Don't Feel Appriciated Sometimes I'm a SAHM and Daycare Provider

I too am a SAHM and daycare provider, I also have 4 children of my own and felt unappreciated. Then I can't say I found something, its more like I was found. I went to a spa at a friends house, I felt so pampered, it was great. Then she said that I could do it too. My daughter wanted to do it, so I thought I would do it too just to help her. But the more I did the more I loved it. Everywhere I went the women were so happy to see me, I enjoyed making them feel special, they loved the stuff I had and I knew that I was the one that could possibly change their lives the way mine was changed.
Every time I go to work I end up at a girls night, having a Spa, and they love me and I make their days better, and it feels great, and I leave feeling better too.
If you think this sounds like something you might like to try, or you might like to just talk to me about it, call ###-###-#### or email me ____@____.com

Just because you are a sahm, doesn't mean that you have to be there 24/7. Can your husband stay home one evening and let you have a girls' night out? It sounds like you need it.

Your husband needs to give you a few breaks during the week! Go out with girlfriends sometime. Go shopping on your own or get a pedicure on the weekends! Take an ENTIRE weekend away once in awhile!

Also, if you're financially able, send the kids to a Mom's Morning Out or 1/2 day preschool program a few times a week -it's great for you and for them!

And I think even "God himself" would want you to have a break once in awhile! Geez, I cannot believe what some people say. Don't you DARE feel bad about wanting a break! It's NORMAL -the abnormal ones are the ones who DON'T ever want a break!

Even if people don't acknowledge your good deeds- just keep in mind that our Lord sees and knows everything! And when your day comes to leave this place-its not "people" you'll be standing before! Our Lord blesses us constantly-but most of the time if its not material things- We're too blinded by everyday things to realize it. Remember- every time one of those children smile at you-its a blessing! Sit back and think about all the things in your everyday life that make you feel good, needed, and appreciated. And Thank God constantly for the little things! When He feels appreciated for the small things He does for us, thats when he rains down the big stuff!

i totally know what you mean. I am a stay at home mom of 2, i have a 4.5 year old girl and a 1.5 year old boy. i started babysitting 4 days after my daughter was born and did that up until i was 7 months pregnant with my son and my daughter 2.5. it was the most thankless job i have ever had in my life. i thought i was being smart by babysitting for friends or becoming friends with the people i was babysitting for and it quickly backfired on me. it seemed like people were always late paying me. i constantly got calls saying things like, "we decided were going out to eat after work, so you just give him dinner with you. we'll be there to get him later." or "yeah, im just really tired and dont feel safe driving him. so i am just going to leave him there tonight." etc. it wore me out. people dont understand how hard it is. not to mention the fact that there is NO break. nap time is the best you get, and that is spent cleaning up after the tornado of children in your home. i finally had to quit. Im not ashamed to admit that i was just not cut out for it. it was just too hard for me. We did, however, need extra money coming in. i started working from home. its not a get rich quick thing, but i enjoy it, work when i want, and i get lots of recognition and encouragement and it has done wonders for my self esteem. ( http://www.PerfectWorkForMoms.com if you want to check it out at all) keep your head up mama! you are doing a great thing that most people cannot do (me included!) you are a strong woman!

The mentor mom at my MOPS group shared this thought with us last week: Sometimes it's hard to feel important in the middle of spit-up, blow-out diapers, and temper tantrums. As a SAHM, the world tells us we don't matter much because we're not bringing in a big income or contributing to the world in some huge way. BUT WE ARE! We are raising tomorrow's saints and leaders. The little moments we spend guiding and teaching are shaping our children to become the citizens that will control our towns, states, country, and world. An act of discipline or a kind word that a mama offers could make the next president or preacher or teacher exactly who he or she needs to be.

Be encouraged - you're playing a more influential role than a banker or doctor or lawyer!

I don't know if this is helpful, but I'm a working mom and I feel the same way sometimes. It's not the same as when the kids are all over me constantly (I'm home with them summers, because I'm a teacher), but it's a different kind of underappreciated when I'm working.

