"D'OH" Moments, JFF

one coffee bean?
Really?
How is giving him ONE COFFEE BEAN equate to not looking after him?
My duuuuuh moments are actual duh moments. Not over-reacting.
L.

Are you serious right now? Is this satire? Please tell us you're just kidding.

ETA:

Oh yes, you were "an angel."

And now with the clueless "huh. Well ok then." Really? You go from being the smartest, bestest, most caring Mom of the Year to apparently confused about why folks might be commenting on your dramatics?

Please stop. You sound like the most sanctimonious person right now. I don't usually come out the gate with an answer like this, but this isn't a "do'h moment" at all. You came here to brag about how great you think you are and how awful you think your cousin and his new wife are. You DO need to learn your lesson, but not as you seem to think. You need to wrap your mind around this: People who parent differently than you do aren't bad parents.

Your child was fine. Do YOU know how much caffeine is in one chocolate covered coffee bean? 6-12mg. A chocolate bar contains 7mg. So your kiid had about 1 3/4 chocolate bars of caffeine. Not exactly worth being upset about, drama mama. And in Europe folks begin to feed their babies solids such as very gentle rice cereals at 6-8 weeks and they are perfectly healthy. The American Academy of Pediatrics isn't the highest authority on what is best for babies....and neither are you.

Stifling the urge not to call them out on Facebook? Back the truck up. What the heck is wrong with you that this would even be a THOUGHT in your mind? Oh, but you couldn't just say something gently to them, because you're soooo smart and they're so dumb...so you come here and brag about your restraint in not treating them as crappy as you think they deserved.

I think you *should* feel pretty stupid. And ashamed. But not for leaving your child with these perfectly capable adults who didn't coddle or bubble wrap him the exact same way you do. Because you are a cliché, overbearing sanctimonious helicopter mom who brags about her sanctimony.

Sorry, I can't top your "moment." You win.

And Tadpole, no matter what the title says, this was clearly never "JFF."

I'm so glad you didn't call them out on FB or even approach them in private about this. Your son is 8, and most likely he's tasted soda (at a friend's house? at a birthday party?). Perhaps he hasn't.

But even if he has never had caffeine, (and assuming he has no developmental delays or medical conditions that make chewing and swallowing a serious issue), one bean is ok. A handful of beans is not ok.

It's just a candy, with a couple mgs of caffeine. And it sounds like they gave him one, and were responsible, and made sure he did not gulp down a dozen or more.

Caffeine, for most healthy people, is ok, in moderation of course. My step-MIL woke up, finished her first can of Pepsi by 6 am, and by the end of the evening, she had had about 8 or 10 cans in all. That was NOT ok. Cup after cup of regular coffee all day is not the best idea. It's not ok for kids and teens to down soda like water. But caffeine, unless there's a medical reason to prohibit it, is not basically harmful. It's in Excedrin and lots of pain relievers. The caffeine in a chocolate covered bean isn't really concentrated. It's true that the beans can be roasted differently, and they can be from different sources, so that the caffeine content varies by a mg or so from brand to brand.

But I would encourage you to learn a different lesson from this. It's not that your cousin is irresponsible, or that you left your child in the care of someone who wasn't looking out for your child. The lesson is that one coffee bean, the occasional fast food meal, the soda and cake at a birthday party, one slight deviation from the rule that doesn't involve actual danger, is ok, and as your kid gets older, it's going to happen. And if it doesn't involve drugs or alcohol or cigarettes or drunk/dangerous driving or bullying, it's ok. The lesson to learn is to relax. Your child was cared for, had a couple mgs of caffeine, nothing bad happened, and so the stellar mom lesson is - you relaxed and your kid is ok.

If you protect your child from every situation where he's going to taste soda, or try junk food, you're going to go crazy. Make sure your son learns that soda is a treat not an everyday beverage, fast food is not for routine suppers, moderation is important, bike helmets are not optional, healthy homemade food can taste good, and then relax if the rare caffeine, high fructose corn syrup, or yellow dye makes it into his diet on an off day.

okay I was totally expecting that they gave him a drink of their adult beverage or something of the sort. I did kind of giggle at the coffee bean. Not being mean I guess I'm just more on the relaxed side when it comes to caffeine and kids. Not that I'm feeding them monster drinks or anything like that but I would have probably just asked him how it tasted. My silly duuuh moment was when I was stopped at a stop sign and my kids asked why I was just sitting there. Then I realized I was waiting for it to turn green. we all laughed and I drove on.

