Encouraging Independent Play

Put him to work!! I know. That sounds crazy . . . but little ones LOVE to "work" along side their parents. If you are doing the laundry, have him help sort the clothes into different colors. It can become a game where you teach him organization and the names of colors. If you are dusting, give him a rag to "dust" with. Dinner time is always fun when you find small doable tasks that grow with them as their skills increase. When I cleaned and swept the patio, I had child size brooms that my boys used to help me. They loved it, and I loved it. It is never too early to teach children that work can become like play, and play can become like work. ENJOY!! And, by the way, you are also teaching him that WORK is not a 4 letter word to be avoided. I love watching children play, because it really is their work. They are busy teaching themselves about life and how things work in the world. What a great opportunity for you to share what you do to make life function more smoothly.

Have more kids! HA!

I love the idea of having him "help" you. Other ideas are:
water painting
sidewalk chalk
felt board activities
"read" to you while you cook/work
hammer, nails and a board
scissors and paper

And having him wait. Not for huge lengths of time. Start by telling him you need to finish so and so first and then you can help. It might be 1 minute of waiting. Build up and hopefully he'll soon opt to return to his activity than to wait around for you.

The ideas of having your child "help" you are great. Also, while in the kitchen, the play kitchens are great for that age. If you don't have one, find a low drawer or shelf to clean out for them. Put some older pots or pans and lids in it, dish rag or scrubbie, wooden spoon, empty plastic food containers, etc. Whenever I used up a spice or yogurt, I would wash out the container (make sure lids are not too small)or have an empty box of mac & cheese, tape it back together to have them play with. As they play and you are making meals, ask them what they are making.

I recognized my daughter used to have that issue when she was 3 years and 5 months old. I did not understand why she would not play alone for any length of time (maybe just a few minutes) and need to be with either her Daddy and I. It was from the time she woke up until the time she went to bed.

I discussed a solution I had with her father prior to trying anything to make sure we were on the same page and he would be doing this too. I told him there would be no sense in me doing it if he was on board with it and willing to do it as well.

He thought it was a good idea and we both agreed that it needed to be gradual so it would give her time to adjust to playing independently for a certain amount of time - several times a day.

I started her out only playing independently for 10 minutes at a time periodically during the day. Of course, I did move the length of time to be longer by 5 minutes each week for a few months. However, I did reward her because I was very proud of her. I would tell her I was proud of her.

My princess now is 7 years and 4 months old has been playing by herself and enjoying it for almost 4 years now. She took to this independently playing very well. After only a couple of days I noticed she did not say, "is the time up for playing alone over?" I really think the first two days were the hardest for both her and I. She knew I would come get her and eventually after a few weeks she would just say out of the blue to me, "Can I go play in my room?" I would tell her, "Of course sweetheart." ::with a big smile on my face:::

I think with time and patience, that if you start out with short periods of time like 5 or 10 minutes - it is likely this will work for you too. Eventually, after they are comfortable with playing alone - most likely will forget about the time. I know my daughter did.

I hope this helps. Please let me know if this does help.

T.
Mommy to a wonderful daughter (in 2nd grade) and wonderful son (in Preschool)

I agree with Jamie L. I would do blanket time at that age. Give only certain toys (learning, building type) and tell him when the timer goes off he can get up - start out with 5 minutes, you can do this is the other room or in his room. Gradually as he gets older, build the time up and have it in his room. This is very good for them to have quiet time away and figure things out. Next day, give him different toys, and rotate them daily, that way he is always exploring new things and it gives you a break. Eventually, try to build up to an hour. Tell him he is not allowed to get off the blanket until the timer goes off - you can make it a large one like a bedspread or whatever you like, you can put the toys in different corners and some in the middle and make sure there are picture books to explore.

Whatever you do, try not to show him if you are frustrated or emotional about him not being independent. Just be matter of fact. I know you can play here for this amount of time and when the time goes off you can get off the blanket (make it sound like a fun new thing not a punishment). Let him know it's good to have some quiet play time to learn and grow. Kids understand so much more than we think.

Oh, and if you don't already this is a good age to make him responsible to clean up his toys when he is done.

Take care,
K.

this is not independant play but my ped recommended that at that age they have a playmate a year or two older. they learn alot from them. maybe a relative or friend. i personally at this point dont have that resource and it is not alone time but i thought i'd throw it out there. i like that advice you have been given so far. it helps me with things to come.

I have a 3-1/2 year old boy who plays just fine with himself but not good with others. Just the opposite. However, he interacts with kids at my babysitters house and pre-school. Both my husband and I work full time, so.. Anyway the point I'm trying to get at is that what is his situation? Are you a stay at home mom? How much interaction does he get with other children? THese all have factors. We noticed a difference between our son and my sister's son. SHe is a stay at home mom and her son doesn't want to play with others even let alone himself. He always wants one of them. Now he's in school and is not adjusting well for being away from them and his social skills are in the dump. I tried telling her to 'take a break' and let someone else watch him for a couple of ohours that has kids his age. She refused- oh well. If you are in her situation, do it. I'm serious. It will be hard because he'll cry and throw fits but it will subside. It'll be hard on both of you to leave him but believe me they'll settle down after you are gone and go play with his new friends. I wish you well. Please give feedback as to what you did and how it is working.

I have that problem!!!!!!!!! it drives me nuts! Im curious

This is why I didn't want to have only one child! But we deal with what we have.

A tip I learned before was to set a timer for (15 mins), they play (in same room, by you) for that time. Then for 15 mins you stop what you're doing and you play with him. Alternate, start with small time increments and build up (both time length and distance). When they learn that you will "come back" to them after you do "your thing" then they will become more patient and willing to play solo because they know they wont be left alone the rest of the day.

The other tips of having your kid "work" alongside you are right on too.