My thing is that I get my shower to myself. It's short, only about 10 minutes, but I find I'm 100 times better off if I get to start my day with 10 minutes to myself. I don't know how supportive your husband is, but I find it makes me feel better sometimes if I list my accomplishments for him. Not in a "hey, why didn't you do this?" kind of way, but a "wow, I'm amazing!" kind of way. Yesterday I had one free hour, and I vacuumed the whole house, cleaned the sofa, washed and hung out a load of laundry, got dinner prepped and changed the water for our pet fish! When he got home I told him all that, and, while he didn't do a jig, I think it did help remind him how much I do when he's not around. And yes, I agree with the other posters - get out of the house sometimes. Everyone needs a break from their job, whatever their job is.

Good luck!

I go out for brunch w/ my mom, grandma & sister on the first Saturday of each month - that is if they don't cancle on me for some reason. I also do my gardening when the weather is nice, but that isn't "alone" or "me" time cause I usually have atleast one if not all 3 kids "helping" me with it. But it is something I enjoy a great deal, so it's my way of relaxing.... I need to move to a state where I can do it all year around though - lol. This year it has been harder to do the gardening since the lady down the road has WAY to many cats & my gardens are just their litter boxes - which really sucks cause I'm expecting & that's not good for me or the baby (just got rubber gloves so that I can do it though). We (the family) also like going to local parks for walks to relax & unwind... sometimes just getting out helps me to feel better & not so down in the dumps. I also walk to get my daughter from school - so it can be a few minutes alone if daddy watches the youngest.

I do express my feeling when I really feeling unappreciated - beleive me it's not that I don't love being a SAHM & would love to keep doing it (it's my dream job), but there are times I feel like I don't matter at all. I give up so much so that everyone else in the family can have what they want... I feel guilty if I get myself something I need & can't get what someone else wants. But the only one that actually sees what I give up is my hubby - my kids are to young to understand (2 1/2, 4 1/2 & 6). They do see that mom is upset now & then, but I try so hard not to show my feelings & will not cry infront of them (bad habit that I still carry from my childhood).

Also, one of our rules in our house is - mommy & daddy's bedroom is our room... it is a room that can be entered only by inventation. That way we do have one room in the house that we can go to if we need to get away... or I can go to & cry with no one seeing me. Cause it seems like I have atleast a kid (or more), hubby or the dog following me into every other room - including the bathroom and for some reason everyone needs something when I have to go potty - lol.

I hope you are able to find something that brings you peace - being a SAHM is one of the hardest jobs in the world, but it is also so rewarding.

S., I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes my hubby will come home from work and ask ""what's for dinner?" when I tell him "I don't know" he says "you've been home all day!" That is enough to make me pick up my purse and walk out the door for the evening!

I am also a Daycare provider. I don't consider myself a SAHM because I am working more than full time. Yes, I'm home for my kids when they are not in school, but I'm not able to go to the school whenever I want like some Moms I know.

I will be honest, my hubby has gotten a little better lately about respecting the fact that I'm tired at the end of the day, my back is killing me at times, etc. Once in a great while he'll declare that he is going to do something on Saturday and I have a day to myself.

Being at home all the time is a lonely job, facebook is almost like a window to the world for me.

M.

Exercise. I try to get at least 15-30 minutes a day of pure fitness. It helps to clear my mind. Also "ME" time is very important. I couldn't raise the children without it. You have to schedule time away from the kids and your mommy duties and reconnect with others and with yourself.

Finally I would like you to take the time to appreciate yourself. It is perfectly alright to at times give yourself a pat on the back. Also teach your children to show appreciation, thank yous, hugs and kisses are sometime some of the things we teach our children to give us. When the sensational six were small, I would teach them to give gratitude to me for the things I have done for them. Now the oldest is 22 and still knows how to say thank you, drop a note of gratitude or just call and say thanks for everything.

