Ever Had One of Those Days When You Couldn't Take It Anymore?

1. You are not a bad mother. 2. You are not alone - we've all been there whether or not we want to admit it. 3. This IS a phase and will pass soon. Hang on!

It is a phase! All mom's feel this way sometimes (if they are honest) and you are not bad - you are good - you are asking for help.

I think you should see if you have a close friend or family member that would take him for a few hours during which you could sleep. Sleep deprivation makes all of this so much worse. If you get a bit of a break, it will help you so much. If you don't have a friend or relative, see if there is a drop in mom's program in your area (a lot of times with a church day care).

At six months, he could be feeling seperation anxiety, that might be why he wants to be held more. Here's what I tried to tell myself..."she'll be all grown up soon and I'll be longing for the times when she wouldn't let me put her down...or when I had to rock her to sleep...or when I had to spend 30 minutes detaching from her when dropping her off at a party....I WILL MISS THOSE TIMES WHEN SHE IS ALL GROWN UP.

But...I think you need to find someone to take him for a while so you can get some sleep and know this is a phase with him. And know that the higher your stress gets, the higher his gets! :-)

Take it easy on yourself!!

My youngest is a "high-needs" child as well. He was ALWAYS pissed off about something when he was a baby and ALWAYS needed to be held. The one thing that we did that seemed to help with his neediness and clinginess was to co-sleep. He got to be in physical contact with me all night long, so whenever he would wake up, I was already right there. I ended up just leaving the "nurse" hanging out so he could help himself to it without waking me up. It sounds weird, but it WORKED. I was no longer sleep deprived, and he was more willing to separate from me by at least a few feet during the day because he was getting plenty of contact at night.

It worked for me, maybe you could give it a try. And hang in there, it does get better as they get older. This age is a crucible of devotion for the mommy of a high-needs baby.

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Edit: I also meant to tell you that my son took all of his naps at that age laying on my chest while I reclined in my easy chair with the TV on low. I would usually fall asleep with him so I got a nap too to make up for any sleep I was missing out on. Don't be afraid to nap with your baby, it's probably one of the best things you could do. I truly believe that physical contact is the key for babies like this. My son always felt much better when he was able to fall asleep AND wake up still in physical contact with me. I think it made him feel more secure and comforted.

Oh, I am so sorry! I'd try to send him to a friend/family member for a few hours if that's possible, so you can sleep.

Also remember that your hormones are still leveling out after pregnancy... The first time I felt truly exasperated with my son I didn't know it but I was a week away from getting my first period after delivery.

I don't know how you feel about babywearing but my son was very clingy too and I survived by putting him in a wrap or the Baby Bjorn. It frees up your hands so you don't feel like you are trapped.

You are not alone. Yesterday I told my 2 yr old to leave me alone. I felt awful after the words left my mouth. i work full time and then have to go home and work even more. My husband works evening shift so he is gone when I get home. World Cup games are playing now so he watches those. Yes, I totally understand that they are only every 4 yrs but seriously, yesterday I was running around trying to clean the house, cleanup after cooking outside-which honestly makes a mess in the kitchen, do laundry. After the game finshed, he was watching a movie. And then later after cooking outside was done, he watched another one. I cannot tell you the last time I was able sit down and watch a regular movie--without getting up every 5 minutes to take care of something. Also, my 2 yr old has started to scream for everything. Yes, it is a phase that seems to come in spurts are times. Just as you are getting used to the good parts, it starts again. Last night while getting ready for bed, I remember thinking that I can not wait until she turns 5.

It sounds like you need a "me" day. Do you have someone that could help you out and watch your baby (and other kids too) for at least a few hours one day SOON? If so, get out of the house...go for a walk, sit in the park, go to the movies, do anything or nothing but do it with just yourself and relax. Then see if you can schedule even an hour at least every few days or once a week. Good luck and hang in there.

I had a high needs baby for my first...there almost wasn't a second!! No one completely understands how hard a high needs baby is until you have handled one 24/7...for days/weeks on end...with no end in sight.

You need to find someone to give you some help...do you have a teen aged girl in the neighborhood who can come hold him a while for you...your mom or MIL...a sister...anyone who can give you a break?? A neighbor who's kids are raised and gone? That can help.

