Etiquette for Requesting Guests to Pay for Entrance Fees for a 1St Bday Party

Honestly, I probably wouldn't come to a party where I had to pay. You shouldn't invite someone to a party then ask them to pay. Not to mention its going to cost the guests more than you think. i.e. You invite my family of 5, that's 20 dollars plus what I have to pay for a gift, probably at the very least another 15 dollars, so that's 35 dollars plus gas= not worth it to me.

Birthdays can/are very expensive but the guest shouldn't have to bear any of that expense.

Good Luck!

I'm sorry, but if you invite people to a bday party at a venue it is expected that you are paying for everyone. If it is too expensive you either have to pick a different place or invite less people. I know that is not what you want to hear but it's the truth.

No, you don't ask people to pay their way. You pay for whoever you can invite. Sounds like you need to scale back big time!

N.:

Welcome to mamapedia!!

Sorry - when you invite people to a party - you don't ask them to pay their way in to the location. Talk with your community pool manager - call the aquatics section of your city. Ask them about group rates.

A pool party for a one year old? Sorry - that won't be fun. You won't be able to attend to any guests, you or your husband will be too busy chasing your daughter around the pool deck.

I would look at other options if you can't afford that. This party is more for YOU than your daughter. Really. She won't remember it. And seriously, I would NOT have a party for a one year old at a pool. That won't be fun for anyone.

Happy birthday to your daughter!

Good luck with your decision!

Are you kidding me?

Here's how to word the invitation:

"Please join us to celebrate the birth of our daughter who doesn't even realize that it is her First Birthday! We are having the party at an intensely adult-supervision required venue, but we will not be paying for the parents to come to make sure their kids don't drown."

Seriously, scale the party WAY down, or do it somewhere else, or not at all. Sorry, but these out of control parties for infants is one of my biggest pet peeves.

Why on earth would you want to have a first birthday party at a pool? The birthday child can't even swim.

You don't ask people to pay for the party, if you can't afford it then you can't. Considering the age of the child you need to find somewhere different. Like a park?
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Do you guys have special pools there? I would think it is the same temperature standing next to a pool as it would be standing next to a tree. So far as I recall most pools have little shade where parks have tons of it.

Another thing is 75 people for a first birthday?? Why? If you can't afford 75 people then don't invite 75 people.

Sorry - your intentions are good but that's tacky and rude. You host a party you can afford. If you can't afford to host 75 people, you don't. That many people is totally overboard for a birthday party, btw. I have a big family and circle of friends and the first birthday party is usually a big one, but nowhere near as many people as you apparently are planning on. Scale it back to fewer people or find a place that you can afford to host that many people at.

ETA: a pool party for that age group is a stressful nightmare. No one can enjoy themselves because either their kids are in the water and they have to watch them (even with lifeguards you have to literally have your eyes on your child the whole time they're in the water) or their kids are too young to swim but are teetering near the edge of the pool or are whining about wanting to go in and that's no fun either.

One should never, ever, ever, ever have a party where they can't afford to pay for it in its entirety. You should be able to pay for each and every single guest. If you expect parents to stay then they are your guests. If that means you're going to pay over $300 or even $400, then guess what? You can't and shouldn't ask your guests to pay just because they happen to be adults.

If you can't afford to pay for every single guest at this location, then you need to find a new location. Period. I don't care what "a few people" said about not being opposed to paying as long as they were informed when receiving the invitation. It's very poor form to put anything like that in an invitation. It's very poor form to ask any of your guests to pay their own way. And no matter what anyone says, they ARE opposed to having to pay their own way, they're just trying to be polite to offset your rudeness.

Sorry, honey. You are doing too much and want others to foot your bill. If you can't afford this, you shouldn't be doing it. Quite frankly, your one year old is going to be overwhelmed - I hope that with so many people, that you'll have an assigned person take her home when she "hits the wall".

You had better hope that the parents stay - you'll need lots of eyes to make sure that the kids don't wander off and that they are safe.

I would REALLY re-consider this and save it for when your child is a lot older.

It is the 1st birthday party, it is not about your child because a 1 yr old does not remember a party. First birthday parties are pretty much for the adults to recognize the first year.

That said, I would never ask a guest to pay for anything if I invited them.

