Don't Understand Why He's Not Behaving or Getting to Understand Us!

Updated on April 15, 2008
S.S. asks from Denton, TX
7 answers

I was wondering how I can get my son to do well at school! He does great for about 2 weeks and goes down hill all over again. They have disciplined him at school and so have I at home. I'm in contact with the teacher and things just aren't getting better!
I have gone as far as taking any social interaction away from him and made him sit in his room all but for drinks and meals. That doesn't seem to work either. He hates it! He'll cry and through a fit them calm down and sit there and stare at his walls for days then I'll ask him why he was in that position to begin with and he'll tell me exactly what he done wrong. But a couple of days later he's right back to doing something else that is inappropriate. He knows he'll tell you what was wrong that he did and tell you he was bad.
He's only in Kindergarten and is immature cause of his age but unfortunately I have been going through this for sometime, even when he was in preschool. He's had a rough life and I would baby him because of what he's been through. But I've stopped that and still give him his own special attention and have regular talks with him so he does have his one on one time with me like he had before his sister came to join our family. I have been going through this even before his sister was talked about and thought that he would change but hasn't yet! His biological father is no where to be found and his step dad has taking on the responsibility for him. What we want to know is there anything else that we can do to get him to understand us? He repeats everything in his own words when we ask him if he understands what we talk to him about so I know he understands he's just not proving it to us! We've set rewards and he reaches those goals and then turns right back around and for 2 weeks straight will be bad and has notes coming home. What am I doing wrong and what can I do better?

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So What Happened?

I have takin my son to the Doctors and they gave me a questionnaire to fill out as well as his teacher to fill out. He is also going to start therapy cause his doctor says that he don't want to just say that its ADHD without having him observed first. He also is going to be getting a full physical that includes hearing testing and eye sight checks. If anyone can think of anything else to try I'm up to asking his doctor about it. Thanks to everyone for responding your ideas have been very beneficial! Have a great day to all!

More Answers

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T.A.

answers from Dallas on

I have taken quit a few classes in phsycology learning about children and their behavior. The one mom that gave you advise on having your son's eye's, ears etc..tested could also be right on target. Children will act out like this as well when they can not see or hear properly because they know no other way of dealing with thier problems and they do not know how to convey to you what they are going through. You can usually have this done through the school for free, you might want to check into it and I would also make an appt with your son's doc. Personally, I would rule out everything else before I would put my child on any kind of drug!!

Hope this was a little bit helpful, good luck to you and let us know what you find out.

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J.W.

answers from Dallas on

My suggestion would to also consider testing for eye sight and dyslexia. Those can go undiagnosed for quite some time leaving the person very frustrated. They understand what they're supposed to do, but don't see tne the world like everyone else, so it's very difficult.

Good luck!

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B.P.

answers from Dallas on

He sounds like my son. My son has a genius IQ, but also ADD. He is now 22 and has suffered with this his entire life. His self-esteem plummeted when he was young, in school, because he wasn't the same as everyone else. His teachers absolutely loved him, but hated him, too. He was the cutest, most precocious child, winning everyone's love and affection, but he wouldn't do what he was told to do. He was easily distracted, forgetful, and then learned early to lie to cover it up. His grades often suffered because somehow he would lose his homework between my car and the front door of the school almost everyday. We would spend hours doing homework and then he'd get a zero for not turning it in. I'd find it crumpled up under the seat in the car a few days later or smushed in his backpack. He lost numerous keys to my house somewhere between school and home when we went through a trial period of "latch key kids". He would often have to wait for his older sister to get home to let him in and had been waiting on the front porch for her. His dad (my ex)often compared him to his practically perfect older sister, which helped absolutely nothing. I think ADD is a horrible thing and have watched the affects of this for 22 years. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Get him checked out. If it's not that or dyslexia, I'd be surprised! Good Luck!

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L.C.

answers from Dallas on

I would immediatley stop punnishing him and take him to a pediatrician. I went through the exact same symptoms with my son and I really hurt his self esteem and self confidence because I didnt understand that he couldnt fix it. I would punish him andI was frustrated and so was he. We had him tested for ADD at the end of his first grade year after he really started to strugle with keeping up with the class because he was not able to focus and stay on task. He would cry and tell me he was just dumb. He knew better but didnt know why he couldnt change the situation. It broke my heart and now after 4 years of treatment both medication and a change in diet he is a straight A student and a very happy little boy. (which makes me a happy mommy) Look into it and until you can find out the reason i wouldnt punish him maybe instead you can tell him your going to find him help and together you are going to get through this. Good luck to you my hear really understands and be patient and do lots of research. Try not to let people make you feel terrible if you end up having to use medication...( I do recommend trying natural remidies first)unless you live through a serious case of ADD they cant understand what you go through. I have a lot of information if you need help just respond I will be happy to guide you.

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H.B.

answers from Dallas on

I wonder if he's ADD or ADHD?? I would make an apointment for your pedi dr. If its a regular thing that keeps going on for more than 6 months. I wonder if you can take him to Scottish Rite and have him tested?? Not sure you will have to contact them!!

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D.A.

answers from Dallas on

I do agree you should have him tested. But also check into natural things...many times our kids diets can alter their behavior, health, etc. Maybe something he's eating is causing these out bursts and bad behavior. You might try putting him on an Organic diet...from dairy, to meat, to fruits and veggies and whole grains. Not only would it be good for him and his health but for your whole family. There are too many bad things (pesticides, hormones, etc) in our food today and a big reason (in my opinion) why our health has deteriorated (sp?) and many other things are occuring.

Just something to think about.

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L.S.

answers from Dallas on

I know it's hard not to, but don't worry. My daughter was in kindergarten last year and did the same thing. Her daddy was working out of town and there were many difficult things going on (including a new little brother). One thing that the school counselor suggested was to make sure that she had plenty of opportunities to make her own decisions ("you have to do your homework now, but you can choose a dessert when you are done" or which park would you like to play at when you "stay on green" at school? We stayed consistent with our little girl who is now in 1st grade and she just tested for gifted and talented. Her behavior has turned around 100%. It has a lot to do with making one on one time special, and giving some downtime. My husband is a teacher and he thinks that taking away things is good to a certain extent, but don't take everything away - they need something to look forward to and that makes them feel hopeless. Try positive things - rewards, sticker charts, etc. Offer a treat at the end of a good day that he can expect every day he is good. Reward progress in his schoolwork...sorry to be so long-winded, I hope some of this helps.

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