Or you can safely put him in his crib or pack and play so he is safe. Then close the door and walk away for 15 to 30 minutes...he can cry that long with out it doing any harm to him. I would also suggest a sling to carry him around in...mine hated the sling do that didn't work, but it might work for your son. I would hand my son to my husband at 6pm and go to bed and let him know I wasn't back on duty until midnight...so deal with him.

It is a phase and it will get better...it WILL get BETTER. These types of babies are just super hard on their mothers. My son is now 5 and a delight, but I didn't think I would survive his infant hood...and I grew up with a lot of babies around...I had never experienced that before.

The good news is high needs babies tend to be super smart and talented people...my son amazes me everyday...if you need to vent or talk just send me a private message...I know the frustration!! HUGS!!!

My daughter was like this.

What people DON'T EVER TELL a mom is all the "bad" stuff we think and feel about our children. Yes... I've wanted to choke my children. Yes... I've wanted to run away. Yes... I've wanted to dot them right in the eye. Yes... I've needed to put my son (not yet 2) in his crib and let him scream while I go out on the porch to get a few minutes alone and quiet. Yes... I've told my daughter (7) to go to her room at 6pm and to stay there until I'm ready for her to come out. And Lord YES have I wanted to shoot my husband because I ask for help and he might help... But at his own pace and when he's good and ready.

I feel for those that have never been told that it's ok to think and feel like this. I've never been much for a cry it out situation, but sometimes for mom's sanity, you need 5 minutes of them being in a crib or pack n play (for safety) while you go to breathe.

It is a phase, but it's also one that lasts longer than you'll want it to... It already has. If you have someone that can take the kids for a couple hours, let them. Then... Relax and do what YOU want to do. Whether it be take a nap, go to the salon, eat a meal in peace and quiet... Whatever it is.

Big huge hugs. I've been there and done that.

He could be teething.. May want to be prepared for that.. It will bring on loose stools, drooling, sometimes low grade fevers.. Maybe start keeping some frozen wash cloths in the freezer for him to chew on.. Teeth do not just pop out.. it can take weeks. The teeth feel like little needles inside of his gums and they really hurt.

Do you have a baby swing? If not borrow one and see if that will help sooth him.. Can he lift his head pretty well? If so, give him some tummy time with interesting items just out of reach for him to look at.. He may be ready to start a new mile stone like getting up on his knees or if he already does that he may try to begin attempting to crawl.. Take him outside on a blanket of on firm ground.. (Like fresh mowed lawn) and let him lay on his back and also practice flipping him over, if he has not done this yet..

I know you are exhausted and the crying is sending you over the edge.. Babies go through these stages, but they will pass.. I remember just wanting a shower and to brush my teeth.. Nothing else and sometimes, just not being able to do that.. But it will get better..

Oh, hon. This is me, giving you an imaginary hug....Yes, it'll pass. Yes, some of us have been there. My firstborn was such a high-strung kid that we used to joke that putting her down for the night was like disarming a live hand grenade. At one point only thing that would make her happy was sleeping in the baby swing. We wore out the motor in our Graco! When I called the company to get another motor they must've heard the desperation in my voice because they Fed-Ex'd it overnight. I used to get sick to my stomach when she cried, too. One day things got so bad that when my husband came home I handed him the baby and kept right on walking out the door--got in the car and started driving. I might've kept right on going if it had not been for the fact that I HAD lost my mind by then (or parts of it) and I'd forgotten my wallet and so had to come back home....Today she's a middle school honor student and we are very, very close--as I am with her little sister (yes, I went back for another round after the first--talk about a glutton for punishment!) And my husband and I still love each other! You'll make it--really, you will.

My baby was real high maintainance as well... she always wanted to be held or played with; was never the kind to 'self-amuse'. And people who have that other sort never understand, do they? They will tell you it's your own fault for 'spoiling' your baby - that whey "they" just let their child "cry it out, they get over it".... don't listen to that! Each baby is different. I don't often admit this, but it got to the point that I thought I was losing my mind, because I would consider tossing the baby out the window some nights (Seriously! The thought process was like: The grass is quite long and soft, she'd be fine, one of the neighbors will find her and they'll be good to her...) Yeah, sleep deprivation is baaaad! Thankfully your better judgement somehow kicks in, but sheesh! So, you are not a bad mom! I know you mention you don't get enough help, and I didn't really either, but finally at one point I just shoved the baby at my husband, grabbed my purse and left.... just went shopping 'all by myself' for awhile.... it was amazing what that small moment did for me! It became our Sunday ritual, that I would leave for a couple hours just to hear my own thoughts - and that really helped me out. She did grow out of this - as she was able to do more on her own (crawl, walk) sure, she started getting into stuff then, but didn't need to be constantly held as much. She is still the kid who always wants to be with me, more so than others, so I guess it's just a personality type. She's 12 now, and an awesome child. Hang in there, and find some way to get some time for yourself - that is really the key, I think.