My motto is that.... If I invite and host...... I PAY 100%. Do it right or not at all.

I think it is tacky to invite families and then only pay for part of the family.

If you can't afford the venue, try something on a smaller scale where you do pick up the tab 100%. Don't ask your guests to cover their own fees to come to your party.

Happy Birthday!

It sounds like your plans are beyond your means, and setting a precedent you may feel a need to outdo in coming years.

Your daughter is not likely have any actual memories of the day, so this is about parents and extended friends and family. How excited are they about your daughter turning one? In general, a party doesn't cost the guests anything beyond a gift, which can already tap out some people's budgets.

Since a 1yo will get tired and probably cranky after "a few hours," I'm guessing you're setting yourself up for a high-stress party. Simplify, and you won't regret it.

Yes, I always jump at the chance to pay my way to go to a non family birthday party where the birthday girl won't know what's going on or even remember if me and my child was there or not!

Why not ask your guests to stay and help clean up too? That'll make it extra special for them.

Good luck in getting a high turn out.

if you're asking people you know personally, they are being nice to your face. they probably say they wouldn't mind if they knew ahead of time - because then they'd have plenty of chance to make other plans.

absolutely agree with everyone else who is being honest with you. we don't know you. and we all agree, it's too much. completely over the top, unnecessary, and rude. don't do it.

Having a birthday party at a venue that would require the guests to pay for their tickets in would be in very poor taste. Sorry.

You would be better off having it at a park or playground where you can rent a covered pavilion, with tables and seating for everyone. It would also be less stressful because you don't have to worry so much about your daughter and all these other kids around a pool. If it's going to be too hot, try someplace with a splash park that doesn't charge admission and is safer. Or have it someplace indoors with air conditioning. Or invite fewer people.

If you can't afford to go all out, think of something less expensive. Save the pool for when she is school-age and can invite just a few select friends for a party. She'll be able to swim and she will have memories of it. We did do a pool party at an outdoor water park in our area for our DD's 5th birthday. We invited a number of her friends, as well as siblings and parents so they could be there to supervise their kids and nobody felt left out. We did not have to rent any tables, we just showed up extra early for when they opened and grabbed some choice picnic tables under an umbrella by the kiddie pool/splash area. But we DID purchase a ticket for everyone attending, made sure they had them ahead of time, AND provided pizza, soda/water, munchies and cake.

The first birthday is a huge milestone, but over-the-top elaborate birthday parties for kids under 4 is more about the parents than the birthday kid.

no... no no.. if you have a party at a skating rink.. you pay for the skating.. if you have a party at the bounce place you pay for everyone to bounce.

If you are having the party at a pool.. you pay for folks to swim in the pool. and unless you want to be responsible for watching a bunch of kids yourself --- which is impossible.. you better have parents int eh watere to watch their own kids..

if you cant afford the party.. limit the number of guests..

Think about it - a pool party for a 1 year old. To me, all those kids at a pool is nothing but a stress-fest. Your daughter won't understand what's going on and she certainly will not remember it.

I don't know that there is any etiquette for asking people to pay for their own admission to a birthday party.

I agree with the others. Choose a different party location. I would not send my child to a party where I'd have to pay fees on top of the birthday gift.

Well, I haven't read the responses. Me, I'd invite fewer people and suck it up and pay. I think it would be tacky to ask people to pay to come to the party.

Yikes there is no proper etiquette for this. Forget about the pool party and have a quick backyard party and leave it at that.

No child that age is going to remember the party. She is only going to get to see it through the pictures that were taken. You are spending money you don't have for something that is not necessary. I don't think I would bring my child to a pool party because of the enticement of the pool and possibly lack of people to watch her to make sure she didn't fall into the pool.

Nice idea but save the money for when she is older.

I like the idea of the firehouse or rec center if you have to have it cool because of the temp. It would be a lot cheaper.

the other S.

Please re-read JB's answer. She's right: No parent of a young child want this kind of party. It is a pure nightmare to worry about your kid near a pool in a big crowd.

Never have a party you can't afford to pay for entirely on your own.

There is no "etiquette for requesting guests to pay" because requesting guests to pay violates etiquette.

Let me get this straight. If my family of 5 (2 adults &3 kids) attended, we would have to pay $20 to go to your daughters birthday? That is about how much I would spend on a gift. So, I would spend $40 total for our family to attend your daughter's big day that she won't even remember. Do you see why it would be tacky to ask people to pay an entrance fee?

