"Enrichment" Activities Versus Just Playing

I had my daughter in dance class when she was 4. She did great and then for 3 weeks in a row we would get there and she wouldn't go in class. Or would go in but not listen and then come back out after about 10 minutes. I pulled her out and told her that Mommy spends the family money on her dance class and if she isn't going to go every week then I won't pay. She is now 5-1/2 and wants to start again. I told her the same thing...I'm happy to spend the family money on her dance class if she will go every week and be a good listener. If not, I will pull her again.
I think she needs to know that money doesn't grow on trees and it's wasteful to pay for something that she isn't dedicated to. I'm not going to force her but I'm not going to allow her to waste the family money either.
Good luck!

I think, since your girls have each other, they just want to play. I was the same way. My mom had me in dance when I was in kindergarten. I didn't like it and mostly because I didn't want to stop playing. I had a neighbor the same age and we'd play after school.
I think it's was fine that way, but sometimes I do look back and sort of wish I had been pushed to do something besides school and had a little less pressure to get straight As. I think it's good to be well-rounded. I don't know how to play sports or music or play chess or swim any more than doggie pattling. I did choose to cheerlead and play basketball in junior high. I played b-ball 1 year in high school and my mom made me finish the season. I guess I'm glad I did just so I can say I played, but it was embarrassing always sitting on the bench and scoring like 2 points all season.
I think it'd be good to introduce them to more activities when they are a little older and let them decide. Something will stand out to them. I liked photography in high school and might have pursued it more. (maybe I will someday) The cameras were expensive though and there were 5 kids in my family. If you can save $ by not making them go to things they don't want to do, later on you have help them pursue their passion.

I make a conscious effort to under-schedule our two girls. There are times when we had lot's of after school and weekend activities - mainly that time sucker soccer. But I got tired of prodding them to participate. It is so easy to feel guilty when you child's friends are involved in sports, music lessons and other activities. You can feel as if you are a bad mom or that your child is "missing out". Try to ignore those feelings and consider what works for you - the mom. And regarding "commitment" and sticking to it - how can a 4 year old commit to a sport? It's too young.

Don't push...they are only kids for a short time. I would make them go to a class that they've already signed up for, that is just showing them that once you make a commitment you keep it.

Hi P.

First and foremost at this age especially is that they know consistency in their lives. I think that is so important and of course lots of love, which sounds like they are probably getting both. I don't believe in OVER scheduling kids. When my son was about 3 1/2 he went to tiny tots in the park where he played with other kids for about an hour, they played and also did story time and small crafts for their age. At the time, apart from that, he was at home with his sitter who paid LOTS of good attention to him. Then at 4 he went to a neighborhood preschool for about 6 hours a day, again played with kids, did crafts, ate lunch and we picked him up afterward.
Now, he is 8... he is top of class, plays accordion (his idea and choice) has basketball practice 2x weekly and one game each week oh and also keeps up with his homework. I think this is a lot, but I know some moms at home don't think as such and have their kids enrolled in even more things. Needless to say, depending upon the child, I tend to think it's way too much. Some kids can handle a ton of things at once, while others cannot. I would take things on an individual basis and see how it goes. Also, with regard to swimming, now in that case, I DO wish we'd have taken my son back to swim lessons when he was younger. Now at eight, he is very adamant that he won't go... That's the only real pushy thing I would have done. but even so, I figure we'll tackle swim lessons down the road.. I am hoping a friend from school will want to go and hence, my son will then want to join in.. til then, no swimming over here, but lots of other things, but also.. lots of love, and just plain fun.... it seems to be working.. as we are quite proud of little boy.

My girls are 8YO and their extracurriculars are still rather light compared to many of their peers. When they were in preschool, they didn't have any extracurriculars. In K they started exploring things like tennis and ballet at the local community center. Currently (2nd grade) they have a language class (Chinese 2x/week), piano (30 min 1x/week), and a church after-school club 1x/week. I don't think the comparatively light extracurriculars schedule has hindered them at all - we spent a lot of our 'free' time going to the library or the park/playground and IMO the unstructured time seems to have helped nurture their creativity and that carries over to things like the stories they write in class, plus they still really seem to enjoy learning.

Our policy with lessons has been that if we've signed up for it and paid for it (so far it's always been something *they* wanted to try), we want them to make an honest effort to try it and if they don't like it, pick something else to try when the class is over (the classes have either been something like swimming 1x/day for 2 weeks, or tennis 1x/week for 8 weeks, so they know it's not like they'll be stuck with something for a half a year).

Swimming - if you just want her to enjoy it and get some exercise in the process, I wouldn't worry about waiting until summer. But that's just my opinion - my kids aren't that fond of swimming even though it's practically a religion where we live.

