Ex Takes off 8 Weeks for Wifes Hysterectomy...

I'm having a hysterectomy next month. I was told not to drive for 2-3 weeks. I don't see why he needs to take off 8 weeks. She just won't be able to lift much and that's about it.

If I were you, I'd go to court and just let them determine why he is not paying you. You should mention that he is not working.

As for him taking 8 weeks off - he just doesn't want to work. But that is none of your business. The fact that he isn't paying you - that's all you need to worry about and go to court about.

If his order calls for wage garnishment and he's not getting a pay check, the money owed still accrues. With what he already owes you, child support should be stepping up the enforcement effort. They respond if you harass them. When someone is not getting a pay check and is in arrears, there is *plenty* they can do, starting with seizing bank accounts, suspending his driver's license, suspending any professional licenses he holds, and intercepting his tax refunds.

If he gets put on disability, he still owes child support. He would have to petition the court to lower his support based on reduced income, but they would then garnish his disability payments. You'd probably get more consistent payments because it would be coming from a government paycheck anyway.

Anyway...there is no reason for you to not call support enforcement and have them step up enforcement. We had banks accounts seized for $2K in overdue support that accrued *when my step-daughter lived with us* because it took several months after the custody change to get a court order that recognized the change and stopped enforcement.

Correction. J.B. got me to thinking. I described my daughter's experience in Oregon. I think I missed thinking about the entire situation. She may have gone thru Enforcement first because she wouldn't be able to pay the attorney even in installments. She may have decided to work with Enforcement instead of the court system. However it went, she was able to get her regular child support + an additional amount to start receiving back payments.

You said you had no money to file. Going to the state's Enforcement office costs nothing. I'm suggesting it's worth a try. Getting enforcement to actually get involved did take months. Perhaps because her ex had no money and wasn't receiving any government payments. However I think having some official action may be the reason he got a job or not. A part of the complications may have been that he lives in a different state.

I suggest you call them for information. Asking doesn't mean you have to file with them.

I would be angry if my ex took unneeded time off. However, why he's not paying is of no interest to the court. He has to pay no matter the circunstances.
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My daughter's ex works part time now but was unemployed for a year or so. I think the enforcement office added an extra amount to the ordered amount so that he gradually catches up. I'm not sure how that happened. He may have agreed to do that. He's going blind, cannot drive or have a job that requires extensive use of vision. Still he finally accepted his responsibility and works to pay child support. I'm proud of him.

I urge you to contact enforcement to find out what can be done. I suggest official pressure could help him take child support seriously.

I suggest you not mention him taking time off or not working. Why he doesn't pay or if he pays is not pertinent. He's required to pay child support. Bottom line. How he gets the money is his problem. Bringing up his personal circumstances only clouds the issue. I suggest that the court will not accept the case until you work with Enforcement. Also, you can't sue him. This is handled in Family Court. The judge can declare him to be in contempt of court. However the court requires that you use State Resources first. Contempt of court is later after you have proven that Enforcement has failed. I suggest that you talk with a family law attorney who can guide you in knowing your rights and what you can do.

Hell on Heels and JB both gave you great information. You can't keep him from taking time off (no one can), but at the same time that doesn't negate his obligation to contribute towards the support of his kids. UNLESS and UNTIL he petitions the court to modify his obligation, it will just continue to accrue, until the children are emancipated. Depending upon your decree and state's laws, that could possibly be as late as age 21. (I don't know off the top of my head what AZ laws are, or even if your kids actually live there, or where your decree was issued).

Sometimes it depends upon secondary education participation.

But the debt will keep accruing, whether he goes to work or doesn't, until he petitions (and wins) for a change.

It is pathetic sometimes what people do to avoid being responsible parents for their kids. But, well, you know this man... you aren't surprised by his actions, are you? Not much you can do about it, but seek enforcement.

And yes, there are lots of avenues that can be pursued to *encourage* him to pay. They can take his tax returns, etc, but these are sometimes slow in processing. You really have to stay on your agency to keep them motivated to move forward on this stuff. They can suspend driver's licenses, etc.

