Okay so trying to find a "tag line" for this one was a bit odd, but here goes. I am involved as a volunteer for the local high school's musical as a Hair/Make Up parent (Yeah! so FUN!). With that said we have a few middle/elementary school students in the show playing the parts of the children. One of the kids' mothers has been seemingly absent, but this issue/event strikes me as very upsetting and I think I have done all I can do but I want to make sure that all bases are covered - so here it is:
The show runs from about 7pm to 10pm and it takes about 20-30 min for clean up, as I was leaving one of the students called out from the parking lot that "Munchkin" was walking home. Please keep in mind that it was raining (not heavily but raining), about 40 degrees, he is 11 and it is 10:20pm - Oh and he is in shorts. One of the other students asked me if I could take him home and of course I said I would. When we got into the car I asked him where his mom was and he said she got home from work late and was probably alseep and that walking was no problem. Please keep in mind that it took about 10 min for me to drive to his house and again he is 11. I drove him home, made sure he got inside the house and called one of the teachers in charge at the school to notify them that I drove him home in the event his mother calls asking - and so they know there was no one responsible for him.
So, beyond having driven him home, notifying one of the teachers involved and getting him home safely is there anything else I should have or should do? It is really worrisome to me that his mother supposidly went home to sleep vs pick up her 11yr old. He said the plan was for him to walk that just seems odd to me.
Calling the police was something I thought about in retrospect, the ironic thing is he "acidentally" (not terribly clear on the story here) called 911 during the musical while he was backstage from the Music Director's office. Things just keep striking me as odd regarding this situation.
I called the Music Director, he is also my community choir director (how I got involved) and he left me a return voicemail to talk tonight when I get there. He too seemed more concerned than upset. I met the mother once on the musical's second night there, made it a point to introduce myself after I spent quite a while comforting him because she was not going to opening night as planned. I mentioned nothing of the previous night but I did want to introduce myself in the event he said anything about me when talking to her about opening night. I do think she is a single mother trying to make it work, I am trying to see all sides and not pass judgement, but it does not change the fact that I am worried. The lights were not on, but the style of the duplex makes them difficult to see anyhow, there was a car in the driveway, and the porch light was sensored and came on as he approached.
Thanks for all your imput and I will consider the situation more after discussing it with the Musical Director tonight.
And I do plan to thank the young man again tonight for alerting me to the situation and seeing the danger.
While it is worrying that she didn't get him or meet him at the door, I think you did what you should have done, which was see him home safely. If his mom won't say it, I will. Thank you.
There are many different kinds of parents. Some kids become street-wise at a young age. Just keep driving him home.
I think I would have called the police, to be honest. Partly to teach the parent a lesson (sorry if that sounds bad, but HONESTLY...) and partly to make sure that nothing came back to bite me in the butt with this awful mother. And yes, I think she is awful.
The police could have brought him home, had a talk with the mother, and that little boy would be better off. You never know what someone who is that poor at parenting might try in order to deflect the blame off of her. With the police dealing with it, she couldn't blame anything on anyone.
Just for a point of reference, years ago I looked out my window one morning and saw a little girl around 4 years old, walking in the street in her nightgown. I grabbed my walk-around phone and headed out the door and called to her. She came in my yard and I asked her where her mommy was. She didn't know. I called 911 right there and asked them to come, and told the operator that we were in my front yard and would stay there. Right before the police came, her mother drove up and I asked her to wait for the police because they were on their way.
I kept the child safe by keeping her out of the road. I didn't take her in my house or my car, so the mother could not blame me for anything. She had to face the music with the police (in this circumstance, it was not poor parenting really - the little girl wanted to ride her sister's school bus and she opened a locked door. I heard the mom tell the police that she guessed she needed to install a different kind of lock...) So this is why I tell you that I would have called the police to deal with it, if it had been me.
That's my take on it...
I'd call his mom and explain who you are and that you were the one who gave the ride home. I'd ask her then if she'd like for you to continue to give him a ride home from the performances if you have more upcoming. Open the door to a dialogue. If something funny strikes you after speaking with her, then you can use your judgement based on what you know to inform the authorities or the school and the principal/guidance counselor.
Good luck!
I would notify the child's school counselor or psychologist of the issue, so that someone is "on alert" about possible problems. You want to protect the child of course - walking home at 10:30 PM in the rain is not a good idea. But you also want to protect YOURSELF - driving a child whom you are not authorized to transport can turn into an issue. So find out what the school's procedure is. Also, were there signs of someone being home?
Calling the police is an option, one that might upset the child at the time. You could contact the mother and introduce yourself as the person who drove her child home, but it's hard to know if she would be grateful or resentful that you might be criticizing her parenting. You could also call Child Protective Services to alert them to a possible situation, and while your call is anonymous, it may be obvious to the parents that the issue arose from their child walking home alone at night. It's hard to know if there was a mix-up or a problem that one night, or if there is an ongoing problem.
I think you'll feel better if you check with some authority. And I think the people putting on the musical should have a policy about ALL the kids having suitable rides at night after rehearsals and after the performances.
I would definitely be sure that the show's adult director or producer, or the adult faculty adviser at the high school, knows about this ASAP this morning. Don't put this on the teenage producers etc -- tell a faculty member who is working with the production. In many cases, with things like drama, younger kids are REQUIRED to have an adult pick them up or even an adult present throughout the show itself every time (this is according to a friend whose nephew is very active in local kids' theatre and professional theatre too). I would bet that the adult adviser will be glad you told him or her and will get in touch with this boy's family. Please encourage the adviser to talk to the family today. I would also ask for the family number and say you are going to offer a ride each night for the rest of the play's run -- though the adviser may prefer to tell these parents that if they can't provide adequate supervision, including a pickup, their son may lose his role. That would happen in some theatres, believe me.
