Emotional Mother and Weaning

Let me remind you why you are doing this. You are doing it to improve the quality of both your lives. You are doing it so you don't loose an entire day with your daughter because of a migraine. You are doing it so you don't have to skip a trip to the park because you can feel a migraine coming on. You are doing this so you can take excellent care of your daughter without worrying about her while you are puking in the bathroom. My husband suffers from migraines and he has tried many different medications and homeopathic remedies. I'm sure you haven't gotten to this point without trying everything in the book, and your migraines are probably occurring pretty often. You are being a good Mom!
~N.

I dreaded weaning my kids. It was an end to an era for both involved. Sure, it transitions to new and more age appropriate interaction, which is healthy and right to do. Yet, you are not alone in wishing that baby stage would last and last.

What stands out to me more than this though is the reason you specified for having to stop. Do you know the cause of the migraines and is medication the only solution? Is the medication to heal something or to "make up" for something? If it is to make up for something then I suggest instead you change what it would make up for so you could still nurse a couple months longer. There is nothing wrong with nursing to the age of two.

There is a book called Total Nutrition for Breast-feeding Mothers by Betty Kamen, PhD., and Si Kamen. If there might be any nutritional links to your headaches, their suberb research might shed some light on some other solutions. It is surprising how many new mothers suffer with breast feeding complications and physical side effects now a days simply due to lack of nutritional knowledge.

I agree with Melanie about trying to fix your migraines. I do not take prescription medications unless I have to because they usually just treat the sym ptoms and not the source of the problem (they make good money off of you that way). It's really just masking the problem and keeping you sick. It can make you sicker actually because it wears on your organs having to process the drugs. Anyway, might I suggest just trying a naturopathic (sp?) doctor or a GOOD chiropractor might be able to help you. It might sound like a lot of trouble, but it'd be worth it if you could get rid of the migraines and keep breastfeeding that precious baby of yours. BTW, great job on nursing that long!

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. It's never easy to make the choice to wean but even harder when you feel forced. My first baby was like your daughter, liked being nursed but wasn't upset when he wasn't. We were down to one or two times a day, before nap and bed, when I decided it was time. He was just a couple of weeks over a year and I went on a weekend trip. It made it so much easier for both of us I think. He was content to let daddy or grandma rock him before bed (you can continue that as well to keep up the special time). When I came home he never even showed signs of wanting to nurse and I was never put in the position of having to refuse him, or myself for that matter. The only problem I had was the engorgement I experienced, it was really painful. I didn't think I was producing much milk at all so I didn't even consider bringing my breast pump with me to relieve pressure.
I am now at the same point with my 15 month old. I love the time with him and the closeness but we are going to start trying for another baby in November and I need my cycle to get back on track so I need to prep now. This baby is much more sensitive and I think it may be a little bit harder on him, but from experience he is fine when I am not here at bedtime to nurse him, so I know he'll be ok. I am going to go away again in a couple of weeks to make the transition easier. It's more for me than him, I know I'd give in if I were here.
I hope this helps. It's never easy to see your baby grow up. Just remember to replace the time spent with nursing with reading and rocking and you can continue that special bedtime ritual. Good luck.

Didn't read the other posts, but I would just like to add that I really hear you. I was very emotional for about a month when I went through the weaning process. We just had our last feeding three nights ago (18 months old) and the transition has gone well. I think so much of the sadness for me came from thinking that bfing was the closest I would ever be w/ my child. It doesn't feel that way now. We go to bed snuggling, we kiss and hug all the time, our reading time is so special. I think the bfing was the basis for what I hope to be continued growth and bonding. My best to you in this time!

Jen

J.,
I have a two year old whom I just recently fully weaned. He, too, was only nursing once or twice a day; although it was harder to wean him than to wean my daughter. A couple of things: if you think your daughter will be okay with it, you are a step ahead of the game; know that, being a mommy, you are an incredible woman of strength with a supportive hubby and you can do this; I have found that the most helpful advice I received on this issue was/is to replace the nursing with something else. Make a time, daily, that you do something fun with your daughter....trip to the park, color, read to her, etc. Something special that just the two of you do, together, and make a big deal about it. Eventually this special time will take place of the bond created by the nursing.
Hope this helps. Let me kow if there's anything else I could do to help.
L.

I say the key to getting rid of ANYTHING is replacing it with something else- like a child who needs to get rid of a binky needs to replace it with a lovey or blankie (most kids who keep the binky extra long have made THAT their attachment item and need to replace it!). I'll bet you're right that your daughter won't mind the end of breastfeeding, the key is to replace the experience for yourself so you can be okay with the transition. Find some super close bonding thing that you can do twice a day with your daughter- my favorite thing to do with mine is to just rock her in her room, quiet, no books (we read at other times) and we look at each other and maybe "chat" a little about things that have happened- coming up your daughter will be able to talk to you (if she can't already) about the things she does during the day (it's fun even if you were there). This may or may not help at first, depending on how insistant she is about nursing. If she wants to try to nurse and you can't distract her, you may need to try something else, like going for a walk or something slightly active, at least until she gets used to the transition. If you can wean yourself off the nursing and replace it with something like that that gives you the time to not only bond physically with her but to deepen your bond by talking and interacting in other ways then you may find you don't even miss the nursing (after a while, anyway), and the bond will grow even stronger. However, you also have to remember that from about a year to 18 months until sometime in the second year the most important thing kids are developing both socially and emotionally is a sense of autonomy- they've learned they are separate from you and need to learn that they are valuable and able as individuals, and they learn this by "striking out" so to speak, and by beginning to drop all of the baby habits, so this won't damage her in any way! Good Luck!

J.,

I suffered from migraines when my second child was 7 mos old, I just lived with it until a friend recommended a chiropractor. I was so skeptical of chiro's before this but while in so much pain, I gave in. I saw this guy I think for 4 or 5 days in a row (all covered by my insurance) then I saw him once weekly for about a month, after that he recommended once a month but that was 3 years ago and I haven't been back. My migraines were gone after our first week of treatment. Honestly, they got worse first and I questioned what I was doing but after the first week of treatments not only did they go away but I haven't had a migraine since. As a side note, the only reason I don't see my chiro monthly at the least is because he is about an hour away. If we were closer, I'd be a regular. Just a thought if you haven't tried it or considered it. Other than that, I wish you the best with your weaning process. If you must do it, dr sears has some good tips at his site. www.askdrsears.com and search weaning. I've weaned two toddlers (2 yo and 3yo) to me it is much easier once they are "older" (18mos and up) they understand so much. You aren't alone, even after my 3yo weaned (nursed about 2 years longer than I thought he would! LOL) it was emotional for me.
M.

Oh, I'm so sorry! I don't have any advice - my girl is only 11 months old but when I think of weaning it makes me really sad so I haven't figured out a plan yet. I know most of my friends that have weaned have said that the last nursing session was emotional but once they "grieved", they were ok. I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible and you figure something out to make it not so hard on you.