Hi S.,
This is a complex issue. I had fertility issues for several years and was told by one doctor that I would need to use donor eggs. I spent a lot of time researching the issues. Here are a few of the things I think you should be aware of. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to talk more.
1. Donating eggs is a physically challenging process. You must fully understand what you are volunteering for and really want to do it. There are time and scheduling issues that you will have to deal with like going to the drs. office at 6am every day to have blood drawn for one to two weeks. During this time you will also be having transvaginal ultrasounds every day. It will interfere with your job. You will be giving yourself up to three injections a day. You will most likely suffer from hormonal issues from the medications. The egg retrieval is a surgical procedure. You will be out of work for a day or two. Afterwards you may develop OHSS which is painful even in the most minor occurrances and can require more surgery and hospitalization in severe cases.
2. Your friend needs to be 100% sure that donor eggs are the only way for her to get pregnant. Some fertility doctors recommend it as the next step in treatment if the infertility is unexplained (most often meaning the patient doesn't fit within their standard proceedures). Make sure that your friend has done all her research and has gotten 2nd or even 3rd opinions from other reproductive endocrynologists.
As I already mentioned, I had one doctor tell me that I needed to use donor eggs, but when I got a second opinion, another doctor told me that I had a treatable hormone imbalance. I now have two wonderful daughters.
3. I would be wary of any dr. who would allow a patient to get donor eggs without counseling. It was required by my drs. office. You will probably have to go through some kind of counseling with your friend before you agree to donate eggs.
If you decide not to donate eggs, try to be sensitive but as honest as possible to your friend. Your offer was made from your love and desire to support her, but you were not prepared for what was involved medically. You may want to suggest that she contact Resolve.
Hopefully, I haven't come off as too negative here. If you are able to donate eggs to your friend - what a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, gift that could be. In my opinion, treating donor eggs like an open adoption is the best model for dealing with questions about what to tell the child, or your family.
Best wishes to you and your friend!