Overall, I'd say trust your instincts - it sounds like you know in your heart that pushing them too hard at an early age will lead to early burnout. IMO the competitiveness of our environment is a good reason NOT to push kids too much, because an emotionally healthy kid who hasn't been overly pushed and scheduled and burned out will probably handle the pressure better.

I appreciate this question because I struggle with this too. My first thought is the 4-year-old is in preschool for too long. I say this because my 3-year-old goes MWF for 2 hours in the morning, and that's more than enough for him. Also, for kindergarten half a day seems plenty, and your 5-year-old has a lot of time in school. When my son was doing 5 days a week of preschool, he was a different kid! He never wanted to leave the house and suddenly was not into doing activities.

So, we chose just 3 days a week of preschool, and the other two days the kids and I (ages 3, 2 and 5 months) take a short mom and tot class, sometimes two. The kids love when I participate with them, and none of us wants to stay home all day.

My son LOVES gymnastics but after a few weeks he claimed he did not want to go. Same with swimming... I realized he just needs to mix things up. So we do a session and then skip to try something else. Piano and a space-theme class this time. Basically we are always doing a lot of enrichment classes just to get out of the house and keep sane. But, I like to tread lightly with school. I am looking at half-day kindergarten in the future, and I'd do 3 days a week if I could find it!

Good luck!

My now 12 year old was in ballet since she was 3. I finally asked her if she liked it or just did it because she always had. She just always had, never told me she wanted to quit, she just did it, but did not have a passion for it. So we quit and I got her into horseback riding lessons and she is loving every minute. The 5 year old now does Girl Scouts, it is only 2 times per month and they do a lot of activities. It is a nice blend for us. The 4 & 5 year olds were in gymnastics, but with 5 children it is difficult to keep up with for me.

I'd say let them try things, one did t-ball, she wanted to quit 1/2 way through the season, we made her tough it out and she ended up being one of the best players. Soccer too. I like sports because there is a 'season', you don't have to do it year-round.

My advice is to watch your committments. If mom is running ragged to force the kids all over town to do stuff for the sake of doing it, then re-evaluate what's important. No one is happy like that. Keep it light, they have school and pre-school, they really don't need anything else at this point. As they grow in school, there are activities there they can pick up you may want to explore. Don't force it, but if you sign them up, at least make them do 2 months to be sure they want to quit. Then it is your call.

Take care!
D.

I think this is a very fair question :O) I don't even know if there is a "right" answer, however, I believe that listening to your kids is the best thing....

I have 2 boys....both active. My oldest, now 13, has been involved in many different sports since the age of 3. He has been accomplished in all of sports, school, and home which has always been why we keep him active.

My youngest, now 7, is not the same kid.Last year he cried about every soccer game (which was only 20 minutes a game at the time with NO practices in between). He just felt overwhelemed, so we took time off AFTER the last game. He is now asking to play something again, so I'll try him at baseball once again.

After going through this with my youngest, I feel it is right for the kids to be accomplished in their own life before adding anything "extra curicular" to it. Otherwise, it becomes a chore.

I also believe that "following through" with choices is a good lesson at any age. So, if your child understands (or thinks they understand) the commitment, then following through to the end is important.

Kudos to you for waiting until summer on the swimming. Obviously, your daughter is feeling like her life is simply enough right now.

I hope that helps you in some way.

~N. :o)

just try other things until you find something they like.

HI P.,

I think until a certain age playing is learning, but I also think that some kids are more interested in extracurricular activities than others and that is what we choose to have our kids explore. My daughter who is 6 is naturally interested in art and loves to draw, paint, create, anytime she gets a chance. It's a great outlet for her and I see her use it during times that she feels stress, sadness or when she is processing feelings she has trouble expressing. I don't feel the need to get her into art classes right now because I don't want her to unlearn these natural abilities that she has or feel pressured to do just a creative process differently than she feels she wants to.

We have our daughter and son enrolled in swim lessons currently, but we view swimming as a life skill and not an activity. We went through a bump where neither of them wanted to go anymore. For this particular situation I told them they had to go until they learned how to swim because knowing how is important. They didn't really get a choice about going.

I think kids are over scheduled these days. I see parents running from activity to activity raising a "well rounded" child who never learned how to slow down and enjoy life with out a million things to fill their day. In my opinion it's beneficial for kids to learn how to do what interests them rather than being pushed into a bunch of different activities... or if you have a child who doesn't particularly express an interest in activities, but is very athletic for example, sign him/her up for 1 class during the week and see how much they enjoy it and how much it adds to your already busy week.

Good luck!