A few days ago someone asked why isn't anyone posting anymore. Part of my answer was, There is also the, "I do this to my kids and think it is great parenting, don't you agree?" This "question" is a prime example of that. Three answers and you bring out the flip what happened saying I only listen to answers that tell me what I want to hear. Who wants to deal with that.

Oh and Tadpole, don't call people dumb that only points out the state of your own mental capacity.

I digress, it was one stinking bean! They were probably eating them and your son asked to try them and they limited him to one. Most of us gave our kids cereal at three months, are you saying you are a better parent than the rest of us?

So what lesson did you learn? That you are judgmental, rigid, and have an 8 year old child who won't get in the car when told? But cereal at 3 months, okay. This whole post made me roll my eyes.

So using your measure I have never had a duh moment. I have never thought my parenting was so superior that I lose my mind over a coffee bean. If my kids do things I don't approve of I see it as I have failed to teach them correctly.

"The same people who are feeding their 3 month old rice cereal" Judgy much? Seriously. Those of us with older kids put rice cereal in baby bottles younger than that to "help sleep through the night." We gave our kids orange juice before they were a year old and cow's milk, too. Man, we did things different a million ways until Tuesday versus what is "appropriate" now. Guess what, in 20 years, every thing you did for your kids today will be considered "wrong" and "antiquated".

I think that you should call them out Facebook - so they can see what you actually think about them instead of doing this behind their back. Perhaps they would think twice about taking your son again and have to face your "wrath" over one chocolate covered bean. Hopefully they will "eye roll" you and move on.

That's what family is supposed to do when mom isn't around. When my kids are with my brothers/sisters/parents they get all of the things my husband and I would say no to. It's the fun of being away from the responsible adults.

To answer your one question in there - I would do that. I spoil my niece when I have her and if that means an ice cream before dinner or a chocolate covered coffee bean, so be it.

ETA. Wow maybe I misjudged you for a nice hormonal mom to be to whom I've supported on this site only to now see another side of you come out on another post about me and other moms on this site.

Maybe it's you that's the issue in your post all along.

************************************************************************************

Don't sweat the small stuff mom! It was 1 coffee bean. He's 8 and capable of saying no thank you. It could have been much worse!

As for being judgy about cousins feeding cereal... I guess I'm in that horrid group because I had a baby with tummy issues and rice cereal at 3 months was a God send. She's almost 21 now rarely sick and a picture of great health!

Please don't shame them on FB.

Keep in mind you have pregnancy hormones flying through your body. Good for you for stopping to think about it and post here, even tho all responses are not rosy, it's much better than a public shaming on FB which is unnecessary and would make people twist their eyebrows toward you.

No need to feel stupid or to call them out. My kid was scarfing down chocolate covered espresso beans by the handful at that age, and it did her no harm whatsoever.

i suppose i'm a bad person for eye-rolling just a little over having an urge to 'call someone out' or consider myself an 'angel' for not having a 'gentle' conversation with a cousin over.....
a chocolate covered coffee bean?
the horror!
khairete
S.

First, your child is 8 not 2. A chocolate coffee bean isn't that bad. Not good but its not like he had a 6 pack of Bud with your cousins. Take a deep breath.

As for the cereal, yeah, I gave that to mine at that age. Guess what? They are happy healthy adults. So I didn't complete screw them up on that. You seem very judgmental with your cousins. Might want to stop and look at your self. You don't know why they are feeding the cereal. I did with mine because they were hungry!!

Different people have different ideas on parenting. Some are helicopter and don't let their kids out of their line of sight or experience life, ever. Some, let the kids stumble and learn about life first hand. I fall into that category.

So I guess you would be rolling your eyes at me while I roll my eyes at you. D'Oh.

