Drama - Easton,MD

Hi K.,
First of all no one man should be anyone's "reason for living"! YOU should be your reason for living.
That said--talk to him about what they are saying. Communication is key to any relationship. Good luck to you and your BF.

Alrighty girl, you have to stop and get a reality check. Your life is a gift. You are precious and unique young woman with giftings and abilities all your own. No matter what anyone has done, will do or won't do for that matter, there is no reason to build your reason for living around them. I think you have to take a quick step back and look at your life and think about the dreams you have and what you want. You don't have children at this moment, you aren't married from what I can gather, so honey, the world is your playground! Do you like music, do you want to play an instrument, do it! Have you been to the grand canyon, why not go?? Don't let what anyone else does define you. You are a separate and wonderful creation and let me tell you no-one ever for all time can fill that K. J spot in this world, don't for one minute think you are not significant. Chin up babe, time to stop listening to lying voices telling you that you aren't worth anything. We were put here to do more than just convert oxygen to carbon dioxide, there is a reason you were born and things that you are meant to do, don't give up. And if you are really brave and really adventurous why not ask God what He could do with a person like you....He has a great plan for your life, He gives hope and a great future. Don't give up, don't let go and let us know how you are doing. Hang in there girl!!

.

Whoa! K.--slow down. It sure sounds like yo have a lot going on right now and I understand these relatives are causing you drama and grief. They are toxic! Avoid them. Always take the higher road. People like that can only have power in your life if you let them. You are the (excuse the clichés) Master of your ship and the Captain of your domain! LOL
Don't allow them to have that kind of POWER in your life.
Your family, your past do not define who you are now as a person!
I don't know what, exactly they are doing, but don't listen to them, do what they say, or take their advice.
If you are bothered enough to write that "I don't feel my life is worth living no more" then you need to seek out someone to talk to right away--a pastor, a counselor, a friend or trusted relative. Don't mess around if you feel that depressed, OK?
God bless!

K., I strongly urge you to get some counseling. Call a hot line to talk and also to ask for resources to get counseling. I've called a hot line a couple of times and they were able to help me see past the drama to what I could do. I felt better by the time I hung up.

I also urge you to talk with a doctor about getting an anti-depressant. Depression is caused by life's circumstances AND our body chemistry. Medication gets a more level in our thinking so that we can handle life better.

You need someone in your life that is dependable. A counselor can give you that stability while they help you learn how to handle your relatives and encourage you to make new friends to become your family.

Hang in there! You can overcome this dark time in your life. I have and so have many others that I have met or known.

Oh my, do not ever let anyone effect you like this!! I have no idea of your situation but, I wish I could give you a hug!! You sound like you need to get as far away from them as possible. They seem to have quite an impact on you. Jealousy maybe?? Do you think that is their drive? If your boyfriend really cares and loves you then he will be a support. You should both know eachother well after 3 years. Sounds like you may have had a lot of trauma in your life possibly?? I don't want to assume or offend you by saying that at all but, it seems your self esteem and confidence is a little shattered. Life is what you make it! You have to try and take it one day at a time and be as positive as possible. Please get someone to help through this! You need support. Don't ever feel like you don't have a place here in this world! You are here so there is a reason. (((BIG HUGS))) to you! Hope this helped a little.

Please find a professional to talk to. Call your dr and see if they can refer you to someone. Sometimes in life we feel overwhelm and it is important you find someone you can confide in. Don't let others bring you down. Take a moment each day to appreciate the little things like the sun is shining, your warm cup of coffee etc.. When you are feeling upset go for a nice walk. Do something nice for a someone else it will bring you joy. If you are religious get involved with your church. If possible distant yourself from your family for now.
Remember that there are other fish in the sea. You will find the perfect one.
Your life is always changing and you have to remember that "this too shall pass". Best of luck to you.

Hello K.:

I can't tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this. I've not read your other responses so if I am repeating - I'm sorry!

1. DO NOT depend upon someone else for your happiness. YOU ARE in control of your life (I know it doesn't seem like it - but you are - and believe it or not - walking away from "family" (I use this term loosely as family shouldn't try and trash another) is control and maturity).
2. DO NOT lose hope. You are young and have much to live for. You will look back in a couple of years and think - wow!! I've come a long way!!!
3. DO NOT give ANYONE power to control your life and feelings - tell your aunt and cousins to pound sand. I'm surprised that your dad isn't stepping up to the plate and putting them in their place.
4. If your boyfriend can't see through their mechanisms, he wasn't worth having in your life in the first place. The right one for you will see past every one else's negativity and tell them to pound sand as well.
5. God will help you through this. Please don't turn away from God - go to church - pray. I know God WILL lighten your load - He WILL get you down the path that you need to be on. Look at this time as turbulence and a learning lesson - you will come out of this much stronger. I know it's hard to see that right now - especially in the thick of it all - but you MUST remain true to yourself. "this is just turbulence" - a rough patch - DO NOT give up!!

