I was watching a movie on netflix that was marketed toward younger kids maybe 5 to 8 year olds? Had to do with Mermaids. My 5 year old really like Mermaids, so I said ok to watching it. I turned it off about 10 minutes in, because it deals with a pre-teen girl and her father who's wife is either gone or dead. In the first ten minutes this girl told her father to "shut up", he danced like an "idiot", and to "get out" of her room he didn't belong there. She said he was "stupid" and that he needed to "lighten up". To which the dad never gets angry, doesn't punish her, and just shrugs his shoulders in a dopey way and does what she says. I am gonna say this kid is 12... That makes me sick and totally reminds me of a old co-workers kid who does the same. It used to make me so irritable when I would hear her 11 year old say things like that and they never did anything about it. I do not tolerate that kind of dis-respect. Do you let your kids say this to you with no repercussions. If so, whats the argument of the pro side to doing so?
Do you think in empowers kids or causes them to lose empathy for other people?
oh another question: I was at a park with my 3 children (5,3, and 1)... there was a young boy there about 7 or 8 he was flying a kite with his younger siblings as well. No parents around. He was being fairly normal and well behaved, albeit he was talking very loudly and bragsome. They kept to themselves for the most part, but if any children from the play ground came near them he would point and sternly say to STAY AWAY... not really for safety or anything more like possessive. More than a few parents were getting disgusted with him. They would talk under their breaths about it, but NO one confronted this boy. Finally my 5 year was throwing a little tantrum about her shoes. So she went to the ball field and sat in the dirt to pout. She began writing in the packed dirt there with a little stick. This boy and his sibs, drifted near here and were doing the kites there right over her. I was getting a little concerned they would crash them on her because it was so windy. I asked her several times to come back to the playground, where she wouldnt reply, or come. Finally I said loudly "M come to me and lets go see your dad" where this boy turns around, looks right at me and says "Leave her alone and go yourself, cant you see shes writing in the dirt?" I stared right at him and asked "where is your mother or father? I would like to talk to them." He says they are at home, and "why? you going to tattle on me?" I said "NO, I am going to tell them what a smarty pants you are and that that behavior will get someone other than me getting very angry with you. So angry that maybe you might want to go home to your parents now just to be safe" I think I scared him too much. I might have over done it. He took his siblings and left quickly after that. No parents came to yell at me, but I was pretty ready to take em on. I tried to keep it low key, but he really must of touched a nerve. Do you let your 8 year old, take your 6 and 4 year old to a open park and let them babysit? do you even let them go alone at all? He was walking a fair distance, cause I could watch him going up a street about 6 blocks and take a turn. Its not like they lived next door to the park. How stern do you think you can get with a strangers child?
I agree also with those that say "if it were my kid, I would be mad if someone said something to my child" but then again NONE of you would be letting your kid in public to allow all sorts of people to say other worse things, or even scarier, DO THINGS! There also was a man there that was talking under his breath about breaking this boy's kite if he yelled at his son again. So I feel that what I did was to WARN him, more than reprimand him. I guess you had to be there to hear the tone in my voice. I think some of you think I am was sneering, mean, sarcastic... I was not in any way. Its fine to feel the way you do about what I said, however I feel someone you took what I said as threatening.
My boys have never come close to speaking to me disrespectfully, and my oldest is a teenager. As for the park, I probably would have said something along the lines of, "Excuse me, but if I need help parenting I'll let you know."
First off, I do not allow my children, grandchildren or even friends or neighbors children tell me to "shut up" or "get out." My children and grandchildren know me well enough to know that either one of those things will land them a swift and extremely severe consequence that they don't want anything to do with that! I think letting a child speak to you like that would empower them and would lead to even worse behavior.
I don't really know how stern I would be with a stranger's child. After all, I really don't care how he/she behaves - they're not my child. I don't have any problem at all ignoring rude, disrespectful children that I don't know. I would normally use something like that as a teaching moment for my kids., i.e., "if you ever speak to me like that this is what is going to happen" kind of thing and also point out how ugly the child is for speaking that way and how ashamed his parents ought to be.