poor old R.. you definitely need a break. it IS a phase and it will be okay. but you should hire a sitter for an afternoon and evening and get the hell out. go do whatever makes your heart happy, whether it's wandering in a forest, geeking happily in a library, getting your toes polished and painted or going out dancing. i know there are lots of attachment mamas who pride themselves on never needing a break from their kids, but you know what? most of us do, and 99.9% of kids benefit from getting an occasional break from their parents too.
go have some fun, girlie!
:) khairete
S.

My son was a high-needs baby, so I can definately relate. And no offense to those who do not have high-needs babies, but a crying baby is not the same as a high needs baby. They take demanding to another level. If you have one, you know what I mean.

Unfortunately, in the short term, there may not be much you can do to change your baby. You can try wearing him, if he wants to be close to you all the time. You can allow him to safely cry for a few minutes here and there so you can breathe. You can certainly try to elicit help from anyone who can offer it, even just for a half an hour here and there for you to sit in a chair, close your eyes, and recharge. Let a trusted friend or neighbor put him in a stroller and take him for a stroll so you can have a much needed few minutes to gather your composure. Let him sleep with you. I know that's not the right answer for some people, but if I hadn't let my son sleep with me, I would have absolutely DIED from sleep deprivation. And in retrospect, I love the cuddle time I had/have with my son when we co-sleep. So maybe you can consider that. You may already be doing these things, but if not, give them a try. What could it hurt?

The bright side to this, is that IT DOES END. I can't tell you when things will change for you, but it will change. My son, now 4 1/2, is the sweetest, most loving, funniest, smartest, most adorable little man alive. Can you tell I really like him? lol It's not an overnight change, but as time passes, you will find your son more and more enjoyable and less and less demanding. There is not a hint of those high maintenance days left in our lives today. He is my helper, my companion, my joy, my humor, my little friend.

You'll get there, too.

Know that you're not alone, and know that those of us who had high needs babies SURVIVED!!! HUGS...

I don't know about Bose headphones, but I do have a friend who used regular old earplugs -- she could still hear the baby crying, but it took that nerve-rattling edge off. She said it just helped her HEAR her baby rather than LISTEN to his shrieking. Good luck -- be honest with yourself and find someone to take him for a couple hours. You need to reboot, too.

I just read ur post and it almost made me cry for you. My daughter is now 15yrs. old but when she was a baby, i too felt some of the things you have felt. Its a hard road when raising a baby and it gets even harder as they get older. Not always of course, but it comes in stages. I am glad you have found out that there are other mothers out there that have felt the same as you have and other babies like yours. Back when my daughter was a baby, i had no computer and I was a single mother so no help at all on my part. I wish back then there had been a computer in my home so I too could have gotten info and been able to do research. It is nice to see that mothers now a days, have a way to connect to many people around the world, to learn, to research, ect.... When times get tough for you, just remember about how lucky you are to have the conveniences of today. I to this by thinking of my grandmother who raised 7 kids and two of them were twins. It helps me alot cause i sit back and think during tough times and say to myslef, "what would my grandmother had done"?
I wish you all the luck in the world and i know how hard it can be, just remember that they do grow quickly and try to enjoy the good times as much as possible.

R.,

I haven't read the other responses, but you may be experiencing a little post-partum depression or some anxiety from dealing with a high needs baby. I am prone to anxiety anyway and hate taking medications, but after I started losing my temper on silly things I finally went and talked to a counselor. I started taking 50 mg of Zoloft and it has helped to take the edge off. I know what you mean about the crying. When my DD would cry, my whole body would tense and I would feel so helpless when I couldn't relieve it. I hated that it bothered me so much. What also helped me was know that this too shall pass! Good luck and God bless.

