Ex-husband Driving Me Insane!

Where does he sleep when he isn't on your couch? Is he paying rent or mortgage somewhere else?? Why is it up to him how much time you spend with your son?? Too many unanswered questions for us to give you solid advise. However, from the little that you've told us, it sounds as though you are both still leaning on eachother-- almost to the point of using each other. You seem to be using him for transportation because you mentioned that you don't have a car, and for whatever reason, he seems to be using you for shared meals and a place to crash for the night even though he doesn't help with chores (do you cook for him and clean up after dinner??) I understand that you share a child, but if you really want to break free from your dependancy of him and move on with your life then you need to figure out how to take care of yourself. I know money is tight, but you need to start setting money aside for a used car and/or buy yourself a bus pass or something, and find ways to cook cost efficient meals that you can have without him. I know it's easier said than done, but you posted here for help-- and I think we all know (including you) what needs to be done. There is nothing wrong in general with still having a close friendship with an ex, but you would not have posted here unless you were ready to break free but you just aren't sure how. You need to step up and fix what bothers you, or you need to stop having a problem with the way your life is now.

Hi. I think you should focus on your happiness and health and sounds like having him there isn't supporting that! You may find yourself creating more ways of earning money when you are in a more grounded, less confrontational situation. I know I can think more clearly, be way more creative, when my ex and his energy isn't around me!

Good Luck!

Where does he stay when he's not sleeping on your couch?
Why can't he be there instead of on your couch?
I think you already know what you need to do. Is your sanity, health and attitude being trampled upon really the best thing for your son? Have you tried TELLING your ex that while you are happy that you have a "working" relationship for your son, and you don't mind sharing meals occasionally due to economics, that sleep-overs (even on the sofa) are just more than you are ABLE to do. That you think it is unhealthy for ALL of you!
Only a person who is walking in your shoes can really know what to do. That person is You.
God Bless you, dear.

Go ahead and tell him you need your own time and space. You can still share meals on PREVIOUSLY AGREED DAYS a week, but he needs to go back to his place afterwards. You don't need another child to babysit on.

Is he mature enough to sit down and have a serious talk with you where you guys can set some rules and boundaries? Maybe make a list and say golly gee, I'm so happy we can have a friendly relationship, but since we are divorced, we need to respect each other's privacy, and here's where I think we need to draw some lines.....
Why is the amount of time you get to spend with your child up to your ex? If it's because he has a vehicle, or because he has primary custody, then I guess you would have to weigh the pros and cons of telling him you want him to back off, and seeing your son less if it makes him angry. Hopefully he's a better person than that, and can understand that your relationship now is because of your son, and not because he still has a right to nose into your business. Good luck!

first of all i understand you love you son and want to spend as much time as possible with him. but seems to me your ex has you over a barrel there and maybe even counting on that to get to stay with you.and what are you teaching your son. i mean he has to be confused that you two are divorced but daddy still sleeps over at mommy's????
I mean this seems like a TV show like-- Reba where you are divorced but still see each other every breathing moment.I mean i often wondered what was up with that. i eman i thought no one in the real world does this. guess i was wrong by reading your page.please do not think i am judging you or trying to demean you.but the reality IS YOU GOT A DIVORCE SO YOU DID NOT HAVE TO LIVE WITH---BE WITH---PUT UP WITH--- this person you are allowing to be at your house at his beckon call.seems a little weird (unothodoxed) to me.

i would tell him, listen i like you, i want to stay friends for our sons sake but... while i love my son i am no longer in love with you and we got divorced so we did not have to live with, be with, be around each other 24-7 therefore their will absolutly be no more sleep overs (even if it is on the couch).

now if you still have feeling for him (the ex) and want to try your marriage again then you both need to talk about that.but if not and that is not even a remote possibility then get him out of there, this will come of no good.

you can never move on with someone new if he is there all the time messing it up for you. and new guy wants to try to understand why your ex sleeps over.and your son more than likely does not get it either.

yes you may have to struggle but you will have a better peace of mind. and less stress.tell him to GO !!!! and remember he is your ex for a reason.

Hi C.,
Of course I am not there in your position, so it's really hard to know exactly how everything is there in that situation. It seems awkward. However, in my opinion in what I would do, is turn to God. You and your ex were married once before. Is it possible to rekindle that relationship? Family is so important and so much more if it includes a Father, AND Mother. It is so much better for your son. Of course he has to pull his share around the house too. Is there any way to sit and talk to him about all of this? Do you both have faith in God? Can you both turn to Him and ask Him to help you two? I know it was very awkward when I prayed with my husband the first time, (I didn't grow up praying in my family), but wow what a difference it makes in your life. The only thing is is that BOTH parties have to cooperate. And when God is in the picture there's no such thing as not being compatible, because the Lord MAKES you both compatible, when you truly turn to Him and make Him the center of the family.
I may be stepping over the line here but I am just giving my opinion on what I would do. Since he's over there 4 nights a week, you're pretty much being a "family" more than half of the week, why not make it full time? (If your ex cooperates that is :)
I will pray for guidance for you and your ex-husband and your son, that you guys can choose the wisest path for all of you.
Take care, and I really hope it works out for you so you may be happy!
V.

So if you drew up a contract of what works for both of you there should not be any crossing over the boundaries. Also those things that annoy you about him have been annoying you all your life with other people. So get to the source of that and you could live with him on a different level.

My first thought is he needs to go! It's up to you.

Key word "ex",and if you were doing okay before he came back around,you certainly continue to do so now.i know it's difficult raising kids by yourself,i raised 3.
2girls,1son.it can be done without an ex hanging around.you to put him out lock,stock and barrel,especially if there is no possibilty of reconcillation.stop playing house with him,raise your son,spend time with your son.i don't know where your spitiual/christian walk is,but now is the time to turn to god and let him be your husband,and get rid of"breath and britches"aka "ex-husband...

Is there a chance of you guys getting back together - you said you shared a decent relationship. Are you annoyed at his habits versus who he is as a person and could it be a reminder of why you were divorced. You said in your profile the hardest as a parent is to see your son go off with him and not get treated right (meals, etc) - At least with him on your coach, your son gets to stay with you. Have you communicated to him what the rules of YOUR house is now that he is gone and is hanging out there - Maybe he remembers how life was with you and as someone says, if you are cooking for him, etc which man wouldn't hang around especially in these times. I think there just needs to be communication what the rules are under the new arrangement. Hope it works out for you