Considering Being an Egg Donor-can You Share Experiences and Advice?

No experience, so feel free to ignore me. You've probably heard this before, but I don't know if you have so I'll just offer it. Would you feel ok knowing that someone is raising essentially, your child? As in that child is genetically 50% you. Literally, that child is you. How would you feel if that child did end up with abusive parents, or just in a situation in general that you wouldn't approve of for any of your children? Other than not carrying this child--it's still your biologically. I know it would be less stress on the family, but I'd rather be a surrogate if I had to choose. That way, I know that it is someone else's child that I'm letting go. Whether the child grows in you or not, it's still going to grow, and you'll see that child one day and it will have some of your features, and do you know how you would feel about that? IMO the child grows inside of u as a surrogate, and it would be hard to give it away, but you at least know that it's not your own that you're giving away and that you just did a good deed for a family to help them have their own child.

Just so you're not too freaked out, I wanted to comment on a few things some of the other moms said. The reproductive endocrinologist's office (not just your average OB) can't destroy embryos without the written consent of the embryos owners. The majority of the time, a couple struggling with infertility would have all of the embryos frozen to utilize in the future. And as far a selective reduction, that is a very, very rare occurrence. Even with IVF, the incidence of triplet or quadruplet pregnancies is not common and not really something you should put much weight on in considering your decision. Lastly, as far as fertility treatments causing cancer, that has been scientifically disproved. Instead, it is believed that whatever the underlying cause of a woman's infertility may be, that and not the medications are what may contribute to a slight increase in cancer in some infertile women. Since you are considering being an egg donor then you probably do not have any issues with infertility and therefore do not need to worry about a possible link to future health problems. If you choose to go forward you will no doubt change the lives of a very deserving couple, but just remember that it is a decision that cannot be undone once you donate and you have to be sure that you can live with knowing that you will most likely never have a relationship with the child. Good luck!!!

My sister donated eggs. We dont speak about it that much. I am against it for my own personal reason. I have the need to protect my eggs/babies. I can't do that if i don't know where they are. That is just me though.

My sister has briefly discussed a couple of fears. She has the fear of seeing a child at a certain age and thinking it could be hers. She also was recently diagnosed with a congenital heart defect. She very well may have passed this to a child. (she is debating calling the office)

While you think you may be doing a wonderful thing. You may. You don't know how you will feel until years later. That is when my sister finally spoke about it. Make sure that you are absolutely positive. Supposedly there is a 3hr mental screening and a few grueling proceedures. I am not too sure though... i only let my sister talk at her own pace. I have explained to her that i could never do it, but it is not my place to judge her for her choice. Just to be here to listen.

I don't think there's going to be any two stories or experiences alike in this arena.

From what I have read and seen, this life giving process takes a tremendous amount of commitment and personal sacrifice and life long questions, many unanswered if you opt for a closed adoption after surrogacy.

I have no experience except that a married couple approached my blonde haired, green eyed, swimmer in a DIV I college age daughter on campus and asked her kindly about the possibility of donating her eggs to them for a large sum of money. They were serious. They had taken an ad out on campus and were there walking around. It would have been all handled legally and professionally. They were even willing to meet us the parents....all very forthright, but she, my daughter, opted not to donate as she did not want to live her life knowing there would be a 'mini-me' in the world that she did know, but whom she helped create.....just all food for thought....

I think this decision requires some professional counseling to help you think through the long term ramifications. My moral dilema is the OB office killing off the fertilized eggs that are not artificially implanted, then reducing the number of viable zygotes once implantation has occurred. Just a lot to think about now that we can medically play God.

I know someone looking for a surrogate and can tell you that in my experience most people who seek the services of a surrogate are good people DESPERATE to have a child. I think you have to consider that both egg donation and surrogacy will not be insignificant to your family. Surrogacy may not be easy at all. Even if you want to do it for the money (which in the scheme of things is not that much all things considered) or you are doing it to help someone else you have to consider that your own children may not understand why you are pregnant and then (in their eyes) giving that child away. Also no matter how easy past pregnancies have been no one is guaranteed an easy pregnancy on subsequent attempts. As for egg donation I do not know all the hormones and protocols involved but this does increase your risks of certain types of cancer down the road and also carries a risk of putting you into early menopause. I would not do donation or surrogacy for money, it would only be for love of the individual who is benefitting because it involves tremendous risk and sacrifice

I know someone who used a surrogate mom and donor eggs because the mother was going through cancer treatment. The surrogate had twins.

From what I know, if you donate your eggs, you have to give all your medical history to the recipients, and it varies how much you would be paid and how much personal information you would have to give to the recipient. I think that it is unusual for the donor to be at all involved with the baby. Legally, the baby and the eggs become the couple's not the donor/surrogate. Any embryos left over are frozen and it is the couples' decision what to do with them, not the donors. The donor has to give themselves a series of shots in the stomach to stimulate the follicles to grow, so instead of ovulating one or two eggs, the donor hyperstimulates herself to ovulate up to 30 eggs. When the eggs are mature, the doctor goes in vaginally to retrieve them, with a long needle thing that sucks them out. Then the eggs are fertilized in petri dishes for a few days and placed in the recipient. I didn't use donor but I did go through IVF, and it is the same procedure. I froze my embryos. I put in 3 embryos and got twins. My doctor had a rule that no more than 3 embryos could be implanted at a time, but I think if you were a surrogate mom, you could say you only wanted one or two embryos. Even if you have had easy pregnancies, you would still be going to the doctor a lot if you were a surrogate. Especially if you had twins or triplets. Remember, twin pregnancies are much different than singletons and are a lot harder on your body, and the childbirth is harder, too. It is harder to not go into preterm labor and it is harder to avoid c-sections. What another poster said is true. The doctor's office does not have the freedom to throw out or destroy embryos without legal permission. Also, selective reduction is really rare, and usually is only done if lots of embryos were implanted. If a mother is expecting too many, often doctors will suggest reduction so that some of the embryos have a better chance of surviving and reduce the chances of birth defects.

Here's a link to a blog by my cyber pal, who had a successful surrogacy a few years ago: http://www.antisupermom.com/2008/04/candidate.html. Here story is told in four or five posts, but I think she's pretty comprehensive.

Best wishes on your decision!

I suffered infertility for awhile, but was able to conceive after 3 IVF cycles that resulted in TWO children/not twins. I am absolutely touched by your post and commend you for desiring such a selfless act! In my experience, I have been known to over think/over analyze, and have come to the realization that sometimes "ignorance is bliss". I'm not suggesting that you dive into it without answers, but rather to give the gift of life without NEEDING to have ALL of the answers. I can tell you about my IVF experience, which is the same as egg donation...I had daily injections in my upper thigh and hip mostly and in my successful cycle, in my lower abdomen (which does not hurt, it's more mental). Also, I had twilight sedation for egg retreival which does the job...you sleep through the entire thing and wake up with slight cramps. As far as down time, I would have to say NONE. I know of many women that worked while "cycling", and it was a non-event for them. I would recommend the website ivfconnections.com to research further. Good luck and Happy New Year.

You might want to verify this, but I remember reading that there was a high incidence of depression/mental anguish for women who had been egg donors (but not surrogates). I don't know why this would be, but I would research this and look for the studies as part of your decision.
Best of luck-