I only have one kid and he's almost three and I feel the same way half the time. Don't be too hard on yourself, your only human.

My son isn't even high needs and he takes everything out of me. I'm expecting my second now and I have a feeling this one will not be so easy. I'll be the one writing in next year stressed out. =-)

My daughter was a cranky baby, too. Our son had been so easy, and here I was at home with a grumpy baby, nursing (so my husband really couldn't help), a 21 month-old who had a lot of needs, and I was completely out of my element as a working mother on Maternity Leave.

You're not a bad mother at all. We all have our breaking points, and it sounds like you're really close to yours.

In my case, my stress was compounded by 4 weeks of medical tests trying to figure out what was wrong with me that a few lymph nodes had suspiciously swollen. I was a bundle of nerves, too. At 10.5 weeks, when my diagnosis of lymphoma (cancer) came back, my daughter appeared to instinctively know and became the most angelic child.

I've not read the other responses, but I wanted to offer my advice to have friends, neighbors, family come over. Who doesn't want to hold a baby? You don't have to let them know you're stressed and frazzled. Just see if they'd like to come over, have some lunch, hold the baby and let you get some things done. They may find a special way to hold this baby, give you 90 minutes of peace or rest.

Each of us has a different threshold for what we can tolerate and what sends us over the edge. You've found yours, and admitting it is by far the hardest part (congratulations on being strong enough to acknowledge it).

I'd also recommend speaking with your OB to see if they have any advice on how to help you cope. I never knew that adding one more baby would make things so complicated, but there were days I didn't know how I was going to do it.

I hope you find your grumpy baby grows out of this colicky stage and is an angel soon (for all your sakes).

I just wanted to let you know it's very normal to be at the end of your rope. Just b/c we become moms does not mean we suddently inherit an infinite amount of patience. Add on being sleep deprived and not having one free minute to youself anymore, of course it's not going to be easy.
I don't have any piece of advice (I wish I did) but I just wanted to tell you are normal and not a bad mom.
Good luck!

I am sorry I didn't catch this when you posted it - I can see that you have already got a lot of posts and replied with a "what happened"....but I wanted you to know - you are SOOOO not alone!!

My second son was born 4 weeks early with pneumonia and the Drs gave him a 50/50 chance of survival. Urgh. He HATED (not an exaggeration here) his dad for the first year of his life - if Daddy walked into the room - he was scream as if someone had just stabbed him...he couldn't feed him, couldn't kiss him (unless he was sleeping and that was rare). He cried everytime his dad was in the room, so I was in 100% care giver.

We found out that since he was a premmie - he ears weren't fully developed - he couldn't lay down. We had tubes put in his ears and he became a transformed baby!!! He went from High Needs to the best baby like his brother!! Now, he can't give daddy enough kisses!!!

Please know that you are NOT a terrible or horrible mother. You are a GREAT mother - how do we know this? A terrible mother wouldn't feel bad about this and ask for help.

If you can do it - take an hour out for yourself OUT OF THE HOUSE - get a manicure or pedicure or better yet - a massage - this will help you be more relaxed and able to face the pressures of a high needs baby. You MUST take care of yourself in order to take care of your kids. Another thing I used to do - when my husband was at work and I needed an escape - I would fix a bath for me and bring my son in too - since I couldn't just leave him out - the warm water relaxed him and I was able to relax myself.

go for a walk - put him in the stroller so he can see other things and get stimulated by outside sources - this will allow you to take care of you too.

It will pass!! YOU ARE A GREAT MOM!!!!

Been there, done that, wrote the book. My daughter did not sleep for THREE MONTHS after she was born, just when I needed to sleep and recuperate from the 50 hour labor, during which I slept not a wink. Then she continued to cry for the next 9 months, because I was always 5 minutes too early or 5 minutes too late with whatever she wanted. This was compounded by my inabilty to nurse (no let-down reflex, and I dried up when she cried) though I tried for five with my husband totally clueless about my frustration, my husband starting a new job which required travel and no friends at all that I could talk to for even five minutes. Around six months she did get herself on a schedule that I could understand and I just adapted myself to it. Then at a year the crying magically stopped and she actually felt empathy and she has been a joy ever since (with a few bumps, like the "I'm not going to walk, your going to carry me" tantrum she had a two). I won't even confess the thoughts I had at that time; let's just say Child Protective Services would have transported themselves instantly to my house.

