre-school, has had speech language services, and has had some great sensory help. But the help that has consistently shown results is the homeopathic remedies that we are giving him. Find a classical homeopath, and he or she will really be able to help!

Quick story: we were at a friend's birthday party last week. My son wanted to play a computer game that they almost always play there. I told him no. He waited. He led the "Happy Birthday" song, was really excited to watch someone else blow candles out (instead of trying to do it himself), ate his cake nicely, asked to be excused, and watched a "Diego" DVD with everyone else. My friend turned to me and said, "Wow, it's like he's a different kid!"

M.,

I want to second Nadine and Linda about pursuing sensory processing disorder and talking with an occupational therapist. Even "normal" children can benefit from the activities these professionals use on a daily basis.

Just remember, your son is always going to have lots of energy and drive, that is just his personality type. But, there may be things you can do to help him learn to control his impulses.

Our son was very colicky for six whole months. He screamed daily for hours. Every night felt like a battle and by the end of the six months my husband and I were both so exhausted and drained we decided to not have any other children. We couldn't go through that again. We later learned our son has sensory processing disorder (he couldn't tell where his body was in space so he was easily frightened unless he was tightly wrapped in his blanket) and food intolerances.

The book that was mentioned, The Out of Sync Child, is a wonderful book that can help you to understand some of what your son may be experiencing. As you read the book I would recommend you keep a journal and take notes, how does a specific technique help or not help with your son's behavior. Try each technique for a while, two to three weeks, so you and your family have a chance to settle into the changes.

Also, I would recommend removing all processed foods from your son's diet. Artificial food colorings and preservatives are known triggers for many children who have sensory processing disorder, ADHD, and Asberger's/Autism. Artificial food colors come from a variety of sources, but many of these sources you wouldn't let your child even put into his mouth if they were in your house. Here's an article you might find interesting, I was very surprised when I found out many of the food dyes are created from coal tar.

http://www.ehso.com/ehshome/FoodAdd/foodadditivescolor.htm

Our son is also intolerant to six other foods: wheat, corn, soy, oats, dairy, and eggs. Each of these foods have a specific symptom when his body breaks down and processes the foods. With soy he gets totally out of control, can't listen, can't sit still, and can't control him impulses (our son is 9 years old). With dairy he gets very mucus-y; he starts to sniffle a lot, his voice starts to sound thick like there is something in the back of his throat and his eyes start to water. With corn his skin gets very itchy and he can't sit still.

This is going to seem like a lot of information and totally overwhelming. I would suggest you start with the book, then move on to eliminating processed foods and take notes, how is your son doing now that the preservatives and food dyes have been eliminated from his diet? Then move on to specific food groups. Milk is a great place to start because many, many people are intolerant to milk, they just don't realize it.

There is a lot of information out there and for parents whose children have allergies and intolerances. There's a learning curve, but it gets easier if you take the process one step at a time. If you have any questions about this please message me, I'd be happy to help in any way I can.

Good luck, you can get through this and it does get better.

C. J.

He sounds alot like my son. he's now almost 3 and its been a hard road. He doesnt have any issues with speech tho, thats actually the opposite for him. But he's always been really difficult to entertain, very hard to handle in public. And I totally get the feeling of not wanting to take him anywhere because of the same issues. (taking off, not listening, throwing fits etc)
I've read so many books, talk to my ped. and finally we ended up at a child therapists office because I was losing my patience and sanity. Shes been a big help but also recommended the book "parenting with love logic" I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend this book. The methods are simple, easy and really make sense.
We are having alot of success for the first time! We have a ways to go, but he's alot older then your little guy so you'd get a head start. Get the book!! And good luck I feel your pain lol

In between a rock and a hard place. You know something doesn't seem right and if you pursue it you look like you're looking for something to be more wrong. And at the same time you are a caring and concerned mom whose gut instinct says something isn't right.
Find a specialist in behavior issues. What the school has to say really is not that of specially trained people. Pediatricians are only trained to come up with the more obvious. I would look for someone much more specialized. It could be dietary, it could be just about anything, but get more in depth analysis. It'll put your mind at ease. Good luck!

This sounds like the little guy that DS (now 3) plays with every day. We've known him since he was a baby. He's gotten a lot better with age. But when he was younger, he was the kid that cried and threw fits CONSTANTLY (to the point where I didn't want DS to have play dates with him becuase I was so annoyed with his behavior. His poor mom!).

Eventually what my friend wound up doing was creating hard structure and rules for him. It's hard to discipline when they're very young. But your son is at the stage where you can start. He's learning rules in his environment as you apply them. And at least for tantrums and crying, you can set some standards as far as what you'll "respond" to with him and not.

As far as the speech delay, that could certainly factor into it. He may be frustrated there, so I would keep with EI just for suggestions on working through that.

But remember. Some people just aren't happy people. And unfortunatley, your son might be one of them. It WILL get better. He's testing you now. You have to balance love with strong structure.

Hi,
My son was somewhat similar to yours. Speech delay, tough time following directions, really any kind of sequence, horribly curious into EVERYTHING!! Destroying most of it. My son was usually happy though in doing these things, ha! Well it turns out my son is dyslexic. At 19 months it is far too early for you to tell for sure, but I can tell you I started to notice he was different right around 19 mo., when we tried to do a mommy and me gymnastics class ... he tried to bolt to every exit to explore, while all the others followed along with the program - the teacher said she never had a child do what my son did. We are not lax parents, it was not a matter of discipline or emotional wellbeing. Fast forward to kindergarten, he could sit still enough for most activities and would be caught being in his own world a lot. Finally in first grade with homework I noticed he would not recognize simple words like sam from one page to the next, he had trouble sometimes rhyming, and would switch the occassional word like cupcake to cakecup (even in speaking). I don't know if your son is the similar to these other behaviors, but if nothing else, I would keep an eye open as he ages, and a wonderful book is the gift of dyslexia that talks about all the kind of oddball symptoms of a dyslexic child -- the amount of things it affects is astonishing. Best of luck!!

You might try taking him to be tested for food allergies...an allergist or a chiropractor who is also a nutritionist. Allergies "show" themselves in more ways than sneezing, rashes and throat closings! I can only assume you have had his hearing tested too since he has a speech delay? The old saying "you are what you eat" is true in so many ways. There is so much junk added into our foods. All the "-oses" fructose, sucrose...the list is long. MSG doesn't even have to be listed as MSG. It can say "natural flavorings" or just "spices". My system reacts to MSG. It makes me feel terrible so I have to be careful and read labels. My cousin has reactions to food dyes. As a kid, her reaction to dyes was just as you described your son. My aunt went "au naturelle" and made everything from scratch. The results were wonderful! That was probably 30 years ago, before there were organic food stores and before anyone even thought about how our food supply is ruined by additives. It would be worth looking into! There is a group of chiropractor/clinical nutritionists in Grosse Pointe who work with these issues all the time and have wonderful results. go to their website www.ahccenter.com There are testimonials from patients, the docs credentials etc. Your son's behavior issues could be a result of just one little thing in his diet that you have no idea he is eating that could be triggering this behavior. I hope this helps! Keep us all posted.