We just found out this week that my aunt has stage 4 cancer in her spine, skull, liver, and pancreas. Prognosis is not good. She lives about 10 hours away, so a visit is not easy with 2 small kids and a hubby who works tons right now. I've been sending her encouraging cards and Facebook messages, but is there something else that I could be or should be doing? I didn't know if you had any ideas or experiences with great gifts or messages that I could send her.
She has two grown children and three grandchildren who live near her, and I am not really close to her. We chat on Facebook, and I've grown up with her all my life, but it's not like we send birthday cards or call each other on the phone. Any ideas or experiences you could share?
Really warm, soft, lightweight blankets or blanket shalls
Microwav "things" that keep you warm
Books (or kindle/nook gift cards for downloading books)
Meals (or delivery meal cards)
Skype
Maybe send a gift basket with a nice robe and slippers and books. She may be in the hospital for some time and needs a distraction. Also, check out cleaningforareason.org. There are cleaning services that will clean her house for FREE! That will help her and her family
I'd send a fruit bouquet, cookie bouquet, or pajama gram. Something that will make her day a little brighter. Have the kids make handmade cards, write her a letter telling her what she means to you, send restaurant giftcards for takeout. Just let her know your thinking about and praying for her!
Send her a journal. One of those kind that she can write memories down. Hallmark makes one. She can write things for her kids. I got one for each of the grandparents to write in. It's a double gift. It lets her mind wander to memories she may have forgotten and also gives those memories to her kids. inside it include a letter with some funny memory you have of her. it will make her smile. Smiles are sometimes hard to come by during this. Send a sweater. when your in treatments your cold. I was cold all the time during my chemo. slipper socks are better than regular slippers. you can put them on and just wear them. not take them on and off. send some gift cards for meals. your def not up to cooking a lot so if they have cards hubby can just stop and pick stuff up. keep up the cards. my father in law sent me a card 2 or 3 times a week. It made my day. you say you can't visit because of working hubby , small kids etc. get a sitter for a weekend and go. with cancer you never no how long someone will last. when my dad had cancer the doctor told us we don't give time frames. we may say 2 months and they last 5 years or we say a year and they are gone the next week. so while they can give a general time frame you dn't want to miss having a last visit if you can
Sorry to hear about your aunt, cancer isn't a kind word. I'm sure she appreciates everything you're doing for her. Is there any way you could
sneak away for a two/three days visit with her on a week end? That would be the ultimate for both of you, spend some quality time with her. My mom
passed away from cancer and what I would do for one more visit. I know you said your husband is working a lot and you have two small children. If he can't watch both, take one with you. Especially, if he/she is under two.
One thing I learned, we don't get time back and you'll never regret it. Many blessings to your aunt and those who care for her.
Handwritten letter from you.
Books (book on tape if she cannot concentrate well), magazines!
Photos of you and your kids.
Her favorite candy or snack.
Send her your love by calling to tell her!
Oh & love the idea of a journal from Sherry!!!!
If it is a gift you wish to send, you might ask if there is a movie she hasn't seen in some time and would like to have. If it were in such a position and was in a good enough state to interact with people with dignity and cognition, I would probably love for someone to hire a young person to read scripture or poetry or a favorite book to me for an hour a few days a week. It really depends on your aunt's personality, but most of the elders I have worked with would have loved that sort of thing.
As far as messages, instead of trying to guess at the right thing to say, why not think of the best things to ask. When one is leaving, there are often thoughts about leaving things unsaid or unexplained or leaving stories untold or "I'm sorry" unsaid.
It might be good to ask your aunt if she would allow you to interview her and collect the stories she would like to leave behind. This can be done by phone daily or weekly. But, I would even ask that question gently. Some people would be upset by dredging up the past or have suffered severe traumas they have not reconciled. Some may feel attracted to such an opportunity and others might feel invaded. You might also ask if a speaker phone can be arranged so that holding the phone is not fatiguing for her.
One thing I have learned from working with elders is that they have so much to give and are usually happiest when allowed to give, to teach, to tell stories. So, instead of coming with just the right thing to say or the right gift to give, come to her empty and ready to receive.
As you chat, you might be able to ask now and then if there is something she needs or she feels would bring her comfort or encouragement.
Giving someone your heart and your time to hear them, accept them, understand and recognize them is often the most precious gift of all.
Scrapbook.....fond memories.....the good old days.
You can make one for her that is finished, or make her a 'template' that she can add pictures and journal for herself.
Above all, PRAY!!
I love the journal idea...or if she can no long write...get a tape recorder and send it to her so she can record things for her children and grandchildren.
And keep sending cards and letters...things to just let her know you are thinking of her...include pictures of yourself and your children.
I wonder if you could send them gift certificates for things like Pizza, Olive Garden, places that her husband or children could go and get food to bring home. She may not want to eat a lot as the disease process progresses but it will make her feel good to know that you are helping take care of her loved ones.
Most of all just let her know that you love her...
I was thinking a nice comfy nightgown or robe or something like that would be welcomed. What is her treatment plan? I ask b/c that could affect or influence the gift you send. If she's going to be in the hospital for any length of time or have chemo then I'd go with goofy word puzzles, crosswords, books, movies, etc; basically things to keep her busy while she sits around. You could send food, but I'd make sure that she is eating her normal diet before you send anything. If she's going through any treatment it could affect how and what she eats, so although I think foods, especially fun and funky ones are a good idea, make sure she can eat them first!
10 hours is a pretty long drive so I understand why you don't just want to jump in the car and visit, but you might give it some consideration. If you stay at home, I find that traveling during the week is much easier! You may talk to you husband and see if he can take time off and you may consider going by yourself. My kids are 3 and 1 and I travel with them by myself a lot. It's not ideal, but I know that once my oldest starts school it will be harder! If traveling just won't work for you then I'd also have the kids make some goofy videos and post them to her FB page, color pictures to send, send photographs, etc. I'm sure that seeing young people will make her happy!
I haven't read all the responses... but I had cancer last year. Not stage 4 but here are the things that I LOVED. CARDS! I still have every one of them. Have your kids draw pictures and mail them. Don't hesitate because you haven't talked to her in a while. It doesn't matter. If call her on the phone or send an email that she doesn't respond, keep sending cards.
Send her funny pictures you find off the internet.
Hopefully she will set up a site at www.caringbridge.com to keep everyone involved.
I some friends that bought me a gift certificate for Netflix. I loved it.