I used a sling; she could relax in that and I would sort of have a hand free to do stuff, she spent a lot of time in a swing and one day I really had to use the bathroom, if you catch my drift, and I couldn't get to her immediately when she started crying (she was in the playpen). When I got out of the bathroom, she was asleep. I think I was the only mother in the world who was happy when she found her fingers and started sucking them; now she could sooth herself.

My first thought is that your son is teething. I know there are a lot of fearmongers out there warning sleep deprived parents about the evils of infant Tylenol. I gave my daughter a small dose befoe bed when she was teething; and she could get through the night and I could finally get a bit of sleep. I'm not advocating the same, I just know it helped my daughter. Has he been like that since birth or did it start suddenly? If suddenly, teeth would be my first thought. If he has always been like this, then talk to his pediatrician, since it could be reflux or colic.

Also, white noise might help him sleep better. I ran a fan in my daughters room and it helped a lot.

Your not awful and your not alone. My husband sort of forced me to bond with our daughter by doing absolutely nothing with her for the first six months. But it is still a work in progress. Hope this helps.

Oh yes. I have been there and I think most moms have. Have you tried the vacuum cleaner? Sometimes that stops a baby from crying. I don't know if it works for older babies but it is worth a shot. Better to listen to a vacuum and keep your sanity than lose it.

you are not horrid..just human. sounds like you need a break.even an hour away from the little crumb cruncher could do you a world of good.just remember, you are not adrea yates until you fill up the tub and start looking for the bath toys.morbid, yes, but follow my train of thought..tell your husband, other half, whatever, that you need a break, you need an hour to yourself, every day, no excuses from him, just a nod, and a sure,no problem K. h.

Hello,
First of all you are not a horrible mother. We all have been there. Please just try to get rest and enjoy your down time when you can get it. I can tell that you love your children and they know it also. If you feel that it is really really getting to you, talk to your doctor and see if a friend or family member can relieve you an hour or so than you can have some mommy time. Just try asking someone, and also talk to your doctor regarding your feelings. I wish you the best. And remember that you are a good mom but right now your fuel is running low. God Bless

My son was very active and busy, but fortunately not a huge crier. His main issue was sleeping. However, if the actual sound of crying is really driving you straight up a wall, try the soft foam type earplugs. Really. My hubby is a snorer, so I had been wearing them at night before baby, and even after baby when it was one of those nights where they were both going at it. Funny thing is, as a mom, I still could hear my son cry and was up in a flash. It just dampened the noise so it was tolerable. Heck you could walk around the house with everything muted and still function. Kind of like a rock concert where you can block out the loudness, but still hear the words and singing just fine. Just a crazy thought that might help!!

Hi Busy and loving Mom! You are fine and you are tired. It is so hard whne your kids cry like that. It will past. You really might have to let him cry it out. Maybe you could check on him and puth him a bouncy chair with a little music and let the little dear cry it out. A little change (by putting him in the chair with music) might be what he needs and music will be good for you. I have two little girls soon to be 7 and 3 and they both sleep with me and my husband ( when he does not get on the chair or on the sofa). So I do not get much sleep. But I feel like this a good mom is a tired mom and I heard somewhere that a tired Mom look is a look of Love. So I bet that you have a beautiful look of love. God Bless you!
M. (w/2little ladybugs)

OMG...when I read this in my mailbox, I felt your pain and I only have one - a 20 month! He drives me to wits end! if it's whinning about nothing, him not wanting to get in his crib at bedtime, him not wanting to wake up in the morning because he's tired from running around the house like an animal in the wild in the evening, to me not giving him what he wants, etc! Just thinking about it is giving me a headache, urgggh!

Anyway, as you can see you are NOT alone! It may seem like it - but trust that you aren't. The bad part about it it when I do get a spot of free time without him or to relax I never do. All I can think about is him. And guess what? In my free time I am doing things for him! It's absolutely crazy. As a matter of fact, I can't wait to pick the guy up from daycare...but as soon as we get in the car it will be all over.

I just pray that you can get some free time to relax. Go hide in a closet (I do). Or as someone said put your child in the crib or pack-in-play and take a breather...it works.