Paying $200 for tables sounds ridiculous, imo, too. And, if it would cost over $300 to pay for the passes, you are telling us you are inviting over 75 people to her party. Huh? She is turning one! I would rethink this. I totally understand wanting to make her first birthday special but most people I know do a party with the family/close friends for the first birthday and I have yet to hear a one yr old complain.

I think I would scale back and have a small party at home if at all possible. IMO, 1st birthday parties are for close family members and should be on the small side. I am a former lifeguard and also see safety issues at such a large pool party. If this is your first child, be forewarned that 1st birthday parties are notoriously fraught with issues. The guest of honor often has their nap schedule messed up and can get cranky. They get overstimulated and don't understand what all the commotion is about. They can't open the gifts or eat most of the food. If they do eat the cake they get too much sugar they aren't used to eating which affects their mood and/or thier digestive system. If they don't eat their cake some well-intentioned but mislead guest shoves the cake in their face "for the photo." Sorry to sound so negative--it is after all, a wonderful and momentous occassion! I speak from experience, however, and that is after keeping the parties on the small side with only close family members. We had burgers or deli trays and cake at home in the air conditioning. To answer your question more directly, I wouldn't ask people to pay their admission with an invite to a birthday party. Only if it was more of a family reunion or "summer fun, let's get together" party. Good luck.

Yes, it's unreasonable. If you want to have a pool party, then you pay for everyone you invite to come to the pool. If you can't afford that, then don't have a pool party.

No, I would never ask guests to pay for their admission to a party. A party is something that you host, the guests are your guests. The pool party may have sounded like a good idea, but I think you need to cut back on the guests or come up with a plan that is within your budget. For a first birthday party, the children cannot attend without their parents, especially at a pool, so I don't think it's okay to expect the parents to pay for themselves - one year olds don't get dropped off.

Sounds like a nightmarish party. It will be a pool free-for-all and not really a party. Everybody will be running in different directions chasing their kids.

That said, I wouldn't come if I had to pay. I agree with those who say there is no good way to word that.

If you cannot afford to pay, have the party somewhere else. I am assuming all very young children. Personally I do not think a pool party is appropriate for so many. How about a park? Home?

I think it is poor etiquette to ask your guest to pay for an entrance fee. Your guest should not have to pay for anything.

Sorry when you are having a party, your guests should not have to pay to attend. For our kids first birthday, we had the party at home. I think a pool party for a one year old needs to be thought out more. What is she going to get out of it?

If you can't afford the total party, then re-evaluate the location and type of party. Happy birthday to your daughter!!!

a pool party for a 1 year old? she cant swim?

i dont get paying 200-400 bucks for everyone's kids to play and you dont even interact with them. do it at a cheap bounce house place if you need Air conditioning and your house isnt being enough.. you can all call local firehalls or community rec centers and pay less

i dont get it, if it was family or a friend i would still go and pay the 4 bucks but its not really the correct way to do it.
invite less people and then cover it all
it would be like inviting people to a pizza party and saying the pizza isnt covered
at a pool oparty you WANT the parents to stay so you have to cover their costs too.

ETA in my family we do huge 1st birthday parties. we had over 100 people come to emmy's but we did it at our home and had a pool in the backyard and hen a baby pool for the babies. it was nice out so people were out front, inside, out back and so on..it wasnt too crouded..if i couldnt have done that i wouldve J. had a tinyparty..its not for the baby at this age but for relatives to see her

I would not have a baby's 1st birthday party at a pool.

It is, not in good taste, to ask guests to pay for their entrance fees.
But Michelle G. below had a good suggestion.

In the future, any child party has to be within one's budget.

But you have already rented the tables for $200.
And, will that public pool... even allow you to have those tables there?
You have spent, $200 on tables thus far.
Then, what about the costs for food and goody bags and everything else????

In the future, any party costs, has to also include, the costs of the guests. ie: the invited children, and/or their parents, too.
When a child is young, the parents typically are also at the party. Too.
When a child gets older, then a party may be a drop-off party.... and all of this has to be indicated on the invitation.

I think you need another venue if you can't swing the admission price for your guests, though I would be less opposed if you covered my kid and I paid my own entrance.