The one thing I will say is that when he was telling people to STAY AWAY, maybe he was trying to protect his younger siblings or keep people away so that the kite would not crash down on them. There could have been positive motivation behind that.
I think you taught that young man a valuable lesson, that if you get mouthy and sassy with adults you don't know, you may find them reacting in a way that isn't what you expected. I have spoken to kids who are treating others badly at the park or places where it is obvious that there is no parental supervision. I think they need to be held accountable whereever they are. As for my kids, they would be in a lot of trouble saying the words "shut up" because that is a hated phrase of mine. I also would tell them that it is my house and getting out at an order is not gonna happen, but a punishment will be. When my granddaughter's talk back to their parents I will back the parents big time. Sometimes one daughter in law doesn't do anything but say her daughters name but I will always tell them that they need to respect and love their mother because that is the only mommy they will ever get. That they have good mommies and should appriciate them.
No offense, but first you are talking about a child being rude in a MOVIE and next you are barking at a kid at the park.
I don't understand getting into an exchange like this with a child, first of all, and then feeling somehow justified in saying something that could sound, frankly, quite threatening. To the point you were ready to take his parents on if they came to confront you.
Your own child threw a tantrum. Your own child didn't come to you readily when she was called, but you felt in a position to run other kids off for being disrespectful.
I'm sorry if I'm not understanding your logic.
I agree with Shane B. completely. I think what you said to that child could be viewed as a threat. I would be PO'd if someone talked to my child that way (although my child would NEVER be alone at a park). Your own child was not listening to an adult (her own mother) and yet you lashed out at this boy. I agree that the boy was rude and out of line, but you are the adult here. Instead of using this as a teaching moment for this boy, you instead showed him that adults too can be bullys.
Only one of my children told me to "get out" and then they only did it once. When he and I finished, my other kids knew better if they didn't know better before.
None of my kids used "shut up". It wasn't allowed in our home. "Be quiet" was acceptable, usually with the word "please" either in front or in back of it.
We never allowed TV shows or movies that taught or encouraged kids to be disrespectful to adults in our home. No Simpsons. And nothing like it. My kids may have watched it at others homes, but not at mine.
I would not have allowed that kind of talk from any other children either. And if the adults would have objected, I'd have told them about it too.
Our jails are full of men and women that weren't taught as children to respect their parents or rules. And since they weren't taught to respect their parents or rules they didn't respect the rights of others or the laws we live by.
Good luck to you and yours.
Well, if my child told me to shut up or called me stupid - they would be looking at their behind.
IF another child told me to mind my own business? I would demand that they take me to their parents. That the parents allowed a 7 year old to a park with younger siblings withOUT parental supervision - they were wrong....
I don't think you were wrong. I'm sure there are other mom's on here who will scold you for it. But not from me. You didn't touch him. You told him he was misbehaving and that you wanted to talk to his parents. you didn't lie. you were angry and you had every right to be angry. The child was being a nuisance.
Yes. I allow my children to go to the park by themselves. They are 9 and 11. Greg takes his cell phone and keeps in contact with me.
This kid was so protective of not only his siblings, but even took up for your daughter. Even though the way he went about it was rude. Could be my overactive imagination, but I think he has a lot of responsibility. More than he should. He sounds like some of the kids I've encountered in foster care situations. Very protective and possessive of what little they have and those they choose to protect. It makes me worry about what kind of home those kids are in.
oh and no. hell no. no freakin way would my kids ever open thier mouth to say something rude to me. The worst I get is when I call one of them, sometimes they forget to say yes ma'am and answer "what." But that doesn't slide, I promise.
You didn't overdo it -I would have ripped him a new one! I don't tolerate brats -I don't care whose they are, where they are or what. Some kid mouths off at me, and they're going to get a tongue lashing! His parents are sorry if they weren't around to supervise kids that age. I just am not going to tolerate some child talking back to me or acting like he's anywhere NEAR my peer level. I believe in children knowing their place!