In three chocolate covered coffee beans there is 36mgs of caffeine.
In one can of cola is approx 36-46mgs caffeine depending on the brand.

So one bean isn't that much.
At least you know how he reacts to it.
The older the kids get, the more of these things happen and you gradually ease off on the control as they make their own decisions.
By 16 yrs old, they'll scarf down a soda and fries before you can blink.

I'm sure I have a few d'uh moments but I just got back from having a temporary crown put into my mouth and I'm waiting for the feeling to return to my face and tongue before I try eating anything.
I sip some water but I'm too afraid of dribbling to try anything else for right now.

Well, I'm glad you learned your lesson. But, just so you aren't so freaked out, a chocolate covered coffee bean probably doesn't have as much caffeine as you *think* it does. I have seen estimates, and some are fairly high (as much as 12 mg per bean) but some are also about half of that (6 mg per bean). I realize your son doesn't drink soda (I have a teen who still won't drink sodas), but the average cola has about 35-45 mg of caffeine, so one bean isn't even close to consuming a single soda. Worst case scenario, the equivalent of a third of a soda... 4 ounces. And that's completely worst case (highest caffeine content of the coffee bean compared to lowest caffeine content of cola).
If he drinks any tea at all, or has eaten a chocolate bar, he's had that amount of caffeine before.

So, while it probably is something that should have had parental approval requested for, it likely didn't have nearly the effects you might be attributing to it. Rest easy.

--
And my D'oh? Meh.. I really was against it all along, but went along with my husband's desire to let our son spend the night with his great aunt, so he could spend time with his same aged cousin. He was fed a steady diet of poptarts and Yoohoo! there, instead of any semblance of actual food, b/c that is what the aunt kept on hand for her grandson. (Yoo hoo isn't even chocolate milk, it's just... chocolate sugar water or something?).
Son was never the worse for wear when he was returned to us, but he always wanted me to buy Yoohoo after those visits. Um.. NO.

my duuuh moments happen on a regular basis. just the other day dh was teaching ds some rules for baseball... and said that foul balls count as strikes for the first 2 strikes then you can foul the ball as many times as you want to.. i didn't believe him and had to google it. i even played softball. i felt so dumb.

and if you look at your responses... theres the duhh for ya, the question is clearly "whats your duh moment?" and peeps responded with information on your duh... way to read the question! (and its says just for fun so why the serious responses?)

julie s. at least i can read and answer the question at hand and not degrade the original poster for her duh moment... read people read. my mental state is perfectly fine.

Don't stress about the somewhat harsh responses. Just look at is as him learning about life. Believe it or not, LOTS of things go on outside your front door. Your son will be going over to friends houses and eating who knows what and seeing who knows what and doing who knows what. This is just the beginning. So don't stress about it and be happy that nothing major happened and if he survived then that's all that matters. And don't judge the cousins...we all walk our own paths, it doesn't mean it's better or worse than your path. Good luck.

I know how you feel ..I caught my kids 20 year old cousins give my daughter pop when she was only 2. I was livid.

My kids did survive..😊

and the mother of the year award competition continues. it starts at conception and ends....when?

I too totally expected you to say a beer or something along those lines. I am sorry you had this experience because cleary is was provocative for you. I only hope you didn't drag your DS into this drama because he didn't do anything wrong. I'm going to use my inside voice for the rest of my thoughts.

Sincerely hoping you have a nice day, S.

I get your sentiment that they shouldn't be giving kids coffee beans, chocolate covered or not. But I must say that one coffee bean is not worth freaking out over.

What struck me was the remark about them giving their 3 month old cereal. Until more recently, that would have been considered standard procedure. And I did that too with my now 8 year old daughter...a little bit, nothing crazy but always a bit sooner than the currently "recommended". I will also say that my son's doctor had me start my son with some in his bottle at just 2 WEEKS old (he was up to 8 ozs, back down to every 2 hours, and was still acting like he was starving). He couldn't get enough to eat and then wouldn't take the bottle with cereal so I had to spoon feed it to my 2 week old (what a messy endeavor that was).

My duh moments are anytime I rely on my daughter's dad to take care of anything.