If you can have everyone at your house, then I would do that, or so something on a smaller scale. Honestly, too big a party can be overwhelming for a toddler.

No, it's not OK for you to ask your friends and guests to pay an entry fee. That is horrible! I'm sure your folks will understand, but no one else will!

Only invite as many guests as you can afford to pay for.

If you host a party, you pay for everything and they bring a gift for your child.

I'd do something you can afford like reserve a spot in a park, go to a free sprinkler park or lake.

Once kids are older and dropped off, you don't have to expect to provide for parents or siblings. But if you need them to stay to or they are invited, they should not be expected to pay,IMO.

Yeah, that's kinda cheesy. Don't know the age group of the kids coming, but if your daughter is only turning one year old, I think a pool party is way too soon for that age. Our daughter's first party was in our backyard. All the kids were around the same age, so we spread out blankets and they crawled or toddled around. I think you should re-think the location. A park would be nice. Good luck.

eh that's a bit much.If you can't afford to pay for everyone , change the venue. you can't expect for people to pay entrance to a child's birthday party. I just wouldn't come.

Nope, I don't think there is a polite way to ask your guests to pay for their own pool fees. if you cannot afford the entrance fees for your guests, then you should find a venue that you CAN afford. It is rude to ask people to pay to be guests at your party. Paying for sibs that where not on the invite is one thing, but for every guest to pay to attend - I don't think it's right.

Your DD is turning 1. I would suggest that you go with something simpler and less expensive. At this age the party is not for her, but for you (or your family) - she won't remember a thing, probably couldn't care less and will probably be exhausted, overstimulated and cranky after 2 hrs... just my experience.

Good luck!

Nah...you don't invite people to a party them ask them to pay.
That would be tacky.
I'd either pay for all, reduce the guest list, ditch the "tables" or have it somewhere else.
Good luck!

As long as you are ok with the parents dropping the kids off for you to watch! :)
Seriously, I think it's a little tacky to ask people to pay to attend the party you've invited them to. I probably would decline respectfully to your party.
Since this is just a 1 year old party, I would just have something at my home. Set up a little kiddie pool in the back or a slip-n-slide. My kids just love to be sprayed with the water hose! Save yourself some money and hassle over something your child won't even remember years from now.

I think that would be in poor taste. Either cut down your guest list or have the party at a place where you can afford to pay for everyone.

The general rule is that if the party is for your kid, you pay the fees.

You may want to reconsider your plans. This is a huge chunk of change for a baby's birthday party which she really won't remember. I'd keep it simple or simply not do it at all. If I was invited to a child's birthday party and was expected to pay to be there, I wouldn't attend and would try to connect with the family at a less-hectic time.

Nope - pick another type of party. For me, as a parent of an older child, I would hate to have to be sitting around in that heat (I don't really like swimming). So I'd have to pay $ to attend the birthday party, bring a gift AND sit in the heat? No thank you. Pick something indoors - please.

she is one years old. buy a cake and have family come to your house. why the pool? she can't swim, so it's not for her. why are you inviting 75 people for her birthday? for gifts? and have them pay admission fee? a bit much don't you think?
cancel the whole thing, buy a cake and have family come to your house.

Asking guests to pay their own way is pretty tacky, in my opinion.
Also please consider your daughter. It's going to be HOT and you're going to be at a very loud, crowded, outdoor facility all afternoon? I just don't see how this will be nice for her, or you.
My BIL just hosted (okay, back in September) his first grandchild's first birthday with a BBQ, picnic tables in the shade, sprinklers and a wading pool and a snow cone maker for the kids. It was cheap, easy and fun. The best part was his grand baby got to go inside and nap in the cool house when she was tired.

It's just not in good taste unfortunately. And on one hand, $4 isn't much but then figure a family of 4 is $16 and like people have said - plus a gift? Then it starts getting beyond the poor taste aspect and into real economics for people. At this age, no one coming is really a friend of your daughter's either. So you can't really invite just one sibling and ask that people pay for extras. A 1 year old party is really for the adults vs the bday child and kids their age... So you probably have to rethink it all. Are you sure there's no discount when you rent tables? Just tables for $200 is a lot... I'd think it's more of a "package".

