As others were asking more about the topic which I didnt explain the rest is on the bottom after this >> So this is my dilemma.....my "husband" and I have been separated for about 4 years. He asked me to leave. Has not seen his kids for 4 years. I have gotten up the courage to ask him to sign the kids over leaving me with sole custody. Only problem is that now I have found out that the judge will not let this happen being as that I am a single parent and I do not work. Why I am wanting this is because my kids have done well so far and I dont want to bring the drama he will bring into their lives if they require visitation. I am asking for no child support no visitation which he has told me he would agree with its just convincing the judge to accept it which is going to be hard being as that I have to prove it is in the best interest of the kids. Any advice would be GREAT! Or words or wisdom....ANYTHING!!!!!!
Added: He lives in Cali. 4 years ago he told me to leave....I was about 4 mos pregnant and my daughter being 7 mos old. He went and had an affair. He hasent called the kids or seen them since. He has made no attempt to check up on them and is now telling his now girlfriend that I abandoned him which is absurd. I just dont wish to suddenly bring in the drama his lying and telling my kids god knows what seeing as how he is telling everyone I left him and that his son might not be his. I do not work at the moment but after this gets sorted I plan on finally working. I have just been soo overwhelmed with everything. I do understand your responses I guess I just need some words of encouragement/support or advice as this is a very stressful thing to go through I am sure many other parents would agree.
I read everyone's reply to you and they all seem the same. If you really want this guy out of your life, why don't you just get a job and that would eliminate any need for his money?! Just a thought. Good luck - I'm sorry for your situation.
I think a judge wants to do what's in the best interest of the kids.... which includes money. And if your husband is able to pay, whether you want him to or not, the judge may see it as a benefit to your children.
Yes, I agree that the judge is probably concerned about the well being of the children. How are you providing for them now? Is your "husband" paying child support now? When my parents divorced (many years ago...things may have changed) my Mom was given sole custody and my dad was given visitation and had to pay child support. My dad never paid more than a few hundred dollars and stopped being a part of our lives, in fact he still owes my Mom hundreds of thousands of dollars. But, after a certain amount of time (I believe its one year) of absolutely no contact, it can be ruled as child abondonment leaving the father (or other abondoning parent) with no custodial or parental rights. I understand that you want no contact with your "husband", but it is best for the children to be taken care of...even if that means accepting child support from him. Will you be going through the divorce process? Again, I'm not sure, but I believe you can include all the custody and child support stuff in your divorce decree. You may try getting in touch with a divorce attorney. Some may do it for little or no charge, or you can look into free legal aid. I hope things work out for all of you! Good luck!
S.
Dear E.,
I think that the judge is looking at it politically. If you do not work, who pays for your food? How will your children be provided for? How will being a welfare statistic affect your children in the long run? Etc. I think your intentions are good. I praise you not wanting any child support but really, your "hudsband" help to create your children. Your children are entitled to a relationship with thier Dad. I think that drama, is drama, we can not get away from it. Your children will benifit from knowing both parents, (good or bad) that is a desition that they need to make once they are older. Children need to know their father. I'm sorry to agree with the judge. Best of luck
another concern the judge may have would be the potential need of public assistance to support the children. they don't often approve rule 11 agreements just because they want the non custodial parent to be liable for child support.
Well the first question that I thought of when I read this was how are you going to support them? And that's probably what they judge is thinking too. On top of that what has changed now that was ok in the past. Why can't he just not see them. Why do you need the court order if he does agree with it.