And garnish disability payments (to some degree... I'm not sure that they can take the full amount of support... depends on how the math works out percentage wise, etc).

But eventually, you may get what you are owed. My friend got a check for several thousand dollars a few years ago, from past due child support that was recovered from a tax refund. The kids were emancipated 15 years ago. But the debt never goes away until it is paid or you forgive it.

I had a complete hysterectomy about 12 years ago.... Bikini line incision, everything out!! Best thing I ever did!!!!

My mom flew in on a Sunday before surgery on Monday. Her " job" was to make sure my daughter, 1st grade at the time, was at school on time, picked up, etc. she brought her to see me at the hospital Monday evening.

I was discharged on Wed, no complications...

My hubby actually went back on the road for sales calls on Thursday. My mom left on Sunday... Exactly 1 week from her arrival. Although her help was appreciated, we could have managed without any help.

Since I wasn't allowed to drive for 2 weeks, hubby arranged his schedule to not fly out of town during that time but he still worked daily making sales calls and some work from home. Typically, he would fly out and be in the road 1-3 nights a week. I made it perfectly fine home alone resting while he was out. My daughter ride the bus home and the stop was in plain view so all was safe.

Once I was cleared to drive at 2 weeks, we were back on our regular schedule. I was at a track meet with daughter around 3 weeks. I followed all Dr orders except once when I overdid it and I paid for that.

I believe recovery is a frame of mind and how physically fit you are going in to surgery.

If my hubby stayed home 8 weeks I would have been climbing the walls!!! We would have killed each other!!! We are used to him gone weekly, not so much anymore but it was our norm. Even now, on the slow travel days from December to January, I'm ready for my schedule to be back!!!

I don't understand why a hubby would want to stay home 8 weeks unless he doesn't understand the procedure. Even since my surgery, things are done more efficiently and the down time is still low for a woman who had a hysterectomy. Hardest part was no driving for 2 weeks!!!

Hope that helps!!

I had a hysterectomy last April. I didn't even take 8 weeks off work! I was off work 6 weeks . My husband took 3 days off work. After one week I was able to do everything for myself just fine. I didn't need any help from anyone after the first few days. Sorry your ex is so lame.

Go to court. I had a hysterectomy and was out 4 weeks. If she was cut she would be out longer but the recovery time is 6-8 weeks. He is just using her as an excuse not to work. No she can't drive for a couple of weeks but where does she need to go if she is recovering? The doctor is the only place she needs to go and she will go there once or twice. Take him to court.

She probably doesn't need 8 weeks unless there are complications. FMLA is only 12, with permission, and when my DH was a candidate for a live liver donation, the donors needed someone willing to care for them for 6 weeks. I don't remember how long my mom was off her feet after her hysterectomy, but I know it was not 2 months. Maybe more like 2-3 weeks. Her xH was out of work at the time, so I can't say how long she needed him there.

Have you already reported him to child support enforcement? I feel your pain. I was the kid whose father didn't support her. But they eventually caught up with him. IMO, balance the money you will likely get (blood from a turnip and all that) with the time and money and energy you will expend holding him in contempt through the court on your own.

ETA: even if he is not working, at least it can be on the books that he owes $15K and may be able to catch up with him later. You have til the youngest kid is 28.

I had a hysterectomy. (I had the traditional c-section cut.) I was in the hospital for three days. A week after I got out, I DROVE to my daughter's first high school softball game. (I had a pillow on my stomach over the incision. My doctor gave me the ok.)

I was divorced and had two kids at home and pretty much rested for a couple of weeks but was back to doing things I normally did right after that. I wasn't a wussie. Your ex is milking this I think.

I'm confused. Electing to be unemployed does not exempt him from the requirements of court ordered child support. Regardless his excuses, take him to court and let him explain it to the judge.

My husband went to work the next day. Eight weeks. Crazy. I had a kidney out, which was the worse surgery I have ever had, and was fully functioning and driving at the 3 week mark.