As far as your own or any other kid - my oldest told me to shut up one time. I don't think he or his brother will ever say it again. I've popped my kids' butts on a few occasions and given all-out spankings on a few more, but I have told them numerous times that I will slap them cross-eyed if they curse at me, spit on me or tell me to shut up. The oldest found out the hard way that I meant what I said, and I really don't care who thinks it's okay, not okay or anything else. There are certain things you DO NOT do to mama (or anyone else for that matter). I had much rather my kids learn that you can't act that way from me than from a teacher, principal, police officer, boss, etc. when the repercussions are usually more severe. Usually with my kids, talking to them and/or taking something they enjoy or love away for awhile works for them, but once in awhile you just have to jerk that knot in their asses!
God bless you!!! You rock!
My kids think twice before they tell me "no" to something. So I highly doubt I'll ever hear "shut up" or "get out" from them. If I do, they won't like the consequences at all.
And I think you did exactly what I would have done at the park! GOOD FOR YOU!!
My kids are 8, 6, and 5. I don't let them play in my front yard alone, let alone the park (which is .5 miles away for me). We'll walk when we have time, or stop by on our way in our out of our neighborhood if we don't have time to add in the walk. No way would they go alone.
I can see that this kid really got you upset, and I totally know how you feel but...when you get into these type of situations where you see young children behaving inappropriately, and you will get into them again, you need to remember that you are the adult. Calling an 8 year old a smarty pants and telling him he needs to run home to be safe is NO different than what he was doing to the other kids. Only difference is, he's 8 and you're an adult. He's still a little kid. His parents shouldn't have let him off on his own with his two siblings but they did, and you can't control that.
This kid definitely needed to be approached by an adult, and it's kind of surprising that other parents saw this and actually didn't say anything. When approaching other kids in the future, just stick to the facts and leave out the threats and name calling.
Oh. Em. Gee. My kids wouldn't even think of speaking to me in such a way. Sometimes, when my boys are watching "tween" shows and one of the kids acts rudely to an adult, my youngest (age 9) will turn to me and says something like, "If I ever said that, I'd get in so much trouble!"
I taught them better than that.
As for the park situation: I think that you could have used this for a learning experience for both your daughter and that child. You walked into the situation with an attitude, so you shouldn't be surprised that you got attitude in response. What if you'd wandered over and admired the kite with your daughter...and then asked him about his "great" kite? Perhaps you could have said "I really love your kite! Let me just get my little girl out of the way so you don't accidentally trip on her. Come on, honey...you can draw in the dirt over here."
There really was no reason to get into it with the boy, regardless of how you and the other parents felt about his possessive demeanor. It's not against the law to be possessive, nor is it inappropriate to tell others to stay away. Perhaps he was nervous about his kite and didn't want any distractions. Whatever.
I started sending my boys to the park when they were 7 and 8 years old. They're in walking distance and come and check in with me. My mom started allowing me to pretty much go wherever I liked, all over the neighborhood, on my bike, when I was 6. Whether or not a child is mature enough to deal with those situations is the PARENT'S call. Clearly, this child's parents thought their child to mature enough to handle the situation.
ETA: In considering this child's response to you calling your 5 year old, I'd say that he's very used to taking care of and protecting his younger siblings. Even though he didn't need to, he was actually trying to protect your daughter. Just a thought.
First, in my opinion, most "kid" shows are not good examples to kids. That's our job as parents to teach them what is appropriate and what isn't, even when they see different behavior either on tv shows OR by thier peers.
My kids are 16 (spec needs), 12 and 9. Our park is one street over from us and we live in a VERY low crime area AND across the street from the Police Dept. And no, our kids do not go to the park by themselves. Mostly because of the example you gave, I don't know what kind of adult or situation they will run into and I'm not confident that would handle it appropriately.
My daughter is 3, no she can't say "shut up" to me, but at this age I redirect her... a few months ago she picked it up and I would say "just say "please be quiet" shut up isn't very nice..." I want her to be able to express herself and her feelings to me (she is allowed to tell me that she is mad at me or say that her feelings are hurt...) but i don't think name calling is necessary. I probably wouldn't get "angry" at her... but I would not just shrug it off either... I would tell her that it hurt my feelings (she is very good at relating to my emotions)
the second question... I don't think he was old enough to take his siblings to the park and parents should have been there. Is that even legal (to let an 8 year old watch kids those ages?) I think you were just fine being that stern... he should have had babysitters or parent there, and at least you tried to step up. Most kids who were rude like that when I was a kid ONLY acted that way when mom and dad were not around... He probably didn't tell his parents about you at all, I mean if I was that age and got yelled at, or "talked to", by some lady at the park there is no WAY I would have told my mom!