As it will take some time..."this to shall pass"

I just wanted to add a few words of encouragement. My daughter was colicky and cried for the first three months straight. She never wanted to sleep. She only stopped crying when she ate (which was fast b/c she would just suck it down and start screaming a short while later). I thought I was going crazy. I was blessed enough to have LOTS of help and I STILL thought I would lose it. There were times I had absolutely no sympathy for her crying and would simply resent it. It was so terrible, I felt like the worst mother in the world.

But it will end. My daughter will be 5 in a couple of months (I can't believe it!). For us the change was gradual, not sudden. At four months she still cried, but a little less. My six months, a little less still, etc. You will get there.

I'm sure the other ladies had lots of advice. I'm not sure I have advice so much as just a few encouraging words to let you know that you're not alone, you're not a monster and you WILL get through this.

Hang in there!
B.

I see you already have alot of replies and I didn't read any of them. But I went through all that w/ our second. Our boy are 1yr and 2 wks apart. Our second always wanted to be held, hated tummy time, didn't like to just sit and play w/ his toys. We even tried to get him to interact w/ his lder brother he wouldn't have none of it. But Lord when he started scooting and trying to walk, he was off. He never crawled, he went straight to walking. And he has been hell on wheels ever since. I didn't get alot of help either after I had him, for my husband worked nights so he slept all day. So I had to try and keep the kids somewht under control, so I didn't have to hear his mouth either. All I can say is that this stage will pass. Maybe try propping him in a saucer or jumpy. I could always get about 10 mins of peace when I put our son in one, but not always. Maybe try a walker. I know he can't walk, but it will give him the impression that he is doing something. I am sending prayers your way sweetie. Just take a deep breath and try to remind yourself they aren't this little forever. Mine are 3 and 4 now and sometimes I wish we could go back to when they were babies. hehe :) Not always, but there are moments.

I don't know if I can offer "words of wisdom", but I can empathize. My second son pretty much cried all day until he was 7 months (unless you were holding him). There were times when I had to put him in his crib and just shut the door. It's sad, but to this day, my husband and I agree that there is very little of his infancy that we enjoyed. I don't think that means you're a horrible person. Like you, I love him with everything I have, but as soon as he would cry I would cringe. He is 18 months now. He still cries, but not to the extent that he did. I think he's just a needy kid, and that is his personality.

I can say that the Baby Bjorn was a gift from heaven for him, and I did leave the house when my husband got home from work sometimes. There were times when I just couldn't listen to the crying anymore. I wish I could be more helpful with advice, but sometimes it helps knowing that you're not the only one who feels the way you do, and there are others who went through this. Try to stay strong, and go out by yourself if you can, even if it's a walk around the corner.

While I wouldn't go so far as to give my youngest any sort of label...He was definitely more maintenance than our oldest. But at the time, we knew that we had had it soooo easy with the first and therefore assumed the second was what a "normal" baby is like. Maybe that was true and maybe it wasn't. But I think it is just a matter of perspective.

Anyhooo...I like to tell people (people who thought our youngest was precious, sweet, and charming from day 1) that he was born perhaps a little under-baked - That he still had a hole that needed filling up. We held him and walked him. We hugged him and kissed him. We sang and read to him. All whether he was enjoying it or not. = ) And you know what? That hole was filled up by about 18 months and I swear, he almost doesn't resemble that infant he was in any way. Perhaps he was a changeling. = )

It is a phase. A lot happens at 6 months. Teething can start (and sometimes that brings on ear aches, too), growth spurts, and they want to be more mobile, but haven't quite worked out crawling yet. They recognize individuals more (they know who Mom is, prefers them, and separation anxiety starts up around now). It's so much for a little guy, and it's such a strain on Mom, too! I started picture books with my son at that age. We had a book of baby faces which just fascinated him. Babies LOVE looking at babies! Can you find an unbreakable mirror that you can place on his level? Also, you need a break from time to time. Hire a sitter and take a bath, or go on a walk, or see a movie and you'll feel so refreshed and recharged! You'll get through this!

My youngest one was like that, he only wanted his daddy or me. He's almost 4 now and much better but I'd say for the first 2 1/2 years he was very clinging to me and his dad. My husband and I were going through some martial problems early on with him. He never liked car rides, my other two I could put them in and they would fall right to sleep, not with my youngest. I had to put my hand to the back seat so he could hold it, let me say it's not easy driving long periods like this. He wouldn't let me go for nothing. I nursed him, so in order to get some sleep, he slept with me. I don't care what anyone says, I need my sleep and if that means having my son in bed with me, so be it.
I would say let him sleep with you, if you can handle that, I was made to cuddle so it worked out great for me. I worked full time job, with 3 kids, I needed my sleep. There is light through the tunnel, but it may be awhile.. not what you want to hear... you are not alone...