Ultimately, even if he didn't "need" to take off the 6 weeks with his wife in your estimation or anyone else's, the FMLA allows for him to do so and not lose his job. It doesn't require his employer to pay him during that time, but he is allowed legally to take time off from work to care for a family member who is sick/injured. Accusing him in court of taking time off when he didn't need to is sort of irrelevant from a legal standpoint, unfortunately. I can definitely sympathize with you; it sucks that he isn't chomping at the bit to take good care of his children financially, but the sad fact is, I don't think there's a whole lot you can do about it. :(

I ws in the emergency room yesterday and sent my hubby home telling him I'd call him to pick me up. Seriously who wants someone around all the time when you aren't feeling well. I think your ex is using his wife's medical issue to his advantage. Call him on this bs and get that money. Your kids deserve to be supported and he is obligated to make it happen. Since he's behind already this is just going to make it worse.

No it is not normal for the spouse to take eight weeks off for a hysterectomy.

You are no longer married to this man. You were pissed for him not working when you were married and now your still pissed because he isn't working again. This is who he is and what he does. Try to forgive him and stop being seemingly bitter about money you don't have and may not get from him.

You have your own ability to gain wealth and a generous and supportive current husband. How is bieng pissed at your exhusband impacting your child or children with him? How is your desire for this money impacting your currents husband's feelings of your security on his ability to provide for his new family including kids that aren't his?

Be very careful with your reasons for pursuing this money. Yes the kid is entitiled to be supported by both parents and yes you should get the legal authorities to act on your behalf by what ever means at your disposal but you should also not count on this money.

My husband is due child support from my SS's mom to the tune of over $40,000 but you won't find neither him or myself stressing about money we never had and will in all likelihood never get.

In words from the song from Frozen, please let it go and make peace. Your life will improve and so will your child's or children's.

The people I know who have had them in recent years have had them laprsocopically (spelling??) and the recovery time was about 2 weeks.

When I had my major surgery 2.5 years ago my husband took off 1 week to be with me at home, and after that I was able to get up and move around on my own - even if it was at a snails pace.

I had a hysterectomy and although my mom did come and stay with me, it was only for a week. I went back to work within 4 weeks and was perfectly fine at home alone after that first week. Unless there were complications, I don't know of any reason why he needed to take 8 weeks off except that he wanted to stay home and used her procedure as a convenient excuse.

I've never heard of this. Every woman I know who had a hysterectomy had significant driving restrictions and lifting restrictions (no lifting the toddler or the laundry basket or the grocery bags). They definitely spent 3-6 days in bed or on the couch, and definitely doing very light duty for a few weeks afterwards. I know doctors vary a lot on what they say about not driving - so if her doctor told her six weeks, I think that's possible (though not universal). If the woman had complications or a particularly difficult surgery, I can see if SHE took longer. But planning ahead that the husband has to take 8 weeks? Unless she is a FedEx driver and he is taking her shifts to haul heavy packages, I call foul.

Sounds like he needs to feel like a useful human being and this is his way of convincing himself he's essential. It also sounds like it's an in-your-face rejection of his responsibilities as a father. Or she got too much attention and so he managed to get hurt so he could laze around. I'm sure his father is sick of him, and maybe his wife is too.

A friend of mine recently divorced her lazy husband - he lived as his mother's house since she is in assisted living, and he did take the kids Wednesday afternoon through Friday night, plus alternate weekends. (He was a teacher and out at 3 PM). Now he has convinced his principal that he has mental stress, he's on disability (collecting his pay), has moved to another state 4 hours away, moved in with a woman he just met, and doesn't want to pay added child support for all the extra expenses the kids' mother has (more day care, more food, more entertainment). He has moved to a tiny town with no job opportunities, and he is living off his "fiancee". And he's pissed that gas is so expensive to come get his kids 1 weekend a month. (She would give more visitation but he is too far away.) So yeah, there are lazy and neglectful idiots everywhere who are clueless about what this does to their kids. She's going back to court. Hates it, but has to.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.