ETA: Hmmm. All these replies saying not to do it yet your SWH says you've asked people and they don't mind. So why ask us? Seems like you're set on doing this and having people pay...

Only invite as many people as you can afford to pay for. I think its tacky to ask people to pay for something that you're sending out invites for.

Buy some outdoor water activities and have it in your backyard. At one, she's not going to remember the people at her party anyway. Do it more like a barbeque and the kids will have fun with the activities.

Rules mention party passes. Aren't you given passes for those who are attending the party? The $200 for the tables includes passes in my experience. If not, how does one get party passes?

You're expecting 75 guests? No way would any pool in my area be able to accomidate that many guests along with their regular patrons. I wonder if you're being realistic in expecting to have a party at a public pool.

We had a pool party for my 9 yo and 12 yo grandchildren at a community center, publicly supported. The party its self was in a room with windows adjacent to the pool. Admission to the pool was included in the room rental. The fee was based on the number of expected guests and was minimal.

I, too, believe that the host for the party pays the admission fees.

Most pools have a party package that includes the entry of the number of people in their party. You might want to check on that.

If it doesn't include entry, I advise that you either pay for it or find another pool. I think it's rude to ask guests to pay a fee to enter a venue they were invited to and I don't suggest it at all.

An invited guest shouldn't ever have to pay to attend an event like a b'day party. Completely tacky.

Plus, do you really want to go to all this trouble for a party your child won't even remember? Have cake and ice-cream at home with a few close friends or family members and save the blow-out parties for later years. Your plans seem excessive...

Can you have the party somewhere where people can come without paying for entry? A pool party would be fun, but it might be more fun when your daughter is a little older and can swim. I'm sorry to throw, um, cold water on your plans. But an affordable party is more fun for everybody.

Most pools offer a certain number of guests for a flat fee. Check that out. But don't ask people to pay. I've never heard of that before - it sounds like you'd be better off at a park where you can rent a pavilion near a playground.

If you invite people, you pay their admission. The children are the invitees. You pay for the children.
But why on earth would you be throwing a swim party for a one-year-old?

I agree with some of the other posts, kind-of. You are certainly not responsible for paying an entrance fee for anyone except the child listed on the invitation, however if you are inviting someone to a party it is normally your responsibility to pay that persons' way.

If this is a public pool in your area it is possible that some families will have annual passes and there won't be a problem.

You could indicate on the invitation, "Pool admission will be covered for 'John's' guests only, but families are welcome to join us in our festivities, the price of admission is $4 per person."

I would hope that no one would expect you to pay admission for their whole family, I certainly would not. I would however be glad to hear that I would be welcome to join the celebration.

Happy Planning

M.

Do you mean that this is your childs 1st birthday (like 12 months old) ? or perhaps this is the first birthday party you've hosted that is not at home. A one year old can't attend a birthday party anywhere alone, and certainly not at a pool.

If you can't afford to pay for everyone then I don't think you should invite everyone.
Maybe you need to make the party a bit smaller or find a lake or start saving!

I understand it is expensive which is why I would have the party elsewhere. They have to buy a gift PLUS their families entry to the pool. Like you said that could be an additional $20 on top of the gift. I personally would not be coming to that party!

If you are renting the tables for a party, does that not include the party pass mentioned? If not, what does the rental actually include?

If you can't afford to pay for the guests, they should not be invited.

You should pay the fee of the actual people that are invited..

Like if my daughter was invited, you would cover her, But If I was going to stay with her, I would pay for myself.

If I was also bringing another child, but they were not invited. You would cover our daughter, but I would pay for myself and the extra child.. But you would only pay for my daughter (an actual guest).

Now If you invited my family.. Then you would pay for all of us..

So decide. Who is ACTUALLY being invited? Children or families? Make it clear on the invitation..

Address it only to the person invited. IF a parent calls and says, "May I bring my 3 other children?" You can say, "Sure, you all come, it will $4.00 for each of you and I will cover, Suzy's ticket. "

Have it somewhere else.

I think since you are assumably expecting a parent to stay with each child, you should pay for one additional entry fee for the parent (you are surely paying for the birthday guests, right?!?!)

You can simply put that parent/child entry included, and additional family members will be $4/person, payable at the door.

