LOTS of kids, are "angelic" and perfect outside the home and at school. But at home, they let their hair down. And vent. And have moods. And fight. And may bicker. And they are "human" at home... not robots and not perfect.
It is not only your kids, that are this way.
No human, can be PERFECT 24/7, much less kids.
Imagine yourself... what if, you ALWAYS had to be perfect and there was ALWAYS someone looking over your shoulder and judging you and lecturing you and basically telling you all the time, that you are not doing things good enough nor perfect enough nor well enough? And that, you were always punished or scolded for every little thing, that was wrong... even if you were not necessarily wrong or terrible at???
Would YOU be happy????
But this is a kids' life, everyday.
They go to school... and are spot on or have to be. Then they come home, and have to be spot-on there, too. They can never vent or unravel or deflate or be anything, at home. They have to be perfect everywhere all the time. Even at home.
So sometimes, kids just act out, or they cease to even try anymore. Because, they get no "respite" for their efforts.
And NO kid, is perfect at home.
Children are not robots.
Your kids are NOT unusual.
They sound very normal and typical.
Your Husband, seems not aware of what a child is.
If your Husband wants something to control and do whatever he wants, then he should get a pet dog.
Kids are humans.
And kids need a parent, not just to order them around.
They need, to bond with their parents and have a relationship with them.
NO matter what age.