I haven't read all the responses either but I have been where you are now. It took over a year for me to really bond w/my first born. As much as I loved him, I didn't love being a mom b/c he was so high maintenance. I was happy to go back to work and couldn't wait to do so. Now that he's 4, I wish I wasn't working! LOL. I have no suggestions b/c nothing worked for our little guy. He just needed to get older and grow out of it. To this day though, he is still a cuddlier. Maybe it was all that holding his first year! I love it though b/c I know it won't last. Hang in there.

I think we've all been there. DD is 3 and I still have those days. I remember a few weeks after she was born I told my mom that I know knew why other species eat their young. :) What you need is a break. If you can, I would drop the baby off with husband or close friend that you trust to watch him and rent a hotel room. Go there relax, order some room service, and take a nap. Easier said than done I know. But if you can get some one to take him for a few hours so you can get a nap that would help too.

A moms very best friend.... Bose headphones. They will let you buy them, zero interest, 29 per month for 11 months with 29 down...something like that. I might be a dollar or two off. I love mine and wouldn't live without them.

Next, you need to download some music and some books to some device so that you can listen as you go through the day.

Now to deal with baby. This is EXACTLY what you do and ALL you do. 20 minutes love on baby, change baby, feed baby if it's time, make sure baby is not dressed to warm or too cool. Make sure baby is clean and feels good. Now, baby goes in crib, safe crib, a couple of safe toys, and close the door. Put on those headphones and look at the clock. 20 minutes later, check on baby. If baby is asleep, let him sleep. If baby is awake and playing with toy, leave him alone for a little bit until he fusses. If baby is crying, the whole process starts over. 20 minutes with baby, 20 minutes without baby. Your baby WILL eventually learn to play and be alone without screaming. In the meantime the noise cancelling headphones will reduce your stress level a WHOLE BUNCH.

You are not a bad mom. You just need to have a plan and coping skills in place. I promise you that this plan I have given you has worked for me with my own children, my daycare children AND now my grandson. He won't be harmed for life for a little bit of crying.

Hey there
I just wanted to say my daughter cried non stop unless she was held upright and she didnt sleep great- it turned out to be that she was a silent refluxer.
Perhaps you can talk to the pediatrician and find out why all the crying... if you can get to the root of the problem it will help you. I was so sleep deprived i developed post partum depression. I got on meds, got the baby on reflux meds and became a new person....

Are you absolutely sure there is nothing physically going on with him...perhaps acid reflux. Both our boys had it, and let me tell you, before getting them diagnosed, we went through a similar experience. I'd recommend talking to your pediatrician and ruling out this -- or anything else that might be going on. And if you have a good pediatrician, they should be able to recommend some other ways to help the situation as well.

I just wanted to say I admire your honesty, its hard to say you don't feel like you are enjoying your baby when everyone and everything tells you its such a special time. The fact you are communicating about is very healthy and I have faith that you will get through this, people who keep it a secret don't seek the support they need can suffer.Wishing you energy, patience and love until this stage passes. x

So sorry life has been so stressful. Have you tried Hylands Homeopathic Colic Tablets or their Calms Forte For Kids. They are both chamomile based; did your Grandma ever give you Chamomile Tea? Same wise concept. There is a calming agent in chamomile and it helps take the edge off for babies and kids and helps them calm down. I still give them to my kids now on nights they can't relax enough to fall asleep. Pour the dosage into the cap and toss the lactose based sweet white pills into his mouth. They dissolve immediately and the chamomile is calming. My older one used to call them All-Better Pills. For over a dozen years we have used them when my babies and kids can't calm themselves down, get centered, are over hungry and can't relax enough to eat, overtired and can't get to sleep, or are just in that high maintenance place. We are big fans! Good luck.