I can't stress enough the power of prayer and faith.

I also can't stress enough the importance of taking charge of your life - not depending upon someone else for happiness, etc. You HAVE to like who you are and love yourself. That's SOOOOOOOO hard to do - but it's NOT impossible. There are hot lines you can call to direct you to a counselor who can help you get past this turbulence and be the better person for it.

Please feel free to contact me privately. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! DO NOT GIVE UP!!!

Hi K.,

I just want to encourage you to have hope. I don't know all the details to the situation that you wrote about but if you no longer associate with your aunt and cousins that's a step in the right direction. If they are causing drama in your life, staying away from them is the best thing you can do. I do want to point out one very important thing - LIFE IS ALWAYS WORTH LIVING. You are only 23 and you have so many great days ahead of you. Every day you wake up is an opportunity for you to do and experience something wonderful and even unexpected. Life is a journey and there will be bad times and bad people we have to deal with but that's only a part of it. If YOU have the right attitude and change your outlook on things, you'll definitely experience just as much or more good than bad.

As far as your relationship is concerned, please don't depend on that person for your happiness because he/she is just like you - HUMAN, which means they are capable of disappointing you. Try to love yourself, I know it's easier said than done, however that's where you should start. You are a very important person and you have a purpose.

I always recommend seeking a higher power,God for instance, who can help you and guide you through any situation. I've been through alot in my life and I'm in my 30's, but with each seemingly life ending situation came a huge blessing in the end.

I know I'am (I'm) not a mother but I had nowhere else to turn. I'am (I'm) 23 years old and with all the drama that I go through I don't feel my life is worth living no (any) more, and I don't no what to do. I'am (I'm) surrounded by nothing but drama that comes from my dads (dad's) sister and her two daughters. I think I have officially disowned them as family members in my eyes, its (it's) like they are trying to ruin my life and I can't understand why. I don't associate myself (delete myself) with them because I already know how they are and they still manage to bother me. I tryed (tried) ignoring them, walking away from them, and just plain laughing and not giving them the attention that they want. They are jeopardizing my relationship with someone I have been dating for almost three years and I feel if I lose him which is the last thing I got (have) what is my life worth living for. (?) I need some advice, I would go deeper into the situation but I would be here forever.

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This is my best advice. It may sound harsh, but believe me when I say that at 23, you have a lifetime in front of you-and this is what you're going to do! First, you will benefit greatly from getting the education you clearly need and deserve! Go to the library and check out a simple book of grammer. Start reading everything you can get your hands on. Improving yourself will drive those that are against you crazy. You already appear to be a wonderful person who cares about being kind to others-even one's that don't deserve it! I have had many boyfriends throughout the years and two husbands-not one of them was worth killing myself over! Are you kidding? Make a life for yourself through education, and you will soon discover how insignificant most people are. People treat you the way you let them-you are leagues above them-dissassociate yourself from them as much as the drama allows-and good luck! I am pulling for you!

have a talk with your man and explain whats going on. this way he knows the deal and will avoid whatever your cousins try to seperate you. then pray. pray for understanding of your cousins and how you should react if at all to their ehavior. pray pray pray. and most importantly you should forgive them of everything they have done to you. you are spending way too much time worrying about them and what they have or will do to you that even if they havent done it you probably have thought about it. life is not about us or what we want but about God and what he wants for us. whatever they have done to you or anything else that has happened in your life ill never take that fact away. we are here to serve him and they cant change that. smile be happy and think positive only. good luck!

You have a long life and alot to live for so much can change in futcher for the better and u need to focus on that...whats ur goals what do u really want and need and what can u do to get there. if u nee anyone to talk to you can email me at ____@____.com and we could call each other or something.

Dear K.,
I'm so sorry to hear of your trouble, PLEASE hang in there! You're very young and my mother gave me excellent advice when I was your age and having a rough time "This too shall pass." Yes, it's horrible now, but it won't always be and in a few years you'll look back and be really proud of yourself for how far you've come. Please call your Dr. and make an appointment to see a counselor or therapist who can give you good advice for how to deal with your family's negative influence. Sounds like you need to set some boundaries with them (or move and change your phone number and don't tell them). Have a talk with your boyfriend too, sounds like a good guy and he should support you in making positive changes in your life.
Best of luck!