-M.
I agree with Mom of One.
I think this is one of those treat others as you want to be treated situations.
If that were YOUR child how would feel, how would you want them treated regardless of whether you say you would or would not allow the kids to be there, would you be ok with someone treating your child this way?
Or are you the adult we are afraid our child will run into so we need to watch our kids more closely?
Basically you could have been nicer & I think you know that.
My kid might tell me to shut up ONCE...you can bet your last dollar there would not be a second time!!!
That sounds like a horrible show! I once thought I was a smarty pants. I called my dad stupid or something to that effect when I was really mad. I felt horribly guilty the second I did it, and I knew my world was going to be over for a while. I only made this mistake once, my parents made sure of that! My boys may have sassed at times, but it was quickly disciplined and I never had a problem with it. Definintely, the quality of kids' programming has declined and things that are considered ok to some now were unheard of in the past. It's a sad decay for sure! Kudos to you for not backing down on your standards!
my daughter who is 5 watches shows like that sometimes and she'll inform M. how wrong they are, and if she didnt i'd remind her. All kids shows have things you wouldnt let your kids do in them. Most shows geared toward kids the parents are missing half the time so the kid gets in trouble..thats the entertainment of it
There was a question on here last week about "would you let your 3 and 4 year olds go to the park with 7 and 8 year old siblings" without parents. Look it up for the similarities. In that case, the question was theoretical -- it hadn't happened but one mom wanted another mom to let the kids go to the park alone together. I think the universal answer here was no way.
I hope if I encountered kids that young in a park alone I would either get a parent's number and call them, walk them home myself, or call the police. In many places it's against the law for children that young to be unattended.
As for the language, my kid knows never to say "shut up" or "get out" etc. The movie you describe sounds like it was aimed at "tweens" and not five year olds, but as usual, the movie studios market these things to kids too young for the content.
My kids are almost 11 and almost 14, and uhhhh let's seee..hmmmm.... NO. nuh-uh. Can't think of a single time either of them has EVER said either of those things to me.
EV-ERRR.
And would I let my kids go to a park that far away from home alone at those ages? Nope. Probably not even at the ages they are now, either.
I know how easy it is to get ticked off at mouthy kids and say the wrong thing, don't beat yourself up about it. I was at a waterpark with my kids last summer. They (8 & 9) were up ahead of me in line. I saw another slide that was open, no line, so I asked the attendant if I could use it and he said yes. I walked past the other people and went down the slide so I could meet my kids at the bottom. This 12 yo little girl came running up to me, got in my face and screamed "don't you ever cut in front of me again". I was completely stunned. Didn't think, just reacted, and told her "don't you ever talk to an adult like that again, go find your parents and have them teach you some manners". After the fact it wasn't a proud moment, and I should have handled it differently, but getting screamed and sassed at by 12 yo kids is not something I easily put up with.
It's easy for everyone here, yourself included, to Monday morning quarterback it. Next time you'll have a better idea how to handle it, and maybe that kid will think twice before smarting off to an adult again.
I think I finally let my oldest go to the park by herself at like 9 or 10 but local laws are different as well as maturity. I take my 2 & 3 year old A LOT to our local park and we actually have many “regulars” who come unattended ranging in ages. It still takes a village to raise a child and you are not wrong even though your words could have been kinder. I can site many examples where I’ve utilized my mommy influence on the local kids but my favorite was a 2 y/o left in his maybe 7 y/o brothers capable hands at the park. This 2 y/o refused to share MY SON’s ball and so when I went to take it from this 2 y/o he ran! Literally all the way to the parking lot, losing a show in the process, where low and behold the mother was sitting in her van, and threw my son’s ball down the street. I had to chuckle because frankly with all that goes on in this world IT TAKES A VILLAGE
