Would You Accept Offer to Pay for Sibling at Party?

I don't really get it. I've never had that happen. People around here don't need to be told not to show up with uninvited guests! When did it become ok to show up at a party with extra guests, or ask to bring uninvited guests? I honestly wouldn't want to be bothered with a parent and a three year old while I am trying to manage and supervise my childs party. I think I would have just said "sorry he can't make it, maybe next time." although I probably wouldn't bother inviting him again.

What about the other parents who managed to get care for sibling. They will not be happy. Just have her drop kid off.

Your problem here is that you said "no siblings" and now you are backing out of that. That's going to irritate the other families who already arranged for sitters. I don't understand why this friend doesn't drop her child off at the party and take the 3 year old with her. Am I missing something?

If the point of "no siblings" is not to pay, that's one thing. If the point is to keep the party manageable and just for 5 year olds, that makes sense. Frankly, you shouldn't have to say that - if you invite little Susie to join your Janie at her birthday, why would Susie's family assume that 3 year old Patty can just come along? I don't get that and never did. Perhaps the tradition in your social circle is that entire families come, parents stay and need to be fed, etc. But then again, you said "drop off optional" so you assumed that many would stay. Maybe 5 years old is just too young for a venue party at a noisy place or the parents aren't sure there is enough supervision.

I guess you're in the situation now, so your best bet is to pay for the 3 year old and just hope the other parents aren't annoyed at you. I think it would be awkward to collect $10 from this mom at this point. If you are having a huge number of invited kids and this is likely to mushroom, then that may be another story and you will have to allow each family to pay, and just deal with the crowd.

Good luck - sounds like a tough situation!

I would have told her "I'm so sorry it didn't work out. We'll miss you." and she can stay home with both her kids.
I don't have kids/siblings who don't know my son at HIS birthday party.
It's too bad her husband couldn't either stay home with the 3 yr old or come with the 5 yr old.
3 yr olds and 5 yr olds are at way different development levels and it's way too easy for a 3 yr old to get hurt in a bounce house jumping around with bigger kids.

sorry - a bounce house?? and NO SIBLINGS??? Sorry - she's 5 not 15.

You have a party - you prepare to pay for siblings. That's just the right thing to do. I realize that people might put "siblings welcome at parents expense" but I wouldn't do that. If I can't afford to have the party and pay for everyone? I will choose another location/venue or another way to have a party.

Since you stated no siblings and didn't accept payment offered? You could have done it for all...most likely? People won't bring siblings....not if they can help it.

I'm no help because I would have found a way to include the siblings to begin with.
I would pay for the one sibling but I want the parent to be the one taking care of the sibling. I wouldn't care if others didn't think it was fair that they were able to find a sitter but his mom couldn't. So what. I hear it all the time, life isn't fair.

Nope, I would not charge. I think stating 'no siblings' means most will honor your request. I would feel kind of awkward taking the $12 (or whatever amount) for the extra sibling. Now if she pays when she walk-in, that is different.

Age 5 is still a bit young for drop off, especially if the child is a first born. People seem to allow 2nd and third borns do things earlier because they may be more familiar with situations.

You are NOT a business who needs to worry that you bent the rules (as some posted below). I have seen invited guest show up with an extra sibling at parties for the one child. I did not think less of the host, yet I did think the guest's parents were not respectful.

We homeschool, so whole families are invited. The last party we were at had every single mom and dad there.

I would pay for the younger siblings. I'd include them anyway. If the kids are really friends, then they should know and want to include the whole family.

I truly don't understand this idea that kids are too developmentally different. Seriously? 3 and 5s play great together. In fact, in my HS CO/op, it's common to see 5 year olds playing with three year olds and watching out for them. It's so sweet! Two weeks ago my 2,5, and 7 year old were playing with a 10 year old: they were all having a blast. Age separation is a new thing. Historically, kids mixed. They all gain so much from this mixing. The mixing is what is normal.

I would have asked her to pay for her child and to supervise her. That's what I would have done.

At this late date, when she shows up with her daughter, at least tell her that she needs to shadow her 3 year old since she's so much younger and smaller than the birthday party kids. You shouldn't have to do that.

Updated

I would have asked her to pay for her child and to supervise her. That's what I would have done.

At this late date, when she shows up with her daughter, at least tell her that she needs to shadow her 3 year old since she's so much younger and smaller than the birthday party kids. You shouldn't have to do that.

I think it's sad that you even have to put no siblings on an invitation, but I understand why you did because people don't seem to understand that if the invite is for Jane, it is ONLY for Jane, not her brothers, sisters, cousin who is in town, etc. Parties cost money and it's an opportunity for the birthday child to spend time with kids they really want there, not pesky siblings getting in the way for being too old and maybe rough or being young and whiny. You said they can drop off, so it's a great time for the parent to spend some time with the other siblings somewhere else. It's an INVITATION, not a NEGOTIATION.

