This is more of a rant than anything. We did some switching on weekends because of Easter. Now he thinks he can switch all the weekends forever because it makes it easier for when he goes on vacation. I am a planner so I have reservations going through the end of the year for things I have planned to do with and without the kids. Because these are my weekends.
I understand he is a narcissistic sociopath and as such loves!!! to control my life if he can. So he sees this as no problem since I can ask him permission to change those weekends I have planned. Yeah douche bag, not happening!!!
This is becoming more than just a bit frustrating to me.
Not that this is even the worst he has done mind you but does anyone else have a psycho ex?
For those that haven't divorced the decree tells you which holidays you have, if his holiday falls on my weekend he gets the kids but I get them the next two weekends. Easter fell in a way that I couldn't take the them the weekend after so he had them three weeks and I have them the next three weekends. Now he wants me to have them only two and switch all the weekends after that...
Jessica, I don't actually call him a sociopath to his face. That is actually not a made up insult, there are several psychologists that agree. :(
He wants them this weekend and I told him no problem, then I will have them next weekend and then my normal weekend. He is just stuck on switching the weekends permanently and for the life of me I can't figure out why other than he sees it as a way to control my life.
Heck it took one of our older kids telling him I was serious about calling the police and having him arrested for trespassing before he stopped having our younger two let him in my house when I wasn't home. He said I don't care what the court says I built that house!!! He would come in and go through my stuff, look at the mail, my favorite, take a dump in the master bathroom and not flush! He has some serious issues.
Yes, J., I DO have a psycho ex.But we're going on 5 years now and I've come to terms with the fact that I can't MAKE him be what the kids (or I) need him to be.
I have decided to choose peace. It's a choice I make everyday, and it's NOT easy.
Sorry.
:(
I feel your pain somewhat dealing with ex who wants to change schedules on a whim regardless of kid needs. And momma's needs, fughetaboutit, not a concern for the ex huh!
@ JessicaWessica I hope you're commenting based on experience as a divorced or single parent. Hey, if you're in a happy marriage I'm very happy for you. But if you've never dealt with an uncooperative, difficult, mean spirited.. (or fill in any other negative type here) ex this probably isn't the post for you to comment on.
Since he switched once for you (Easter), I would switch once with him and then revert back to the normal schedule.
refuse to change weekends with him.
My ex is a Narcissist, too and loves to " surprise" me by changing the parenting schedule. We only communicate by email so he would send me long weird rants that I'd skim through and then find a little comment like "I'll bring the boys home on Monday" when we had planned for them to be home on Saturday. My favorite was, "the boys will spend every Friday and Saturday night with me (ex)" buried in a newsy email... he decided to adjust the parenting plan on his own and thought I'd just go along with it.
My ex also used to talk the kids into letting him into the house, or I'd find him "working" in the garage. Funny how many narcissists have the same behaviors. He still thinks this house is his, too! But I changed the locks, security system and now my kids are old enough to just say no to him. Yeah!
So we are making progress and I now keep my emails brief and don't even use complete sentences, just days and times and my ex does the same. Even so, I know there will be more surprises in the future. For me, the key has been to not engage my narcissistic ex. When he has a schedule change that doesn't work for me, I just reply, "nope". You know, once you include any kind of explanation, you are in for a long interaction. Good luck!
Yes, I have a psycho ex. The time switching thing became a real problem because he had every single day and weekend down on his planner a couple years in advance for heaven's sake.
I started noticing that one little switch-a-roo here or there meant that he'd have our son on holidays two years in a row, etc. Oh, hell-to-the-NO!
It was actually put in our papers that any requests for changes had to be made in writing, two weeks in advance. Obviously some things came up that we didn't have two weeks to give notice for. We dealt with it.
The thing is, when you are co-parenting, stuff happens and no matter what you mark on your calendar, the minute we have kids, things are always subject to change.
I've been divorced 14 years. My son is 15. Last year at Thanksgiving, it hit my ex husband and I that we only have a couple of years left with him being at home for holidays. So...we tried an experiment. We had Thanksgiving together as a family at his house. My daughter came. We had an absolutely wonderful time. I got really sick and was hospitalized in December, so....I had Christmas Eve and Christmas day at my ex husband's house. My son and I decorated the tree and slept in the living room together watching "A Christmas Story" all night. My daughter came the next day and we had a wonderful Christmas together. We spent New Year's and even the Super Bowl together as a family. My daughter being pregnant at the time made it really special for us all to be together instead of the kids being at one place or the other.
If anyone had told me even 5 years ago that my ex and I would be in the same space sharing holidays, I'd have thought they needed to be committed to a mental institution.
My kids are so much happier and we had to ask ourselves just what we were fighting over this day or that day for for so many years.
Like I said, my son is 15. If he says the rivers are good and he wants to go fishing with his dad for a while on my weekend....I let him go. By the same token, if my son wants to stay with me because we have company coming from out of town, his dad lets him.
It can take a really, really long time to put hurts aside and maybe it's not even possible in some cases. I just know that both my ex husband and I are sorry it took us so long to not fight over every little thing.
I guess you could say I have an EX psycho ex husband. It took some giving on my part too.
My kids are happy and ultimately, that's all that matters to me.
My baby will be 18 in the blink of an eye and ALL days and weekends will be mine.
I know you're upset. Believe me, I wanted to strangle my ex husband a thousand times. There has to be give and take.
I wish you the best and hope you can find a civil way to work these things out.
I am sorry your ex is the way he is...I am one of the few lucky women who has an awesome ex, he took a while to come around and settle into being a good dad, but now we really get along well ( of course my son is now 15 so it does get easier!) IF you had asked me this when my son was little...I would have had Plenty of bad things to say about him though! It also probably doesn't hurt that he left me "while" I was pregnant with our son, so I have had a LONG time to get over it.
Stick with the schedule, as hard as it sometimes may be, it sounds like switching just makes things worse.
Have you actually had a conversation with your child's father explaining why you don't want to change the schedule? Simply refuse and if he won't back down or, I don't know, compromise, and then tell him that your lawyers can work it out. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Maybe if you refer to him as your child's father rather than as a sociopath, you'd have an easier time coping with him. You're going to be dealing with this man for at least the next 18-odd years and if you can't work out things like this then you're screwed and you're destined for a lifetime of ranting and raving over this guy.
Our parenting plan has wording that 'if a holiday falls on the other parents weekend, they switch' this has eliminated a lot of grief!
