Emotional over Children

I think you are grieving and need to speak to a counselor about it. If you can't even speak his name without crying, then this is a serious issue.

Children move on. That's what you raise them to be able to do. If he can move to another state and support himself and be a good person then you and his dad have done a good job. Try not to see his moving as being abandoned. Try to see it as proof that he's grown up.

And you can still contact him. When my stepson was abroad, we used skype.

It's probably your hormones. Ever since I became a M., tears come easier than before.

It will not hurt to get your hormones checked, but sometime we do "over" react to things. If you have not found peace with him moving out the way he did - it can cause other issues. You need to find a way of coming to peace with the argument you had with him and him moving out. You also need to come to peace with the fact that your kids although they are your life for so long do grow up and move on, out and away to have their own life. None of what happens is anyones fault, it is life... it does not mean he doesn't love you and that you don't live him - it saddly just happens.

You can still help him out in many ways even if he is states away. You can also be there for him no matter where he is... we have computers & phones to keep in contact with loved ones that are & aren't close.

I hope you can find peace with everything & things get better for you!

OMG! Let me tell you, I cried for an entire week when my first baby started her senior year in high school. It was like it all hit me. It was especially hard because she was only 17 when she graduated and I just wasn't emotionally prepared for that. I cried as I poured over photos to have placed in the back of her yearbook (as a complete surprise to her).
I always say that God knew what he was doing because after being told I could never have children, I had a kid at home 10 years younger and thank goodness for him! I wasn't ready not to have a little kid around anymore.

Now, THAT baby, my son, is a Junior in high school and I catch myself crying often when I realize he only has a year of high school left. He is absolutely amazing and I know that he will go out into this world prepared to be a wonderful man and human being in general, but I know this will be my last summer with him just as a kid at home. I'm saving money so he and I can do something special together.
My daughter has been on her own for a long time and has a baby of her own now, but there's just something that really tugs at my heart about my son graduating and growing up and going out into the world.
This is what we raise our kids to be able to do, but it still isn't easy.

I'm a sentimental sap. Pure and simple. I had a hysterectomy a year after my son was born so I don't know if I can blame it on hormones.
When our kids get to be this age, sometimes it can be hard to see the beauty of the different stages in their lives and it can feel like something lost or ending when really, it's just the beginning of so much for them.

I guess I'm trying to say that I understand exactly how you feel.
I'm not a cry baby by any means, but there are certain things that just get me....

Hang in there. Your son will always love you.

When our first went to college it was very sad for all of us, but happy too. We did cry and I cried for several weeks off and on. I'd lost my 'baby'. But I got over it quickly even though always a loss there sort of. Then when our second went to join the Navy it was even worse. Children are part of us and we just need to learn to let go and for some of us it takes more time than others on the emotional side. Now when the last left it was sad but nothing like the first times. I had adjusted to letting go maybe. I still love the last one but you learn they are grown and making a life of their own and you are still very much needed along that process but in a different way. Cry at home and get it out and the circumstances your son left in is the main problem for you. It's like a loss you weren't prepared for and that will take much healing.

I am crying right now reading this! I am the same way as you when it comes to my kids and I cannot imagine how bad it will be when they get older and move on. I am seriously way too connected to my boys for my own good. At some point I will probably consider therapy for this as it is a little unhealthy for me. I am hoping that as they get a little older and I have more time that something comes along to round out another whole side of me besides mommy.
SO I guess what I would tell you is first of all talk to someone-maybe a light antidepressant could help a little and they could talk you through why you are so attached. Second-look into something, either a hobby or job, that will develop you as yourself and not as mom.

As the mom of 2 sons I can tell you that many boys don't know how to handle it when their moms get overly emotional. It makes them uncomfortable. They want your unfailing love and adoration, but not emotionalism that they can't fix without giving up a part of themselves.

It sounds like you need to mourn a bit . . . it must have been very hard when he went to live with his dad. Your time as a hands-on mom was cut short, and that's tough. I feel very badly for you. My heart hurts for you.

If I were in your shoes I would talk to someone and get this out. Did you ever have any abandonment or loss issues in your childhood? If so, I would get that out too. That way you won't lay it on your kids and you can still support them in a productive way, even if from afar.

Hang in there and I hope this gets better.

I so understand. My oldest did not graduate HS, he was so close, and so smart. when my second graduated, I cried a lot thinking about how he didnt have this moment, being so proud of her, watching all her friends that I remembered from Kindergarten and grade school, so proud of each and every one of them. OK I'm crying now. I think it's normal. Then again I'm in perimenopause.

It sounds like you are mourning the fact that you two didn't get along and are hoping for a do-over. You can't get back the same relationship you had before, and really and truly, you don't want that old relationship back. Instead, you want to forge a new relationship, one that is between an older adult and a young adult. Instead of wanting him to stick around and help him out and "be there" for him, try to look at it like allowing him to spread his wings and learn how to be independent. Boys need to learn to be men. Instead of "fixing" his problems, ask him what he plans to do when he has a problem or issue. Give advice, but don't push. Don't offer to fix something for him. Give him the tools to fix things himself. Truly, if he isn't expected to fix his own mistakes or handle problems, how will he ever learn?

I do think that perhaps you have peri-menopause or menopause going on, and you should go have your hormones checked. If they are low, consider HRT at least for a while, to help you through this.

At graduation, take your camera and take 500 pictures. It will give you something to "do" and hopefully help you keep from weeping. Believe me, you want to act happy for your son instead of making him uncomfortable and embarrassed because you can't hold it together.

It is supposed to be a happy time for him. Please let him have a happy graduation by not crying through it. If you feel that you can't do this, ask the doctor for some help once you have had your hormones checked.

Hugs, Mom!
Dawn