I think you are frustrated and upset because you are sleep deprived. Figure out a way to get that baby to sleep through the night. Maybe there is a natural herb that will harmlessly promote sleep. AF

My Mom said my sister was like that... and my mom felt like a bad mom too... because the baby NEVER stopped crying.
And she actually did not feel niceties about her... sometimes. Just stress.
For my Mom, she said she learned much later, that my sister had been diary sensitive and did not know it. Nor did the Pediatrician know. And also that she was just a OVERall sensitive baby/child/and now adult. Sorry to say, but she grew up but is still in many respects, a sensitive adult. But very bright and smart and highly successful. But needy.

I have another friend, whose baby constantly cried too. She took her baby to the Pediatrician, and the Doctor looked over the baby very carefully from head to toe... and it was found that a blond hair was wrapped around one of the baby's toes... and it was wrapped to tightly that it could not just come off by itself and the Doc had to cut it away. The hair was cutting into the baby's skin and getting wrapped tighter already. Once the Doc took the hair off, the baby was like a 'new' baby.
Previously, my friend had thought that her baby's personality was just "difficult."

anyway, just some other reasons.
All the best,
Susan

Im sorry but seriously Suzi....Putting on headphones??? You cant just ignore you baby just in the 20 minutes you have them on he could cry so hard he stops breathing, fall back wack his head on crib, and who knows what else, Im not trying to be rude but thats a child who just wants to be loved by his mom! Something could be wrong upset tummy, ear infection, teething, gas, acid reflux....just you picking him up could comfort him and make him feel better...just because he stops crying when you pick him up doent mean nothings wrong my son did that he had acid reflux, and another time he had ear infection, take him to the doctor you never know what could be wrong, and get some help from grandma, aunt anyone so you dont lose your cool!! Just be patient it will pass, Dealing with a crying baby is better than losing him and not having that cry to ever hear again. Your a great mom remember that!!!!

OH sounds like my LO. she was the same way I had to hold her all the time, all the time. she is now 19 mo and she is much better, still a bit clingy but much better. it really really will pass, just keep up the good work it is so hard being a mom and hard when they just dont stop crying!!! did you try a baby carrier? I used the sleepy wrap and ergo and it helped a lot. It was only my hubbie and me but if you can get friends/family to visit and hold the LO do so! you are not a bad mom, you are great, keep it up and really it will pass!

Personally, I think you need some time "away" by yourself or with friends. And I don't mean for a weekend....As little as an hour or two would help. You need to recharge. Getting more help at home would certainly be one route but if that's not an option then you need to shift your thoughts to realizing that this is temporary and start surrendering to your baby. Don't focus on how tired you are or how many other things you need to do, but instead just focus on the baby. Another thought is that if there is current, or built up tension at home, that baby's going to feel it. Trust me.....we all emit our energy and if it's not good, that's what oozes out to those around us....Good luck!

I see you have lots of responses, but I thought I would add my 2 cents...
I have to little ones 16 months apart! Both were/are needy! The first one was the worst!!! Good thing #2 was a surprise because another baby was the last thing I wanted at the time.
A few things that helped....
-"baby wearing" google it. Helped both my girls feel more secure and over time they didn't need it anymore. It allowed me to get things done while giving them what they needed.
-"white noise" This is my savior at night! We use a fan in the summer and a humidifier in the winter! My girls can not sleep without it and it helps them stay asleep. When I am in there room I can tell how much it drowns out the oustide world and all it's noises!
-"feed on demand" I feed my girls anytime they wanted! Filled those bellies right up!! People would say gezz your kids eat lots, but they are not fat at all and very healthy!

You are certainly not alone! With my first I cried for the first 4 months. I felt horrid that I was so lost, tired and depressed about what motherhood was giving me. Everyone seemed to have these angel babies and I had the needy devil! Then when #2 came she was a "better" baby, but a terrible sleeper. It took a good few months to finally get her to sleep through the night. Lots and lots of practice! I don't believe in crying it out and what it can do to a baby long term, so I had NO sleep! Couldn't even nap during the day because the toddler needed me then. It was hell!

Now they are 2yr and 9 months and life is more normal... not fabulous all the time, but better! I can smile again, I can get things done, I can even play and enjoy my kids! I do have days when I meltdown and think how did this become my life, but those are few and far between! Each day and each step things get better. I know challanges are ahead of me and that is apart of being a mother, but I will say the infant stage is just torture for some of us, but we make it through and love our little ones along the way despite it.
Good luck on riding this out and know it WILL pass!