I would be pretty turned off if I was expected to pay my own entry at a one year old's birthday. For older kids, where dropping them off is an option, I can understand saying that parents can stay only if they pay their own admission. But, when the kids are so young and parents have to stay, you need to pay for them.

If there are families with multiple kids, but your daughter is only friends with one child, you don't have to invite the siblings. Put just the one child's name on the invitation. Then, you can say, siblings are welcome but will be responsible for a $4 entry fee.

You absolutely have to pay the fee for all of your daughter's friends and at least one parent per family.

It is rude to 'invite' people to pay their own way. You need to have a party that you can afford to host.

Also consider that your 1 year old doesn't care about a big pool party. It may even be scary/overwhelming. It would be better to have a smaller, low key party at home or in a park with snacks and cake, inviting your closest closest friends and family.

I see you live in Cedar Park. I live in Round Rock. The YMCA does birthday parties, and they provide a party room for you to use with tables included. You might want to check with the new YMCA in Cedar Park - they just put in a new indoor pool and also have a fun outdoor pool. Maybe it would be cheaper overall. Since I live here, I know how horrible the heat is in the summer and I would not take my baby to an outdoor party for several hours. I would choose an indoor venue where your guests will be more comfortable.

When a friend of mine's son turned 3, she had his party at the zoo. Same kind of thing. With the table and cake and ice cream and goody bags, it just got to be too much to pay zoo admission as well. Since he was only three, she told the guests that their admission to the zoo would be their gift to him. In other words, she would rather they spent money on coming to the zoo, wishing her son a happy birthday, then buying a gift. At three, he didn't really care about presents (and yes, his parents gave him two as did both grandparents so he did have something to open). At one I'm guessing your daughter isn't going to miss the present opening! Everyone really had a good time and completely understood the budget. Good luck!

Tables, food and goody bags provided. Note that $4 entry fee per person to pool is not included.
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Missed that this for a one year old. Not a good choice for one year olds to go - having a big hole filled with water that the kids can't use, and might harm themselves in.

I still don't have a problem saying they have to pay - but this isn't the place for a first bday party.

Is the pool party thing done a lot in your area? How have others done it? I for one would have a hard time enjoying myself as the birthday girl's mom because I would be distracted by trying to keep her safe around water, all the while being the hostess.

Could you use a park instead where there is no per person admission charge? The more the merrier, and no worries about water safety.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Besides your request of having people pay their own way, being tacky your baby is soooo young for this type of party.

Maybe try a Chuckee Cheese or just close family and friends at home.

yes it is unreasonable. you are asking people to pay to get in to something you are planning. have it somewhere that they don't have to pay to get in. it is one thing to say you are paying for the kids and anyone else pays for their own but that is not the case with what you explained. have it somewhere else.

ok maybe I misunderstood your post. are they able to get into the place where your having without paying the fee? or do they have to pay the $4 to enter the facility? (family of 5 has to pay $20 just to get to come to the party without even counting the gift?) or is it only if they want to swim? that makes a difference.

This is pretty common in Texas or for places that require per child fees. At pool parties like this, the party host typically pays for the invited child and one parent to accompany the child. Then, if the other parent wants to come and bring siblings, than the family can pay their own way for the rest. Most people understand that, like if you were to have a bowling party and people want to bring siblings and such. But obviously, since this is your child's first birthday, most people you are inviting are likely family, right? My sister had a large pool party like this and we paid our own way.

Really though, I am a party entertainer (face painting, balloons...) and a lot of people spend well over $300 for parties.

You probably should trim the list down. A lot of people usually just do very close family and friends for their 1 one year parties.

that seems outrageous to cost 200 for one party. an entire summer membership to our neighborhood pool was about 180 in the 80's90's.

were really broke now and the extra cost plus the gift i might have to pass but i would think it was odd/ or slightly tacky to ask to pay. i would not be offended or cost the friendship over it. when invited as a guest somewhere admition should be paid. - but times are tough for everyone and i think paying dutch might be more acceptable.

Maybe you could see if you can find a water place that is free. I live in the Austin area, and there is a waterscape in Brushy creek park that is free to use, I have seen a lot of people have birthday parties there and have been to a couple of them. If you want to reserve a picnic shelter you have to rent that but the waterscape is free. Otherwise you might see if you can find a pool that doesn't charge admission or a park that is well shaded.