Hi all - Any thoughts on this one would be HUGELY appreciated...
I just put my 2-yr old son down (to sleep ...it's 11pm) after finally getting him to calm down from almost 2 hours of uncontrollable crying. He has always been "moody" and particular about certain things, but I've never witnessed him (or any of my older sons) having cried like this for as long as he did. I actually wasn't home when he started crying. I walked in the front door around 10ish and, to my surprise, found my husband trying to console my poor son who was crying and kicking as my husband struggled to calm him. My husband told me that he had been crying like this for over an hour by that time and it started seemingly out of nowhere, but after he read a bedtime story to him (our older sons were already asleep - 4yrs and 7yrs old). What I found interesting is that while my son is crying and kicking as if he wants you to let go of him, but when you let go of him, he calls for you. I relieved my poor husband from this despair and it took me about another half hour to calm our son down. I talked very soothingly the whole while and, at one point, decided to put PBS Sprout on to see the reaction. My son quieted down, acted up again, and then quieted down and started watching TV. After a minute (and realizing that he COULD actually stop crying and was NOT in any pain), I explained to him that it was bedtime and that I was turning off the television. Sure enough, after I clicked it off, the crying started again. Go figure... The only thing I could think of is this might be a result of a lack of strict routine that my two older sons have had. School just started again (hence, my late night arrival) and I'm thinking that this threw him off. But for 2 hours of crying??? It's worth mentioning that our son is an extremely happy, playful child otherwise. I'm a big believer that structure and control is extremely important, especially in these early years, for the health and well-being of children. But I'm also afraid that maybe this type of crying/behavior indicates something else...? Any thoughts? Recommendations? Suggestions? Thank you so much in advance...!
Once they get themselves worked up, and they are over tired it is not uncommon for them not to be able to express that something is wrong, or sooth themselves easily. My guess would be somethng as simple as mom is not home when she ussually is threw hom off. Then because he was over tired it just got worse. I think getting him back on a regualr routine and getting him caught up on his sleep and this will all work itself out. Good Luck!
After my youngest was born, our routine sort of loosened up, and my oldest started having trouble at bed time too. She was also about two at the time. She was obviously tired, and there was nothing else wrong. She would cry and throw tantrums for hours. So, long story short, I put her back on a routine, we even filled out a chart for a little while. She loved to be able to put stickers next to the bedtime activity she had completed. It took a little while, but she eventually settled back into the routine, and there was a lot less trouble at bedtime.
I hope everything works out!
It's probably due to change in routine and being overly tired until he doesn't know what to do with himself. He can't calm himself. Try to find what calms him. When my sons act anything like that, I do some activity to expel the built up energy, give them a warm evening bath, some warm milk, then put them to bed with lights out. Calms them down all the time.
Hi, L.. Well, it certainly sounds like something specific happened to scare your little one. His kicking and screaming show anger, but then he shows anxiety when you put him down and he wants to be held again. I don't think it has anything to do with your coming home late, because if that was what was upsetting him, he would've cried for a little while after you came home, and then been OK once you held him. He's probably going through some separation anxiety, but again, once he's reunited with a parent, he should be soothed and calm down.
Lack of routine would only account for some fussiness, not a 2-hour rage. It wouldn't hurt to establish a firmer routing in order to give him some structure, which would give him a better sense of security and predictability, but I don't think that's what upset him, either.
Does he go to daycare? It's likely that something upset him there, and he put it aside, and then maybe the story Daddy read to him brought it up again. It's possible that another child upset him, maybe even one or both of his brothers. They're a lot older and bigger than he is; even a little teasing or a little hitting can be very scary and humiliating for a much younger child.
See if you and/or Daddy can spend some calm time with him talking and drawing pictures. See what he comes up with. He may be able to draw for you what he doesn't have the words to say. Older kids who pick on younger kids count on the little ones' not being able to tell on them. This creates a huge feeling of anger and frustration for the little ones.
Remember also that he's in his 2's, and this is a time of great changes in a child's life. He's saying "No," he's learning how to be powerful and master his world... if the world gets really frustrating, he doesn't know how to cope with it yet, and the only thing he can do is act out at his age. See if you can find out what's upsetting him, and see if you can help him solve the problem.
He may have just needed to have a really big tantrum, and this may be a one-time occurence or something that won't happen all the time, but I would still give him some attention in other ways and see if he can let you know what's wrong.
