Ex Stated Intent to Not Return Child After Summer Visitation.

Your attorney is right. Remember, the financial settlement affects her GREATLY, as it also affects you. He is trying to blackmail you into giving him what he wants. Don't let him. You and your daughter need the money for the future. Do what you are supposed to do, and document, document, document. Has your lawyer told you to only communicate by email or text message so what he says is recorded for the court? Ask about that. I don't think I would speak to him at all, but tell him that he has to write from now on.

If you have a good lawyer, perhaps they could get him for kidnapping if he takes her somewhere during the part of the summer he can't have her.

Say nothing to him without the expressed agreement of your attorney.

Good luck,
Dawn

This sounds like blackmail to me.

Listen to your lawyer. That's what you pay him for.

You cannot do anything until he actually does it. Until then, it's all supposition and words. He actually has to do the deed in order to violate the court order. Once he does that, he's in trouble.

Keep ANY correspondence where he states he will not give your daughter back to you until you sign a financial clause.

Is there any reason why you refuse to sign the financial settlement before summer? Is it inequitable? Unfair? Did your lawyer tell you NOT sign? If you don't like it, then find a compromise that will work for you. If not? He just might break the law, which will then be in your favor.

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.

he hasn't done anything requiring a court's action until he violates, so yeah, you can't do anything UNTIL he violates... but, that said, i'd ask my attorney to write him a quick letter "reminding" him of the terms of the custody decree, and that he/you will file charges on x date(whatever the EXACT middle date of the summer is) if the chid is not returned to you. beyond that, you just gotta wait and see. also, have the attorney send a letter to HIS attorney advising him of his client's "threat" to violate the custody order, maybe his own attorney can advise him against this. if the threat to keep her past time is in writing, be sure to hold on to it...

This is the real deal. Many men don't really want the responsibility of the kid. Some just want to make your life a living hell. Since he has had very limited contact, it is my guess that he really doesn't want to spend time with her but wants to make your life difficult.

I would recommend not speaking directly to him but making most of your interacting with him in the written form. This way you can have a paper trail of what was said which you could take into the court.

Has any change of venue been requested to have this matter seen and settled in the jurisdiction of the court local to you? This may be important and help keep you from having to travel from state to state.

What are your rights while she is in his possession? Do you get to speak to her daily? I would definitely have something like that in place if possible.

You definitely need a better attorney. While it is true the court will do nothing until one of you violate the order, attorney's know what can and can't be done even if it pushes the envelope.

What is custodial or visitation agreement read when the child is with you? Has he violated that in any way? Or could your behavior towards him be interpreted as you being another bitter woman? The courts will be looking at you too and sometimes a protective mamma is deemed a villian in the eyes of the system.

Your attorney is correct you can't do a thing until he is actually in violation. If you withhold the child you are doing the same thing and I am sure he will press charges against you.

You need to listen to your attorney not a bunch of women.

Not sure why you are dragging your feet on the settlement. Just go to court and be done with it. This is just from my limited point of view but if you aren't going to court it sounds like you are asking for something the court won't award you. Perhaps he sees it as you are holding that document for ransom so he is threatening to do the same with your daughter. Difference is I doubt he will follow through with his threat.

Your options are to listen to your lawyer and record phone calls. Find out what the laws are in your state http://www.callcorder.com/phone-recording-law-america.htm it appears that only one party must know, you and it is legal. Find out how to record the calls on your cell phone - most phones have this ability and DOCUMENT your a$$ off. Honestly, my nephew was kidnapped by his bio father and it only took a week to get him back - in the long run I think it best to record, document and listen to your lawyer.

I have no experience here, but wanted to respond. I am so sorry--I know you must be worried. My sister is going through a divorce and her husband threatened something similar. I remember her attorney told her there was nothing she could do until the custody order was actually violated. What bothers me is that your daughter has had very limited contact with him and now will have to spend several weeks with him. I know this is normal, but I wonder what in the world is going through her head. I hope something can be worked out:)

It's his method of 'negotiation'.

Listen to your lawyer - he/she has been through hundreds of divorces.

Like your attorney said, you have to wait and see if he actually does keep her. You can't go anything until he violates the court order. At that point, I think it will become kidnapping and since he's in another state, possibly the FBI would get involved. Do keep some sort of "proof" of when she leaves so that you can prove you are at the half way point.

Don't stress too much. This sounds like to me what my daughter used to do to me. If you don't do what I want, then you can't see your grandkids anymore. At first I really stressed but then I realized it's only a ploy to try to scare me into doing what she wants. Same for your ex - he may be spewing a lot of hot air hoping to scare you into doing what he wants.

Sounds to me like he's just a bully. I bet you that he is all bark and no bite. After having to care for her alone for a week or two I would not be surprised if he welcomes for you to take her back for a weekend and give her back to you once his time is up.
Don't let yourself be intimidated by him and make sure you document everything he says and convey the information to your attorney.
Good luck.

Your attorney is correct. However, do not give in on this. Your daughter's financial security is at risk. When it is time for you to pick up your daughter and he does not comply, call the police. Better yet, set up the exchange at the police station. If he is a no show, you walk straight in there. He is betting that you will sign the agreement prior to you sending her for fear of him doing exactly what he said he would do. Is he crazy enough to do this?

You need to wait until he violates the order.....then you can request an emergency hearing. What state has jurisdiction? that is where you would file.

Is there a reason you can't finalize your financial settlement bu then?

I hope he "stated" this in writing.

He's just trying to scare you. If he violates the order, he'll be risking his future visitation.

If he brings it up again, I would say, "Anything you have to say to me about the matter needs to be in writing and sent to my attorney. Do you need me to give you his address?"

Try not to let him get you worked up and don't agree to ANYTHING.
My ex was constantly doing things like that to me to the point it was in our papers that he wasn't to contact me for any reason other than an emergency involving our son uness it was in writing. He wasn't allowed at my home, he wasn't allowed NEAR my home. We exchanged our son in a public place across the street from the police station.
That was in our orders due to his never ending attempts at manipulation.
It's not the best scenario when you're trying to share a kid, but it was the only way to stop him or at least curb it.

Divorces can be so ugly.
If your ex doesn't want to lose his priveleges, he won't fail to bring your daughter back home across state lines.

Hang in there!!!

I dont think your ex did his homework.Not gonna work.He WILL be arrested.How mature of him to use a child as a pawn.I would consider full custody if I were you.Atleast until things are settled.Even when the cards are on the table he could question her about you during visits,things that she shouldnt have to worry about.Thats not fair to her,yes she is only four (NOW).Go to court and have your custody order etched in stone,dot every I and cross every T,maby even consult with a lawyer.Its enough stress for a child,he does not need to make it worse.Do not mess around,hit the nail on the head now.These type of situations could drag on for years.He ll never be happy and everytime he wants his way he will threaten you with your own child????I think not.Oh,I forget to say,that he didnt technically do anything agaisnt the law...yet...but you can certainly go to court and file for a new order.Maby even a temporary P.F.A until he gets himself together and sees his child for what she is...a child....not collaterall

Follow your attorey's advice. The court cannot punish him prospectively for violating its order; it can only punish him for actually violating it after the fact. Similarly, it CAN punish you for violating its order by denying your husband visitation. Yes, this is frustrating and the court system is imperfect, but punishment cannot occur until after a bad act has been performed.

Good luck.