Motherhood is ofter about delayed thanks but make the most of it by getting your "ME" time in every few days and definitely once a week.

I love the other answers you have gotten already! I have to agree - we will not be standing in front of people - but infront of God himself. Surely He sees your good deeds and all the effort you are putting in towards these children (most wonderful blessings in the world)!! Remember nobody loves your children as much as you do - nobody would care for them better than you do! You are doing a good job - you are doing a great thing! It certainly isn't always fun or easy - and pretty much always a thankless job - but so worth it!! It sounds like you need a break - maybe once a week - or a few times a week. Some time to get some peace and quiet. Some time to have some adult conversation! Remember, this will help energize you so you can 'do it all over again' tomorrow ;0)

I agree with Jane M as a working Mom (though I don't have the summers off) that it's indicative of all moms, but it may be more pronounced for those of us with certain personalities.

I wouldn't be a very good SAHM, the main reason is the loneliness - I wouldn't be good about picking-up the phone, I wouldn't enjoy a lot of the activities other SAHM friends do. So, I knew early on being a working Mom was my best choice.

As for advice: my best recommendation is to find something that makes your spirit feel complete. Volunteer, take a class, make a garden, hike - whatever allows you to feel more whole as a person.

When I was laid off last summer and spent a few days/week with the kids (we kept them in day care so I could interview) - I remember looking forward to my husband coming home so he could relieve me of the kids which really wasn't fair to him as he'd been working just as hard all day.

My mother has always been irritated that my father doesn't recognize her more - she was primarily a SAHM, and he's a workaholic. Unfortunately, that's who she chose, and she isn't going to change him now, but she can do things for herself to make her feel better.

I would love to volunteer at one of the children's hospitals locally - when I was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma a few years ago, I really wanted to get healing from the kids going through similar circumstances. But, my kids (11 weeks and 1 day away from turning 2 years) needed me as much as I needed to be there for them and my husband.

It's OK to do something for yourself - just be honest with yourself regarding what it is and what makes you happy. If it's realizing being a SAHM isn't right for you, that's OK - it takes a certain person to be good at it (who isn't me). If it's getting a baby sitter or starting a mommy's co-op during the week to watch each other's kids, do something to make you happy.

Good luck!

At the moment, they are not going to recognize you. It's just the way it is. And you wouldn't want them to do it just because you asked them to.

They do love you and appreciate you, they just don't understand the importance of expressing that.

I am not a big "Dr. Phil" fan, but he does say something that finally hit home to me. He says "You teach others how to treat you." In other words, they are going to treat you according to what you accept from them, and how you feel you deserve to be treated.

To change things, you will have to start changing yourself.
Change how you feel about yourself. You are a great person ! and you are deserving of respect. Be sure that you don't allow disrespect. When it happens, you stop them right there and correct it. Even the small things, like, "I am going to the shower right now. This is MY private time. There will be NO knocking on the door, whining through the door, etc.
Unless the house is burning down, it can WAIT until I have opened that door. Then enforce it, even with punishment and reward if necessary.

Have a private talk with your husband about how the respect has slowly left your relationship. Don't whine or be accusing toward him. But do be specific about what bothers you as well as what you would like changed. Then show him how the kids are looking to him for their clues about how you should be treated.

Next, MAKE time for yourself ! Treat yourself ! Shopping, movies, reading time, whatever helps you to feel like you are loving and appreciating yourself.
And the most important of all ... surround yourself with other loving FEMALE relationships. Girlfriends, sisters ..... don't neglect regular time with the girls. They will do more for your self esteem and lifting your spirits than you can imagine. Our girl friend relationships are as vital to us (as women) as the air we breathe. We are just designed that way.

As you start appreciating and respecting yourself, this will show, and others will treat you as you deserve to be treated.
I waited way too late in life to discover this, but I HAVE learned it now. I am finding my way back, and winning, and I know you can do it too !!
:o)