I hope his tender little heart mends from whatever offended him, and he returns to the peaceful little boy he was before this.
Peace,
Syl
I'm not sure if this is the only episode for your son, but about 1 month ago the same thing happened with my son who is 19 months old. He awoke crying hysterically...nothing would console him. Eventually, he calmed down with me and some TV as well. It only happened once and he's been fine since. We're not sure if it was the fact that we just had another baby (she was 2 weeks old at the time of the episode), or a nightmare, or the fact that he had a molar coming through. Anyway he is fine now. Just thought I would share our experience. Good luck.
You mentioned that you are a big believer in structure, but you didn't mention what time your son's normal/regular bedtime is, or what his bedtime routine is. Was it long past his usual bedtime? Does he have a routine that he does as bedtime ritual? If so, and Daddy skipped some of it, or even if Daddy isn't the one who normally does the routine with him... then that could cause a lot of these issues. Due to my husband's bizarre work schedule he was rarely home at bath-time when our kids were small. So naturally, I did everything. Eventually, it took it's wear and tear toll on me and I asked for him to step in one night when he was at home, so I could do something else. WEll! Our son would have none of it. It was ingrained in him, yes at 2 yrs old, that MOMMY did the baths. He didn't like ANYTHING that Daddy did... it was all WRONG b/c it wasn't the way Mommy did it. And really, he just wanted ME and not Daddy. It was heartbreaking for me (and probably my husband, though he wouldn't admit it) and infuriating at the same time. BUT, when they are accustomed (trained) to do things a certain way or with a certain person, it can be very upsetting to have someone else step in, even if they don't change the routine around. Just the difference in Daddy's story reading voice is a big change in what he might be accustomed to. More so, if he is over tired b/c his bedtime is pushed back, or the household is feeling stressed due to all the changes in routine (school starting, etc). There can be a lot of attachment issues, too.
Talk to your son about what the normal routine will be each day. Each morning and then reminding him throughout the day, talk about who will be doing what at bedtime... "tonight, Daddy will read your story, and after you go to sleep I will come home and kiss you on the cheek"; "tonight, I will be home and read your story and then Daddy will come in and we will say prayers together"; or whatever it might be. It might be a good idea (if Daddy doing bedtime is a new thing), to let Daddy do it WITH you when you are both there....
Hopefully, Daddy won't need a lot of "convincing" to try it, in the hopes of avoiding another 2 hour meltdown the next time you are not home at bedtime.
Just remember consistency and expectations. If the routine is not consistent (including the same person involved) then expectations become THAT much more important. Talk to your child about what to expect, and give him some warning. Just like you would if you were leaving the park.... (In 5 more minutes it will be time to slide for the last time and then get in the car, etc).
Good luck
That sounds like a horrible night. My heart goes out to you. I'm guessing he may be starting night time fears and this is his way of dealing with it. My son was pretty bad at this age, as well. My feeling is, even if you know its just fear or defiance for control sake, when a child reacts to that degree I think its best to give them what they seem to be needing and just comfort them. My guess is within a week it will work itself out.
He may have a pretty large sleep deficit. Overtiredness can cause some pretty big behavior problems. You might want to try an early (at least 20 minutes earlier than normal) bedtime for 4 nights and see if that helps him.
Has he eaten Sugar? That would do this in my kids- we use WestonPrice Foundation for really well researched nutrition, not popular, but those suggestions which have stood the test of time- and have worked for us-
We also use Yoka Reader- you can find her on the net, and I heard she'll be in this area in the near future.
Regards, K
My daughter once had an episode like that, and probably around that age) It did not last 2 hours, but maybe one. She was angry and defiant. She had been with us the whole time. It's felt like an alien had taken over my daughter's body. Anyways, I kind of thought that maybe it was an allergy or maybe sensitivity to a food she had eaten. I had given her some sort of chocolate. She doesn't have a problem with chocolate, but she does have other allergies. Maybe it was something he ate.
Also, my little boy gets real hyper before bed. Maybe your son did not get out enough energy that day and that was his way of doing it. I know that some have said that crying is a way for kids to ready themselves for sleep.
I wouldn't worry too much. Maybe it is just routine and activity. Kids go through a lot of change when they are so young, so I think they get thrown for a loop and sometimes react like that. It sounds like you and your hubby are a great team and doing very well with your children!