You let her and every other parent who did find a sitter and paid out money to have that sitter is going to be upset. I know "I" would be. I'd be angry. If "I" can't bring my kid then by gosh no one else should be allowed to bring theirs.

Drop off means she can drop her kid off and go spend some time with the little one. I'd consider you to be rude and I wouldn't be inviting your child or you to any of our future activities.

You made a rule then promptly broke it....

When hosting at a bounce house or something like that I have always included in the invitation that siblings are welcome at parents cost. When the kids are that young I never expect the parents to be willing to just drop off so I always make sure to make siblings welcome.

Why doesn't she just drop off the 5 year old and go have some special mom-kid time with her 3 year old? They can do something together just the two of them. I'm not sure why she thinks she has to be there and find a babysitter for her 3 year old. I've been dropping off my 5 year old daughter at parties this whole year and she does great. I guess if it were me I would relent and let her bring the 3 year old. When she offers to pay I would say just pay at the front desk when you get there. But it would be a little annoying if I had said "no siblings".

I think she was trying to be considerate when asking if she could pay, because over and over on here and other parenting forums I see complaints about kid parties where parents turn up with extra siblings and just assume it's OK to include an uninvited sibling at events that were not intended for that extra child. Lots of posts about how parents are so rude to turn up and expect host parents to suck up the cost for another kid. This mom did try to find a sitter and did try to compromise by offering to pay, and she's wanting to be sure she doesn't upset her older child and can say yes to the party. But she might need to find out that sometimes you have to say no because logistics don't work.

I also would have asked her: "Is the issue that Sally (invited child) isn't comfortable being dropped off alone?" Then I'd have reassured her about that if possible but also said no the money and to the sibling coming as well. Mom can have that time for a mom-sibling outing while invited child is at the party. Or mom can turn down the invitation for older child, if going as a drop-off would be a problem for the older child.

One thing -- I know that at age just-turning-five, my kid would have been pretty intimidated by these big "bounce house" places; there are probably other parties going on at the same time, and probably the place can't guarantee that only your group of five-year-olds is on the equipment at the same time, etc. That can make for a pretty noisy and rough event if older kids are running around and using the same bounce equipment or just waiting noisily and impatiently while your kids are on the equipment. So the nature of the party for kids of five might be an issue--maybe this mom knows her five-year-old gets intimidated or balky in those kinds of situations and that's why she wants to stay and has to bring sibling. The deal's done now, but I'm just saying it's something to consider, that some kids just are going to do better with these parties than others. But that said -- the mom knows her own kid, and can choose to turn down the invitation if she knows her child is going to have issues with being dropped off. I wouldn't say yes to the sibling, payment or not, since doing that for one family and not others doesn't seem quite right. Also -- does the bounce place have a lower limit on ages? If the three-year-old is there she'll expect to bounce with the five-year-olds but that might not be allowed by the place's rules. Or the presence of another paid kid could put you over the place's limit on party size etc. Things to think about.

No, I would just pay for the sibling.

I have never put no siblings on an invite. I've always allowed siblings to come, maybe because my friends kids are friends with my kids or maybe because it made my life easy, but I couldn't tell people that.

Nor would I not bring my other child or ask permission. To me, if it said no siblings that would mean you're not paying and they aren't part of the party. I've brought my other kids to parties before and paid for them and kept them separate from the party. I've never needed permission to do that.

Personally, I would've reminded her of "no siblings". You wrote that for a reason I presume. Why should you have to take on an extra child? If she doesn't feel comfortable with the "drop off", then they should have stayed home.

I would have stuck to "no siblings." There may very well be other parents who are paying for a sitter so they can attend with their child. It's not going to go over well when they find that you let someone bring a sibling because they couldn't find a sitter, especially when you made drop-off an option. And if she's your friend, there really shouldn't be any issues with drop off.

I've had this happen and I just paid for the sibling. On one occasion one of the kids that was invited got sick and couldn't come after I had paid for them. One mom had to bring a sibling so it worked out that I didn't lose money from the one that was sick. If its not a hardship just pay for the sibling. These things do happen.

I think you handled it just right. And I wouldn't invite the other younger sibling.

I have had birthday parties at build a bear, and bouncy houses, and instead of no siblings, I put on the invitation that siblings were welcome, but at the parent's expense, and that the parent was expected to stay with the siblings. I have friends that the invited child is the middle child, and the older siblings were actually a help to us more than anything.

To answer you question, no- I would not accept the money and just include the younger sibling.
I have a 9 and 5 year old whose birthdays are 4 days apart. I am the expert at finding birthday party solutions where kids of all ages are welcome in one setting. I have never done the "no siblings" thing as it often puts the parents (and me!) in an awkward position, and also, in the right setting, kids of all ages can have a lot of fun together. We rented a water slide at the house, had a bowling party one year (that was SO much fun!), did an amusement park party, etc. I just can't imagine having a party for one child and excluding the other ,so we make it work!