The parents might just say yes to the idea of your giving him a ride each night. If the parents say, 'Oh, no, we'll get him, it was a big mix-up" or the parents are contrite and apologetic, I'd feel much better about it and say "That's fine, let me know if he ever needs a ride" -- but I'd also watch for this boy at the end of the show, and SEE that he gets into a car with a parent. If he says again that he's going to walk, give him another ride and this time -- go to the front door, ring the bell and wait until a parent appears in person! If no one turns up and it seems this boy is going home to an empty house, then it's time to call the police non-emergency line.
It may be this family's way of doing things -- I'm amazed but there are families where it would be considered just fine for a child this age to walk home at night, even late -- but I agree with you that it's a very bad idea, even if they have every right to do it. We live in a very, very safe area but I was picturing a child this age walking home from the local high school at that time of night, and I would never allow it.
Please be sure to thank the older student who stopped this boy from walking home and told you about it!! That kid deserves applause for knowing that the situation wasn't safe and for speaking up.
I'm sorry to say from personal experience that some parents do not think twice about leaving their kids in this situation. I don't think there was any communication breakdown. I believe that he was to walk home after the show and that was it.
I think that bothers me the most is that he said that she was probably home sleeping. I don't think I would ever be able to fall asleep without knowing that my 11 year old was home safe and sound. That is a red flag right there.
Being that the school is responsible for reporting anything that is amiss, could you call the teacher back and tell her that this "situation" is really bothering you and you feel that it needs to be investigated further? That way the responsibility is squarely on their shoulders and you can stay out of it, while still having done your part?
I think you could contact the other parent and make arrangements to drive the boy home after the show.
11 is not too young to walk home - not the best plan - but you do not know the back story for this. Does Mom work two jobs to support the family? Does she have a car, or does she get rides, take public transport, to/from work? Does she work third then 1st shift? Etc., Etc.
Lots of variables to consider. Don't judge the other Mom too quickly.
Instead, reach out and help facilitate this child's continued participation in an extracurricular activity that he obviously wanted to be a part of.
Think with your heart just as you did. Why are people so worried about driving a child home that you are not authorized to do. What has happened to America. Good God do not call police or Child Protective Services, just take him home and call his Mom the next day. Cut the poor mother some slack. Maybe it was miscommunication ication. Some kids are allowed to walk home. Like I said, go with what your heart says to do.
Was there a car in the driveway or any indication that anyone was home (lights on or anything)?
I might have worried that there was no one home.
My Mom was late picking me up from an activity once because she slid off the icy road on the way to get me.
Our group leader could not get my Mom on the phone (this was before cell phones) and started to drive me home and half way there we found my Mom in the process of getting her car pulled out of a ditch (it was shallow, Mom wasn't hurt and there was no damage).
Once the car was back on the road, I switched cars and Mom took me home.
Sometimes accidents happen.
Or maybe his Mom really is irresponsible and he's trying to cover for her.
Now that a teacher knows about it, maybe she can inquire what happened - maybe talk to his Mom or Dad, see that he has a regular ride home and/or maybe find the phone number of an alternate relative who will look after the boy.
What is the curfew in your area for his age? I would think that her plan for him to walk himself home at that hour is probably a curfew violation.
You did the right thing, it's the very thing I would have done.
This isn't CPS or police worthy, it's just a difference in parenting. When I was that age, long ago, but not to long ago, this was pretty normal.
I wouldn't do it, most parents I know wouldn't do it, but that doesn't make it wrong, just not the brightest move, especially considering the time.
Keep an eye out for him, and if he needs keep offering the ride.
I do not let my daughter walk accross the street without me watching. Some parents have it hard and work at night, like nurses. Is she a single mom who has to work the 3 to 11 or 11 to 7? Do you think she was even aware? Maybe he is sneaking out to be part of the show? Was an agreement made with another mother and kid and now this kid is fighting with them? I'd probably check with the mom with a nice oh I hope it was ok your kid got stood up for a rid and I gave him a ride home. See how she responds.
I think it was very nice to offer a ride. Maybe you could offer to drive him home next time as well. It was kind of late, kind of far and he wasn't dressed for the weather, but it certainly wouldn't warrant a call to the police. My ten year old can walk home from a friends house a couple of blocks away at 9:00pm in the dark, in much colder weather, and it is completely age appropriate.
I've seen a number of times at my kids' neighborhood activities, a kid around this age does not have a parent come to pick them up. Sometimes my child will come and ask if I can give another child a ride home. It's then explained that the kid has been told "see if you can find a ride with someone" Granted it was never after dark, and distances could a decent walk, but still. I wonder if his Mom really knew he wasn't able to get ride and that he started out walking before you came along. I would get in touch with the Mom, explain how you saw the boy and offer to drive her child home going forward if that would help her out. Yes it sounds like a totally irresponsible thing for her to leave him to walk so late, but I wouldn't judge before knowing the whole story. It could be a family in need of a little help, and maybe too proud to ask. Maybe the kid falsely assured his Mom he had a ride so his Mom would allow him to participate.
I think I would have called the boy's home first. If an answering machine picked up, I would have left a message. If not, I would have driven him home with a note about who I was. The followup with other teachers strikes me as appropriate. I would not have called the police.