You have received some great responses here. I just want to add that you are here because God wants you here. You seem like a very sensitive person with deep emotions. We need more people like you. Obviously you are doing something right if you are in a relationship that has lasted almost 3 years. Don't underestimate that relationship. If you can make it that long, then I am sure you can talk to your BF and the two of you can get a grip on this situation. If he can't handle it, then it is better to find out now.

At 23, you are an adult and not locked in to your situation. Maybe you need to move away from these people. Sometimes the only answer is distance. What would you do with a friend who let you down? Probably ignore them, defriend them on Facebook, cut them out of your life, etc. That is what I am thinking you need to do here. You can't help who you are related to but you can control who you associate with.

Keep in mind that a lot of people who create this kind of drama have some mental illness. Remembering that may help you deal with them. Feel sorry for them and move on.

I hate to say it but no one can make you feel anything. You decide to feel that way. I know it doesn't always seem like you have control over your emotions but you do. YOU have a lot of control over this situation. Do something kind for yourself. You deserve it. I have been in your situation and I held out for something better and it came along. But I had to help make it happen. And moving away has been the answer...

Take care and God bless and remember, you are here for a reason...wait it out and find out what it is. Your experiences may help someone else someday!!!!

I second a lot of what was said before. I did want to add a few other things though. First, if you've been in a relationship with this guy for 3 years, they shouldn't be able to jeopardize it. How are they doing this? Is he listening to them and not you? Could you tell him you have issues with them and tell him that while you recognize he has freedom to do what he wants, you would feel better knowing he's not hearing certain things they may be saying. A guy who isn't willing to trust you first isn't the guy you want for the rest of your life. The hardest thing I ever did was break up with a guy who wouldn't believe what I said, and kept making excuses for believing what others were saying bad about me. My husband now trusts me first. Unfortunately family (whether we want them as family or not) can be complicated. You said you've tried ignoring them, walking away from them, and just laughing about it. How do you have so much contact with them, and how can that change? Maybe it would be a move to another side of town, changing churches, shopping at a different store, getting rid of a phone line or changing a cell phone number, or blocking them from being able to contact you on sites like Facebook. Maybe it's cancelling a set visit. For example, my parents come over every Thursday night. Last night my dad started off with criticizing me, and my mom spent the whole evening talking about my neice (who isn't born yet), but that's hard for me b/c when I was pregnant with my daughter they didn't even say congrats or tell anyone about it or anything. All they did was criticize me-my weight, my side effects, my cleaning, etc. I've already decided they don't even get to know when I get pregnant again. But when my SILs get pregnant, they're like perfect grandparents. So, next week, they're not allowed over. I'm already "busy" and I'm going to email them later today and tell them that my schedule next week is so packed I can't have company. The truth is that I AM really busy, and it's inconvenient for them to come over, but I let them come over anyways b/c they're my parents. However, there's no reason to allow them over when it's just to berate me. If they would be nice, it'd be worth the hassle, but when they're not, I don't have to feel obligated. I don't know what you situation is, but you don't have to live your life in "drama mode." My mom does, and it's exhausting. The best thing I did for me was figure out how to not accept the drama. You should call a counselor. They can help with that. Also, it might help you to read Beth Moore's book So Long Insecurity. It benefitted me, and there are some points that you may find help you as well.

Hi K.,

Hang in there, hon....it will get better. Taking your own life is not the answer. Life constantly changes too...this is just a temporary situation. Look at your life as a whole...this drama is just such a small portion of the whole piece. Sometimes in life we get lemons, so we have to make lemonade:) There are so many great things you have to look forward too. Now, focus on getting away from these people. I know it's hard, but the Lord doesn't give you a cross that He knows you cannot carry. This situation is a lesson in life...learn from it and don't take them so seriously. You are an adult and you are so very young and you have so much too look forward too. YOU can change this. My ex-husband caused a lot of drama and trouble. What I learned is to walk away. It takes two to tango and play these games. The best thing you can do is get your head on straight, make plans to get away from people like this, and most importantly, stay away from them. You are in control of your own destiny. If they are harassing you or stalking you, contact your local police department and ask how you can get a restraining order. Remember this also: You are allowing them to do this to you. Set your boundaries with them and take care of yourself.

Hang in there....we're all here rooting for you....be strong...you can change this:)

M.